This cycle has been really bad with headaches. I'm not even sure it's totally went away yet since the afternoon I started meds. Today it's to the point that I want to go curl up in the dark and sleep, but it's not a total migraine. I haven't slept good the past few nights because K is sick. Last night he was up almost every hour, and when I finally got him down, he woke up throwing up at around 6am. I think his issue is just allergies, and it was from him not knowing how to blow his nose completely yet. Either way, once I was up to clean up barf, I was too awake to go back to sleep. At least it was a one time thing.
I think I have some allergy issues going on too but I'm holding off the benedryl. It's day 11. It feels as if the ovaries are awake, but not as many twinges and stabbing as earlier in the week. If I could just get rid of the headache, I'd be ok.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Let the obsessing begin
I swear, it seems to get shorter each month. And, I promised that I wouldn't obsess things this time. I still have ovary stabbing. That's what I'm calling it now. Apparently they are awake and mad? Both of them have the weird stabbing, but the left is more frequent now. It's only day 10 too. It seems kind of early to be noticing much of anything but looking back, the last medicated cycle, I had similar issues. It really annoys me that I can't get before ovulation u/s to see if anything is happening. I'm very impatient. For now, my game plan for the next week or so is I'll start the disgusting green tea. I hate green tea but if it helps me, I'll do anything at this point. Timing wise, I'm not stopping till after my appt and they say something is happening. Last month I know our timing after day 14 kinda sucked because that is when the gall bladder issues started. I don't know when I ovulated for sure last cycle. I know that it was later than I thought because my cycle was 31 days long. I had thought I ovulated around day 13, but that would make the LP be 18 days, and that sounds high. And, timing wise, something should have happened if that was the case. So this time we must work on timing. Other than that, I can't really do much more. Because of our wonderful heat wave, which has since ended, my allergies are kicking in. I can't really take anything for it right now because of the whole drying up effect that it has.
I found my notes and info from back when we were ttc K. It was kind of funny to find it, but at the same time, things have really changed! I never had an RE back then. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me back then but never refered me. It would have been nice because when I still worked, I had awesome insurance. And it covered IF stuff. But I did have a decent ob/gyn and I was somewhat overweight then. I think that was what they blew it off as. The 3 failed cycles all showed the P4 level to be 0.1. I am going to request a copy of the rest of my chart from the cycle that actually worked because I'm curious now. I never asked for the # when they said I did in fact ovulate. I planned to at the next appt but the next one ended up being the one that confirmed my positive test. I do know that the cycle that worked I had major distractions with work and it was around Christmas. A lot of overtime and the usual busy stuff with holidays. I'm not sure the distractions really had that much to do with things then or not. I do have a lot of distractions now but I also know a lot more about everything now than I did back then.
Blog related question....I've decided for now to keep things here rather than move or make it private. I know I get a lot of traffic regarding TTC & PCOS, so I want to keep things public so that maybe someone just starting out or whatever is able to get some info that helps them in their journey. Anyway, when I started the blog, it was with the intent of being just a place to clear my thoughts with all that was going on IF wise. And with hopes of later for tracking a pregnancy and all that comes with that. And now lately it's been for a mix of everything. And a lot more talk about K and family things. And more pictures lately. I wanted to see if those of you who read who are here just for the IF info mind the talk & pictures of the other stuff too? I've debated making a new blog so this one stays just about IF but then it still goes back to the original plan of someday, I hope that it graduates from being just an IF blog. Let me know thoughts on that.
I found my notes and info from back when we were ttc K. It was kind of funny to find it, but at the same time, things have really changed! I never had an RE back then. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with me back then but never refered me. It would have been nice because when I still worked, I had awesome insurance. And it covered IF stuff. But I did have a decent ob/gyn and I was somewhat overweight then. I think that was what they blew it off as. The 3 failed cycles all showed the P4 level to be 0.1. I am going to request a copy of the rest of my chart from the cycle that actually worked because I'm curious now. I never asked for the # when they said I did in fact ovulate. I planned to at the next appt but the next one ended up being the one that confirmed my positive test. I do know that the cycle that worked I had major distractions with work and it was around Christmas. A lot of overtime and the usual busy stuff with holidays. I'm not sure the distractions really had that much to do with things then or not. I do have a lot of distractions now but I also know a lot more about everything now than I did back then.
Blog related question....I've decided for now to keep things here rather than move or make it private. I know I get a lot of traffic regarding TTC & PCOS, so I want to keep things public so that maybe someone just starting out or whatever is able to get some info that helps them in their journey. Anyway, when I started the blog, it was with the intent of being just a place to clear my thoughts with all that was going on IF wise. And with hopes of later for tracking a pregnancy and all that comes with that. And now lately it's been for a mix of everything. And a lot more talk about K and family things. And more pictures lately. I wanted to see if those of you who read who are here just for the IF info mind the talk & pictures of the other stuff too? I've debated making a new blog so this one stays just about IF but then it still goes back to the original plan of someday, I hope that it graduates from being just an IF blog. Let me know thoughts on that.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Hello heat wave
It's 90 here today. Absolutely crazy. Way above average for our area for this time of year. This is August weather people! Anyway, just figured I'd share that we are sufficating in the heat right now. We don't have central air and we do not put in the window units till at least June, so we're suffering with the ceiling fans. Oh, and to make matters worse, the farmers are clearing out their "poop pits" as Kristopher calls them. They have gone non stop since before 9am. It smells HORRIBLE. And brought back my headache.
So today is day 8. Still weird stabbing pains every so often. Something waking up I guess? I wonder if it will happen sooner this time since I didn't have a period in between? I swore I wasn't going to obsess things this time. It's hard not to when the stabbing is going on though.
Also, does anyone know of a dvd or video that teaches kids about strangers? I've tried searching, and not getting too far. Kristopher is way too overly friendly, and just told someone his total address today. Someone who he never met before today, in the middle of the grocery store. It was actually someone I know and would prefer never to be in contact with, and now they know where we live again. I have talked to him about strangers before, and it's just not clicking. He's too trusting. His excuse was that she said Hi to him and said his name, so she wasn't a stranger. It's really bothering me now. So if anyone knows of any video's that would work to get the point across, I'd really appreciate it.
So today is day 8. Still weird stabbing pains every so often. Something waking up I guess? I wonder if it will happen sooner this time since I didn't have a period in between? I swore I wasn't going to obsess things this time. It's hard not to when the stabbing is going on though.
Also, does anyone know of a dvd or video that teaches kids about strangers? I've tried searching, and not getting too far. Kristopher is way too overly friendly, and just told someone his total address today. Someone who he never met before today, in the middle of the grocery store. It was actually someone I know and would prefer never to be in contact with, and now they know where we live again. I have talked to him about strangers before, and it's just not clicking. He's too trusting. His excuse was that she said Hi to him and said his name, so she wasn't a stranger. It's really bothering me now. So if anyone knows of any video's that would work to get the point across, I'd really appreciate it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Highlights of my weekend with pictures
I should be going to bed but I just finished uploading a ton of pictures. I wanted to remember this one later, so what else better to do than blog about it?
Anyway, we took a drive today and came to this farm turn around spot.
As we get close, Kristopher starts screaming in his mega loud squealy excited voice "Are those GIANT marshmallows?????? Can we EAT them????" I don't know where that came from because we live in farm country, so it's not the first time he's seen it. I guess maybe the first time that way....Anyway, it still makes me laugh to think of it again.
And the other thing was from T-Ball. They had their last practice before games start. They got their uniforms. Seeing this makes me want to cry because I can't believe he is possibly old enough to have his own uniform and actually will be playing in the games! The name on the back just makes it so real. I can't believe it. I'm having a hard time with that lately. He's going to be 5 in a few short months!
AND, while it's on my mind and stabbing me....My right side, ovary area has been cramping with stabbing pains every few mins for about 1/2 hr now. It's day 7 and the last pill was today. I have to research back later and see when I started having things last time. I know it was kinda early, but I think I was off on ovulation. I'm new to this part of it so I'm sure it will take a little to get use to it. But this time, both sides have the weirdness going on. Earlier it was the left. I wonder which it will be....Oh and I'm not sure yet which this might be. I kind of thought clomid after the headache issues, but I have never responded to the 50mg dose of clomid. In the past, I have done 3 cycles with no response on 50mgs, 100mgs that worked for K, and since him, I was up to 150 with no response at all. So, it makes me think that it's not clomid this time. Anything is possible though. I refuse to search for anything else to obsess over with it though. They will tell me at the end of the 5 cycles what it was. Now I really have to go to bed because morning will be here entirely too soon.
Anyway, we took a drive today and came to this farm turn around spot.
As we get close, Kristopher starts screaming in his mega loud squealy excited voice "Are those GIANT marshmallows?????? Can we EAT them????" I don't know where that came from because we live in farm country, so it's not the first time he's seen it. I guess maybe the first time that way....Anyway, it still makes me laugh to think of it again.
And the other thing was from T-Ball. They had their last practice before games start. They got their uniforms. Seeing this makes me want to cry because I can't believe he is possibly old enough to have his own uniform and actually will be playing in the games! The name on the back just makes it so real. I can't believe it. I'm having a hard time with that lately. He's going to be 5 in a few short months!
AND, while it's on my mind and stabbing me....My right side, ovary area has been cramping with stabbing pains every few mins for about 1/2 hr now. It's day 7 and the last pill was today. I have to research back later and see when I started having things last time. I know it was kinda early, but I think I was off on ovulation. I'm new to this part of it so I'm sure it will take a little to get use to it. But this time, both sides have the weirdness going on. Earlier it was the left. I wonder which it will be....Oh and I'm not sure yet which this might be. I kind of thought clomid after the headache issues, but I have never responded to the 50mg dose of clomid. In the past, I have done 3 cycles with no response on 50mgs, 100mgs that worked for K, and since him, I was up to 150 with no response at all. So, it makes me think that it's not clomid this time. Anything is possible though. I refuse to search for anything else to obsess over with it though. They will tell me at the end of the 5 cycles what it was. Now I really have to go to bed because morning will be here entirely too soon.
Friday, April 24, 2009
It's Friday!
Finally some really nice warm weather heading this way. It sounds like it's going to be a really great weekend. I need that so bad right now. I'm hoping we can go to the state park for a picnic and a walk. I'd be happy with just going for the usual dirt road drive now that leaves are finally coming out. If we do, I will do another picture post on Monday.
I've been on the go most of today and finally a chance to rest. I have a major headache. I'd love to go lay down and try to nap it away but that's not possible. I know it's the meds. It started the evening that I took the first one, and has lingered since. It's really frustrating when you have things to do. While on the subject of the meds, I've noticed twinges today. Left side again. Maybe it's waking up the ovaries.
Ok, I just released what time it was so now I better get up from my little break. I'm ready for bedtime.
I've been on the go most of today and finally a chance to rest. I have a major headache. I'd love to go lay down and try to nap it away but that's not possible. I know it's the meds. It started the evening that I took the first one, and has lingered since. It's really frustrating when you have things to do. While on the subject of the meds, I've noticed twinges today. Left side again. Maybe it's waking up the ovaries.
Ok, I just released what time it was so now I better get up from my little break. I'm ready for bedtime.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Thursday
So far, it's a pretty decent day. Sun is shining, getting things accomplished, kid and animals are happy. It's day 2 of meds for me, and I'm feeling more optimistic today. I went to bed last night and had a nice talk with D about things, and was able to fall asleep after and slept pretty good. He is working a weird shift the next 2 days and wasn't going in super early, so I also got a chance to see him this morning for a few minutes. That was nice. Only downfall is it will be a long evening till he's home. And K might not get to see him tonight. I have to figure out something fun for us to do this evening.
I'm doing better about the babies everywhere thing that's been bothering me. I did my good deed of the year and am copying the files my mom asked me to do for her from the birth yesterday. She also asked for help to make the video into a dvd for them, but that's way past my boundaries and I will not be doing that. I don't want to see it. I can't believe they are even ok with that idea. I told them it will be saved to a disk as it was given to me, and they can do the rest.
With my weird mood lately, I've been bad and eating too much junk food again. I was so excited about my weight loss after surgery, and now it's creeping back. I have to stop and get a handle on things really fast. It doesn't help that I'm crazy hungry since starting these meds. Is that normal? I don't remember it much before.... Really though, I need to get rid of the junk food and get back to healthier eating. We have a wedding to go to in August and my plan for that is to either be pregnant, or lose another 10lbs so I feel good about myself getting dressed up at that point. I'm hoping for pregnant but you know how that goes.....
But here's hoping to a better day and finally being normal again. And must keep reminding myself, it IS going to work this time.
I'm doing better about the babies everywhere thing that's been bothering me. I did my good deed of the year and am copying the files my mom asked me to do for her from the birth yesterday. She also asked for help to make the video into a dvd for them, but that's way past my boundaries and I will not be doing that. I don't want to see it. I can't believe they are even ok with that idea. I told them it will be saved to a disk as it was given to me, and they can do the rest.
With my weird mood lately, I've been bad and eating too much junk food again. I was so excited about my weight loss after surgery, and now it's creeping back. I have to stop and get a handle on things really fast. It doesn't help that I'm crazy hungry since starting these meds. Is that normal? I don't remember it much before.... Really though, I need to get rid of the junk food and get back to healthier eating. We have a wedding to go to in August and my plan for that is to either be pregnant, or lose another 10lbs so I feel good about myself getting dressed up at that point. I'm hoping for pregnant but you know how that goes.....
But here's hoping to a better day and finally being normal again. And must keep reminding myself, it IS going to work this time.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'm not fine
Even though that's what I keep saying. I'm not having a good day with things. I have a niece now. She was born at 3:01pm, and is healthy. She was 6lbs 6ozs and only 18 inches long. She's so tiny. They named her Keiana. I did go see her, only because my grandma wanted to see her. I said I wasn't going to hold her, and watched from the corner of the room, but I got pressured into holding her. Big mistake because now the fever is really bad. I don't know how I will handle it if this month doesn't work out for me. Holding her made me want it all even more. I shouldn't have gone. The bad thing is, I want to go back and hold her again. I'm crazy.
Some things were brought up tonight that made me feel like crap. And made me mad. My family just doesn't get it no matter what I share. Which is exactly why I haven't shared this blog with any of them. There was a comment that I just "HAVE to hold the baby. That it will rub off on me and maybe we will get more of them in the family". Now, that comment came from an 84 yr old, so I can't blame her too much. She's already crazy. But it still hurts. If it was that easy I wouldn't be so crazy right now.
I vented the whole way home while on the phone with my husband. I feel kind of bad that I let it out on him. He doesn't deserve to deal with it. He was just trying to make me feel better, but I really snapped and was mean tonight. I just had to clear my mind before it turned to tears while I was trying to drive home. I was more mad and upset over family than anything. Now I am going to finally go to bed and try to make up with him because I don't want him to go to work upset with me. If I go to bed feeling like I do, tomorrow is going to be bad.
And to end, here's what I'm telling myself. "I will ovulate this cycle. It is going to work. I will get pregnant this time. It WILL happen." With that, Good Night.
Some things were brought up tonight that made me feel like crap. And made me mad. My family just doesn't get it no matter what I share. Which is exactly why I haven't shared this blog with any of them. There was a comment that I just "HAVE to hold the baby. That it will rub off on me and maybe we will get more of them in the family". Now, that comment came from an 84 yr old, so I can't blame her too much. She's already crazy. But it still hurts. If it was that easy I wouldn't be so crazy right now.
I vented the whole way home while on the phone with my husband. I feel kind of bad that I let it out on him. He doesn't deserve to deal with it. He was just trying to make me feel better, but I really snapped and was mean tonight. I just had to clear my mind before it turned to tears while I was trying to drive home. I was more mad and upset over family than anything. Now I am going to finally go to bed and try to make up with him because I don't want him to go to work upset with me. If I go to bed feeling like I do, tomorrow is going to be bad.
And to end, here's what I'm telling myself. "I will ovulate this cycle. It is going to work. I will get pregnant this time. It WILL happen." With that, Good Night.
On a happier note from the previous post....I have to share some Zoey pictures. My little fluffy dog's birthday was yesterday! She turned 8 already, and we let her celebrate by not being stuck at home while I went to and from preschool, which she absolutely loved the rides. And she got a special annoying froggy toy, and shared a cupcake with Kristopher. Big treat for her because she never gets people food. I think she had a pretty good birthday.
So, to celebrate the doggy birthday a day late, here's some pictures.
She always makes the weirdest expressions when she knows I'm taking her picture. I swear, she's not a real dog. Or at least in her mind, she's part human I guess. (there's that weird frog toy) I have a whole folder devoted to the weird Zoey expressions.
There's the little tribute to Zoey. I hope we have many many more years with her because I can't imagine what it will be like without her. She's helped me through some very tough times in our almost 8 years together. I think there is just something that an animal can sense and can comfort so much better than a person...Maybe I'm just weird!
So, to celebrate the doggy birthday a day late, here's some pictures.
The first one is Zoey shortly after we got her. She was 13 weeks old and so tiny and fluffy. Looking back, I can't believe how little she was. Not much bigger than the bunny is probably. I think she was around 5lbs....
And now she's 8 years old and technically a senior dog. She still acts puppy like at times, but you can tell she's older now. She sleeps a lot, and through some loud stuff in this house.
There's the little tribute to Zoey. I hope we have many many more years with her because I can't imagine what it will be like without her. She's helped me through some very tough times in our almost 8 years together. I think there is just something that an animal can sense and can comfort so much better than a person...Maybe I'm just weird!
Today...
The positive, I am starting meds today. No more waiting. That's about all I have positive right now because I'm just mean and miserable lately. And I don't care who reads it at this point.
Today is a really difficult day. And according to certain people, I'm supposed to be thrilled apparently. My brother and his girlfriend are at the hospital right now for induction of their first kid. Now, most people I guess would be happy, especially with it being the first niece/nephew and all, but I'm not. I don't agree with their situation and think it's really unfair that pretty much anyone except me can just get pregnant when they decide they want it. I know...that sounds really pathetic and rude right now. Like I said, not caring today.
My mom has been updating me as she hears stuff, and is already on her way to the hospital because they decided to break her water. So at this point, it's really happening and I have to accept it. I'm expected to visit later, and take my grandmother along with me. I honestly don't know how I can do it without the hormonal crap.
And..last week a friend of mine had my husband tell me that she is pregnant with #2. Her baby is 6 months old, and when the new one is born, there will be 14 months between them. They were not trying and at first were not very thrilled with the idea. What gets me the most with that is she would ask me a lot of questions about PCOS because she was diagnosed with it before having her baby, and apparently was told things are worse since having the baby. She said the doctor told her the way things were looking, she probably would not be able to get pregnant on her own again. So she believed that, and guess what. She's due in November. Since the baby was born I've been asked all sorts of questions about IF treatments, because they planned on starting at the end of the year, questions about PCOS, questions about why she would be late, etc. She's gotten pregnant twice on her own before this so why would they trust the doctor on "it probably will never happen on it's own". Seriously. But anyway, she told my husband because she wasn't sure how to tell me. He had to break the news to me when I was having a really good day. Apparently everyone is scared to talk to me about things like this. That makes me feel even more wonderful.
But anyway, it's a wonderful day.
Today is a really difficult day. And according to certain people, I'm supposed to be thrilled apparently. My brother and his girlfriend are at the hospital right now for induction of their first kid. Now, most people I guess would be happy, especially with it being the first niece/nephew and all, but I'm not. I don't agree with their situation and think it's really unfair that pretty much anyone except me can just get pregnant when they decide they want it. I know...that sounds really pathetic and rude right now. Like I said, not caring today.
My mom has been updating me as she hears stuff, and is already on her way to the hospital because they decided to break her water. So at this point, it's really happening and I have to accept it. I'm expected to visit later, and take my grandmother along with me. I honestly don't know how I can do it without the hormonal crap.
And..last week a friend of mine had my husband tell me that she is pregnant with #2. Her baby is 6 months old, and when the new one is born, there will be 14 months between them. They were not trying and at first were not very thrilled with the idea. What gets me the most with that is she would ask me a lot of questions about PCOS because she was diagnosed with it before having her baby, and apparently was told things are worse since having the baby. She said the doctor told her the way things were looking, she probably would not be able to get pregnant on her own again. So she believed that, and guess what. She's due in November. Since the baby was born I've been asked all sorts of questions about IF treatments, because they planned on starting at the end of the year, questions about PCOS, questions about why she would be late, etc. She's gotten pregnant twice on her own before this so why would they trust the doctor on "it probably will never happen on it's own". Seriously. But anyway, she told my husband because she wasn't sure how to tell me. He had to break the news to me when I was having a really good day. Apparently everyone is scared to talk to me about things like this. That makes me feel even more wonderful.
But anyway, it's a wonderful day.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
More updates from yesterdays post
First is study related. My progesterone level was 0.2. That's about normal for me so I'm not too shocked. Basically it was extremely low, nothing is possible this cycle. No surprise there. And, because of my lining issues in the past, it's pretty common for not much to be there and I can go months without bleeding at this point with a level that low, they aren't going to induce flow before starting round 2. They said there isn't much point in making me go through that right now, and if I'm fine with it, she wants me to mark my chart as day 3 for tomorrow, and just start meds tomorrow. We've talked about this approach when it first started in December, and I'm fine with this. So as of tomorrow, I'm back in it! Wow, that happened faster than I thought. Cool though. I don't go back until May 11th, that will be for the P4 and u/s. Works for me. We're back in the game again. Let the crazy obsessing begin. So tomorrow is day 3, and I'll be doing 1 pill a day for 5 days like last month. I hope it works just as good as before.
Kindergarten. I have been on the phone most of the morning trying to get some insight on this. The elementary that he will go to, says that it's been allowed in the past. They are actually doing kindergarten registration at the other school, and they put me in touch there. I was told from them that he needs to be seen by a child psychologist and tested for early enrollment. It is completely possible to get him in, and shouldn't be too difficult to get the testing done. She said that once it's in writing saying that he would benefit from starting, they will allow him to come in and be registered. So, I called his doctor, was told no referral is needed from them, and they put me in touch with someone who does the testing. At this point, I'm waiting on a call back about if it's covered and when we can get him in for the appt. I'm not sure if I'm ready for all this, but it's not about me so I have to suck it up and be fine with it.
Kindergarten. I have been on the phone most of the morning trying to get some insight on this. The elementary that he will go to, says that it's been allowed in the past. They are actually doing kindergarten registration at the other school, and they put me in touch there. I was told from them that he needs to be seen by a child psychologist and tested for early enrollment. It is completely possible to get him in, and shouldn't be too difficult to get the testing done. She said that once it's in writing saying that he would benefit from starting, they will allow him to come in and be registered. So, I called his doctor, was told no referral is needed from them, and they put me in touch with someone who does the testing. At this point, I'm waiting on a call back about if it's covered and when we can get him in for the appt. I'm not sure if I'm ready for all this, but it's not about me so I have to suck it up and be fine with it.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Appointment update, and Kindergarten
This is going to be a long post, and mixed topics so I'm sorry in advance.
We had a really busy day today, starting with my blood work and appt for getting back into things with the study. My results will be back tomorrow morning. I don't really know when I'll be starting back on meds just yet so that will be an update for tomorrow. There is a few different ideas in the works, and we're not sure if I'm going to start provera, or wait or what. I'm happy that we're getting back to it, and I was told today that there has already been a pregnancy. The only other person that ovulated on round one, got pregnant round one. Bring on round 2 for me now please! I'm mental about it lately and I really need for it to happen soon.... I'm having a tough time lately with what seems like babies all around here. I'm constantly hearing about people almost due, just finding out, etc. And some of it just doesn't seem fair at all and I'm having a difficult time handling it. It's all been bottled up inside and one of these days it's going to be a real breakdown. But enough about that.
The other thing that has me thinking to much is what to do about K and school. The district has the cut off of Sept 1st for Kindergarten. Kristopher's birthday is Sept. 3rd. So he missed it for this fall by 2 days. He was really looking forward to going, and is beyond ready. He could go now and do fine with the learning part of it. I think socially too. He just loves to learn and wants to go so badly. Anyway, we had preschool open house this afternoon. While there, I was talking to an older lady who sat beside me. She was there with her grandson, and she kept watching and commenting on how K was acting. He was the only one who was right into playing with the teachers, asking them questions, doing what was told, etc. The other kids seemed extremely clingy and still unsure about trusting any of the teachers. K is just question after question. It's very normal for him, and he wants to know exactly how things work, why it works that way, how things are spelled, what time something is, etc. My day is full of so many questions. Not that I'm complaining.
So, the lady next to me, was asking me how old he was. When I said 4.5, she asked if he was excited about going to kindergarten in the fall. I said how he misses it this year, and she started telling me that she recently retired from teaching 1st grade for the past 33 years. She said that the way he was acting and things he was doing, is typical of what she taught in 1st grade. She said that there are ways around the "no exception rule" and that if I called and pushed, they would have me bring him in to sit with him and see if he was truly ready for this. She said in her opinion, holding him back when he's clearly ready is going to make it harder when he goes because he will be bored easily and that will make him act out. Causing more issues. He's kinda hyper to start with, and I worry about him focusing when it comes to school. But when he's learning new things, he's very into it, and sits well. She thinks I should try to get him tested and push to let him go this fall. I'm unsure about what to do. I know he wants to go so badly. I feel he would do great. He gets bored as it is now, and when he has preschool, he's a different kid. The 2 hours that he has preschool isn't long enough for him. He's the only kid in the class that would cry because it was over. He wants to stay longer like the bigger kids do. He wants to ride the bus and to have a backpack and homework. What can I say, he's strange. haha. Seriously though, I'm going to call tomorrow and see what info I can get. I don't know that I'm ready for him to go to school....I don't know what I'll do with myself all day. I haven't worked in almost 5 years. The job market sucks around here, so it's not like I can just go get a job. And, he's still going to need me.....I want to still be here for days off school, before and after bus time, anytime he needs me. I want to be able to help out with school things as needed. But the fact that I will soon be alone all day while he's at school just doesn't seem possible. And now with the study. If it works, I'll be starting all over. Believe me, that's not a complaint and I wish more than anything that I could get that chance. I'm just having a very hard time deciding what is right with this school thing. I hear so much mixed info on it. Some people say if he's ready, let him go. Others say that barely 5 is too young, and to hold them back if it's an option. I'm too tired to keep going about it right now. But if anyone has any helpful info, please share. I plan on calling the school tomorrow and see what info I can get.
Oh and we don't have pre-k or head start here. The only program they have is something low income and that doesn't help us. It doesn't make sense to drive an hour away for a good preschool that he will be in for 2 hrs a day/2 or 3 times a week. The only program I can put him in is this high school program that is the 2nd and 4th marking period for 6 weeks each.
We had a really busy day today, starting with my blood work and appt for getting back into things with the study. My results will be back tomorrow morning. I don't really know when I'll be starting back on meds just yet so that will be an update for tomorrow. There is a few different ideas in the works, and we're not sure if I'm going to start provera, or wait or what. I'm happy that we're getting back to it, and I was told today that there has already been a pregnancy. The only other person that ovulated on round one, got pregnant round one. Bring on round 2 for me now please! I'm mental about it lately and I really need for it to happen soon.... I'm having a tough time lately with what seems like babies all around here. I'm constantly hearing about people almost due, just finding out, etc. And some of it just doesn't seem fair at all and I'm having a difficult time handling it. It's all been bottled up inside and one of these days it's going to be a real breakdown. But enough about that.
The other thing that has me thinking to much is what to do about K and school. The district has the cut off of Sept 1st for Kindergarten. Kristopher's birthday is Sept. 3rd. So he missed it for this fall by 2 days. He was really looking forward to going, and is beyond ready. He could go now and do fine with the learning part of it. I think socially too. He just loves to learn and wants to go so badly. Anyway, we had preschool open house this afternoon. While there, I was talking to an older lady who sat beside me. She was there with her grandson, and she kept watching and commenting on how K was acting. He was the only one who was right into playing with the teachers, asking them questions, doing what was told, etc. The other kids seemed extremely clingy and still unsure about trusting any of the teachers. K is just question after question. It's very normal for him, and he wants to know exactly how things work, why it works that way, how things are spelled, what time something is, etc. My day is full of so many questions. Not that I'm complaining.
So, the lady next to me, was asking me how old he was. When I said 4.5, she asked if he was excited about going to kindergarten in the fall. I said how he misses it this year, and she started telling me that she recently retired from teaching 1st grade for the past 33 years. She said that the way he was acting and things he was doing, is typical of what she taught in 1st grade. She said that there are ways around the "no exception rule" and that if I called and pushed, they would have me bring him in to sit with him and see if he was truly ready for this. She said in her opinion, holding him back when he's clearly ready is going to make it harder when he goes because he will be bored easily and that will make him act out. Causing more issues. He's kinda hyper to start with, and I worry about him focusing when it comes to school. But when he's learning new things, he's very into it, and sits well. She thinks I should try to get him tested and push to let him go this fall. I'm unsure about what to do. I know he wants to go so badly. I feel he would do great. He gets bored as it is now, and when he has preschool, he's a different kid. The 2 hours that he has preschool isn't long enough for him. He's the only kid in the class that would cry because it was over. He wants to stay longer like the bigger kids do. He wants to ride the bus and to have a backpack and homework. What can I say, he's strange. haha. Seriously though, I'm going to call tomorrow and see what info I can get. I don't know that I'm ready for him to go to school....I don't know what I'll do with myself all day. I haven't worked in almost 5 years. The job market sucks around here, so it's not like I can just go get a job. And, he's still going to need me.....I want to still be here for days off school, before and after bus time, anytime he needs me. I want to be able to help out with school things as needed. But the fact that I will soon be alone all day while he's at school just doesn't seem possible. And now with the study. If it works, I'll be starting all over. Believe me, that's not a complaint and I wish more than anything that I could get that chance. I'm just having a very hard time deciding what is right with this school thing. I hear so much mixed info on it. Some people say if he's ready, let him go. Others say that barely 5 is too young, and to hold them back if it's an option. I'm too tired to keep going about it right now. But if anyone has any helpful info, please share. I plan on calling the school tomorrow and see what info I can get.
Oh and we don't have pre-k or head start here. The only program they have is something low income and that doesn't help us. It doesn't make sense to drive an hour away for a good preschool that he will be in for 2 hrs a day/2 or 3 times a week. The only program I can put him in is this high school program that is the 2nd and 4th marking period for 6 weeks each.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Post-op Appt #2
I'm recovering well. No pain when he was poking at my incisions and pushing around those areas, but I'm extremely ticklish and it was disturbing. I'm allowed to drive again. I'm allowed to resume normal household things. I'm still restricted, no heavy lifting, no major exercising, walking is fine but that's about it, I asked about working up the garden and he said no. Too much twisting and moving around too soon. That sucks. I'll be fully released as of May 8th, which is a little over 4 weeks post op. I can handle that though, at least I can drive and do the housework without worrying. The name of the stuff they used for surgery prep is called Chloraprep, and he wrote that down and said to make sure to update my PCP and medical records that I'm allergic, so that I don't have to deal with that again. I still have a little of the rash and he wants me to take the benedryl till it's totally gone.
Oh and the most important part of the visit, he wrote my script saying he clears me to go back and "continue fertility program". I left them know, and I go back on Monday. YAY! He was semi rude about the study and made a comment that it wasn't that bad waiting this month out to get something more important taken care of now was it? I just thanked him for putting it in writing for me and was on my way.
Since surgery, I have been eating much healthier, and not as hungry. I know I'm losing weight and it appears to be staying off pretty easily. That's really good news and I'm happy about that. I'll find out on Monday for sure how much I've dropped.
I might update more later. I have a lot I need to get done before evening, and guess it's time to get started.
Oh and the most important part of the visit, he wrote my script saying he clears me to go back and "continue fertility program". I left them know, and I go back on Monday. YAY! He was semi rude about the study and made a comment that it wasn't that bad waiting this month out to get something more important taken care of now was it? I just thanked him for putting it in writing for me and was on my way.
Since surgery, I have been eating much healthier, and not as hungry. I know I'm losing weight and it appears to be staying off pretty easily. That's really good news and I'm happy about that. I'll find out on Monday for sure how much I've dropped.
I might update more later. I have a lot I need to get done before evening, and guess it's time to get started.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ruined
My good day ended bad. And I need to clear my mind so bad, but apparently I have a spy, so for now it's trapped in. I am trying to figure out how to make a private blog for some of the things I'd rather not post publicly, but apparently I have to invite people by email first. So, anyone who would like an invite, email me, and I'll do that.
I seriously feel close to my breaking point with all this crap lately, and not sure how much more I can take before I'm going to need strongly medicated or move far away. Something.
I seriously feel close to my breaking point with all this crap lately, and not sure how much more I can take before I'm going to need strongly medicated or move far away. Something.
A Better Day (Randomness)
Much better so far. I woke up to birds chirping, bright sunlight shining in, and I was warm! We finally have a nice spring day! I'm feeling a lot better and want to get a lot done today. I've been in cleaning mode so far this morning, and just taking a break to rest right now so I don't push myself too far yet.
Tomorrow is my next post-op appt, and hopefully I'm cleared and don't have to go back. The glue stuff is finally coming off, in gross nasty pieces and the rash is almost gone. Weird thing with this glue....It starts to come loose, then just stops, so being the impatient person I am, I've helped it a little, very carefully of course. The belly button has been pretty much healed and glue free since earlier in the week, and now the middle cut is glue free and mostly healed. The upper and bottom side incisions are still a little tender, and still slightly covered. I hope that they still decide to clear me tomorrow because I'm tired of being lazy and waiting for others to help me. I really haven't listened as much this week, and got back to vacuuming, doing laundry and probably lifting more than my restriction, but I honestly feel a lot better.
Anyway, plans for the afternoon is to get outside and gain some control of the flower beds. Once that is done, the photoholic in me wants to get some good spring pics. I also need to start some more plants inside that I never got around to before surgery. Our garden might be later this year.
I figured a happier post on here might be a good thing for the week, so now I better get back to my list.
Tomorrow is my next post-op appt, and hopefully I'm cleared and don't have to go back. The glue stuff is finally coming off, in gross nasty pieces and the rash is almost gone. Weird thing with this glue....It starts to come loose, then just stops, so being the impatient person I am, I've helped it a little, very carefully of course. The belly button has been pretty much healed and glue free since earlier in the week, and now the middle cut is glue free and mostly healed. The upper and bottom side incisions are still a little tender, and still slightly covered. I hope that they still decide to clear me tomorrow because I'm tired of being lazy and waiting for others to help me. I really haven't listened as much this week, and got back to vacuuming, doing laundry and probably lifting more than my restriction, but I honestly feel a lot better.
Anyway, plans for the afternoon is to get outside and gain some control of the flower beds. Once that is done, the photoholic in me wants to get some good spring pics. I also need to start some more plants inside that I never got around to before surgery. Our garden might be later this year.
I figured a happier post on here might be a good thing for the week, so now I better get back to my list.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Kind of a blah day
All the rain lately is getting to me. My mood sucks today. So feel free to skip this whole entry because I'm mean.
The week started with hospital bills from the night in the ER. Stuff that my ridiculous high priced insurance should have covered to start with, but somehow I still get screwed and its taking a lot of phone calls to get it fixed. Did you know that hospitals that take your insurance, bill separately for doctors who they contract out that won't take the insurance? If that makes any sense? Basically, I went to a hospital that I've had issues with billing issues in the past. I went there because my PCP deals with them directly, and I figured it would help me get everything for follow-up transferred faster (ha, right...faster..) so I sucked it up and went there that night. I actually got pretty fast care, and everything seemed ok. First thing I got said that insurance had paid their part, and all that was left was what I already knew I'd be getting. Next thing I opened, says I owe almost freaking $1000. HUH?! So I called, and apparently the bill is for the physician and insurance didn't respond yet. They say they will rebill and to give it a few weeks. It bothered me all day yesterday, so I called insurance directly this morning. Well, apparently it is my issue. It was because I "chose an out of network doctor". UMMMM.....HUH? So I explained why I went there, they take my insurance, direct network to PCP, blah blah blah, and when I went in, I didn't pick my doctor. The doctor in question was the one that took 5 mins to look at my u/s report. Apparently that was the out of network contracted doctor. Insurance is working on fixing it so that we get reimbursed for this but they can't promise it will be in full. Wonderful.
So that has me upset and mad today. And who knows what for fun we will get regarding the surgery if that's how it works. At least the surgery was at a better hospital and with my last D&C, they covered everything minus the deductible for out patient surgery. I hope it's as easy this time as well. I was there for less time. So I can hope.
On top of all that, people are annoying me today. I had to call fisher price about a way over priced toy K "had to have" this year for Christmas. Surprise, it isn't working. Those of you who've known me a while, remember all the drama about this toy last year. For 6 months, all he talked about was Spike. Spike is a freaky looking huge dinosaur that has a remote and acts all alive. Seriously weird and freaky. Anyway, his mouth stopped opening this weekend. Spike is taken care of like he's real because of how loved he is, so it wasn't something we've done. I called and asked what kind of warrenty it has, and how I would go about ordering replacement parts if it's even fixable. First question out of her mouth. "Oh I'm sorry it's not working right, are you sure the battery is in it?" Um, yes. "Is it charged?" Yes. "Is he turned on?" Ok, I'm not an idiot here. Seriously. Fully charged battery, new batteries in his remote, he's turned on, he works all except the mouth. What can we do? Apparently it's common, so after they receive spikes heart with cut valves, I mean battery pack and wires cut, they will send a new one free of charge. Thanks you fisher price. 4 yr old drama resolved in this house. Oh and update to this, I just got the mailer email, and apparently it will take 4-6 weeks to get the replacement spike. GREAT. Luckily preschool starts next week, and it will be 6 weeks, so I'll just tell him it will take till about when preschool is over.....
I'll stop with that. The rest of what is bothering me isn't nice to talk about probably in case my spy is still out there.
The week started with hospital bills from the night in the ER. Stuff that my ridiculous high priced insurance should have covered to start with, but somehow I still get screwed and its taking a lot of phone calls to get it fixed. Did you know that hospitals that take your insurance, bill separately for doctors who they contract out that won't take the insurance? If that makes any sense? Basically, I went to a hospital that I've had issues with billing issues in the past. I went there because my PCP deals with them directly, and I figured it would help me get everything for follow-up transferred faster (ha, right...faster..) so I sucked it up and went there that night. I actually got pretty fast care, and everything seemed ok. First thing I got said that insurance had paid their part, and all that was left was what I already knew I'd be getting. Next thing I opened, says I owe almost freaking $1000. HUH?! So I called, and apparently the bill is for the physician and insurance didn't respond yet. They say they will rebill and to give it a few weeks. It bothered me all day yesterday, so I called insurance directly this morning. Well, apparently it is my issue. It was because I "chose an out of network doctor". UMMMM.....HUH? So I explained why I went there, they take my insurance, direct network to PCP, blah blah blah, and when I went in, I didn't pick my doctor. The doctor in question was the one that took 5 mins to look at my u/s report. Apparently that was the out of network contracted doctor. Insurance is working on fixing it so that we get reimbursed for this but they can't promise it will be in full. Wonderful.
So that has me upset and mad today. And who knows what for fun we will get regarding the surgery if that's how it works. At least the surgery was at a better hospital and with my last D&C, they covered everything minus the deductible for out patient surgery. I hope it's as easy this time as well. I was there for less time. So I can hope.
On top of all that, people are annoying me today. I had to call fisher price about a way over priced toy K "had to have" this year for Christmas. Surprise, it isn't working. Those of you who've known me a while, remember all the drama about this toy last year. For 6 months, all he talked about was Spike. Spike is a freaky looking huge dinosaur that has a remote and acts all alive. Seriously weird and freaky. Anyway, his mouth stopped opening this weekend. Spike is taken care of like he's real because of how loved he is, so it wasn't something we've done. I called and asked what kind of warrenty it has, and how I would go about ordering replacement parts if it's even fixable. First question out of her mouth. "Oh I'm sorry it's not working right, are you sure the battery is in it?" Um, yes. "Is it charged?" Yes. "Is he turned on?" Ok, I'm not an idiot here. Seriously. Fully charged battery, new batteries in his remote, he's turned on, he works all except the mouth. What can we do? Apparently it's common, so after they receive spikes heart with cut valves, I mean battery pack and wires cut, they will send a new one free of charge. Thanks you fisher price. 4 yr old drama resolved in this house. Oh and update to this, I just got the mailer email, and apparently it will take 4-6 weeks to get the replacement spike. GREAT. Luckily preschool starts next week, and it will be 6 weeks, so I'll just tell him it will take till about when preschool is over.....
I'll stop with that. The rest of what is bothering me isn't nice to talk about probably in case my spy is still out there.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
1 week post-op
Today makes me officially one week post-op. I feel almost normal now. Some slight discomfort if there is pressure against the incisions, and still a little puffiness left over. More than the normal, especially seeing as I'm down about 6-7lbs from surgery day. I'm happy about the weight loss. I think it's a start of something good. So far, I've discovered that cupcakes don't like me anymore. Chocolate chip cookies did ok, but I've only had half of one that I've shared with K, or, a small one. Easter lunch was a bit iffy, but I don't know what triggered things there. I think this has a lot to do with portions. Either way, I've found I get full a lot easier, and I'm feeling better with the new change. So I'm glad I went through with surgery. At least it will make me maintain healthier eating. I'm searching for some good low fat recipes now to change up our regular stuff a little. Any good recipes anyone wants to share?
I'm still battling the allergy. I ran out of benedryl with my dose before bed last night, so today has been benedryl free. The rash is mostly gone, and still a little itchy and bothersome. I hope that's gone soon.
Friday should be my last appt with the surgeon, and I should be released to go back to the study. I'm going to try not to obsess about that as much when I'm back to it. Try is the key word. We're getting into a busier time of year around here, so that helps.
There's not much else going on here. It's rainy and boring, so we're just having a lazy day. I honestly don't know what to work at that fits in with the "taking it easy" rule.
I'm still battling the allergy. I ran out of benedryl with my dose before bed last night, so today has been benedryl free. The rash is mostly gone, and still a little itchy and bothersome. I hope that's gone soon.
Friday should be my last appt with the surgeon, and I should be released to go back to the study. I'm going to try not to obsess about that as much when I'm back to it. Try is the key word. We're getting into a busier time of year around here, so that helps.
There's not much else going on here. It's rainy and boring, so we're just having a lazy day. I honestly don't know what to work at that fits in with the "taking it easy" rule.
Monday, April 13, 2009
First day on my own
Today's my first day on my own since surgery. It's been going pretty good. Kinda boring, and I'm trying not to push myself too far. I've done laundry, a little cleaning, and got dressed for the day. K decided he isn't getting dressed out of jammies today, so I gave up trying to convince him. Maybe he will feel like going outside later and that will make him change his mind.
Recovery is going good now. I'm able to sleep in bed comfortablly and moving around a lot better. I'm still taking benedryl a few times a day for the rash. It's fading but still itchy. My belly button has finally healed and I officially have a belly button again. When they glued the incision there, they must have used too much because the first few days after, it was kinda stuck together weird. But now the glue there is pretty much gone, and feels ok. It's still bruised pretty bad but I guess that's normal. The other 3 cuts are getting smaller but still glued.
I've been experimenting more with foods, and had a few issues so far, but it's not too bad. I don't think I'll be eating away from home for a little while though. A plus to it all, I'm not very hungry. I'm eating smaller portions than K eats and get full pretty easily. And I'm losing weight. I'm down about 5lbs. I was weighed on surgery day when I got taken back, but I was still wearing my shoes and coat, so I'm not sure the starting weight. I go back for study related stuff on Monday and they are planning on doing a check to see what I've dropped since surgery. The really cool part of it is I'm in the normal healthy range again. Not on the line anymore. It should drop more as I'm able to get out and do stuff again. We get pretty busy and active with the nicer weather.
Recovery is going good now. I'm able to sleep in bed comfortablly and moving around a lot better. I'm still taking benedryl a few times a day for the rash. It's fading but still itchy. My belly button has finally healed and I officially have a belly button again. When they glued the incision there, they must have used too much because the first few days after, it was kinda stuck together weird. But now the glue there is pretty much gone, and feels ok. It's still bruised pretty bad but I guess that's normal. The other 3 cuts are getting smaller but still glued.
I've been experimenting more with foods, and had a few issues so far, but it's not too bad. I don't think I'll be eating away from home for a little while though. A plus to it all, I'm not very hungry. I'm eating smaller portions than K eats and get full pretty easily. And I'm losing weight. I'm down about 5lbs. I was weighed on surgery day when I got taken back, but I was still wearing my shoes and coat, so I'm not sure the starting weight. I go back for study related stuff on Monday and they are planning on doing a check to see what I've dropped since surgery. The really cool part of it is I'm in the normal healthy range again. Not on the line anymore. It should drop more as I'm able to get out and do stuff again. We get pretty busy and active with the nicer weather.
Still here
I'm still around. I'm limiting what I'm posting for now, because I've discovered someone that is local has been checking out the site pretty much daily, and until I found out who it is, I'm done using the blog as the way I did before. I wanted this to be my place where I can come to clear my mind, because most of the subject of the blog is not something I can talk to with people around here. I wanted to have a public blog, because I figured that maybe my story could help someone else out, but I did not share the link with family for the simple fact that I'm not ready to talk about all this with them. I don't think someone truly understands what it's like unless they go through it. Plus, with all this study stuff, it's bad enough to let down my husband each month, let alone let down a bunch of hopeful other family members that really don't have to know the details. So, please, whoever it is that's found me, tell me.
My profile says what state I'm in, so if you are from the same and found me here, let me know so I can stop obsessing it.
I'm debating if I should go ahead and make it private or what to do. Any of my regular other readers still want to read if I make it password protected? Any ideas what I can do? Or am I making too much of it?
My profile says what state I'm in, so if you are from the same and found me here, let me know so I can stop obsessing it.
I'm debating if I should go ahead and make it private or what to do. Any of my regular other readers still want to read if I make it password protected? Any ideas what I can do? Or am I making too much of it?
Friday, April 10, 2009
1st post-op appt
Today was the first follow up to the surgery. He made me lay down flat to check the incisions. That was fun. He poked at them. More fun. I have bruising, which is apparently normal. I'm healing pretty good. The not normal is apparently I'm one of those special ones who is allergic to the pre-op prep stuff they put on to prevent infections. It's not iodine, but I honestly can't remember the name of the stuff. I've got a nasty rash that goes across the stomach, stopping with a perfect line on either side. It's bright red and spotted. FUN. It's been kinda itchy and warm, and he said that the incisions are fine, those are not infected, but the rash will need help to get rid of it. Take benedryl and I should feel relief. For now, I'm skipping that till bedtime, because it really doesn't bother me that much and benedryl kicks my butt.
He also checked out my throat and listened to my chest since I've been having issues with that since surgery day. He says that's just due to being intubated. So at least I know that's what caused it and not a cold starting. So basically, healing good, allergic to the prep stuff, throat is fine, back is fine, those issues should be better by a week post op. I'm not allowed to drive yet, until I can sit upright comfortably. It still hurts to sit in the car for any length of time, and I'm still moving slow, so no driving for me. No lifting more than 10lbs till at least the next appt. He did tell me to take my temp a few times for the next few days to make sure I don't develop a fever with the weird allergy. Everything was all normal while there though.
Oh, pathology report was back already. He told me the gall bladder was full of stones, and thickened, and if I would have waited much longer for the surgery, they would have had to take it by full open surgery. So that makes me feel a lot better about having it done.
I made it all day yesterday with no meds, till bedtime, and even then, I ended up on the couch. For some reason now it's too uncomfortable to sleep in bed. I crashed on the recliner last night and slept so-so. I hope that gets easier. I'm still not very hungry. More thirsty than anything else. I have to start eating more and they told me to take a stool softener because I haven't had that fun since surgery morning. Yay. I figured it's mostly because of nerves on surgery day, and I haven't ate much since, there's not much in there. I'm trying some real food tonight, so maybe that will help things along.
And ttc related....
I honestly lost track of what day I'm on. I think day 11. I started having cm coming back today, but so far no twinges/ovary pains or anything in that area. It will really irritate me if things all fall into place on it's own this month, because sex is seriously not happening right now. That thought scares me. I'm tracking it all though so we know if we have to wait longer when I go back in a few weeks.
I still have help through Sunday. I haven't decided if we are going away for Easter, or staying home. I had my mom stop at target today for me to get some last minute stuff for K, and I know he's really excited about an egg hunt tomorrow, and all the stuff we originally had planned for visiting Sunday. But the little bit I did today, I don't know if I can handle all the running and entertaining this weekend. I'm really exhausted. I'm ready to be back to normal. I hate depending on other people for things, and I just want to have control of my house and things again. The nurse today said by a week post op, I should be doing much better. I sure hope so.
He also checked out my throat and listened to my chest since I've been having issues with that since surgery day. He says that's just due to being intubated. So at least I know that's what caused it and not a cold starting. So basically, healing good, allergic to the prep stuff, throat is fine, back is fine, those issues should be better by a week post op. I'm not allowed to drive yet, until I can sit upright comfortably. It still hurts to sit in the car for any length of time, and I'm still moving slow, so no driving for me. No lifting more than 10lbs till at least the next appt. He did tell me to take my temp a few times for the next few days to make sure I don't develop a fever with the weird allergy. Everything was all normal while there though.
Oh, pathology report was back already. He told me the gall bladder was full of stones, and thickened, and if I would have waited much longer for the surgery, they would have had to take it by full open surgery. So that makes me feel a lot better about having it done.
I made it all day yesterday with no meds, till bedtime, and even then, I ended up on the couch. For some reason now it's too uncomfortable to sleep in bed. I crashed on the recliner last night and slept so-so. I hope that gets easier. I'm still not very hungry. More thirsty than anything else. I have to start eating more and they told me to take a stool softener because I haven't had that fun since surgery morning. Yay. I figured it's mostly because of nerves on surgery day, and I haven't ate much since, there's not much in there. I'm trying some real food tonight, so maybe that will help things along.
And ttc related....
I honestly lost track of what day I'm on. I think day 11. I started having cm coming back today, but so far no twinges/ovary pains or anything in that area. It will really irritate me if things all fall into place on it's own this month, because sex is seriously not happening right now. That thought scares me. I'm tracking it all though so we know if we have to wait longer when I go back in a few weeks.
I still have help through Sunday. I haven't decided if we are going away for Easter, or staying home. I had my mom stop at target today for me to get some last minute stuff for K, and I know he's really excited about an egg hunt tomorrow, and all the stuff we originally had planned for visiting Sunday. But the little bit I did today, I don't know if I can handle all the running and entertaining this weekend. I'm really exhausted. I'm ready to be back to normal. I hate depending on other people for things, and I just want to have control of my house and things again. The nurse today said by a week post op, I should be doing much better. I sure hope so.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Still feel crappy
I wasn't expecting to be feeling this bad this long. I'm sure part of it is, I can't just sit back and totally rest. I went to t-ball last night. That went better for K, but not so hot for me. We left before it was over because it hurt to keep sitting there. And then last night he had a total meltdown about not getting much time with me, so he stayed up for a little to be with me, and then I had to do bedtime on my own. He also woke up sometime in the middle of the night after D left. He wasn't making much sense, and kept saying he was sorry, but was pretty quickly settled and back to bed. I didn't sleep too great.
I'm still sore around my belly button and the top incision. The 2 on the side doesn't really bother me too much. My shoulder and upper right side of my back really bother me. And still have a sore throat, with the need to cough it out, but that hurts so I limit that. If I could get rid of that chest/back/shoulder pain, the rest wouldn't be too bad.
My mom decided that I am not capable of being on my own yet. So she took off for today, and is off tomorrow due to the holiday, so I'm covered through Sunday with help. Really nice! It's nice to have help, but I feel kinda stupid just sitting around. She's lecturing me about not eating enough, but to be honest, I'm just not hungry yet. Or maybe I am a little, but not trusting anything yet. I've done crackers, noodle soup and ginger ale. Today I guess I'll expand that, but not sure what yet.
Anyway, boring here. Tomorrow is my post op appt, so that should be interesting. I'll update after that.
I'm still sore around my belly button and the top incision. The 2 on the side doesn't really bother me too much. My shoulder and upper right side of my back really bother me. And still have a sore throat, with the need to cough it out, but that hurts so I limit that. If I could get rid of that chest/back/shoulder pain, the rest wouldn't be too bad.
My mom decided that I am not capable of being on my own yet. So she took off for today, and is off tomorrow due to the holiday, so I'm covered through Sunday with help. Really nice! It's nice to have help, but I feel kinda stupid just sitting around. She's lecturing me about not eating enough, but to be honest, I'm just not hungry yet. Or maybe I am a little, but not trusting anything yet. I've done crackers, noodle soup and ginger ale. Today I guess I'll expand that, but not sure what yet.
Anyway, boring here. Tomorrow is my post op appt, so that should be interesting. I'll update after that.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Little update
So far today, I'm doing ok. Pretty sore, but not too bad. I think I might be starting to get hungry, but not sure what to try yet. I went to bed around 8 last night, woke up a few times, but basically stayed in bed till 10:30 this morning. My husband gave me a pill before leaving because he said I was making weird noises in my sleep and he thought I was in pain. Mom's been a good help with the wild boy and the animals. I'm semi worried about tomorrow because I'll be on my own, and I wasn't expecting to be this slow and sore. I may see if the inlaws will come sit with us for the day. Kristopher is going stir crazy, and I can't really get up and chase after him like he would like. We will see though. Maybe tomorrow will be better....
Tonight he has T-Ball, and I have to be there, so it will be my first venture out. I'm planning on taking a pillow or something for against the chair so it's not so uncomfortable.
Oh and the poor animals...The dog sits at my feet all worried and concerned. She won't lay near me. It's like she can sense I'm hurt. She just looks at me with her sad doggy eyes. And the bunny is acting confused because everyone else won't let her out as much as me. When I walked out to check her this morning, she got all excited to see me.
I just hope this recovery thing goes quickly. I hate feeling like this. I might try to eat something and nap for a few hrs this afternoon. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Tomorrow will suck.
Oh yeah. I got a call from the study nurse! She and the doctor wanted to check in on me and see how things went. I thought that was really nice of her. She said she would check back in a few days. I hope we're still on for the cd 21 appt.
Ok, off for now.
Tonight he has T-Ball, and I have to be there, so it will be my first venture out. I'm planning on taking a pillow or something for against the chair so it's not so uncomfortable.
Oh and the poor animals...The dog sits at my feet all worried and concerned. She won't lay near me. It's like she can sense I'm hurt. She just looks at me with her sad doggy eyes. And the bunny is acting confused because everyone else won't let her out as much as me. When I walked out to check her this morning, she got all excited to see me.
I just hope this recovery thing goes quickly. I hate feeling like this. I might try to eat something and nap for a few hrs this afternoon. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Tomorrow will suck.
Oh yeah. I got a call from the study nurse! She and the doctor wanted to check in on me and see how things went. I thought that was really nice of her. She said she would check back in a few days. I hope we're still on for the cd 21 appt.
Ok, off for now.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I'm home
And first of all I have to say that I am really touched by all the emails, comments, etc today! I came home to tons of well wishes and thoughts. It means a lot!!
I got home around 1pm, and just got out of bed for the first time. My husband said I had tons of email, so I decided to come on and take a look. Surgery went well. I was in for about an hour and 20 mins I think he said. It was laproscopic, and I have 4 cuts. 3 on the upper right of the stomach, under the boob area and the normal one in the belly button. That one seems to hurt the most right now. I have internal stitches, and the weird glue closure on top. I can shower tomorrow but was instructed "quick showers" for the next week. I go back on Friday morning for my first post op.
I had a few mental breakdowns while waiting on surgery. I didn't sleep much since Saturday night, and it all just got to me. I felt really stupid because when they said how it works and how I'll drift off, I started crying and the guy looked pretty uncomfortable. Then he said he would bring me something to take the edge off early. Normally it's done when I'm waiting to go in the OR but I got mine in the first holding area. I remember them doing that, then I remember getting told to kiss my husband goodbye quick, and then the next thing I remember they were asking me to scoot over to the OR table and were telling me all about what they were doing. Then they did the gas mask thing and said to take 2 deep breathes and I'll be asleep. I took a few, and said "hey this isn't working! What if it doesn't work?!" and he laughed and I was out. I woke up and didn't have much pain at first. They had me wrapped in really warm blankets, they had already done the anti-nausea meds before I woke up, and I had my pain meds too. About 20 mins later, I started feeling some pain so I got some good stuff, and more anti-nausea because I have history of the good pain meds making me barfy. So they saved me, I got the good meds, and I didn't feel bad. I was so tired. I zoned out of most of the questions, got transferred down to the final room, my husband came in and I kept zoning out on him. He would wake me and say if I could stay awake for a few mins, drink my ginger ale and sit up, they would release me. So I forced that to happen, and I got out of there before 12. Zoned the whole way home.
So for now, I have help with Kristopher through tomorrow. He's back to work tomorrow, but my mom is off. I can sleep in. I can lay around and do nothing. I have a good bit of pain, and took 1 vicoden so far. I plan on taking 2 and going to bed soon. I just wanted some time with K and my husband before he's back to his busy schedule. Kristopher insisted on seeing what they did, so now he's being extra careful and freaked by "mommy's boo boos". I've been snacking on crackers all day. I'm semi scared to eat more than that. Tomorrow I'll try soup. My throat also hurts really bad from being innobated. I keep coughing and that hurts. The only other issue I'm having is I have to pee about every hour or so, and it's a forever process.
Sorry this is all rambled and weird. And I didn't spell check. I'm still on the vic. high and semi zoning again. Thanks again for all the wonderful comments and emails today. It means a lot!
I got home around 1pm, and just got out of bed for the first time. My husband said I had tons of email, so I decided to come on and take a look. Surgery went well. I was in for about an hour and 20 mins I think he said. It was laproscopic, and I have 4 cuts. 3 on the upper right of the stomach, under the boob area and the normal one in the belly button. That one seems to hurt the most right now. I have internal stitches, and the weird glue closure on top. I can shower tomorrow but was instructed "quick showers" for the next week. I go back on Friday morning for my first post op.
I had a few mental breakdowns while waiting on surgery. I didn't sleep much since Saturday night, and it all just got to me. I felt really stupid because when they said how it works and how I'll drift off, I started crying and the guy looked pretty uncomfortable. Then he said he would bring me something to take the edge off early. Normally it's done when I'm waiting to go in the OR but I got mine in the first holding area. I remember them doing that, then I remember getting told to kiss my husband goodbye quick, and then the next thing I remember they were asking me to scoot over to the OR table and were telling me all about what they were doing. Then they did the gas mask thing and said to take 2 deep breathes and I'll be asleep. I took a few, and said "hey this isn't working! What if it doesn't work?!" and he laughed and I was out. I woke up and didn't have much pain at first. They had me wrapped in really warm blankets, they had already done the anti-nausea meds before I woke up, and I had my pain meds too. About 20 mins later, I started feeling some pain so I got some good stuff, and more anti-nausea because I have history of the good pain meds making me barfy. So they saved me, I got the good meds, and I didn't feel bad. I was so tired. I zoned out of most of the questions, got transferred down to the final room, my husband came in and I kept zoning out on him. He would wake me and say if I could stay awake for a few mins, drink my ginger ale and sit up, they would release me. So I forced that to happen, and I got out of there before 12. Zoned the whole way home.
So for now, I have help with Kristopher through tomorrow. He's back to work tomorrow, but my mom is off. I can sleep in. I can lay around and do nothing. I have a good bit of pain, and took 1 vicoden so far. I plan on taking 2 and going to bed soon. I just wanted some time with K and my husband before he's back to his busy schedule. Kristopher insisted on seeing what they did, so now he's being extra careful and freaked by "mommy's boo boos". I've been snacking on crackers all day. I'm semi scared to eat more than that. Tomorrow I'll try soup. My throat also hurts really bad from being innobated. I keep coughing and that hurts. The only other issue I'm having is I have to pee about every hour or so, and it's a forever process.
Sorry this is all rambled and weird. And I didn't spell check. I'm still on the vic. high and semi zoning again. Thanks again for all the wonderful comments and emails today. It means a lot!
So we're going to leave
Really soon. I'm putting things off but the car is warming up and I've been given "the look" a few times now. haha...I woke up on my own at 2:45. How crazy is that?! I've gotten a few things done and feel better ready for things. Tomorrow at this time, I'll be sleeping and this will all be over. I plan to update when we're home. Really time to leave now.....
Monday, April 6, 2009
6 AM
That's what time we are to report to the hospital. I'm scheduled for 7:30 surgery. I'm officially in freak out mode. My nerves are shot, my stomach is a mess. I've had a mental breakdown. I'm just not ready. I know it's stupid to let it bother me. This will be my 3rd surgery in the past few years, but it's still scary to be put under. I read too much, I watch too much. I'm just scared.
Because it's that early, it means I'll have to leave here by 4:45am. And up at least an hour earlier, because I need to get the bunny cage cleaned up so that's done. She decides to have a poop party every night, so I want that done before I leave so it's not so bad the next day... I also want to shower before leaving. This is going to suck. I wish it was Wednesday already and this was all over....
Because it's that early, it means I'll have to leave here by 4:45am. And up at least an hour earlier, because I need to get the bunny cage cleaned up so that's done. She decides to have a poop party every night, so I want that done before I leave so it's not so bad the next day... I also want to shower before leaving. This is going to suck. I wish it was Wednesday already and this was all over....
One More Day
Tomorrow is surgery day. I'm getting nervous, and stressing a bit. I have so much I still wanted to get done that I'm sure isn't going to be able to be done for a week or 2 after all this. Yes, I'm a little OCD. So it bothers me really bad. My husband is off for surgery day, and my mom is helping me out the day after. So I'll get a day and half of rest before I'm back to the real world. I'm worried about how I will be feeling Wednesday, but no matter what, I somehow have to make it to Kristopher's T-Ball practice. He had his first practice yesterday, and we've learned that he can't focus very well. He's the youngest on the team, and probably the most hyper. It worries me a little, and we had a talk to the coach, and there is a plan in action on making this work and they think it will help him a lot to be apart of the team. I hope so. I'm not sure what else I can do to get him invovled in more things. There isn't anything closer than 45 mins for preschool, and I feel that's a bit far for him to for 2 hrs a day. And I'm not paying for him to go to daycare just for interaction with other kids, when I'm here all day. Oh, and pre-k is a joke here. It's for low income only. So normal families just are out of luck. It makes me mad. Anyway, t-ball it is for now, and he was so excited about it. I think after the talk with the coach, this can work. So I have to be there Wednesday. No matter what. I should be ok right? I'll take a chair along this time. I'm sure that will be a lot more comfortable than those crappy bleachers.
I stocked up on soup and crackers. That's my meal plan for the first few days after this. Soup, crackers, toast, etc. I plan on taking it real light with foods till next week. Then I'll start to experiment what will work I guess.
Back to my list...The things I have left, require me to be outside and of course, it's raining. Oh and tomorrow we are supposed to drop from this nice 60 degrees we had yesterday, to low 40's for the highs, and risk of rain and snow tomorrow. Real fun.
Does anyone have any tips about tomorrow? I'm not real concerned with the surgery too much. I've been knocked out a few times before and did alright. They have my chart marked about the BP, because with both my D&C's, my bp dropped pretty low after I've come out of anesthesia . The main thing that bothers me right now is the over hour ride home. Is it standard to get anti nausea meds or will I have to ask for the special? My past 2 surgeries, we lived close to the hospital, I did not have very much of a drive to get home at all. This one will be a good hour, more if we hit it at rush hour. In some pretty crappy traffic at that.
I'm just ready for this to be over and to move on. I want to get on with the treatments. I want to have hope with it again. I just feel very blah today.
I stocked up on soup and crackers. That's my meal plan for the first few days after this. Soup, crackers, toast, etc. I plan on taking it real light with foods till next week. Then I'll start to experiment what will work I guess.
Back to my list...The things I have left, require me to be outside and of course, it's raining. Oh and tomorrow we are supposed to drop from this nice 60 degrees we had yesterday, to low 40's for the highs, and risk of rain and snow tomorrow. Real fun.
Does anyone have any tips about tomorrow? I'm not real concerned with the surgery too much. I've been knocked out a few times before and did alright. They have my chart marked about the BP, because with both my D&C's, my bp dropped pretty low after I've come out of anesthesia . The main thing that bothers me right now is the over hour ride home. Is it standard to get anti nausea meds or will I have to ask for the special? My past 2 surgeries, we lived close to the hospital, I did not have very much of a drive to get home at all. This one will be a good hour, more if we hit it at rush hour. In some pretty crappy traffic at that.
I'm just ready for this to be over and to move on. I want to get on with the treatments. I want to have hope with it again. I just feel very blah today.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Surgery is set
Tuesday the 7th is surgery day. I won't find out the time till the evening before. It sounds like it's going to be pretty easy, and he's pretty sure it can be removed by lap. instead of the "old fashion way". My mom came through and will be babysitting so that's one less worry, and she will be be off the day after as well so that I'm not totally alone to do everything that fast. I'll be on driving restrictions till at least Friday. That's when my first follow-up will be. He said to expect the first week to be laid back and be light duty type things. No lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk. This should be fun. At least my driving restriction is only like those first 3 days....
So I have a lot to do before it all happens. I'm getting farther on my list. Tomorrow I'm going to do some major grocery shopping so that next weekend I can just have my husband pick up a few things. He kills us the rare times I've had him pick things up. It would be like sending a child to get groceries. Except I truly think that Kristopher would do better. He at least picks out veggies and healthy things.
So I have a lot to do before it all happens. I'm getting farther on my list. Tomorrow I'm going to do some major grocery shopping so that next weekend I can just have my husband pick up a few things. He kills us the rare times I've had him pick things up. It would be like sending a child to get groceries. Except I truly think that Kristopher would do better. He at least picks out veggies and healthy things.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Rainy Day Ramblings
Today is pretty blah so far. Right now we are just relaxing while the bunny does her crazy flips and jumps. Kristopher loves it, Zoey seems to think she's crazy and climbs on me when the bunny comes near her. She still forgets she is like 10 times the size of this bunny. And NOT a lap dog.
I made this huge list of things I need to accomplish before surgery. Yesterday I got a good bit of it done, but also thought of some more things to do. I really need to figure out a plan to the bunny cage. She has decided that night time is a great time to destroy her cage. Sometime from the time I go to bed (usually after 11) and 2 when my husband left for work this morning, she killed the cage. So the first thing of the morning is usually to clean up around the cage so Zoey doesn't eat bunny food/poop/hay/litter etc. I'm thinking of plexiglass to go around the bottom edge of her cage....
This afternoon is my pre-op appt. I'm hoping for sooner than Tuesday, but if not, I plan on having some bad food this weekend while I can still enjoy it without being too worried. While I'm out today, I'll do a few more errands to cross off my list, and depending on surgery day, Friday will be the last of the big trips. I'm planning on if surgery is next Tuesday, all of next week and Easter weekend will be spent relaxing and recovering. I get an easy excuse out of going to the inlaws (yippie!) and my husband just told me that he is not going if I'm not going, so I don't have to worry about that now. Easter will be low key this year. Works for me.
And, cycle wise, I feel a little better. The period is horrible, and I seriously can't believe it's this bad after so long of nice easy ones. Yesterday every time I had to go to the bathroom, I wanted to cry, and since last evening, it just makes me mad instead. I'll be glad when it's gone.
Oh, and my mom is supposed to be babysitting during my surgery. She's basically the only one I can trust for longer periods of time like that, and last night she mentioned how close my brother's girlfriend is to having their baby. And they want mom to be there when she's in labor. UMMMM....There is already a few other people on her family going to be there, why should my mom, who isn't even really around them very much, have to rush there to sit and be bored? From what I heard, when real labor hits, no one is to be in the room anyway, so she will just be sitting in the waiting room with the crackhead family (sorry, not really crackheads but....) I made sure she knows that if they are going to take priority, then she's not babysitting for me. I think she got the point because she said she will just tell them she will be there after we are home and settled. I mean come on...I do so much for them, it's the least they can do is help me out when I need someone. I can't imagine having to take him along for this.
I made this huge list of things I need to accomplish before surgery. Yesterday I got a good bit of it done, but also thought of some more things to do. I really need to figure out a plan to the bunny cage. She has decided that night time is a great time to destroy her cage. Sometime from the time I go to bed (usually after 11) and 2 when my husband left for work this morning, she killed the cage. So the first thing of the morning is usually to clean up around the cage so Zoey doesn't eat bunny food/poop/hay/litter etc. I'm thinking of plexiglass to go around the bottom edge of her cage....
This afternoon is my pre-op appt. I'm hoping for sooner than Tuesday, but if not, I plan on having some bad food this weekend while I can still enjoy it without being too worried. While I'm out today, I'll do a few more errands to cross off my list, and depending on surgery day, Friday will be the last of the big trips. I'm planning on if surgery is next Tuesday, all of next week and Easter weekend will be spent relaxing and recovering. I get an easy excuse out of going to the inlaws (yippie!) and my husband just told me that he is not going if I'm not going, so I don't have to worry about that now. Easter will be low key this year. Works for me.
And, cycle wise, I feel a little better. The period is horrible, and I seriously can't believe it's this bad after so long of nice easy ones. Yesterday every time I had to go to the bathroom, I wanted to cry, and since last evening, it just makes me mad instead. I'll be glad when it's gone.
Oh, and my mom is supposed to be babysitting during my surgery. She's basically the only one I can trust for longer periods of time like that, and last night she mentioned how close my brother's girlfriend is to having their baby. And they want mom to be there when she's in labor. UMMMM....There is already a few other people on her family going to be there, why should my mom, who isn't even really around them very much, have to rush there to sit and be bored? From what I heard, when real labor hits, no one is to be in the room anyway, so she will just be sitting in the waiting room with the crackhead family (sorry, not really crackheads but....) I made sure she knows that if they are going to take priority, then she's not babysitting for me. I think she got the point because she said she will just tell them she will be there after we are home and settled. I mean come on...I do so much for them, it's the least they can do is help me out when I need someone. I can't imagine having to take him along for this.
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