My final appt

Yesterday I had my final appt.  Study is over, and once again, I've moved on.  Without the hoped pregnancy as the end of things for me.  It's very frustrating. 

He reviewed my lab results from the entire time, and u/s notes.  He said the fact that I responded twice is a good sign, and he feels that I should try 3 more rounds of clomid.  Before I decide to give up, or move up to something more.  Due to the "awesome" response last cycle, he feels 150mgs is good for me. 
I briefly brought up my thoughts on the hostile cervical fluid, and he didn't seem to think it's that.  He said that they really like to see 6 cycles, before claiming clomid as not helpful, and testing further and moving up to higher meds.  Since I have done 4, responding those 2 times, he would like me to try 2-3 more on my own.  They would do u/s and p4, and he kept reminding me that if we had just started trying, we wouldn't give up on things after only 2 responses.  I'm not sure he truly gets my feelings on this though.  I know I've responded on my own occasionally.  Rarely.  But, in the summer I know I had a strong cycle, and nothing happened.  Perfectly timing too.  And my husband's count is very good they say, so there should not be a problem with that getting where it needs. 
So, I'm thinking of calling for pricing options.  This is all out of pocket, and I really can't justify $1500-2000 a month in medical bills.  Quite honestly, I do not have that.  We have 2 freaking car payments and are in the middle of heating season.  In January, Kristopher's insurance is going to go way up.  I'm sure ours will too, and it's really frustrating because the only thing I ever need this crap for is the RE appts and ob/gyn, and that what if coverage in case someday I do get lucky and get pregnant.  I have not used my insurance for other health reasons or regular doctors in over 2 years.  I just want good insurance that will cover what I need, and not kill us.  We have paid insanely amounts of money for insurances this year, and medical bills too because of deductibles.  It doesn't seem fair.  But enough on that.

I will call next week and find out how much it costs for mid cycle u/s and the blood work.  And if the office visit is covered on my insurance or not.  I'm thinking if we make it happen to try a cycle or 2, I'm going to demand that we get IUI with the clomid because then I'd feel like we tried the most we could. 
I want to quit. I want to move past this part of our lives and just be happy.  We've been doing this for 10 years.  It's tiring.  And frustrating.  And part of me feels that after this amount of time, maybe it's a sign that we're only meant to have Kristopher for now.  Or to start saving for adoption.  But, there's that part of me that won't stop wanting this one more time.  That's all I'm asking for.  I just want to experience it all one more time.  It went so fast with Kristopher.  The pregnancy is a blur now.  The baby days went so crazy fast.  There's a lot I'd do differently now that I know better and am more informed.  I just want there to be one last time so I can feel at peace.  And I want my kid to get the chance to be a big brother like he would LOVE to be.  I learnt he talks about that to his therapist.  It's not fair that he should feel so alone in that aspect of life.  He's the only person he knows, with no siblings.   

I'm very frustrated.  I wish there was a clear answer.