Wow it's been busy here. 2 more days and this year is over. I'm actually excited and optimistic of the upcoming year. This year had a lot of positives, but the lows were really low.
The highlights were definitely finding this house, and finally feeling like I could stay here forever. The settled feeling is pretty awesome. I know that this landlord loves us here, and eventually would sell. Since it's old though, it's going to take a lot of saving. But anyway, the house and move this time was most definitely the big highlight of the year.
And the puppies. I love my sweet babies. They are turning into pretty good dogs and we're managing to get some good manners into them. I'm impressed. I guess it's quicker for them since they have each other, and compete to please us. And me being around all the time instead of being gone 12 hours a day is a good thing too. Poor Zoey had been alone a lot when she was a baby because I worked full time and at the start, 2 jobs.
So then we hit all the downs. The big one, our loss of Zoey. Which is still really hard and I struggle with almost daily. It is getting easier now, but I hate that. I'm so use to the puppies that it's hard to remember some of her normal day to day things. It's just really hard at times.
We had the surprise baby enter the babysitting group. He's been trying, and makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing by babysitting. He was just diagnosed with reflux and on meds finally, so I'm noticing a change this week. But the days of full blown screaming and crying has worn me down. I honestly don't know if I could deal if he was mine. I'd need medicated for sure.
The 7 weeks off was difficult too, because it was so sudden and at the worst timing bill wise. But, we pulled through and are bouncing back.
And then we have the study. I'm glad I was able to be apart of it, and had some responsive rounds. I know what I want to do with my next tries, but, I need to figure out the money part of things. We are working to eliminate credit cards and bills we don't need, so charging it is not an option. So I have to talk myself into the right mindset to go through with the next round. I feel really stupid spending the money with no promises that it will really work. But, I do want to try one step higher with IUI, so I must call and figure that out next week.
Christmas was pretty good this year. Kristopher made out like a bandit as usual. The big gift this year was a kindle fire. Of course, all he really cares about on that right now is Angry Birds. But I have a ton of books loaded and we can do movies. It's like an Ipad but so much cheaper. I actually love it, and am debating getting my own. Other than that, he got DS games, books and some toys that have kept him pretty busy this week. My husband and I got some nice, useful gifts as well, and we made it good for my parents. I know it's hard on them at Christmas since we've moved because they got use to us close and to have the fun of the kid magic part of things, so we included them and made it special. At least we end the year closer and happier.
Oh and for Christmas, Kristopher got bronchitis. He came home from school last week not hungry, then feverish, and to bed early. Then, the next day acted fine, just mild cold and possible low fever. Christmas eve he was coughing, but fever was gone and he was hyper. He went to bed early and deep to sleep, but woke up for Christmas at before 4am. Hyper all day, but coughing and snotting. I figured it was just a regular cold. Till Christmas night, we went to see lights, and he had a major cough attack in the car. I asked if he was ok and he said his chest hurt when he coughed. And pointed to the spot last year when he had pneumonia. So, Monday we went to urgent care. They said we caught it in time, and it has not progressed to pneumonia, but if I'd have waited a day or 2, it would have settled completely. He's on meds, and we had a follow up on Wednesday. Urgent care had done a blood test, and said his white cells were low. His regular doctor agreed and said it was time to do more testing. So, next week we're going for blood work some morning, which I'm completely dreading and panicked about. It's several tests so I know this will be a regular blood draw. He's never had that, and has a normal fear of needles. so this should be interesting. Then, we go on the 9th for a lung test where he will breath into a machine and assess if he has any form of asthma. They think if he does at all, it is cough variant, and basically means it's triggered by the colds. The blood work is to test for immune system issues. It could very well be that he got so sick last year and never had a chance for his body to bounce back. We will hope for that. I'd hate to see every single cold turn so bad.
He also got a flu shot while at the doctor and next year he will get both that and the pneumonia vax.
So, that's our year end review. Bring on a better year with 2012. I'm very hopeful for this.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My final appt
Yesterday I had my final appt. Study is over, and once again, I've moved on. Without the hoped pregnancy as the end of things for me. It's very frustrating.
He reviewed my lab results from the entire time, and u/s notes. He said the fact that I responded twice is a good sign, and he feels that I should try 3 more rounds of clomid. Before I decide to give up, or move up to something more. Due to the "awesome" response last cycle, he feels 150mgs is good for me.
I briefly brought up my thoughts on the hostile cervical fluid, and he didn't seem to think it's that. He said that they really like to see 6 cycles, before claiming clomid as not helpful, and testing further and moving up to higher meds. Since I have done 4, responding those 2 times, he would like me to try 2-3 more on my own. They would do u/s and p4, and he kept reminding me that if we had just started trying, we wouldn't give up on things after only 2 responses. I'm not sure he truly gets my feelings on this though. I know I've responded on my own occasionally. Rarely. But, in the summer I know I had a strong cycle, and nothing happened. Perfectly timing too. And my husband's count is very good they say, so there should not be a problem with that getting where it needs.
So, I'm thinking of calling for pricing options. This is all out of pocket, and I really can't justify $1500-2000 a month in medical bills. Quite honestly, I do not have that. We have 2 freaking car payments and are in the middle of heating season. In January, Kristopher's insurance is going to go way up. I'm sure ours will too, and it's really frustrating because the only thing I ever need this crap for is the RE appts and ob/gyn, and that what if coverage in case someday I do get lucky and get pregnant. I have not used my insurance for other health reasons or regular doctors in over 2 years. I just want good insurance that will cover what I need, and not kill us. We have paid insanely amounts of money for insurances this year, and medical bills too because of deductibles. It doesn't seem fair. But enough on that.
I will call next week and find out how much it costs for mid cycle u/s and the blood work. And if the office visit is covered on my insurance or not. I'm thinking if we make it happen to try a cycle or 2, I'm going to demand that we get IUI with the clomid because then I'd feel like we tried the most we could.
I want to quit. I want to move past this part of our lives and just be happy. We've been doing this for 10 years. It's tiring. And frustrating. And part of me feels that after this amount of time, maybe it's a sign that we're only meant to have Kristopher for now. Or to start saving for adoption. But, there's that part of me that won't stop wanting this one more time. That's all I'm asking for. I just want to experience it all one more time. It went so fast with Kristopher. The pregnancy is a blur now. The baby days went so crazy fast. There's a lot I'd do differently now that I know better and am more informed. I just want there to be one last time so I can feel at peace. And I want my kid to get the chance to be a big brother like he would LOVE to be. I learnt he talks about that to his therapist. It's not fair that he should feel so alone in that aspect of life. He's the only person he knows, with no siblings.
I'm very frustrated. I wish there was a clear answer.
He reviewed my lab results from the entire time, and u/s notes. He said the fact that I responded twice is a good sign, and he feels that I should try 3 more rounds of clomid. Before I decide to give up, or move up to something more. Due to the "awesome" response last cycle, he feels 150mgs is good for me.
I briefly brought up my thoughts on the hostile cervical fluid, and he didn't seem to think it's that. He said that they really like to see 6 cycles, before claiming clomid as not helpful, and testing further and moving up to higher meds. Since I have done 4, responding those 2 times, he would like me to try 2-3 more on my own. They would do u/s and p4, and he kept reminding me that if we had just started trying, we wouldn't give up on things after only 2 responses. I'm not sure he truly gets my feelings on this though. I know I've responded on my own occasionally. Rarely. But, in the summer I know I had a strong cycle, and nothing happened. Perfectly timing too. And my husband's count is very good they say, so there should not be a problem with that getting where it needs.
So, I'm thinking of calling for pricing options. This is all out of pocket, and I really can't justify $1500-2000 a month in medical bills. Quite honestly, I do not have that. We have 2 freaking car payments and are in the middle of heating season. In January, Kristopher's insurance is going to go way up. I'm sure ours will too, and it's really frustrating because the only thing I ever need this crap for is the RE appts and ob/gyn, and that what if coverage in case someday I do get lucky and get pregnant. I have not used my insurance for other health reasons or regular doctors in over 2 years. I just want good insurance that will cover what I need, and not kill us. We have paid insanely amounts of money for insurances this year, and medical bills too because of deductibles. It doesn't seem fair. But enough on that.
I will call next week and find out how much it costs for mid cycle u/s and the blood work. And if the office visit is covered on my insurance or not. I'm thinking if we make it happen to try a cycle or 2, I'm going to demand that we get IUI with the clomid because then I'd feel like we tried the most we could.
I want to quit. I want to move past this part of our lives and just be happy. We've been doing this for 10 years. It's tiring. And frustrating. And part of me feels that after this amount of time, maybe it's a sign that we're only meant to have Kristopher for now. Or to start saving for adoption. But, there's that part of me that won't stop wanting this one more time. That's all I'm asking for. I just want to experience it all one more time. It went so fast with Kristopher. The pregnancy is a blur now. The baby days went so crazy fast. There's a lot I'd do differently now that I know better and am more informed. I just want there to be one last time so I can feel at peace. And I want my kid to get the chance to be a big brother like he would LOVE to be. I learnt he talks about that to his therapist. It's not fair that he should feel so alone in that aspect of life. He's the only person he knows, with no siblings.
I'm very frustrated. I wish there was a clear answer.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The drop
The past few days have been really difficult. I am guessing it's from the major drop in hormone levels. I'm back to nothing again, and it's really making me mental. I'm either super mad at the world, or, I'm crying. And, it was a very bad period the first 2 days, and I had some extreme blood loss. I know this because I am still using the diva cup, and it says at full it's .5ozs, and friday alone it was full 8 times. That's pretty bad. However, it's basically over with very rare and random spotting yesterday and today, so now I just need to boost back my iron.
It's freezing here. Roxie hasn't wanted to go out in the mornings, and has gone back to a few accidents because she doesn't like the temp change. Marley however, loves it. I have to physically make her come in most times.
Speaking of Marley. She had her 12 week check up on Saturday. I'll start by saying that the dog gets extremely car sick. I gave her dramaine an hour before leaving, and she still threw up a few times. And 5 mins from the vet, she decided to crap too. That was wonderful. I threw away the towel because there was no way I was scraping and trying to clean that.
The appt went ok. She is almost 20lbs. At 12 weeks. With a ton of growing to go. Yikes. She's almost as tall as Zoey was. She got her shots, but has to go back for one more of the boosters because they now do parvo 4 times here. So we get the fun of the car again in 3 weeks. I have been told to schedule first morning appt, and don't let her eat before going. That way she will be completely empty. Maybe then we just deal with the drool part of this. I can handle her drooling, it's the rest that is really complicated. I hope it's something we can work with and resolve. Zoey LOVED to go, and so does Roxie. I want her to be excited about "going byes" and be apart of everything we do when it's nice out. She also hates her leash and flat out refuses to walk on it. That has to change, but it's too hard to work with that right now with it being so cold.
That's about it from here. Hopefully more positive update next time.
It's freezing here. Roxie hasn't wanted to go out in the mornings, and has gone back to a few accidents because she doesn't like the temp change. Marley however, loves it. I have to physically make her come in most times.
Speaking of Marley. She had her 12 week check up on Saturday. I'll start by saying that the dog gets extremely car sick. I gave her dramaine an hour before leaving, and she still threw up a few times. And 5 mins from the vet, she decided to crap too. That was wonderful. I threw away the towel because there was no way I was scraping and trying to clean that.
The appt went ok. She is almost 20lbs. At 12 weeks. With a ton of growing to go. Yikes. She's almost as tall as Zoey was. She got her shots, but has to go back for one more of the boosters because they now do parvo 4 times here. So we get the fun of the car again in 3 weeks. I have been told to schedule first morning appt, and don't let her eat before going. That way she will be completely empty. Maybe then we just deal with the drool part of this. I can handle her drooling, it's the rest that is really complicated. I hope it's something we can work with and resolve. Zoey LOVED to go, and so does Roxie. I want her to be excited about "going byes" and be apart of everything we do when it's nice out. She also hates her leash and flat out refuses to walk on it. That has to change, but it's too hard to work with that right now with it being so cold.
That's about it from here. Hopefully more positive update next time.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Fail again
Today is my husband's birthday. I feel really off today, and woke up with the same old boob pain and no cramps. No spotting what so ever, so I caved. I figured, I'm over 2 weeks past when I believe it happened. And I feel positive about things, and it would be so awesome to tell him today. So I tested. It was NEGATIVE. I was upset. Then, I go sit down and feel sorry for myself for a little. Get up because the kids needed my help, and got intense shooting pain across my entire lower uterus area. Followed by a little gush. I run to the bathroom. Spotting has begun. Even more mad at myself for testing so early. Spotting was only that one time, and nothing in several hours, but I still feel achy and weird. My guess is it will be here tomorrow. I think that's how it happened last time. But I know know for sure if I ever want to speed up the wait, just test. It brings it on.
Once it's fully here and day 1, I call to schedule my final appt. I should do it before Christmas that way I can get all fat and disgusting on cookies and not have to track it. Last time I was there, I saw a sign for another study, that involves IUI. I'm going to ask about that. If we don't qualify, I don't know what our next step will be. I'm convinced that I have hostile cervical mucus at this point from all the clomid. I have no other idea on why every single time I respond so well, and time things perfectly, that it continues to fail. I guess I just have a lot against me, and I am feeling less and less like investing any of our money towards this anymore. It's been almost 7 years. We get nothing from our efforts. I know the study is good because they will learn from it and hopefully be able to made better choices for the future patients, but seriously, this is hard to take at the moment. The hormones are all crazy and I go from hating the world to crying over everything. I just want to feel normal and happy again.
Once it's fully here and day 1, I call to schedule my final appt. I should do it before Christmas that way I can get all fat and disgusting on cookies and not have to track it. Last time I was there, I saw a sign for another study, that involves IUI. I'm going to ask about that. If we don't qualify, I don't know what our next step will be. I'm convinced that I have hostile cervical mucus at this point from all the clomid. I have no other idea on why every single time I respond so well, and time things perfectly, that it continues to fail. I guess I just have a lot against me, and I am feeling less and less like investing any of our money towards this anymore. It's been almost 7 years. We get nothing from our efforts. I know the study is good because they will learn from it and hopefully be able to made better choices for the future patients, but seriously, this is hard to take at the moment. The hormones are all crazy and I go from hating the world to crying over everything. I just want to feel normal and happy again.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Our Trip to Petsmart
Quick post, about our trip to petsmart this weekend. Santa was there, and I wanted to take the dogs. Kristopher still believes, but we told him this was not a real santa, just one to make dogs not attack the real santa when he shows up.. He bought it, and was a great sport about it. Roxie was held by Santa, and Kristopher held Marley. Marley has some issues with the car, and was a nervous, farty, scared puppy. While we were waiting on our picture, we walked to the toys and they got to pick a toy, and some treats. That perked them both up and they were a huge hit in the store. Everyone loves puppies!
Here's our best picture. Hahaha. I can't wait to see how much different they will look next year! Ignore the bad quality. I chose to take a picture of the picture, rather than fight the little plastic frame to get it out and scan. Laziness at it's best this week.
Here's our best picture. Hahaha. I can't wait to see how much different they will look next year! Ignore the bad quality. I chose to take a picture of the picture, rather than fight the little plastic frame to get it out and scan. Laziness at it's best this week.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Holy crap!!!!
I mega ovulated. On left side for sure, with a giant spot that definitely shows release. And there is 2 spots on the right that are definitely documental follicles. So all that pain I felt on the left was definitely right on I think.
And here's the kicker. My progesterone level is "over 40". I don't know the exact number, but I guess they don't go past that? Not sure. That means, we wait. They don't want me to test at all till Dec 14th, and since I tested a day before it hit me last time, I won't test till then. Unless I have a valid reason to do so. But holy crap!! That's the best response I've ever gotten, and I can only hope that it means it's on the rise because of something good....I'm about a week and half past the pains.
And here's the kicker. My progesterone level is "over 40". I don't know the exact number, but I guess they don't go past that? Not sure. That means, we wait. They don't want me to test at all till Dec 14th, and since I tested a day before it hit me last time, I won't test till then. Unless I have a valid reason to do so. But holy crap!! That's the best response I've ever gotten, and I can only hope that it means it's on the rise because of something good....I'm about a week and half past the pains.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
This week's update
Tomorrow is my final mid cycle appt for this thing. I am pretty sure that the pains a week and half ago were good signs, and I have some progesterone increase for sure. But, I'm not so convinced that we have succeeded fully. I feel very pms like. I have a great hate the world attitude this week, and I can't seem to shake it.
Thanksgiving was good. We hosted, and it was the best meal ever. My husband chose to deep fry the turkey, and that freed up the oven for all my baking. I don't like a lot of the sides and stuff to traditional thanksgiving, so I searched for other new twists to stuff and edited to fit our likes. It turned out awesome, and we had so much left overs since there was only 6 of us. Thanksgiving is not a huge family deal to our family anymore. Back before my grandma had a stroke and started losing her mind, she was the one who hosted, and all the family came. My mom really does not like to cook, so I took over. But I was not hosting for everyone because I'm a horrible hormonal crazy person. I can honestly say, I like this way better. I want no part of my brother's drama, or to have my house overtaken by wild kids with no rules. So, we do our own things and it works out great. I did gain like 5lbs in the past week, so that's not too great. Especially with the appt tomorrow.
So last Friday (or Thursday near midnight) my mom and friend came over and picked me up for a few hours of crazy black Friday shopping. We went to Kohls, and saved double what we spent. Target was a bust and the lines were insane, so we skipped that. And checked walmart, but the main idea was to hit Kohls for their awesome sales. Me love Kohls.
I also have done some online purchases now too, and can say that I've got a big part of my shopping done. All the little kids are finished, most of Kristopher's stuff, and a start with my parents. I need to figure out something for my husband, and get the puppies stuff too. I hope they love christmas as much as Zoey did. She opened her gifts every single year, and even last year, she got tired of seeing Kristopher's sitting there taking too long to open, and she helped herself to a few of those. I'm really going to miss that this year....
We also have decorated our fence and some outside stuff, and the living room windows. Waiting on a tree for 2 more weeks I think because of the puppies and the kids. I'm dreading what it will be like. Plus, I'm kinda allergic to the pine, but not to the point that I'm willing to give up and buy an artificial tree. I want to find a really cool farm around here to go and cut our own and make it special like previous years.
Well, I think I've covered enough for now. I'll update with the P4 results tomorrow. Hoping for good news. And a start of positive in the blood work would be pretty awesome too. If I'm right on my times, I'm about a week and half past. That could be early enough for a start of a rise......But not going to hold my breathe of course.
Thanksgiving was good. We hosted, and it was the best meal ever. My husband chose to deep fry the turkey, and that freed up the oven for all my baking. I don't like a lot of the sides and stuff to traditional thanksgiving, so I searched for other new twists to stuff and edited to fit our likes. It turned out awesome, and we had so much left overs since there was only 6 of us. Thanksgiving is not a huge family deal to our family anymore. Back before my grandma had a stroke and started losing her mind, she was the one who hosted, and all the family came. My mom really does not like to cook, so I took over. But I was not hosting for everyone because I'm a horrible hormonal crazy person. I can honestly say, I like this way better. I want no part of my brother's drama, or to have my house overtaken by wild kids with no rules. So, we do our own things and it works out great. I did gain like 5lbs in the past week, so that's not too great. Especially with the appt tomorrow.
So last Friday (or Thursday near midnight) my mom and friend came over and picked me up for a few hours of crazy black Friday shopping. We went to Kohls, and saved double what we spent. Target was a bust and the lines were insane, so we skipped that. And checked walmart, but the main idea was to hit Kohls for their awesome sales. Me love Kohls.
I also have done some online purchases now too, and can say that I've got a big part of my shopping done. All the little kids are finished, most of Kristopher's stuff, and a start with my parents. I need to figure out something for my husband, and get the puppies stuff too. I hope they love christmas as much as Zoey did. She opened her gifts every single year, and even last year, she got tired of seeing Kristopher's sitting there taking too long to open, and she helped herself to a few of those. I'm really going to miss that this year....
We also have decorated our fence and some outside stuff, and the living room windows. Waiting on a tree for 2 more weeks I think because of the puppies and the kids. I'm dreading what it will be like. Plus, I'm kinda allergic to the pine, but not to the point that I'm willing to give up and buy an artificial tree. I want to find a really cool farm around here to go and cut our own and make it special like previous years.
Well, I think I've covered enough for now. I'll update with the P4 results tomorrow. Hoping for good news. And a start of positive in the blood work would be pretty awesome too. If I'm right on my times, I'm about a week and half past. That could be early enough for a start of a rise......But not going to hold my breathe of course.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Conference time!
Today was my parent teacher conference. It went a lot better than the earlier meeting where they brought up every single flaw they could think of.
I learnt today that the OT assessed Kristopher, and was told that he does hold and cut w scissors properly. His pencil grip is different, and they gave him a pick from whatever gripper he wanted, and since he picked one, that's improving. At home, that's improved a ton, and I'd say 90% of the time, he holds it properly.
She said he is very advanced in math. They have him working on mid second grade math currently, and will continue to keep going as far as he needs. He loves it.
Reading, he's also very advanced. He can read at way higher than normal levels, but comprehension still needs a little work. He's in the highest group still but the comprehension part is the set back because he picks books way out of his reading group level, and doesn't keep up because he skips words he doesn't know already. We've been working on that too, and things are getting better. They've been working with him more on sounding out words, and finding other words in large words.
She sent me info for a new website he can work with where he can pick out books at the library, and then do the comprehension parts online. He can earn points to earn prizes, which is a huge selling point for him.
Overall, it was a good meeting, and I feel like they are helping him stay at his level.
I learnt today that the OT assessed Kristopher, and was told that he does hold and cut w scissors properly. His pencil grip is different, and they gave him a pick from whatever gripper he wanted, and since he picked one, that's improving. At home, that's improved a ton, and I'd say 90% of the time, he holds it properly.
She said he is very advanced in math. They have him working on mid second grade math currently, and will continue to keep going as far as he needs. He loves it.
Reading, he's also very advanced. He can read at way higher than normal levels, but comprehension still needs a little work. He's in the highest group still but the comprehension part is the set back because he picks books way out of his reading group level, and doesn't keep up because he skips words he doesn't know already. We've been working on that too, and things are getting better. They've been working with him more on sounding out words, and finding other words in large words.
She sent me info for a new website he can work with where he can pick out books at the library, and then do the comprehension parts online. He can earn points to earn prizes, which is a huge selling point for him.
Overall, it was a good meeting, and I feel like they are helping him stay at his level.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Confused
Final clomid was on the 13th. So, I know ovulation should be any day. 2 days ago, I started feeling occasional stabbings, like things were waking up. On both sides. Yesterday, some more but not as often. Last night, more. So, we covered bases, and hope for the best. Now, I'm feeling more stabbings, and it just feels like a burning like pain, on the left side. And occasional twinges on the right. Definitely ovaries. I don't want to overdo the homework, but at least on the weekend we are both more rested. And pre-seed has helped a lot with discomfort that the wonderful clomid has created. I'm hoping that's a good sign.
Now the double pains make me wonder if the final round is going to be a mega ovulation. Are these puppies going to be a preparing type of event, for something bigger to come? Kind of a scary thought. I dare them both to work. Kinda funny if that's how it turns out.
Now the double pains make me wonder if the final round is going to be a mega ovulation. Are these puppies going to be a preparing type of event, for something bigger to come? Kind of a scary thought. I dare them both to work. Kinda funny if that's how it turns out.
Friday, November 18, 2011
So so cute!
We are in cuteness overload here. Meet Marley! She's 9 weeks old, and a great pyrnese, mutt mix. She's a huge baby, and we're living the newborn life again this week. She cries a lot at night, and is up a few times for potty breaks. Pics!
Monday, November 14, 2011
The final round
I keep calling this round, the final round. It's the final chance for this study. It's the final time that I'll do clomid. I'm sure I've already maxed out what I should do in 2 or 3 people's lifetimes. It's crazy. It would take a lot of research to see exactly how many rounds I've done.
I think the clomid is making thing hostile in there. I know that sounds bad, but I've been reading, and it's the only answer I have to why I respond but still nothing happens. My husband's count was great, and clearly not a problem, so why so many times we've gotten timing right, and I respond, but yet nothing happens. Plus, I know the clomid is majorly drying things up. I invested in preseed for this time. I'm hoping to have some cramping or signs so I know things are going on, so this is not a waste. It was expensive for all the amount you get.
The final pill was taken yesterday. I'm thinking if I follow like I have before, I should be feeling something by the weekend, or very early next week. I may go to the dollar tree and buy some OPK's. And to make it even more exciting, maybe I'll go with the kids along. I already get looks like I'm a traveling freak show when I take the kids out in public. And the bad thing is, they are all pretty well behaved. The baby sleeps, the other 2 I usually find one of those cool carts that I can trap them both, and then Kristopher walks like he's suppose to. And he's great at helping. If it wasn't for all the glares I get, I'd go out more. So, I think taking everyone into the dollar tree and buying ovulation and pregnancy tests would be a hilarious adventure for us.
I'm not sure if I had posted but when the 2 yr old first started coming here too, I had gone out for tests. I think he was pretty young still, and then big sister is only 14 months older, then there was Kristopher along. I put my 10 dollar tree tests up on the check out belt, and the woman looked at me like I'm crazy, and said "good luck with THAT!" with attitude and disgust. I said thanks, I'm going through fertility treatments and appriciate it. Her jaw dropped and she was speechless.
Yeah...I could use some excitement this week. Dollar tree shopping later. hahaha
I think the clomid is making thing hostile in there. I know that sounds bad, but I've been reading, and it's the only answer I have to why I respond but still nothing happens. My husband's count was great, and clearly not a problem, so why so many times we've gotten timing right, and I respond, but yet nothing happens. Plus, I know the clomid is majorly drying things up. I invested in preseed for this time. I'm hoping to have some cramping or signs so I know things are going on, so this is not a waste. It was expensive for all the amount you get.
The final pill was taken yesterday. I'm thinking if I follow like I have before, I should be feeling something by the weekend, or very early next week. I may go to the dollar tree and buy some OPK's. And to make it even more exciting, maybe I'll go with the kids along. I already get looks like I'm a traveling freak show when I take the kids out in public. And the bad thing is, they are all pretty well behaved. The baby sleeps, the other 2 I usually find one of those cool carts that I can trap them both, and then Kristopher walks like he's suppose to. And he's great at helping. If it wasn't for all the glares I get, I'd go out more. So, I think taking everyone into the dollar tree and buying ovulation and pregnancy tests would be a hilarious adventure for us.
I'm not sure if I had posted but when the 2 yr old first started coming here too, I had gone out for tests. I think he was pretty young still, and then big sister is only 14 months older, then there was Kristopher along. I put my 10 dollar tree tests up on the check out belt, and the woman looked at me like I'm crazy, and said "good luck with THAT!" with attitude and disgust. I said thanks, I'm going through fertility treatments and appriciate it. Her jaw dropped and she was speechless.
Yeah...I could use some excitement this week. Dollar tree shopping later. hahaha
Friday, November 11, 2011
Anniversary & other stuff
I'm so behind in blogging.
Wednesday was our 10th anniversary. It's amazing how fast the time goes by. We celebrated by first me going on my own to the doctor for an early morning ultrasound probing. To learn that round 3 did not work, no response whatsoever. Then, Dennis took a half day and we had a really yummy lunch together and caught up on some tv. Funny how alone time has changed. It was nice though, to just eat and relax and not have to do anything for an hour or 2.
After that, it was time to get Kristopher from school. We went from there to a doggy rescue and met our new puppy. We decided since we initially wanted to get a puppy this fall, before Zoey got sick and passed, and that it would make us a 2 dog home. After everything with Zoey, and gettting Roxie so fast, I'm finally thinking on the 2 dog idea again. I originally contacted the rescue about a 3 yr old rescue dog, who was already spayed, utd on shots and mature. I was told that due to the puppy and the kid, we were not a good match for the dog. Other dogs available were pits and high libility dogs for insurances, so I asked if she could let us know if something else came in. She asked if I was open to another puppy this soon. I thought on it a little, and decided we'd give it a go. I'm already use to this puppy behavior now, and I think if I wait till spring when I have her more trained and trusted, I'm not going to want to go back to the puppy stage for a while. As in, Roxie would end up an only dog. So, we met our puppy. Her name is going to be Marley (Kristopher's choice) and she's a great pyrenees mix. She's going to be a BIG puppy. The mother was rescued while pregnant and on the list to be killed, so they saved her and let her have her puppies. They are ready next week. So, it's happening fast, and I hope my sanity can handle it. She's already a good big heavier than Roxie. But, she's very calm and laid back. I actually did not realize how hyper and crazy Roxie is, till we spent time with the other dog.
So this got sidetrack. What can I say about the anniversary? I'll just end it with saying I'm very greatful to have such a wonderful and caring husband, who supports me in every way and is always here for me. I know it's rare anymore for people to last, so I feel very accomplished that we've made it this far, and are still happy and love each other.
I also realized that I spent pretty much the past 10 years trying to get pregnant. We are doing one more round, then I'm not sure what happens next. I'm burnt out, and slowly moving past the need for another....
Wednesday was our 10th anniversary. It's amazing how fast the time goes by. We celebrated by first me going on my own to the doctor for an early morning ultrasound probing. To learn that round 3 did not work, no response whatsoever. Then, Dennis took a half day and we had a really yummy lunch together and caught up on some tv. Funny how alone time has changed. It was nice though, to just eat and relax and not have to do anything for an hour or 2.
After that, it was time to get Kristopher from school. We went from there to a doggy rescue and met our new puppy. We decided since we initially wanted to get a puppy this fall, before Zoey got sick and passed, and that it would make us a 2 dog home. After everything with Zoey, and gettting Roxie so fast, I'm finally thinking on the 2 dog idea again. I originally contacted the rescue about a 3 yr old rescue dog, who was already spayed, utd on shots and mature. I was told that due to the puppy and the kid, we were not a good match for the dog. Other dogs available were pits and high libility dogs for insurances, so I asked if she could let us know if something else came in. She asked if I was open to another puppy this soon. I thought on it a little, and decided we'd give it a go. I'm already use to this puppy behavior now, and I think if I wait till spring when I have her more trained and trusted, I'm not going to want to go back to the puppy stage for a while. As in, Roxie would end up an only dog. So, we met our puppy. Her name is going to be Marley (Kristopher's choice) and she's a great pyrenees mix. She's going to be a BIG puppy. The mother was rescued while pregnant and on the list to be killed, so they saved her and let her have her puppies. They are ready next week. So, it's happening fast, and I hope my sanity can handle it. She's already a good big heavier than Roxie. But, she's very calm and laid back. I actually did not realize how hyper and crazy Roxie is, till we spent time with the other dog.
So this got sidetrack. What can I say about the anniversary? I'll just end it with saying I'm very greatful to have such a wonderful and caring husband, who supports me in every way and is always here for me. I know it's rare anymore for people to last, so I feel very accomplished that we've made it this far, and are still happy and love each other.
I also realized that I spent pretty much the past 10 years trying to get pregnant. We are doing one more round, then I'm not sure what happens next. I'm burnt out, and slowly moving past the need for another....
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Our Halloween
A quick post with pics. Kristopher is mario obsessed so he went as mario.
And it was Miss Roxie's first trick or treat. She went dressed in a little doggy halloween tutu type dress. And hair bows. She was not a happy camper, but looked so stinkin cute!
And their first halloween picture together. We have one from every year with him and Zoey, so of course we have to follow the tradition with Roxie. Not the greatest picture, but she's at a hard to photograph type of stage. And he's just wild and crazy lately.
And their first halloween picture together. We have one from every year with him and Zoey, so of course we have to follow the tradition with Roxie. Not the greatest picture, but she's at a hard to photograph type of stage. And he's just wild and crazy lately.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
School meeting
On Wednesday, I had the big school meeting. Shortly after school had started, Kristopher started getting whiney and upset about having to go. I'd say it was probably 2 weeks into it. Last year he was a total opposite of this, so it was concerning to us. I started by emailing the teacher, and got told that he is very happy to be there when he is there. He is friendly with everyone, and participates well. She was very confused by my concerns because he was different there.
Around that 3rd week, I realized he was upset with his homework, which was a lot of the same from last year when he was in the advanced reading program. I had commented to his guidance councilor of his behavior issues, brought it up in therapy, and again to his teacher. We decided it was time to test him for the Gifted Program, and go from there. Testing took place very quickly, and then the forever long wait for the results and plan.
So back to Wednesday. Because of babysitting again, it was hard to squeeze the appt in that we could both be there. It was at an awkward time, and I had to take it alone. It started with "Kristopher is a very smart and intelligent child, and a joy to work with, BUT....."
I think I stopped breathing for a minute.
Turns out, he has some issues with this teacher. He had her for that reading program last year, and is very comfortable with her. He challenges her daily. If he doesn't want to do something, he tells her flat out "I'm not doing that." When she challenges back and reminds him the rules and what happens if he doesn't, he immediately changes his mind, does it in a rush and with attitude, but avoids that behavior chart negative impact. They also mentioned that he is clingy with the adults. If he needs help on something or questions something, he will not ask a peer. I asked him why and he says because if I don't know the answer, they are not going to either. I told him that everyone learns on different levels and while he does know a lot for his age, some people may not know how to read as fast his him, or spell as much, but I bet they have very good opinions and know other areas well. He thought on that, and said he will try to talk to people more.
They also say that his fine motor skills are horrible. Very behind apparently. It was brought up in Kindergarten, and the reason they were not able to push him forward last year. In Kindergarten, they determined that he holds pencils wrong, but if forced to hold it the right way, his writing becomes hard to read. His way, he can write very neatly if he is given the chance. So, they said it was his style, and let him go last year. This year, it's pointed out and corrected every time it's caught. "Kristopher hold the pencil this way to write the right way" Fixes the pencil and makes him try more. He gets frustrated and says he doesn't want to write then. "I don't care if you WANT to, you HAVE to do it this way." So, he's being told that on a very regular basis at school. In return, it's getting him to the point of not wanting to try because it embarrasses him that it's outted in front of his peers. Same with cutting.
Here at home, I've noticed that he holds crayons properly, and we've tried the tiny pencils or pencil grippers to get him to hold those properly, and he doesn't like either. He plays with legos and playdoh, and does a lot of hand stuff that should be working those fine motor skills. What it boils down to that they are picking at is still that pencil hold and scissor hold. It's frustrating to me, based on what we were told last year.
They also said he's clumsy and runs differently, and that gross motor skills are not up to speed. Called and brought up with his doctor and was told he is right on track for his age, and that if he runs different, it's probably because his legs are so long. The kid has inherited our very long legs. His regular doctor and his therapist are thinking that the school is just picking at every flaw they can think of, just because they've been given the forms and opportunity to do so.
And about his testing. His IQ is really advanced for his age and grade level. Most of the assessment put him at a mid to late 2nd grade level, but the #'s are not high enough to allow him to have the gifted help. It was like 11 away. And because he is so smart, he does not qualify for the OT at school. They looked at him and said he clearly needs the OT, but can't provide it because he's not behind everywhere else. So I'm trying to find someone good around here for me to do on our own. Screw them. I think the system sucks on how you either have to be low income or very low IQ to qualify for the help. Here's a kid that is now starting to hate school because of a few issues that can be fixed if the chance is there, and they are telling us "sorry, we can't help."
Finally, they also tell us that his reading is not normal. He can read anything. Way way way above his grade level. But, he doesn't read it by sounding it out. He is the type of person who reads or sees a word, and has it memorized. So, now that he's into big advanced chapter books, if he comes across bigger words that he's not seen before, he will skip them. And keep reading like they were not there. Then, the comprehension part of that activity is ruined because he missed key words. They claim it's not a bad thing because he is at such a high level, but I see the upset behavior and stress here at home when we have to do reading homework that is "so boring" and "super easy".
All in all, it was a horrible meeting and nothing that I had been expecting. I am doing a lot more work than I should have to, to help him along and make this easier for him. I'm not complaining, because I'll do anything I can to keep his love of his education there, but it should not be pinned on me because he doesn't qualify. We're going to work with his therapist, have a little more testing done based on these results, get him to an OT appt for a screening and some tips on how to work at home on this. I have also given him a new chance to have fun and work at the same time. For every minute of GOOD, non whining writing time he gives me, or drawing, he can have a minute of DS time. He loves his DS, so he was super excited about that. I said no more than a half hour at a time, and he is not going to be doing it repeatedly just to spend more time on that. It seems to work well so far, and he's excited about writing and drawing again.
I'm sure there is so much more that I'd like to document for my own records, but I forget at this point. And I've probably bored you all with this giant complaint. So for now, I'm done.
Around that 3rd week, I realized he was upset with his homework, which was a lot of the same from last year when he was in the advanced reading program. I had commented to his guidance councilor of his behavior issues, brought it up in therapy, and again to his teacher. We decided it was time to test him for the Gifted Program, and go from there. Testing took place very quickly, and then the forever long wait for the results and plan.
So back to Wednesday. Because of babysitting again, it was hard to squeeze the appt in that we could both be there. It was at an awkward time, and I had to take it alone. It started with "Kristopher is a very smart and intelligent child, and a joy to work with, BUT....."
I think I stopped breathing for a minute.
Turns out, he has some issues with this teacher. He had her for that reading program last year, and is very comfortable with her. He challenges her daily. If he doesn't want to do something, he tells her flat out "I'm not doing that." When she challenges back and reminds him the rules and what happens if he doesn't, he immediately changes his mind, does it in a rush and with attitude, but avoids that behavior chart negative impact. They also mentioned that he is clingy with the adults. If he needs help on something or questions something, he will not ask a peer. I asked him why and he says because if I don't know the answer, they are not going to either. I told him that everyone learns on different levels and while he does know a lot for his age, some people may not know how to read as fast his him, or spell as much, but I bet they have very good opinions and know other areas well. He thought on that, and said he will try to talk to people more.
They also say that his fine motor skills are horrible. Very behind apparently. It was brought up in Kindergarten, and the reason they were not able to push him forward last year. In Kindergarten, they determined that he holds pencils wrong, but if forced to hold it the right way, his writing becomes hard to read. His way, he can write very neatly if he is given the chance. So, they said it was his style, and let him go last year. This year, it's pointed out and corrected every time it's caught. "Kristopher hold the pencil this way to write the right way" Fixes the pencil and makes him try more. He gets frustrated and says he doesn't want to write then. "I don't care if you WANT to, you HAVE to do it this way." So, he's being told that on a very regular basis at school. In return, it's getting him to the point of not wanting to try because it embarrasses him that it's outted in front of his peers. Same with cutting.
Here at home, I've noticed that he holds crayons properly, and we've tried the tiny pencils or pencil grippers to get him to hold those properly, and he doesn't like either. He plays with legos and playdoh, and does a lot of hand stuff that should be working those fine motor skills. What it boils down to that they are picking at is still that pencil hold and scissor hold. It's frustrating to me, based on what we were told last year.
They also said he's clumsy and runs differently, and that gross motor skills are not up to speed. Called and brought up with his doctor and was told he is right on track for his age, and that if he runs different, it's probably because his legs are so long. The kid has inherited our very long legs. His regular doctor and his therapist are thinking that the school is just picking at every flaw they can think of, just because they've been given the forms and opportunity to do so.
And about his testing. His IQ is really advanced for his age and grade level. Most of the assessment put him at a mid to late 2nd grade level, but the #'s are not high enough to allow him to have the gifted help. It was like 11 away. And because he is so smart, he does not qualify for the OT at school. They looked at him and said he clearly needs the OT, but can't provide it because he's not behind everywhere else. So I'm trying to find someone good around here for me to do on our own. Screw them. I think the system sucks on how you either have to be low income or very low IQ to qualify for the help. Here's a kid that is now starting to hate school because of a few issues that can be fixed if the chance is there, and they are telling us "sorry, we can't help."
Finally, they also tell us that his reading is not normal. He can read anything. Way way way above his grade level. But, he doesn't read it by sounding it out. He is the type of person who reads or sees a word, and has it memorized. So, now that he's into big advanced chapter books, if he comes across bigger words that he's not seen before, he will skip them. And keep reading like they were not there. Then, the comprehension part of that activity is ruined because he missed key words. They claim it's not a bad thing because he is at such a high level, but I see the upset behavior and stress here at home when we have to do reading homework that is "so boring" and "super easy".
All in all, it was a horrible meeting and nothing that I had been expecting. I am doing a lot more work than I should have to, to help him along and make this easier for him. I'm not complaining, because I'll do anything I can to keep his love of his education there, but it should not be pinned on me because he doesn't qualify. We're going to work with his therapist, have a little more testing done based on these results, get him to an OT appt for a screening and some tips on how to work at home on this. I have also given him a new chance to have fun and work at the same time. For every minute of GOOD, non whining writing time he gives me, or drawing, he can have a minute of DS time. He loves his DS, so he was super excited about that. I said no more than a half hour at a time, and he is not going to be doing it repeatedly just to spend more time on that. It seems to work well so far, and he's excited about writing and drawing again.
I'm sure there is so much more that I'd like to document for my own records, but I forget at this point. And I've probably bored you all with this giant complaint. So for now, I'm done.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Having an only child
I saw this on Kelly's blog and for once there is a subject that I feel comfortable linking up and sharing my story.
Those who read this blog, know that it's a lot about my struggles with infertility. Because of that, Kristopher is an only child, and there is a very good chance, he will remain that way. It's out of our control, and I believe that things happen for a reason, so I am finally starting to accept that.
For those that have came here from Kelly's blog link list, feel free to check the tabs at the top if you're interested in more info about our family.
Our plan was to have 3 kids. I went off the pill a month before we got married, and everything became so irregular and eventually stopped. We waited that full year like I was told it could take, then we went for extra help. It took us almost 3 years to have Kristopher.
Kristopher turned 7 in September. Every person we know, has at least 2 or more kids. He is the only person he knows and talks to, that is an only child. Sometimes he gets upset about that, and will express his wish for a sibling. I do babysit, so we have 3 other kids around on a regular basis, and he would keep them here as family forever if he was able. He loves to have other kids to play with and do stuff with that parents are not cool enough to do. I know if we were to tell him he was going to have a brother or a sister, he would be beyond excited.
What I do like about having only one child, is my attention is not pulled in a lot of different directions. I can focus my attention on him when he needs it the most. Right now he's struggling a little with school, and I am willing and able to fight to make his education the best he can get. If I'd have other children to tend to, it would be a lot harder to make his appts and meetings happen.
I am also lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. It's not an easy job, but I feel that I've done the best for him by being here. He's the type of kid who needs to know what to expect, and me being around anytime he needs, has reassured him that I'm always here for him. I hope that continues as he gets older.
Having an only child was not something we expected. We both have siblings, so we weren't sure how to do this. We must be doing pretty good because he knows our family is special in it's own way, and he does love to spend time with us. He doesn't talk that much anymore about why he can't have a brother or sister, he just goes with it. We do a lot and keep him active and busy, and I don't think we'd be able to go as much as we do, if we had more kids as we had planned.
That being said, I'm still in the process of another round of clomid, and have one remaining after that. From that point though, I no longer feel comfortable paying for higher treatment options with no promises. Someday, we may adopt if the final rounds don't help. Or we may not. Who knows what our future will hold. For now, we're a happy little family of 3, and we will continue to make our child have the best childhood we are able.
Those who read this blog, know that it's a lot about my struggles with infertility. Because of that, Kristopher is an only child, and there is a very good chance, he will remain that way. It's out of our control, and I believe that things happen for a reason, so I am finally starting to accept that.
For those that have came here from Kelly's blog link list, feel free to check the tabs at the top if you're interested in more info about our family.
Our plan was to have 3 kids. I went off the pill a month before we got married, and everything became so irregular and eventually stopped. We waited that full year like I was told it could take, then we went for extra help. It took us almost 3 years to have Kristopher.
Kristopher turned 7 in September. Every person we know, has at least 2 or more kids. He is the only person he knows and talks to, that is an only child. Sometimes he gets upset about that, and will express his wish for a sibling. I do babysit, so we have 3 other kids around on a regular basis, and he would keep them here as family forever if he was able. He loves to have other kids to play with and do stuff with that parents are not cool enough to do. I know if we were to tell him he was going to have a brother or a sister, he would be beyond excited.
What I do like about having only one child, is my attention is not pulled in a lot of different directions. I can focus my attention on him when he needs it the most. Right now he's struggling a little with school, and I am willing and able to fight to make his education the best he can get. If I'd have other children to tend to, it would be a lot harder to make his appts and meetings happen.
I am also lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. It's not an easy job, but I feel that I've done the best for him by being here. He's the type of kid who needs to know what to expect, and me being around anytime he needs, has reassured him that I'm always here for him. I hope that continues as he gets older.
Having an only child was not something we expected. We both have siblings, so we weren't sure how to do this. We must be doing pretty good because he knows our family is special in it's own way, and he does love to spend time with us. He doesn't talk that much anymore about why he can't have a brother or sister, he just goes with it. We do a lot and keep him active and busy, and I don't think we'd be able to go as much as we do, if we had more kids as we had planned.
That being said, I'm still in the process of another round of clomid, and have one remaining after that. From that point though, I no longer feel comfortable paying for higher treatment options with no promises. Someday, we may adopt if the final rounds don't help. Or we may not. Who knows what our future will hold. For now, we're a happy little family of 3, and we will continue to make our child have the best childhood we are able.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Weekend review
Thursday Kristopher had his first ever real field trip. They went to see a ballet, some museum stuff, and the capital building. It was the first day all year that he acted excited about being able to go to school, and came home talking like crazy about his awesome day. I miss that spark from Kindergarten.
He's having a lot of emotional issues lately, and I think a lot is still with the loss of Zoey. I'm the same way. However, he had a giant meltdown on Wednesday about going to school. There was a special breakfast thing with parents, and we both went with him. When it was about time to part ways, the tears started. That was a first. Last year, he pushed us out the door and couldn't get away from us quick enough. It took us about 20 mins to be able to leave him, and we walked away while he was standing in line for class, still in tears. He was fine in less than 15 mins, so I guess that's a plus. And the rest of the week has been ok.
His therapist thinks he is picking up on a lot of my stress and anxiety, causing his to spike all crazy right now. His only reason for not wanting to be at school lately, is because he misses me "so much". But yet at home, he's got attitude and anger issues with me. Such drama I swear! So, I have to learn to hide my stress a little bit better. And I will admit, since late August, things have been pretty stressful around here. Add loss of Zoey and my trying to cope without the whole world thinking I'm mental, is not easy.
Speaking of Zoey, tomorrow it will be a month already. It feels like she's been gone so much longer. I miss everything about her. I still can not believe this is how things ended up. I really thought we'd have at least another year or 2. I just wish I knew exactly what caused the problems, and what made it turn from just a normal bout of her issues, to this. What I wouldn't give this week to have her here, and to be able to just squeeze her and have her take all the problems away. She was the perfect person for bad days. Not many people understand that.
Roxie's doing pretty good. She's close to doubled in size. Getting a fat little belly. Doing pretty good with the house training finally. I love her like crazy, but she also can stress me out with her chewing, and accidents, and just not Zoey. I was never trying to replace her, and I love this puppy like crazy too, but, I got use to the old lazy dog phase, and I miss it. Roxie can go from all cute and cuddling to forgetting what we are doing and pouncing the face and biting a nose. It's cute but so frustrating. She is getting a lot better though, and knows what OUCH and NO BITE means. Instantly sorry if she hears either of those phrases.
The kids came back this week. I'm feeling more and more like babysitting is too hard of work. 2 were ok, after we found our balance. 6 weeks away has totally crushed everything we had going our way. We have a lot of attitude from the 3 yr old, and horrible bossiness. Almost 2 yr old is going through mommy seperation, and also forgot all rules and nice behavior. And the baby.....baby is colic. He has a crying/screaming fit that lasts at least 2-3 hours at least once per day. She took him to the dr on Wednesday because I thought his belly button looked a little funny, and turns out he has a slight hernia. Nothing major and they say it's not causing pain and will heal itself. And that the crying fits are just colic, and gave some tips to try to help that. We're dealing but I never imagined it to be this hard. He seriously makes me question if I can handle the baby stage 100% of the time, again. I would like to think if I had another, it would be different, and more like Kristopher was as a baby, but who knows. Any baby can have colic issues. And knowing my luck, my next will.
I'm also a little worried about what all this new kid related stress will do to this upcoming cycle. I'm suppose to start round 3 of clomid tomorrow. And then try like crazy to relax and keep my life a little less stressed. I hope it's possible.
And last thing I wanted to keep track of for my records is that Kristopher has his first cold of the school year, and within 2 days, it settled in his chest. When he coughs, he says it hurts, and was pointing near where he said last year with the bouts of pneumonia. I called the doctor right away, and they said to try the inhaler again since he has no other symptoms, no fever, no behavior changes, etc. So we picked up a new one last night, and the coughing has gotten better already. I don't think he coughed at all last night. I guess for now, when he gets the colds, we'll just have the inhaler for treatments as needed.
Now, to end with a cute picture of Roxie. I swear keeshonds must have the most smiley personality. Zoey did this really young too, and Roxie has started this week. It's super cute! She just lays there smiling away, even though she looks like she's about ready to bite and pounce. I also think she believes she's a cat. She does this hilarious crab walk, and will sneak up on stuff and pouncing it just like a cat on a prowl. Definitely a really strange, but hilarious pup.
He's having a lot of emotional issues lately, and I think a lot is still with the loss of Zoey. I'm the same way. However, he had a giant meltdown on Wednesday about going to school. There was a special breakfast thing with parents, and we both went with him. When it was about time to part ways, the tears started. That was a first. Last year, he pushed us out the door and couldn't get away from us quick enough. It took us about 20 mins to be able to leave him, and we walked away while he was standing in line for class, still in tears. He was fine in less than 15 mins, so I guess that's a plus. And the rest of the week has been ok.
His therapist thinks he is picking up on a lot of my stress and anxiety, causing his to spike all crazy right now. His only reason for not wanting to be at school lately, is because he misses me "so much". But yet at home, he's got attitude and anger issues with me. Such drama I swear! So, I have to learn to hide my stress a little bit better. And I will admit, since late August, things have been pretty stressful around here. Add loss of Zoey and my trying to cope without the whole world thinking I'm mental, is not easy.
Speaking of Zoey, tomorrow it will be a month already. It feels like she's been gone so much longer. I miss everything about her. I still can not believe this is how things ended up. I really thought we'd have at least another year or 2. I just wish I knew exactly what caused the problems, and what made it turn from just a normal bout of her issues, to this. What I wouldn't give this week to have her here, and to be able to just squeeze her and have her take all the problems away. She was the perfect person for bad days. Not many people understand that.
Roxie's doing pretty good. She's close to doubled in size. Getting a fat little belly. Doing pretty good with the house training finally. I love her like crazy, but she also can stress me out with her chewing, and accidents, and just not Zoey. I was never trying to replace her, and I love this puppy like crazy too, but, I got use to the old lazy dog phase, and I miss it. Roxie can go from all cute and cuddling to forgetting what we are doing and pouncing the face and biting a nose. It's cute but so frustrating. She is getting a lot better though, and knows what OUCH and NO BITE means. Instantly sorry if she hears either of those phrases.
The kids came back this week. I'm feeling more and more like babysitting is too hard of work. 2 were ok, after we found our balance. 6 weeks away has totally crushed everything we had going our way. We have a lot of attitude from the 3 yr old, and horrible bossiness. Almost 2 yr old is going through mommy seperation, and also forgot all rules and nice behavior. And the baby.....baby is colic. He has a crying/screaming fit that lasts at least 2-3 hours at least once per day. She took him to the dr on Wednesday because I thought his belly button looked a little funny, and turns out he has a slight hernia. Nothing major and they say it's not causing pain and will heal itself. And that the crying fits are just colic, and gave some tips to try to help that. We're dealing but I never imagined it to be this hard. He seriously makes me question if I can handle the baby stage 100% of the time, again. I would like to think if I had another, it would be different, and more like Kristopher was as a baby, but who knows. Any baby can have colic issues. And knowing my luck, my next will.
I'm also a little worried about what all this new kid related stress will do to this upcoming cycle. I'm suppose to start round 3 of clomid tomorrow. And then try like crazy to relax and keep my life a little less stressed. I hope it's possible.
And last thing I wanted to keep track of for my records is that Kristopher has his first cold of the school year, and within 2 days, it settled in his chest. When he coughs, he says it hurts, and was pointing near where he said last year with the bouts of pneumonia. I called the doctor right away, and they said to try the inhaler again since he has no other symptoms, no fever, no behavior changes, etc. So we picked up a new one last night, and the coughing has gotten better already. I don't think he coughed at all last night. I guess for now, when he gets the colds, we'll just have the inhaler for treatments as needed.
Now, to end with a cute picture of Roxie. I swear keeshonds must have the most smiley personality. Zoey did this really young too, and Roxie has started this week. It's super cute! She just lays there smiling away, even though she looks like she's about ready to bite and pounce. I also think she believes she's a cat. She does this hilarious crab walk, and will sneak up on stuff and pouncing it just like a cat on a prowl. Definitely a really strange, but hilarious pup.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Day 1
It showed in the middle of the night. Really horrible cramping and bleeding. I guess this is what a real period is suppose to be though. Plan is if we continue, stay on 100mgs, days 5-9. Back on day 21 for bloodwork and u/s and more wait. I'm not sure my plans yet.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Spotting
Didn't work this time. I have started spotting. Very disappointing. I was so sure that it happened on the 30th when I felt that all day pain. So now I'm confused. 2 more chances. That's all I have left, and all I'll willing to put up with. This is too frustrating.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Going crazy here
I lack patience in a lot of areas. This wait to test is one of them. Yesterday marks 2 weeks since the stabbing pains and probably ovulation. They don't want me to test till Oct 25th. That is over a week and half away. I don't know how I can do it, but I have absolutely no sign of starting anytime soon. I need some major distractions for this next week. Luckily, I'm so scared of seeing a negative test, that I'm not caving just yet. I need more time to feel like it's a good time to do it and that I stand a very good chance. In the meantime, I'll go crazy.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Appt update!!
It's definitely true! I ovulated!! I am convinced it was on Sept 30th (the day I had very intense left ovary stabbing), and then the 1st was a dull ache. I told them that before the u/s, and they checked righty first. No signs of ovulation there. But, lining was looking really awesome, and definitely that of post ovulation. So then we get to the left side and he said I was definitely right about my predictions there. It was way bigger than the right, my little pcos cysts were down to a small # around 5 or 6 instead of 30-40s. And, there was 2 or 3 decent size holes that could have been either developing or post ovulation. It was hard to make out which it came from. But, the best part is, the progesterone level is 22.6!
The nurse calls me with details and says, due to the high number, wait 2 weeks and if no period, do a test on Oct 25th, first thing in the morning. No need to do it sooner, because after ovulation it takes about 2 weeks. I know this did not just happen, and that number is too high to have been just a few days ago. My normal level has never been higher than 0.4, so this is huge. I know when I felt the pain, and when I did not, and I feel like this may be a good sign. I don't want to get myself too hopeful, and it was a pretty stressful cycle, so maybe I was off, maybe I was not. I just know that I'm not as stupid as some people, and know that for sure on the 30th, it was INTENSE pain.
So now I wait, very impatiently. I'm terrified because of all the things I know about that can go wrong, but also going to be highly upset if this ends in a period.
Any thoughts on this? If I was right on my ovulation date, and I'd be 10-12 dpo, wouldn't that number be a lot lower because it would be on the drop for a period? Need some insight here. Comment or email experiences please!!
The nurse calls me with details and says, due to the high number, wait 2 weeks and if no period, do a test on Oct 25th, first thing in the morning. No need to do it sooner, because after ovulation it takes about 2 weeks. I know this did not just happen, and that number is too high to have been just a few days ago. My normal level has never been higher than 0.4, so this is huge. I know when I felt the pain, and when I did not, and I feel like this may be a good sign. I don't want to get myself too hopeful, and it was a pretty stressful cycle, so maybe I was off, maybe I was not. I just know that I'm not as stupid as some people, and know that for sure on the 30th, it was INTENSE pain.
So now I wait, very impatiently. I'm terrified because of all the things I know about that can go wrong, but also going to be highly upset if this ends in a period.
Any thoughts on this? If I was right on my ovulation date, and I'd be 10-12 dpo, wouldn't that number be a lot lower because it would be on the drop for a period? Need some insight here. Comment or email experiences please!!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Meet the new baby!
Crate training is going well, house training is half and half. I try to get her out as frequently as I can, but she drinks so much for being so little. She does respond to "no" so when I catch her wondering off and starting to squat, I say no and she can hold it till I get her out. The only accidents we have had, are tiny ones. Easy to clean up. I hope I can get her on a real nice balance of this by the 17th. That's when the kids come back.
While I love this little furball like crazy, I still miss my Zoey so much. It's a great distraction, but I'd give anything to have my old lazy girl back. She was so easy, when she wasn't sick. I know we will get to the same point with Roxie in a few months, but for now, she's definitely keeping me active and alert.
Kristopher is excited, but also kind of upset at the same time. She's extremely attached to me, but shy with everyone else. So, he hasn't got to do half of what he had thought would happen with having a puppy. I told him that I'm sure they will become best friends in no time, and she just needs to get use to him. Once she knows he's friendly and fun, they will be best friends. I know he's mixed because the only way this was possible at this time was because of what happened with Zoey. Had she still been here, I'd never have pushed so hard to get a puppy right now. But, she's here, and so loved already.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
For documentation purposes
I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. I had some horrible ovary pains for about 12 hours, maybe longer. Left side. We did our homework, even though it hurt like crazy in there. I swear if nothing was going on, then I need a reproductive transplant. Wouldn't that be nice if that was possible? ha.
But anyway, bases are covered, and now I wait. Pain is gone today so we will see....At least the next 2 weeks are going to be really busy because....We get the puppy tomorrow!!!!!! And 2 weeks from Monday, the kids come back full time. Yikes. I know I'm going to be asking myself what I've done when they are back, and then if this works.....yikes. I welcome it all though. It better work. That's all I have for today.
But anyway, bases are covered, and now I wait. Pain is gone today so we will see....At least the next 2 weeks are going to be really busy because....We get the puppy tomorrow!!!!!! And 2 weeks from Monday, the kids come back full time. Yikes. I know I'm going to be asking myself what I've done when they are back, and then if this works.....yikes. I welcome it all though. It better work. That's all I have for today.
Friday, September 30, 2011
It's been a week
It's been a really difficult week. But out of the sad parts, is a new hope. We have decided we are not waiting for a puppy. We found a breeder who was really great, and have decided we will get our new furbaby next weekend. I needed a little time to prepare, and it's extra expense we had not planned on.
The breeder is really awesome. They stopped me and said that before I started with all my questions, they really wanted to know more about my "baby". They wanted to know Zoey's name, lots about her, how we got her, how we decided on the breed, etc. She was very nice to talk to, even though I cried. She said that she would really love it if we decided to adopt from her, because she knows we are an incredible home and that this baby will have a perfect life. She said she's more than willing to wait an extra week, and that it just means she gets a little more time with her. And that it's also hard for her to give them up. They do not believe in over breeding their dogs, and only have a new litter every 3 years, give or take. They work from home so these puppies are extremely loved and social.
I picked up a crate yesterday, and have talked to the local pet supply guy and found a really good food to feed her. She will not be having the grocery store crap like Zoey had started out on. I am not messing around with anything that's been on a recall list, or that is going to cause more problems. I trust this guy. He had a big breed dog, that lived to be over 17 yrs old without issues till the end. I totally feel that he knows what he's talking about, and that we will end up with more time. I feel we were cheated out of time with Zoey, and if I could go back in time, there is a lot of changes I would make. I feel horrible that I didn't do more research and make it the best for her back then. I was stupid.
I know that Zoey hated to see us sad. She would do anything she could to make us smile and be happy. So I know she would want this for us, because we're not happy here. I can not stand being home alone. I'm slacking majorly in everything with the normal day to day stuff. Kristopher is in a state of depression. Even my husband is different. We just don't know what to do in a pet free home. We need this puppy now, and while my mind says I should wait, my heart says it's time and I'm going with that. I don't know how we will function for several more months without something...
I know it's not replacing her, and I'll miss her like crazy forever. This week seems to have gone by quickly, but it feels like forever since she's been here. Since I've pet her, or held her, or snuggled and kissed her. It's just not fair.
The breeder is really awesome. They stopped me and said that before I started with all my questions, they really wanted to know more about my "baby". They wanted to know Zoey's name, lots about her, how we got her, how we decided on the breed, etc. She was very nice to talk to, even though I cried. She said that she would really love it if we decided to adopt from her, because she knows we are an incredible home and that this baby will have a perfect life. She said she's more than willing to wait an extra week, and that it just means she gets a little more time with her. And that it's also hard for her to give them up. They do not believe in over breeding their dogs, and only have a new litter every 3 years, give or take. They work from home so these puppies are extremely loved and social.
I picked up a crate yesterday, and have talked to the local pet supply guy and found a really good food to feed her. She will not be having the grocery store crap like Zoey had started out on. I am not messing around with anything that's been on a recall list, or that is going to cause more problems. I trust this guy. He had a big breed dog, that lived to be over 17 yrs old without issues till the end. I totally feel that he knows what he's talking about, and that we will end up with more time. I feel we were cheated out of time with Zoey, and if I could go back in time, there is a lot of changes I would make. I feel horrible that I didn't do more research and make it the best for her back then. I was stupid.
I know that Zoey hated to see us sad. She would do anything she could to make us smile and be happy. So I know she would want this for us, because we're not happy here. I can not stand being home alone. I'm slacking majorly in everything with the normal day to day stuff. Kristopher is in a state of depression. Even my husband is different. We just don't know what to do in a pet free home. We need this puppy now, and while my mind says I should wait, my heart says it's time and I'm going with that. I don't know how we will function for several more months without something...
I know it's not replacing her, and I'll miss her like crazy forever. This week seems to have gone by quickly, but it feels like forever since she's been here. Since I've pet her, or held her, or snuggled and kissed her. It's just not fair.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Very bad time
This is so hard to do. My sweet baby girl died on Friday morning. She got sick almost 2 weeks ago, and we treated it just like any other normal belly issue. The meds didn't work, so we went to the vet. She also had started falling while walking, and body was failing her. We tried some steriod treatment because even the vet had felt it was just her typical belly problems, and arthritis starting to kick in. We kept her on a bland diet, and she was loving all the "real food". Her sweet face was so so so so happy when we got her food out and warmed it up. She loved it. Then, she started falling more, and while she tried to go potty. She was humilated, and looked so sad and so sorry. A few days later, she started throwing up. Her food was not digesting. It was 2 days worth of whole food. So I knew there was a problem. They tried a new med, for an ulcer because it's common for dogs with her issues and the steriod mix, to get them. Next day, more throwing up, and could not keep down water or the pills. So we went last Thursday night to the vet again. This time she was so out of it that I had to carry her in. She was so sad and so sick. They did a blood work up, and determined that she was severely anemic, and also had very progressed kidney failure. Apparently as they get sick, each time it effects the kidney's more and more. She also had some other elevated numbers, but I don't remember all about that. I just know that they compared her to a person who would need dialasis 2 times per day. There was no hope. I chose to try fluids and a shot to ease her pain so she could have one more night at home. I honestly expected to get fluids and a shot to stop her belly problems, and that she would be back to normal by this point. I had not prepared myself for anything more, and Kristopher didn't get to say a proper goodbye. Neither did Dennis. So, I begged them to help her be able to come home for one last night.She was still so tired and weak, so Dennis carried her in. We talked to her and cried with her for a while. He went to bed and I stayed up till 2am. I slept till about 3:30 when he got ready to go, and him telling her his goodbye just in case he wasn't back home in time, was so heart breaking. I stayed up at that point because she was not sleeping soundly, and looked like she was slipping away. By the time Kristopher got up, she managed to get herself up and go visit him for one last morning book time. They would always spend the first half hour to 45 mins together in his room. Special one on one time, where he would read to her, and sit on the floor and snuggle with her. It was a favorite time for them and for me as well. I love that he had such a strong bond with her. And I love that she made it possible for that last morning. I think he will remember that forever. She also followed him around as he got ready for school. It was like she knew, and wanted to spend the time with him so she knew he was ok. I did not tell him what was happening, just that she was going back to the vet for another medicine to try to help her not hurt.
We dropped him off for school, and I picked up my mom and went. The original plan was to wait till afternoon when Dennis could come home from work and go with me. The way she was feeling that morning, I knew it wasn't fair to make her wait. There was things at work that were impossible to avoid, so my mom was there with me. It happened around 9:30am. She didn't fight it, and right before she went limp and was gone, the pain had vanished. There was a spark of excitement that I haven't seen in her eyes in a while. I swear she saw something in that final second. She made eye contact with me, and I saw the pain was gone, and then she got sleepy. And her head fell into my hands....and I couldn't feel her breathing anymore. It was over. My sweet baby girl had died. I held her that way for a little, but I couldn't stay there long. She felt different very fast. And the stuff they inject leaked a little from her paw because her vein had not been strong enough to last the whole time. I kind of regret now that I left so quickly after. I would give anything to feel her one more time. Or kiss her. I gave her a ton of kisses and petted her and told her how much I love her and how wonderful she was. She was truly the best dog I could ever have asked for. She was there for me when my life was impossible. She was there when no one else could understand my pain. And now i'm hurting more than ever and she's not here. I don't know how to do it.
I came home that day and walked into the empty house and I can honestly say that I no longer love this house. It doesn't feel like home right now. It's just so so quiet. I still have her toys out, but I think tomorrow some will be packed away. I'm saving her 2 favorite special toys and need to think of something special to do with those. I also brought home her collar and it's wrapped on a wolf stuffed toy that looks so much like her.
Telling Kristopher was harder than the entire process of leading up to it and watching her go. We picked him up together and when he came out of school he ran to me asking how Zoey was doing. I told him we would talk at home and he looked at me and asked why I looked so sad. I told him I was so sorry and he started crying. "Why are you crying mommy?? Zoey didn't make it did she?????" When I said I was sorry again, he cried so hard that Dennis had to carry him to the car and into the house when we were home. He went on to tell me later that night that life is horrible and that it's not fair. That it was the worst day in his entire life and all he wants is the love she gave him. She made him feel better anytime he was hurt and now she's not here and it's not fair. I told him I feel the same way, and told him that I'm always here for him. He's been coming to my room in the mornings because he's too sad to sit in his room and read to himself. We talk and cry and then we start our day. he can distract himself with his games, but I haven't found a distraction yet. Bedtime is equally as hard for me because she would always sit with me at night, and when I was ready for bed, she would come back and sleep next to me. Her bed is there, but it's so empty and sad.
I have started searching for puppies. We planned all along to buy one this fall/winter/as soon as they were ready. I feel so horrible for trying this soon. But I need something else here. It's never going to replace her. But maybe it can make me feel better to have that puppy to snuggle and love, and it to love me back. I can have something that needs me.
Kristopher has been kind of upset with me. Very short tempered and very mean when I upset him. Any form of rules have been hard on him. I'm trying hard to keep myself from yelling, but it's getting very frustrating. I'm not the bad guy in this. He can talk to me first thing in the morning and open up, but then he keeps it all shut inside. I'm hoping to get him into an extra therapy appt this week.
This has been so hard to write, and I left out a bunch of what I'm feeling and want to say. Maybe I'll write more about it later. For now, I need to distract myself and try to sleep. I hope she's ok, and hope she still is around here. I hope she won't be upset when we get another puppy. I hope that getting one soon is not a mistake. I just know that I hurt, and have such an empty feeling. None of this is fair. I did everything right, she had the best foods, best vet care, best everything. I loved her and treated her just like a child. I did not lose my dog. I lost my daughter. And most people just do not understand that.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Bad news
Tomorrow Zoey is being put to sleep. I haven't blogged about it because I was hoping it would change, and she would bounce back like always. But she has not. The vet did blood work tonight and we found out she is in pretty bad shape. Severe anemia, and kidney failure. I wasn't prepared for that news, so I did something I feel so horrible about at the moment. They gave her some fluids, a shot of something strong, and sent us home for one more night. Dennis didn't get to say a proper goodbye before we left tonight because we thought it was all going to be ok. Kristopher didn't really say goodbye at all when we left, so I felt that they needed this last night.
I of course cried the entire way home, and haven't stopped yet. She's very drugged and sleeping peacefully right now. I hope she has a good night, and tomorrow is over very quickly. I feel like the most terrible person in the world right now because I have to decide this for her. She's not the same anymore and I know she's slowly starving to death, so I have to do what is right.
How do I do it though? And how do I come in this house alone? Life will never be the same without her. She's been with me thru the very hardest points of my life. And now I have to make the decision to end it all. It's not fair.
I of course cried the entire way home, and haven't stopped yet. She's very drugged and sleeping peacefully right now. I hope she has a good night, and tomorrow is over very quickly. I feel like the most terrible person in the world right now because I have to decide this for her. She's not the same anymore and I know she's slowly starving to death, so I have to do what is right.
How do I do it though? And how do I come in this house alone? Life will never be the same without her. She's been with me thru the very hardest points of my life. And now I have to make the decision to end it all. It's not fair.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Round 2
Ultrasound showed that I have bad ovaries. They did not respond. I actually have more of the tiny stupid cysts circling. 42 on my left. FORTY TWO!!! Seriously crazy.
Lining was very thing, and progesterone came back 0.2 or 0.02. I forget. So low that no period was in sight though. Because of my past history with provera, and the thin lining already, the doctor had decided we will just start meds tonight. So, up to 100mgs clomid and round 2 starts. I'm hoping a few things this time. Obviously, I hope that I respond and it works and I have a positive test by my birthday (late October), but also I hope that the side effects are lower this time. It's been stressful enough here lately and the hormone craziness is not helping. So, more to come later.
Kristopher visited a friend after school and it's finally time to get him. I did nothing productive in my free time. I'm horrible.
Lining was very thing, and progesterone came back 0.2 or 0.02. I forget. So low that no period was in sight though. Because of my past history with provera, and the thin lining already, the doctor had decided we will just start meds tonight. So, up to 100mgs clomid and round 2 starts. I'm hoping a few things this time. Obviously, I hope that I respond and it works and I have a positive test by my birthday (late October), but also I hope that the side effects are lower this time. It's been stressful enough here lately and the hormone craziness is not helping. So, more to come later.
Kristopher visited a friend after school and it's finally time to get him. I did nothing productive in my free time. I'm horrible.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A fail
I don't think this round had any success. I do not feel like there is any progestrone increase going on, and no other signs of something positive going on. I feel rather blah and moody too.
Blood work and u/s on Tuesday, and I'm dreading it. I do not want to go thru the provera craziness, but I have no other choice at this time. That's all that is authorized while on the study. And 10 day dose at that.
I guess this month not working is ok though. I've had a lot of stress, and just all around not been a good round. And, when I thought something may have been going on, I was not in the mood what so ever and it just sucks to have to do stuff just because we HAVE to. It just feels wrong. So, hopefully we just get it over with very quickly if it's a fail. Move past it and onto better times.
Blood work and u/s on Tuesday, and I'm dreading it. I do not want to go thru the provera craziness, but I have no other choice at this time. That's all that is authorized while on the study. And 10 day dose at that.
I guess this month not working is ok though. I've had a lot of stress, and just all around not been a good round. And, when I thought something may have been going on, I was not in the mood what so ever and it just sucks to have to do stuff just because we HAVE to. It just feels wrong. So, hopefully we just get it over with very quickly if it's a fail. Move past it and onto better times.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Clomid this time
I'm annoyed with it. I feel really different and blah. My mood is seriously horrible, I feel half dizzy most of the time. I don't have any interest in being friendly with people, and would rather keep to myself.
I have lost all interest in sex. And it's kinda just dried up everything there anyway. But, I have the boob sensitivity starting, and some weird twinges here and there in the ovaries. So I have forced myself this weekend. I'm only taking 50mgs, and never had any real issues with it in the past. I'm confused. I hope that it works because the more months I have to deal with this, the less I'm going to feel like continuing to try. It's extremely frustrating.
I have lost all interest in sex. And it's kinda just dried up everything there anyway. But, I have the boob sensitivity starting, and some weird twinges here and there in the ovaries. So I have forced myself this weekend. I'm only taking 50mgs, and never had any real issues with it in the past. I'm confused. I hope that it works because the more months I have to deal with this, the less I'm going to feel like continuing to try. It's extremely frustrating.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The party
Finally, pictures from Kristopher's birthday. This year, his big want has been a DS. A little back story. I babysit a kid occasionally who is also an only child. By choice because it was made very clear that he was not planned and she found out "too late" to do anything about it. So, he's been in daycare from the start, even when he didn't need to be, and instead of tons of love, she buys him everything instead. So, when Kristopher started being around this kid, it was always dramatic. I had been on the verge of saying not to come back again, when they clicked and became really good friends. It's great for them because they need to know as only children, they are not the only ones out there that way. Kristopher is 6 months older, but this kid is always competing. It's always "i have that too" or "i have more of those" or "mine is so much better."
Lately, Kristopher has been feeling crappy about that and like he is lower than everyone else. So, he was asking for a ds because this kid has one with "like, every single game for boys." Oh and the kid gets everything, but it's the cheapest of what he is asking for just to say he has it. So, when K started asking for the ds, and we kept hearing the constant competition crap, we decided we would go a step up. We ended up with an incredible deal on a DSi XL, and we got a bunch of extras to customize it and found a couple of his must have mario games. So that was the big gift this year and it was more than we could have hoped for with happiness. The kid absolutely loved it and could not believe we made it happen. And that it was BETTER than what his friend has. (I know that is kinda bad that we actually made a point to do that, but I refuse to sit here and let my kid think he is always getting crappy stuff or missing out because we won't spend hundreds of dollars just to keep him out of our hair.)
So anyway, sorry that became a huge vent. Here is him immediately after he opened it. He was kinda annoyed because the case looks like a purse and he was confused. He never saw the cases before.
Then, he opened it and was sooooo happy to see that it was a DS. And "it's bigger!"
So then there is the cake. He has been a huge mario phase lately. I wanted to make an awesome yoshi cake, but because we had 2 extra kids here leading up to the party, I didn't have time or patience to do that. We couldn't order an actual mario cake, so we ordered a cake with green and blue, and then bought the mario toys for toppers. It was a huge hit and turned out awesome.
Lately, Kristopher has been feeling crappy about that and like he is lower than everyone else. So, he was asking for a ds because this kid has one with "like, every single game for boys." Oh and the kid gets everything, but it's the cheapest of what he is asking for just to say he has it. So, when K started asking for the ds, and we kept hearing the constant competition crap, we decided we would go a step up. We ended up with an incredible deal on a DSi XL, and we got a bunch of extras to customize it and found a couple of his must have mario games. So that was the big gift this year and it was more than we could have hoped for with happiness. The kid absolutely loved it and could not believe we made it happen. And that it was BETTER than what his friend has. (I know that is kinda bad that we actually made a point to do that, but I refuse to sit here and let my kid think he is always getting crappy stuff or missing out because we won't spend hundreds of dollars just to keep him out of our hair.)
So anyway, sorry that became a huge vent. Here is him immediately after he opened it. He was kinda annoyed because the case looks like a purse and he was confused. He never saw the cases before.
Then, he opened it and was sooooo happy to see that it was a DS. And "it's bigger!"
So then there is the cake. He has been a huge mario phase lately. I wanted to make an awesome yoshi cake, but because we had 2 extra kids here leading up to the party, I didn't have time or patience to do that. We couldn't order an actual mario cake, so we ordered a cake with green and blue, and then bought the mario toys for toppers. It was a huge hit and turned out awesome. 
He was beyond excited. And there is his little friend who was mentioned above....Notice the size difference. Kristopher is very tall for his age.
Amazingly enough, the party turned out great. I had the 2 little ones that weekend, and his friend had spent the night. I didn't get to do the cake I wanted, and was not able to go all out with the mario theme, but he loved his party and had an awesome birthday. It's so hard to believe it's already been 7 years. Time goes entirely too fast.
And while I'm not encuraging him to be rude towards others, it felt pretty good when he said to the kid that his is better and made the kid speechless for a change. I did find out that 2 days later, he was telling his mother that he wants a newer one because Kristopher's is better and that's not fair. And she said tough luck. Ha.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Some changes
I am lacking in updates. A quick one so I can keep track and document everything properly.
Kristopher's still in therapy, and the anxiety and worry seems to be greater now that school has started. He's just not himself. He is excited about school, but not the same way as last year. When we ask him how his day was, he says it was great, he didn't get in trouble and he's working hard with his behavior. That's never a problem. He does his work quickly and spends a lot of his extra time reading.
I'm glad he likes school. But I feel uneasy. I also feel like he isn't truly happy. It's hard to explain the change, but it's not sitting well with me. I want to see that spark and excitement again. I want him to love school.
I think at this point it is getting boring to him. He is just there to do what they say, and doesn't really feel any challenge at all. I know it's just the beginning, but with how I am feeling, we've called a meeting between the principal, guidance councilor and his teacher. His therapist wants him IQ tested this year. She wants to get him in a learning level that challenges him, and keeps him from being bored. The fear we have is that he is going to just quit trying because it's too easy. He will get lazy and when he does catch up to his learning level, it will be too late for him to care the way he did last year.
I was expecting the worst when I called because the therapist said if they give me any drama, there will be a formal letter submitted by her, and they would be forced to do more. They accepted my request with no drama and seem more than willing to help me out. So now, I hold my breath till I get the call about an actual time. It's scary. I just want to get a settled happy feeling about school. And I want the best for him.
Kristopher's still in therapy, and the anxiety and worry seems to be greater now that school has started. He's just not himself. He is excited about school, but not the same way as last year. When we ask him how his day was, he says it was great, he didn't get in trouble and he's working hard with his behavior. That's never a problem. He does his work quickly and spends a lot of his extra time reading.
I'm glad he likes school. But I feel uneasy. I also feel like he isn't truly happy. It's hard to explain the change, but it's not sitting well with me. I want to see that spark and excitement again. I want him to love school.
I think at this point it is getting boring to him. He is just there to do what they say, and doesn't really feel any challenge at all. I know it's just the beginning, but with how I am feeling, we've called a meeting between the principal, guidance councilor and his teacher. His therapist wants him IQ tested this year. She wants to get him in a learning level that challenges him, and keeps him from being bored. The fear we have is that he is going to just quit trying because it's too easy. He will get lazy and when he does catch up to his learning level, it will be too late for him to care the way he did last year.
I was expecting the worst when I called because the therapist said if they give me any drama, there will be a formal letter submitted by her, and they would be forced to do more. They accepted my request with no drama and seem more than willing to help me out. So now, I hold my breath till I get the call about an actual time. It's scary. I just want to get a settled happy feeling about school. And I want the best for him.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September already!
Wow time flies. Here's an update.
September 1st, new baby born. 6 weeks from now, I'll be watching him too. Kinda scary but very exciting. He's sooooo tiny compared to the other giants.
The 2nd. Kristopher had his 7 year physical. He's 56lb and slightly over 51 inches. They say he's healthy and finally gained a little bit of weight. He's eating a lot better so hopefully that goes up some more. He is very tall, making his weight in the normal range and they are not concerned, but his ribs show so bad, and he looks starved. So skinny.
After the appt I dropped off some cupcakes at school and spent the day running around crazy to get ready for Saturday.
Saturday, the 3rd. My baby turned 7. He had a small, but really nice party. I'll post pictures tomorrow.
Sunday, finished up my clomid.
Here we are Wednesday. Lots of flooding here today. I spent the day with the kids and the baby. She ended up with a csection, and no one wants her home alone with all the kids yet. So we're caring for them in shifts. It was interesting. All I can say about that.
No feelings yet on if the clomid is going to work. I am hoping with everything I have, that this is it. I doubt it though. I don't feel anything yet. We're down to just over 2 weeks till I go back.
updates to come tomorrow or Friday. I have 6-8 weeks off, so I have tons of time to catch up now.
September 1st, new baby born. 6 weeks from now, I'll be watching him too. Kinda scary but very exciting. He's sooooo tiny compared to the other giants.
The 2nd. Kristopher had his 7 year physical. He's 56lb and slightly over 51 inches. They say he's healthy and finally gained a little bit of weight. He's eating a lot better so hopefully that goes up some more. He is very tall, making his weight in the normal range and they are not concerned, but his ribs show so bad, and he looks starved. So skinny.
After the appt I dropped off some cupcakes at school and spent the day running around crazy to get ready for Saturday.
Saturday, the 3rd. My baby turned 7. He had a small, but really nice party. I'll post pictures tomorrow.
Sunday, finished up my clomid.
Here we are Wednesday. Lots of flooding here today. I spent the day with the kids and the baby. She ended up with a csection, and no one wants her home alone with all the kids yet. So we're caring for them in shifts. It was interesting. All I can say about that.
No feelings yet on if the clomid is going to work. I am hoping with everything I have, that this is it. I doubt it though. I don't feel anything yet. We're down to just over 2 weeks till I go back.
updates to come tomorrow or Friday. I have 6-8 weeks off, so I have tons of time to catch up now.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Clomid
I started today. I have completed the first phase of things, and since I had such a good period and cleaned out, and my u/s showed nothing going on and blood work came back...They said to start today. So, here we go. 50mgs this round and I go back in 21 days to have blood work and u/s done. Yippie.
I hope this works. I feel that it's time this time. We are ready. We are in a good place, we can provided better, and we can do this. We both truly want it to be now, and it has to work.
In other news, baby is born tomorrow. He decided to flip to breech and wasn't able to flip back, so tomorrow's the day. I have the little people for at least the next 4 days. I feel so awesome because we had a decent supper tonight, the kids played, everyone was bathed/showered and dressed for bed. Dennis read a story, and all 3 were in bed and asleep before 8:30. It feels pretty good, and feels right. So again, clomid better work. I'm going to need freaking mental drugs if I end this with failure.
I hope this works. I feel that it's time this time. We are ready. We are in a good place, we can provided better, and we can do this. We both truly want it to be now, and it has to work.
In other news, baby is born tomorrow. He decided to flip to breech and wasn't able to flip back, so tomorrow's the day. I have the little people for at least the next 4 days. I feel so awesome because we had a decent supper tonight, the kids played, everyone was bathed/showered and dressed for bed. Dennis read a story, and all 3 were in bed and asleep before 8:30. It feels pretty good, and feels right. So again, clomid better work. I'm going to need freaking mental drugs if I end this with failure.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
When he comes home
He is greeted with such love!
She will seriously trip him, to make him sit on the floor so she can lay on him, or against him. She follows him everywhere until it happens. Then, poor kid can't get up or she will keep laying farther on his lap. It's amazing the amount of love she has for this kid. Same kid who almost 7 years ago, shattered her perfect little world when he came in and took over her mommy. I don't remember if I had wrote about it before, but when he first came home, she had some major attitude issues and doggy depression. She had to share her time, and it wasn't appreciated very much. To the extent of finding the only pacifier he would take in the 10 mins we were out of the house, and chewed it to pieces. Then, after about a month, she realized he wasn't so bad, and by the time he was eating real food and dropping almost as much on the floor, their bond was formed. I hope she sticks around for many more years because he needs her as much as she needs him.....
First grade is going really great. He slept great last night, no night terrors, no drama about going to bed. Woke up happy and ready for another day at school. He ate breakfast great, finished his lunch at school today and got an awesome report.
They are going to start testing learning levels next week, so I'm anxious to see how that goes. His first reading homework came home last night, and it was a 4 page book titled Cat. And only had a couple words that rhymed and then it was done. He ended 1st grade reading last school year, with reading chapter books. So, I give it 2 weeks to see harder stuff come home, and then I'm going to be calling a meeting.
All in all though, school is off to a great start.
Monday, August 29, 2011
My first grader
Today Kristopher started 1st grade. He has the same teacher this year, as he had last year when he was in the 1st grade reading class. He was very excited, and very ready to start. There was a little anxiety though, because we had our first night terror last night, in a while. He also didn't eat much of breakfast this morning. Typically he's been asking for seconds after he finishes. So it's the anxiety showing through. I hope it eases quickly and he is back to his normal self. He was loving on Zoey a lot this morning because she is his shadow, and was highly freaked out by the backpack and rushing to get ready this morning. And I came home to a really grumpy dog, and she's ignoring me. Pouting on her bed because her best friend left her. It's sad.
So he was super excited, and not really in the mood for all these pictures. He looks really grown and big now in these, and looks like he should be a lot further than 1st grade. This new outfit for the first day, is shirt size XL in boys, and shorts are 8's. I know I'll look back someday and say wow he was tiny....Oh and he now wears a size 3 shoe. I can almost share his shoes. I discovered that I wear a size 4.5 or 5 in boys shoes. hahaha
The kids were slighly confused why we were rushing out the door right away this morning, but very happy to get in on the photo action with their "kissafer." After we dropped him off, Miss Danielle was furious with me. She assumes at almost 3, that she is big enough for school too. She was quickly distracted by her friend. 
And here he goes, ready to run in and I was told "I can do this myself. I know where I'm going." Got a quick hug and he ran off. Just like that. He's a 1st grader. And my house is super quiet and boring without him. Time goes way too fast. The plus, I did it this year without tears.
Oh and while he is at school, our first monarch decides it's the ideal time to hatch. So when he gets home, it's time to release our first butterfly. And he missed it coming out. It happened so quickly that I didn't have a chance to get a video for him.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A nicer update
Today is day 1. It came with very tiny spotting, and then boom. It was here.
Here's the cycle stats, and I'm half excited over this because this just might be the most perfect textbook type cycle I've ever had on my own. Ever.
So, day 12 & 13 I had horrific ovary pain. Right side. That's also when the boob sensitivity and pain started. We did our "homework" both days, even though I felt a stabbing like pain, and was not much fun. After that, things got really busy so if we should have kept going, we didn't. Sleep was more important. Day 26 is when I had a tiny bit of spotting, as a one time thing. Again, a lot of weird pain. This entire week I've been run down and exhausted, and had the same sensitivity since ovulation. Today was suppose to be day 27. I had some cramping this morning, and half way thru the day, a little spotting when wiped, then all of a sudden it's here. Not bad, but clearly red and no typical spotting for a week and wondering if it's starting or not. So that's a positive. I had a normal round, I'm not curled up in pain, I'm not spotting and going to end up with 2 weeks of horrible bleeding/spotting/irritation drama. So I'm focusing on how awesome it is that I worked NORMALLY for once.
In other news. We've been collecting caterpillars. We have blacks swallowtails, monarchs, and as of today, some fuzzy little white moths, and spicebush caterpillars. It's very exciting. Our first ever butterfly hatched this week, and we released him after he could fly nicely. I have a billion ideas racing thru my mind for next spring, and I actually think that I'll take my 6 week break as a chance to prepare my yard. Maybe it will be easier to do it now, as everything dies off in the fall, so that it's not quite so much work to start fresh in the spring. Especially since at that point, I will have another baby here during the day, and (fingers crossed and hoping like crazy) be pregnant. That sounds kinda scary saying baby and pregnancy together like that, and I honestly haven't figured out what I'll do if it actually happens. Because we're all very attached to these kids, and just quitting babysitting isn't exactly what I want to do, but if things work for me, that will be like...5 kids at once. Scary. But, that's just me thinking way too far in advance.
Other thing that happened this week that I need to track for my records. Zoey tripped and sprained her foot again. This time wrapping it didn't help her walk any better, and the vet said to give her asprin and watch her. She improved after just one dose of asprin, so no vet appt needed. She's doing the steps again on her own, so that's very reassuring. We could keep her on asprin as a daily med if we want, if it seems to help her moving. She's 10 and half years old now, and it's catching up with her. She's slow, and achy, but I think we're only doing the meds for a few more days till the limp improves.
And, we have one more week of summer vacation and then Kristopher starts 1st grade. We got his letter and teacher assignment, and he got who he was hoping for, and who he had for reading class last year. He's very excited. I think all I need to do yet for back to school is get him a hair cut, and possibly new shoes. He hasn't worn sneakers since school ended, so its time to see if those fit or not. I'm hoping he still fits his fall clothes. All we bought for back to school was a backpack, lunch box and new water bottle. He has a ton of clothes still, and school supplies the necessities.
So there's a better update. Less crazy, more nice. More to come in a few days.
Here's the cycle stats, and I'm half excited over this because this just might be the most perfect textbook type cycle I've ever had on my own. Ever.
So, day 12 & 13 I had horrific ovary pain. Right side. That's also when the boob sensitivity and pain started. We did our "homework" both days, even though I felt a stabbing like pain, and was not much fun. After that, things got really busy so if we should have kept going, we didn't. Sleep was more important. Day 26 is when I had a tiny bit of spotting, as a one time thing. Again, a lot of weird pain. This entire week I've been run down and exhausted, and had the same sensitivity since ovulation. Today was suppose to be day 27. I had some cramping this morning, and half way thru the day, a little spotting when wiped, then all of a sudden it's here. Not bad, but clearly red and no typical spotting for a week and wondering if it's starting or not. So that's a positive. I had a normal round, I'm not curled up in pain, I'm not spotting and going to end up with 2 weeks of horrible bleeding/spotting/irritation drama. So I'm focusing on how awesome it is that I worked NORMALLY for once.
In other news. We've been collecting caterpillars. We have blacks swallowtails, monarchs, and as of today, some fuzzy little white moths, and spicebush caterpillars. It's very exciting. Our first ever butterfly hatched this week, and we released him after he could fly nicely. I have a billion ideas racing thru my mind for next spring, and I actually think that I'll take my 6 week break as a chance to prepare my yard. Maybe it will be easier to do it now, as everything dies off in the fall, so that it's not quite so much work to start fresh in the spring. Especially since at that point, I will have another baby here during the day, and (fingers crossed and hoping like crazy) be pregnant. That sounds kinda scary saying baby and pregnancy together like that, and I honestly haven't figured out what I'll do if it actually happens. Because we're all very attached to these kids, and just quitting babysitting isn't exactly what I want to do, but if things work for me, that will be like...5 kids at once. Scary. But, that's just me thinking way too far in advance.
Other thing that happened this week that I need to track for my records. Zoey tripped and sprained her foot again. This time wrapping it didn't help her walk any better, and the vet said to give her asprin and watch her. She improved after just one dose of asprin, so no vet appt needed. She's doing the steps again on her own, so that's very reassuring. We could keep her on asprin as a daily med if we want, if it seems to help her moving. She's 10 and half years old now, and it's catching up with her. She's slow, and achy, but I think we're only doing the meds for a few more days till the limp improves.
And, we have one more week of summer vacation and then Kristopher starts 1st grade. We got his letter and teacher assignment, and he got who he was hoping for, and who he had for reading class last year. He's very excited. I think all I need to do yet for back to school is get him a hair cut, and possibly new shoes. He hasn't worn sneakers since school ended, so its time to see if those fit or not. I'm hoping he still fits his fall clothes. All we bought for back to school was a backpack, lunch box and new water bottle. He has a ton of clothes still, and school supplies the necessities.
So there's a better update. Less crazy, more nice. More to come in a few days.
Friday, August 19, 2011
In general,
I feel like life sucks at the moment. It's finally hit me mentally, and I just don't understand how or why some people can not want it, and do everything to avoid, and still end up pregnant.
I had a normal cycle. I had intense cramping and ovulation pains on day 12-13. A full 24 hours, maybe over. It's day 27 now. I had intense cramping last night, and a tiny bit of spotting this morning. My mood totally sucks, so I know it's a matter of hours, maybe a day or 2 at most before it all is over. I was really hoping that it would just work this month. Then I wouldn't have to go back and show that I failed at the weight loss part of this.
My appt is the 31st. I am 8lbs from the goal. I've been stuck for 4 weeks now. Actually, i'm up 2 from 3 weeks ago. I walk a lot, I'm constantly on the move with the kids around, I'm active. I just am stuck. It's extremely frustrating. And what else is frustrating is the fact that if I would have been able to just hold out till the week of the 31st for this freaking period to start, I could have started the clomid immediately. Instead, I'll probably end up stuck on provera and pure hormonal craziness. And headaches. Ugh.
So my mood sucks. I'm having a giant pity party and just can't get past all this.
My kid is also questioning again why he's an only child and all these other people keep having babies and their kids always have someone to play with. He loves the kids here during the day, and wishes they could stay all the time. Even though it gets loud and crazy and the godzilla baby comes and distroys his toy set up. He would be totally fine with that being a 100% all the time thing. He just wants someone else around. It's not fair.
I had a normal cycle. I had intense cramping and ovulation pains on day 12-13. A full 24 hours, maybe over. It's day 27 now. I had intense cramping last night, and a tiny bit of spotting this morning. My mood totally sucks, so I know it's a matter of hours, maybe a day or 2 at most before it all is over. I was really hoping that it would just work this month. Then I wouldn't have to go back and show that I failed at the weight loss part of this.
My appt is the 31st. I am 8lbs from the goal. I've been stuck for 4 weeks now. Actually, i'm up 2 from 3 weeks ago. I walk a lot, I'm constantly on the move with the kids around, I'm active. I just am stuck. It's extremely frustrating. And what else is frustrating is the fact that if I would have been able to just hold out till the week of the 31st for this freaking period to start, I could have started the clomid immediately. Instead, I'll probably end up stuck on provera and pure hormonal craziness. And headaches. Ugh.
So my mood sucks. I'm having a giant pity party and just can't get past all this.
My kid is also questioning again why he's an only child and all these other people keep having babies and their kids always have someone to play with. He loves the kids here during the day, and wishes they could stay all the time. Even though it gets loud and crazy and the godzilla baby comes and distroys his toy set up. He would be totally fine with that being a 100% all the time thing. He just wants someone else around. It's not fair.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
crazy changes
We got the most shocking news this week. Ever. In 6-8 weeks, I'll be watching another newborn. My friend discovered she was pregnant. While on the pill which was taken faithfully. Who also has a ton of other issues like me. And the kicker is, she's due in less than 3 weeks. Totally blew us all away. So, it looks like I'll be getting a 4-6 week vacation without much notice shortly. I was along during her u/s, and the baby is already head down. The night before she demanded an u/s, she had sharp pains and it appears that was because he dropped. Oh yes, it's another boy. Anyway, once the pain eased, she felt kicking. Till then, she didn't feel anything. So of course everyone is worried because she took the pill up till finding out. Had no idea. But, he's already measuring over 7lbs. Looks chunky and everything that was easily able to be measured, looked right on. Completely amazing. And as much as I feel it's not fair, and I don't understand how or why this happens, I feel so special that I was able to go along and to witness that. Ultrasounds are amazing. I'm going to focus on the fact that I'll soon get a chance to snuggle and experience the baby stage again, 10-12 hrs a day, but still sleep all night. That's my positive outlook.
Also this week, my mom had a total hysterectomy. It's been a long time coming and they finally agreed to just take it all rather than do the painful proceedures every 6 months when she would get an abnormal pap back. So, Thursday they did all that. It took double the time they expected because she had a previous csection, plus she had several other surgeries so there was a lot of scar tissue. We were told everything looks normal shaped, and sizes and we should not have to worry about cancer. She was pretty rough the night it happened, and they didn't get her up and walking till the next morning. Kristopher and I went and spent the day there yesterday and lucked out and they let us bring her home before supper. I was extra nice and drove past my brother's house so they could come out and say hi, and she was able to see the kids for a few minutes. I only did that because it meant so much to her, and everything she was through. It was actually the first I had seen or talked to him since early July last year, and I will be more than happy to let it be another year or 2 to see them again. Harsh, but I can't handle that kind of lifestyle and it being exposed to my child. Plus, they now have a 2 month old, 14 month old and 2 yr old. It's too much to handle to be around given their lifestyle.
Anyway, I feel after all I've done this week, I totally deserve daughter & friend of a lifetime award. I've sucked up all my own feelings and done above and beyond for both this week. And I have not broken down or anything yet. Maybe I'm just past all that.
So, my hope for this new baby, is that it either decides to come on it's due date, or very shortly after it. I'm watching the other 2 for at least 3 days during/after delivery, and I have a very important and very long appt coming up on the 31st. And Kristopher's birthday is the 3rd and I really hope he doesn't end up having to share his b-day or that weekend. If he's going to be an only kid, I hope that at least his birthday's can be a big deal and extra special for him.
Also this week, my mom had a total hysterectomy. It's been a long time coming and they finally agreed to just take it all rather than do the painful proceedures every 6 months when she would get an abnormal pap back. So, Thursday they did all that. It took double the time they expected because she had a previous csection, plus she had several other surgeries so there was a lot of scar tissue. We were told everything looks normal shaped, and sizes and we should not have to worry about cancer. She was pretty rough the night it happened, and they didn't get her up and walking till the next morning. Kristopher and I went and spent the day there yesterday and lucked out and they let us bring her home before supper. I was extra nice and drove past my brother's house so they could come out and say hi, and she was able to see the kids for a few minutes. I only did that because it meant so much to her, and everything she was through. It was actually the first I had seen or talked to him since early July last year, and I will be more than happy to let it be another year or 2 to see them again. Harsh, but I can't handle that kind of lifestyle and it being exposed to my child. Plus, they now have a 2 month old, 14 month old and 2 yr old. It's too much to handle to be around given their lifestyle.
Anyway, I feel after all I've done this week, I totally deserve daughter & friend of a lifetime award. I've sucked up all my own feelings and done above and beyond for both this week. And I have not broken down or anything yet. Maybe I'm just past all that.
So, my hope for this new baby, is that it either decides to come on it's due date, or very shortly after it. I'm watching the other 2 for at least 3 days during/after delivery, and I have a very important and very long appt coming up on the 31st. And Kristopher's birthday is the 3rd and I really hope he doesn't end up having to share his b-day or that weekend. If he's going to be an only kid, I hope that at least his birthday's can be a big deal and extra special for him.
Friday, August 5, 2011
please remove it
My right ovary is being out of control. I have the major intense pain going on that I had in Feb. Then, they claimed it was a cyst, but CT report said follicles. And then, I had a really bad period that came out of nowhere. So, my guess is possible ovulation. If this is what normal feels like, I do not want to be normal. And covering ourselves just in case was smart, but very uncomfortable.
So for my records, I'll post this.
Day 12, intense right ovary stabbing pains that have been going on for at least 3-4 hrs.
Other symptoms are boob pain and sensitivity, and over load of fertile like mucus. Now that I've completely grossed people out, I'm done.
So for my records, I'll post this.
Day 12, intense right ovary stabbing pains that have been going on for at least 3-4 hrs.
Other symptoms are boob pain and sensitivity, and over load of fertile like mucus. Now that I've completely grossed people out, I'm done.
A new update
I've sucked pretty bad at updating this summer. So much is going on. Between the move, the study, and just dealing with my own mental issues, I just haven't felt the time.
Things have been kinda rough mentally the past few weeks. At first I was so happy and loved the change. Now, I'm in a new house that I love, and people depress me. First, it's the irritating remarks I got after we moved in about the older interior. Then, I apparently made everyone mad by a particiular post on facebook about if people want to be rude, they do not have to visit. So now, we get no visitors. That's depressing. Apparently it means that everyone feels the need to voice the nasty comments, instead of bite their tongue and just enjoy some time with friends. But whatever. I have decided I don't need them.
So far in updates, I've gotten my dining room sanded, painted and I'm very happy with how it turned out.
Here's the before:
Things have been kinda rough mentally the past few weeks. At first I was so happy and loved the change. Now, I'm in a new house that I love, and people depress me. First, it's the irritating remarks I got after we moved in about the older interior. Then, I apparently made everyone mad by a particiular post on facebook about if people want to be rude, they do not have to visit. So now, we get no visitors. That's depressing. Apparently it means that everyone feels the need to voice the nasty comments, instead of bite their tongue and just enjoy some time with friends. But whatever. I have decided I don't need them.
So far in updates, I've gotten my dining room sanded, painted and I'm very happy with how it turned out.
Here's the before:
And the after:
I still need to figure out a nice wall arrangement because they seem so bare to me. But as you can see, the room is MUCH lighter. Another project I want to work on before winter is the table. I got it used last year because we needed something that seated more than 4 people. It is a nice sturdy old set, and the intent was to refinish it. It never happened, so now it has to because I have some paint boo boos to fix. Oops.
We have a little over 3 weeks until school starts. Kristopher is excited. I am too in a way, but sad to see summer over already. We bought his backpack and a new lunch box so far. He's probably going to need new shoes, but I'm not sure yet. He hasn't worn actual shoes since school ended. He's lived barefoot or in sandals all summer.
We tried to adopt a rescue dog, and were rejected because of our location. It was a place that transports to NH, but the dog was in a rescue an hour away from me. We were told we'd be the prefect family, but they choose to find someone closer to the main office so that paperwork was easier. And are paying for transport 10 hrs away. All for paperwork. It was depressing because it sounded like it was a go, and we were very excited. Turns out, we aren't even able to adopt a dog right now. It has ruined my feelings toward the rescue process, so I'm waiting on a puppy. Hopefully we hear something before it's too cold and nasty out. I was hoping for easy house training process with being outside a lot.
So that's about it for here. I should update again in the next week or 2...
We tried to adopt a rescue dog, and were rejected because of our location. It was a place that transports to NH, but the dog was in a rescue an hour away from me. We were told we'd be the prefect family, but they choose to find someone closer to the main office so that paperwork was easier. And are paying for transport 10 hrs away. All for paperwork. It was depressing because it sounded like it was a go, and we were very excited. Turns out, we aren't even able to adopt a dog right now. It has ruined my feelings toward the rescue process, so I'm waiting on a puppy. Hopefully we hear something before it's too cold and nasty out. I was hoping for easy house training process with being outside a lot.
So that's about it for here. I should update again in the next week or 2...
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