Twinges..

Left ovary is waking up. I had several stabbing pains over the past few hours and definitely other signs that something might be going on.
Now, thoughts on do I order herbs and start, or wait to see what is really going on now? I don't want to start anything in a week and find out it could have messed something up!
But then again, I don't know if anything is actually happening right now......It's teased me before.
It's awake though.

I misunderstood

Apparently the tone of the response the other night was a BIG misunderstanding. He says he has some worries about how things will change and be so different to start over again, but he WANTS it anyway. We will work through anything that comes our way.
He wants me to start the herbs and see if we can control everything that way and if something more comes from it, then awesome. He said he feels that at this point he really just wants to see us in our own house again and get a lot of my every day drama to be over. It's getting kind of stressful here again. But I won't get into all that today.
I am just really glad we were able to talk seriously about it. And we're not done! He really does want to keep trying but not have it take over life entirely to do so.
Huge sigh of relief to me, and I need to chill out a little. I'm obsessing it all way too much again.
I feel a lot better today though.

Canceled

For now....The appt with the RE/PCOS clinic is canceled. 2 reasons behind it.
The first is I found out I need a referral. He's not a regular ob/gyn clinic, so insurance will decline everything and I really don't want to be stuck with the entire bill right now. Or ever for that matter but oh well. I called and I can't just have the referral faxed, I have to personally get a check up and talk to the family doctor before they will refer me elsewhere. Wonderful. And since it's not life or death, I can't get an appt for a few weeks. I said I'll call back later when I figure out my plan.
The second reason is due to some joking around with my husband last night. We were getting K ready for bed and he now will go in, turn the shower on, adjust water and do it all by himself. I jokingly said "well gee...makes ya wonder why we really are trying to start all over again with him being so independent now!" All serious and in a quiet tone he says "Yes, I know....." Of course I am like "HUH? WHAT???" Long story short, he's happy with how things are, and kind of worries if things will change and get harder if we have another. I ask why we've been trying like this for basically 5 yrs now and all of a sudden he's not sure anymore. He doesn't want to talk about it now because he doesn't want to start a fight. And then goes to bed. Really wonderful. Of course my mind is going non stop right now and basically all night. We haven't talked since that conversation last night and I honestly don't know what to think.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I do not feel complete with the way things are now. I feel like something is missing. I have a lot of regrets of things I did not try or do when K was a baby. I left other people's opinions get to me more than I should have. The one big thing I really regret and wonder about is breastfeeding. I didn't even try. Why? First of all I was very much not educated on all the benefits. Back then, I knew NO ONE who did it and had success. Everyone who did try, said it was so hard and hurt so bad. Family basically told me it was impossible. When I was first asked at my first ob appt what my plans were, I said not sure, but figured probably formula fed because at the time I planned to go back to work full time at 6 weeks pp. It was never brought up again, even in the hospital when I had him. If someone would have just said anything positive back then, I'd have tried. And, obviously I did not make it back to work, and when K was about 1 week old and the milk wasn't drying up, I started to regret my decision. I talked to my mom about it and she made it sound dirty or wrong to even think of trying at that point because he was "thriving great on formula." Anyway, I'm not going to start a huge debate on the subject. He thrived and was always advanced and never any problems as a baby. But I do wonder if maybe that might be some of his problems now. Maybe it would be different if I would have tried.
But anyway, I'm more educated now on a lot of subjects and I just want a 2nd chance to try it all again. No one will really understand the way I feel unless they are me so I should give up on explaining it. I just don't know that I'm ready to move past this part of our life and I truly don't think I can feel settled and "done" for a while.

A boring day

Today we're staying home and it's cold and rainy. It ruined my other plans so we're just relaxing and staying in.
Check out the orchid that my wonderful little man bought for me.

Yesterday he saw me opening a b-day card and he starts crying. I asked what was wrong and he says "I didn't get to buy you a present!" I told him that was ok and he insisted it was not. Then when I said how about a really big birthday hug instead. He cried harder and said that it wasn't good enough to be a present. Even though I said it was, he was still sad. I asked well what was it you wanted to get? And suggested that he just make a cool picture with his art stuff. He said no to that and that he wanted to "buy a purple orchid. Because purple is your favorite color and orchids are your very favorite flowers!" And then was upset because he didn't have money and "can't drive!" More tears.
Awww!! He can be so sweet when he tries! My husband calls at break and we decided to go see him for lunch. While we were there, he slips K some money and told him he can get mommy a present while we are out. It was all secret, and K put it in his pocket like a big guy. It was really cute and he felt very important. The first 2 stops did not have orchids for whatever reason, so he was getting really worried. We stopped at a different lowes and there was lots to choose from. He was so excited! It made his day. I had a pretty good day too. And I got a new orchid without a complaint from my husband. hehehe....

And, he somehow convinced my mom that "all birthday's deserve cake" (btw, I love his thinking lately!) and he "ordered" me a cake. It was a DQ Ice cream cake. Yummy.


So much for healthy eating this week. Oh well....How can I say no to that?

A new week

I am so glad last week is over. I've vowed to my husband last night that this week will be better. I sure hope it is.
Still no period. It's off on vacation or something. No pains or spotting but the hormones are completely messed up now. I sat down last night to order the herbs and my husband thinks I need to wait till I have my appt. To get an u/s and blood work if this hasn't started. And if that comes back saying everything is low and like my normal, then to order and start. I guess I kind of see his point. My appt is a little over a week away and I'll definitely be keeping that one. So I can handle waiting one more week with things.
But as I was saying, the hormones are really screwy right now. I'm a complete emotional mess for almost a week now. I know I NEED for things to be regulated. My first attempt at things will be the herbs.

For today, I think I'm going to be brave and venture out for some errands. Lets hope for not repeats of Friday....

Yesterday

This might get long.
I've mentioned before that I'm babysitting for a friend Thursday's and Friday's. Typically, it has not interfered with my schedule at all, and it's amazingly easy for me to still be on the go with an extra kid along. And a toddler at that! But anyway, yesterday I was brave. I decided to pack the day full of errands, and to top it off, invited my friend and her kids along. I took our extra car seat, got the car loaded with the kiddos and we were off. At first it was great. Till we get to the first store. Kristopher decides since we have people along, rules to not apply whatsoever. After realizing I mean business, he stuck closer with several reminders. We make our way through 2 stores, then stop at the grocery store to grab something to take back for lunch before going on the 2nd half of the day. When we are about to leave the car, he says he has to pee. Really bad. I tell him that will be the first stop when we get in the store and he acts fine with that. When we walked in the door, he takes his friend and takes off. And I mean really took off. They were running full speed to the back of the really big grocery store! I didn't even have the baby in the seat completely and he was out of sight. I quickly follow and whole time I see neither of the boys. Mentally I'm really freaking out. He knows exactly where the bathrooms are in pretty much all of our "regular" stops so I go straight there. I knock on the door and little voices say "occupied". Now typically I'd find that cute on any other day, but once I heard his voice the fear changed to really pissed off. I demanded that he opened the door immediately. I asked him what in the world would possibly make him think it's ok to run clear across the store alone, when I had already told him we would go there first. His reply was "I wasn't alone." Everything has to be with attitude lately because he feels that 5 yrs old is "grown up." And it's worse with a friend to show off for.
So, more talk about how we do not leave grown ups and go through any store alone, even if we have a friend to go along. And we especially do not go into a bathroom alone without a grown up. I went on about it for a while and my friend caught up and did the same with her boy.
I think both boys realized how upset we were and I'm pretty sure they won't take off again for a long time. They knew they did bad and were in trouble. As punishment, they were not allowed to play when we got back and we canceled the rest of the plans for the day. I know for Kristopher he was really upset that 1, he got his friend in trouble. 2, he didn't get to play like we had said. and 3, He was allowed to go and look at toys with his friend at target. The 2nd half of the day would have been when it was more about the kids. Oh well though. My mind still thinks of all the bad that could have happened in that 2 mins it took me to get to him. Somehow I really have to get through to him about strangers. And regain total control. I think our days of going on errands are going to be cut way back till some of these behavior issues are fixed.

And last night, I got a chance to go out with the same friend, but we went kid free. Just mom's night out! It was great and I haven't done that in a very long time. We just did some window shopping and got some things we needed for the upcoming week. And went and browsed the fabric & craft stores. Talked and took our times looking without a care in the world. It was really great. I think it's just what I needed after a day like yesterday.

So now I think I better order that dvd about stranger safety. Until I can get it through his head that things like yesterday is not ok, he might be with a babysitter for my errands for a little while. I can't handle anymore heart attacks.

Rescheduled

I rescheduled my appt. For a few reasons but mainly I think I want to give it another week to see if anything happens. Now it's scheduled for Nov 4th. Better time, better day. And I have an extra week to think on it all. Herbs will be ordered next week and I'll start before the appt. I already know his opinion is going to be negative because that means I won't be going back as much. I really think I have a better chance of it working than going through thousands in treatments right now.
On a happier note, my little late night buddies are getting very friendly. Not sure that I like the bunny's new fascination with the couch, but as long as she continues to do so well with going to the litter box for her potty business, all will be good. It just means I have to vacuum twice as much hair up every day......

I'm out for the day. Lots to accomplish in a little bit of time. yay for friday!

The Dog and the Bunny

They are friends! I moved the bunny from the sun room to the living room yesterday. She's been worrying me with not eating as much, and looking smaller. So, I moved her where I can watch her better. It's also going to be too cold out there in a few more weeks. We don't have steady heat in that room.

So she's in the living room and getting more out time. She absolutely loves it. She first spent an hour running in and out of her cage just because she could. (It's typically up off the ground by a foot and on wheels. Now it's on the floor.)
Then she decided to run all around the room doing her little bronco jumps and flips. After a little while she goes over and makes friends with Zoey and next thing we know, they are laying together. Right before I snapped the picture, Zoey rolled back up and looked to see what was going on. She was laying on her side sleeping. They are just too cute together!
And something else that I find completely cool is that while I had the bunny door open for at least 5 hrs, she did not have one single accident. She was in her cage a few times to use the litter box. Yep. Coolness.

It's late

In normal land anyway. Thanks to the PCOS, I'm obviously not in normal land though. I finally looked back through old posts and discovered I'm on day 40. I did test Saturday because I knew it was a while, and we decided to have a few drinks with a movie and I wanted to be sure just in case. Ha. It was negative obviously. No surprise, no sadness because I really didn't expect anything differently. But here we are, day 40. Something odd for me is I made it this far without any spotting. Anytime I'm on my own, there is always some spotting at some point. I am still 99% sure nothing happened. It's just really annoying to be waiting for when it might show up. I've even done things tempting fate and still no show.
So I guess I just wait. I was hoping it would just show up so I don't have to have another u/s and more bloodwork next week. Since deciding on the move, I've started freaking out about "unnecessary bills" and am trying to prevent anything that isn't an absolute "need". Right now I just don't feel that an u/s to tell me nothing is going on is a NEED. It's bad enough just walking in the door is going to be a good $100. Ugh.
I think my approach is going to be herbs. I'll buy them next week. Still not 100% sure on the appt if I will keep it or wait another few weeks.
Anyway, that's my cycle update.

Warm again

It's been nice so far this week. Very nice improvement from the weather last week. So I've been keeping busy.
Yesterday I got a lot of sewing projects done. I had 2 baby blankets to make for gifts. One was for a boy, other for a girl. So from each yard of fabric, I'm able to get 2 of each print. I made them and now need to figure out what to do with the extras. I'm debating listing them for sale some where. They are so cute though. I wish I could keep them.
My other sewing project was dresser scarves I guess you'd call them, for my mom's livingroom. A huge one for her fireplace mantle and then small ones for end tables. Those turned out nice too and really make things match nicely. So yesterday was a good day.
Today was alright. I had a lot planned to do outside but ladybugs have taken over the area. I've never seen so many bugs before in all my life. Now that it's uploaded, it's hard to make out the bugs. the siding was covered in little spots. The windows were completely covered. Same with the doors. I know you aren't suppose to kill them because they are "good bugs" but then I started getting bit. And they were crawling in the house and just a total mess. So the vacuum came out and bugs got sucked up. They are still around but nowhere near as bad. It's usual for this time of year, and a good sign that our warm weather is about to disappear. But very annoying at the same time.

Tomorrow I think we will try to go to the closer state park tomorrow and try to work on some more pics. I'm trying to get a really good one for printing for family of K's 5 yr portrait. I have a few that I like, but nothing that screams "print me". I'm too picky. So I have to practice some more.

Sunday thoughts

First I'll share what we had earlier in the week. Total surprise for October here!

Is it just me or does it look incredibly weird to see flowers AND snow? I don't remember us ever getting snow before November. It didn't last long though. Maybe it means we will have a lot of snow this winter.

Most of the week it was raining. And high's of 36 so we stayed in. Kristopher had his weird shots reaction. I got a ton of stuff done that I've been putting off for a while.

We've decided we are moving in the spring. Originally we planned on this to be a permanent arrangement but with the recent things with my brother's drama, I no longer feel like it's ever going to be equal and work out. I feel like we are too old to be in limbo and I want to get this truly decided before we hit this point next year. Kristopher will be in school next year, and I refuse to get him started somewhere and then pull him out to a new school. And the drive is starting to really get to both of us. We live an hour from pretty much everything we do regularly, including my husband's work. He says he loves the country and this area, but the drive is really getting to him. So, the plan is to move by next May. And we also decided we will not be renting again. I don't see a point in spending more than a mortgage would be, to rent and have nothing to show for it a few years later when we move on. I just feel like at this point, this is what will be best for us.

So, ttc wise we're still going to be "trying" but I will not be going through any type of treatments for quite a while. We spent so much money in the past 5 years on things like that, and I just do not feel right about taking anymore at this point. I mean we rarely got a response. And when we did, things interfered. I'm taking it as my sign that it's not meant to be right now. The study is over and we've been maxed with our benefits for the past 3 yrs. Everything is full cash price. What I am going to do is start baby aspirin after reading several positive thoughts on that recently. And I'm going to eventually break down and buy the herbal treatments as a way to hopefully keep my cycles regular. Speaking of that, I'm on day 37 I think now and no sign of anything. I had no pains or twinges and am fairly sure I did not ovulate. And I tested to be safe yesterday and that was negative. I honestly feel nothing is going on.
My appt was scheduled for Oct 27th, but I'm not sure I'll keep that appt. I might just skip that expense and put it towards the herbs and reschedule for a month from now. I'm not sure yet. Right now I don't feel like dealing with it. I'm still burnt out. I'm not sure what the point in going since we won't be pursuing treatment right now....I'm pretty sure he's going to be negative about the herbal route. It's a pretty aggressive approach clinic when it comes to infertility. They are one of the best in the area. We will see I guess. I have till Thursday to decide if I'm rescheduling.

Having a reaction

We never had to worry about much of a reaction when Kristopher got his shots. As a baby we did the tylenol right before his appt, and then for the rest of the day following the appt. After that, no problems. So now he's 5, and he got 2 on Wednesday at his appt. Wednesday evening he was saying his arm really hurt and he was beyond grouchy. He also didn't have much of an appetite but I figured it was because I left him have extra snacks after his appt. I gave him some tylenol for the pain and he went to bed fine.
Yesterday morning he wakes up and is really rosy cheeked and more grouchy than the day before. He isn't hungry for breakfast and lays down shortly after getting up. He stayed on the couch watching tv for a bigger part of the morning. He had a low fever and I gave him some motrin. By lunch he was eating and acting ok again. Still not 100% but better than the start of the day. Evening comes and he's really mean again, and says his arm hurts "really bad" and is getting warm again. He picked at supper a little and said is stomach hurt so he was done. We get him to bed a little early, and he goes right to sleep. Shortly after he's awake crying and confused. He feels warm again but he pulled his covers over his head when he was falling asleep and I figured it was just because he was overheated. He had a drink and was back to sleep. By 11, I heard him making noise again and decided to take his temp. According to the ear thermometer, his temp was 103.4. Then 5 mins later it was around 102. Then another 10 and it says 99. something. I do not like this thing. I keep saying that one of these days I'm going to buy one of those $60 roller kind that is suppose to be super accurate. I just never do because we seriously never need it. Now I think I'm adding that to my list for errands next time. Anyway, more motrin last night and another drink. He goes back to sleep and doesn't wake up as soon as he hears me up this morning. Typically, I can't even go pee before he is after me wide awake and bouncy. This morning he woke up when I went in and touched to see if he was still warm.
He was a little and wasn't hungry so I figured another dose of motrin just to be safe, and within 1/2 hr he was back to normal and "starving". He's been bouncing around ever since.
I called the dr though because this has never happened before, and I wanted to be sure it was fine. While waiting on the call back, I did a lot of research and found a site that explains all possible side effects of the vaccines. One he had yesterday was the DTaP and it says on that site (and what the dr also said) that the 4th and 5th dose seem to have the highest chance of some side effects. This was his 5th dose of that. Fever, loss of appetite, change in moods, stomach aches, all normal apparently. The dr said it should only last for a few days, so not to worry. I still worry though. While there is days I really wish he would just calm down and be quiet for a little, and to not have the constant what's for snack, what's for supper, how long till supper, how long till snack, etc going on, when he's just laying around it scares me.
He just asked me if we ate lunch already and maybe his belly forgot. Yeah, he's feeling better. And it's still almost an hour till our normal lunch time.

Snow?!

Seriously? It's too soon!! My birthday is at the end of the month, and I don't remember us ever getting snow before my birthday. But the weather report is saying chance of snow/sleet mix over the next few days. Our high temps are suppose to be 39. Its too early. I'm not ready. Right now it's just raining like mad but it feels really cold and nasty out.
I need to make a run to the store but I'm babysitting today, and K isn't feeling too great so I think we'll stay in.
K's having a small reaction to yesterday's shots. He hasn't been bothered by them in at least 3 years, and now this year he started with a slight fever last night and flat out miserable. Today isn't much better. Maybe we will all take naps today. Ha...I crack myself up! It's a great day for it though.

5 yr appt

K had his 5 yr check up today. He is 48.5lbs, which put him in the 90% there...And measured 46.5 inches, but he was not standing right. Recently here we measured and he was just about 48 inches. Either way, he's in the 95% for height. He passed his hearing & vision tests without a single issue, and is doing great.
Concerns right now is the fact he's not in full time preschool. I told her we don't really have much options here, and it's too late to enroll in anything. He will do the program like last year with the child care class at the high school, so he will have 6 weeks, 2 seperate times this school year. And we have made a much better effort in getting him out and socializing with other kids. He's doing a lot better.
The other concern was when she did the whole "private" exam...Never a problem before but apparently one side didn't drop properly. It took "a lot of coaxing". Like I said, never a concern before now, and maybe he was just too cold. It is 43 here today after all. Anyway, if there is still a concern at the next appt, we will have to see a urologist. She had a little talk with him about proper terms and now he thinks he has tentacles like squidworth from spongebob. Great.
And she's referred us for a speech evaluation. He has issues with saying his L's. It comes out as a W sound. Which is turning out to be not so great anymore because he's obsessed with the microwave time and if someone forgets to press the clear button, we here "You didn't press dat cwear button!!!" Or crossing the street he says "aww cwear!" TH was the other concern. But I was actually shocked for that referral. Everyone we meet can understand him just fine, and he typically talks non stop. But I'm going to have them come out just to be sure everything is ok.
And the last issue was he has a wart on his thumb that bothers him so we are going to try the freeze away kit and if that doesn't work he goes back for that to be removed.
He got 2 shots today and didn't even flinch. Did really great and they gave him an extra sticker. He declared it to be the best day ever as we were walking out of the dr's office. My kid is weird. But hey, at least he didn't flip out and fight the shots.
We don't go back till it's time for kindergarten registration.

I just love situations like this

Recently facebook as reconnected us with old friends. In this case, it was my husbands former best friends from very early in life through high school when people moved and lives changed. Last night we went to meet up with them and had a cookout and all the kids got to play. The one has 3 kids, the other has 2 with another on the way in Dec. I just knew going that the dreaded question would come up. And within the first half hour, when Dennis brought up the fact of all the little people running around he was asked right in front of me "Well what are you waiting on for those 2 more to join us?" (his comment was about them each having 3 kids already)
All he said was it's not always easy, and then was asked if K was planned for. Which he replied very very much planned and wanted. End of story. Apparently men don't talk about it at all and when it gets to subjects like infertility, they change the subject. I survived that one and didn't have to talk about it. Just sat there.
A few hours later when I escaped to the warm inside, the other wives were talking about pregnancy and babies. The pregnant one is due in Dec and said she just loves babies and loves being pregnant. The other one has a 5 month old and was saying the same. I sit quietly hoping I don't get noticed. Then its noticed that I'm not joining the awww babies everywhere conversation. And the pregnant one asks with semi attitude "Well don't you WANT more kids? How old is your son??" So I was already pissed over a certain snippy woman smoking while pregnant and the on going talks and I snapped "I CAN'T have more." Then it got quiet. The other one was really nice and said she was sorry, and then started on how she has family that was told the same thing and they adopted and got pregnant after adopting. Several people apparently. It was like 10 more mins of awkward unwanted advice. The whole time, the snippy pregnant girl wouldn't say anything else. Which is fine because I'm still like thisclose to snapping if I would have seen her light up again. Finally K comes running back out and has a meltdown about someone not sharing something, we see the time and go get Dennis to leave. He apologizes over and over about me having to deal with the questions and being uncomfortable on our ride home. I bite my lip the whole time to keep from losing it and crying like an idiot while trying to drive.
But it only took that one visit. One visit to bring back all the hurt and everything that I've been doing ok with for the past month. It's not fair. The one who was pregnant yesterday was the one I had the most issues with. She is really young, was smoking a lot, and just acted stupid. The other one is a little older, more understanding and honestly felt bad for talking about all the baby related talk before knowing. I wish my husband would just have said something prior. I don't think it's that much to ask that when they are talking about kids, just mention we can't have more easily. Maybe it would have been shared in advance. Or maybe I expect too much. I'm just bitter. It doesn't seem fair to me how the ones who really don't care and can't think about their baby over themselves, seem to reproduce like freaking rabbits. One of these days I might bite my tongue clear off while trying to keep quiet. Eventually I'll hit that breaking point. Maybe I need to just avoid social settings and look like the stuck up wife that doesn't want to be around.....

Weekend wrap up

Our weekend was an improvement over the last few days of this week. Saturday we went and a lot of yummy junk food at fall heritage days, which was a total muddy mess but still fun. We were exhausted and went to bed early. Today we got up early and went for a dirt road drive to check out more fall color. Since hunting season has ruined my chances of doing little trips other days, we had to make the most of it today. Here's some color!

I'm going to be sad when it all drops and everything is dead for winter. I have issues with winter.
For the upcoming week, I am trying to stay pretty busy. Wednesday K has his 5 yr check up (a little late) and I plan on taking him for lunch and maybe do something cool to make up for the fact he is going to get shots. Last year he didn't know what shots were. He didn't move or cry when they did it. This year he's already asking and is upset. I hope he handles it ok because I can't hold him there alone anymore and I'll be doing the trip alone. I think I'll try bribery this time. ha.

Oh and since I haven't shared about the bunny in a long time, I got a really hilarious picture of her today. She's been getting a little friendlier, and will tolerate me holding her as long as I don't try to cuddle with her. Then she tries to bite my head off. But if I take her to the kitchen, the floor scares her and she wants held. She doesn't like the slipping and sliding.

She's saying "OMG! you put me down! AHHHHH!!!!"
And I'll end with that. I'll plan is to go back to posting daily again. Its like therapy and everyone knows that I need that!

Going backwards

Kristopher's starting to go backwards again with our behavior plan. I don't know if we've started slacking and not realized it, or if he's just testing the limits all over again but it's been kind of difficult again. And I know it was just full moon recently and I swear his behavior goes crazy around that point.
The problems lately are not when it's just me, or while I'm babysitting. It's when someone else comes home, comes to visit, or we go somewhere. Anywhere that has other people and all of a sudden it's a game of showing off. While I really don't care what other people think, it's embarrassing when you have a 5 year old, who looks like he's at least 7 to strangers or people who don't know him well, starts melting down like a 2 yr old. His meltdowns are extreme. And he's 4 ft tall. I can't just easily pick him up and remove him from the room when this starts. He knows it too. And he does it with his friends around. They either decide they don't want to play with him because he's acting insane, or they copy him and get in trouble as well. Then everyone is going to start associating K with bad/trouble. Not what I want. He already doesn't have very many friends and to push the ones he does have away, isn't going to get him anywhere.
My new plan is to strictly enforce the "going away" discipline. We didn't really follow that part of the recommendations because it's incredibly inconvenient for us while we are out. The therapist told us that we need to do his typical 1,2,3 warnings and anything that would lead to a time out, instead of time out while out, we leave and go home. NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE. So if he does it when I'm almost finished with grocery shopping, I leave it sit and we go home. If we are visiting a friend and we gets to 3 or automatic time out situation, we leave on the spot. Both of those situations bother me because 1, the grocery store someone is going to have to put that whole cart of stuff away. It's an inconvenience to more than just me. And 2, visiting someone, they are stuck cleaning up whatever he was playing with there too. At least with the visiting thing, I could put him in the car seat and go back and pick up his mess quickly. They claim it will only take 1 or 2 times of this happening for him to realize we mean business. We will see....
I just want the best for him. I don't want him to lose friends and feel hurt at such a young age. I don't want him to think he's different. I want to correct all this without having to resort to meds. Which is what I'm most afraid of when school starts. They will push meds if he starts being out of control there. The behavior plan has to work and keep working. Somehow. I guess I just have to try harder.

My photography attempts

Another thing I've been doing lately is playing around with the camera. I bought some quilt backing fabric, and it makes a perfect backdrop for pics. I need to work on lighting but here's some from the other day. Did you know dogs smile? For real. The pics below show Zoey's attitude and how she "smiles". To those who don't believe that dogs smile, it looks like I have a really vicious dog here, but seriously, it's her showing off for the camera.

And she put herself in the pictures. It was originally my attempt to get 5 yr pics to print for grandparents of just K, but the dog kept pouncing onto the fabric and hamming it up. Simple things that make me happy.

Sleep

I need sleep. I wrote yesterday about what Monday night was like. Last night I went to bed at the same time as Dennis, which was around 8:30, and slept great for a while. But then I was awake at 12:30 and saw about every 1/2 hr from that point till 3 when he got up for work. I then was wide awake and proceeded to make him something for breakfast, pack his lunch and talk a little which probably made him a little late. He's the boss so a little late is no big deal but I felt a little bad about that. After he left, I tried to sleep again but no success. So I came online and caught up on email, facebook, blogs, etc till around 5am. I tried to nap but just laid there thinking forever. 6:30 I finally got tired enough to drift off and next thing I know Kristopher is asking me if we're getting up yet. 6:55. Surprisingly, I've got things done already today. It's just starting to catch up with me a little now.
I have so much on my mind lately. Somehow I have to shut that off and maybe the sleep will happen. We're getting closer to the end of the month. Maybe my appt will make me feel better.

Ok, off for the day. Must get something accomplished.

Having one of those days

It's after 10:30 here and I haven't done anything productive at all. I pulled my hair up when I woke up this morning and haven't attempted getting dressed or looking human for the day. And I've been up a while. I had a lot I planned to do, but somehow lost the energy and will power to do any of it.
Kristopher didn't sleep very good last night and was up way too early today. He says he just couldn't sleep. I was up till 11 then took till almost midnight to fall asleep, then his waking started around 3:30-4am. My butt is dragging. I wish he would nap again. Nap time hasn't happened since he was 2 though. And if he would nap, he will never sleep tonight. So I just suffer for today. I don't drink coffee, or any caffeine anymore for that matter. So no easy pick me up here. Maybe I will cave on the caffeine thing and go buy a pepsi. I'm hoping for early to bed tonight.
Ok so it's now 10:45. I really need to get up and moving around to wake up somehow. This is crazy. Maybe we will take a walk at the park. It's really pretty today, and we're finally in color here too. I'll leave you with a picture from yesterday. We went up to the top of the mountain behind our house and took some pictures.

Fall trip

This weekend we took another trip up to Ricketts Glenn State Park. I was trying to catch it in peak color but we're still at like 50% and I was afraid if we waited, we wouldn't have a nice weather as this weekend was. So, we had a free night from our beach trip. We stayed Saturday night and relaxed at a hotel, and then Sunday morning got up and went to the park. It was chilly but we had a great time. Here's a few of the pics from the trip. Most of you are on facebook so there's about 30 more on there to check out if you haven't already.

Success!

We went shopping for new clothes for K yesterday. Which by the way, he's completely skipped a size. Went from size 5 to 7! My kid is going to be out of the little boys section before he even starts kindergarten at this rate!!!!! But anyway, the reason he skipped 6's apparently is because I need that size now! Yep, for real! (well not boys size 6 but you get the point.) I finally tried on some new jeans to buy for me, and I am officially in size 6! I haven't been in size 6 in ummm 7 years maybe. It's been a long time! And it's so so exciting because when I finally started this whole weight loss journey my 14's were too tight and I refused to go bigger. And I'm 5'4" so that was a lot for me.
It's taken me a while and I lost it pretty slowly because it's mostly just been a few changes here and there. At this point, I got to where I never thought I'd be again, and I'm happy. I just need to work a little on toning and losing the mommy belly that is still left 5 yrs later. So, my new focus is if I can't be pregnant, this is my focus. I've done a lot already! I'm happy!! And, I think I'll finally break down and buy 2 pair of VS jeans while I'm at it. I love those and I've been saying I'm not buying any "just in case" during the study and well, no more of that. Maybe I'll fall into that lucky category that buys a whole new wardrobe and then gets pregnant and can't fit in it again. Ha. I'll play with that. I dare that to happen! Won't hear any complaints here.