I did it!!!!!

We're checked in and resting now and have free internet in the room! Yay.
I just wanted to update quick that I got my bloodwork done, and the level was a little over 9!!! That means something definitely happened and based on pains, I'm thinking it was last Thursday! So we wait. No bumpers cars or sea food but I can live with that! It worked!!!!

Last night home!

I'm about to go to bed but I figured I'd blog one last time before shutting down and packing up the laptop. I'm taking it along but not sure yet if I'll be able to get online or not. Last year it was hard to get connected in our room.
Tomorrow we leave at 6:45 in the morning, and stop for a quick blood draw then find stuff to do along the way to make sure we don't get there too early to check in. The car is loaded with the exception of the laptop, cameras and toothbrushes.
So, if connection works well, I'll update at some point during the week. If not, I'll be back online Saturday.
And, I leave with a 4 yr old and am coming home with a 5 yr old!! I'm in denial. K's birthday is Thursday and I just can't believe 5 years went so fast.
Time to sleep. Too much time in the car tomorrow....

What happens next?

That's the big question right now. It was asked at my mid cycle appt what our plans are for after the study is over if this final round does not work. To be honest, I'm not sure yet. I know I need a break. I do not want to pursue anything more over the winter months. I am thinking that if it doesn't work, maybe I'll try to be more aggressive about things in like March or April. I did however make an appt for Oct 15th with the PCOS clinic. Its going to be for my yearly exam, and to talk with the dr about ways to help control this PCOS till I'm ready for ttc again.
I'm not sure I want to do birth control or not. In a way, I know I need something that will regulate things while I wait. But then I worry about what if with more weight loss things start working out of nowhere? What if I miss my only chance because of the pill? And I don't know if I can mentally handle taking it every day and not feeling upset by the fact that I have no possible chance because of it.
So I was thinking a little more about the herbal route. It's probably about the same cost wise as if I was going to do treatments. I'm not sure if I want to do that now or not. I also though of adding acupuncture to things. I've heard a lot of good about it, and it would be good for overall health to probably. The problem with that is not too many around here will do it for infertility. The closest is an hour away. And that's like $300-400 a month. The point of a break is to save up as well.
And, after this final round is over, I'll find out what med I was on. If they say clomid, then I know why it was such a crappy go. I was maxed out before with it and no response. So it's not that shocking that it didn't work. So that means if it was clomid, I want to try femara on my own.
Mostly right now I know that I'm not going to be able to say I'm done. I refuse to give up. It happened before, and it has to happen again. All I'm asking is for one more time. What I don't understand is how I was able to respond on the lowest dose. And what gets me even more is all the suggestions in the past of losing weight. In the past 2.5 yrs, I lost a total of almost 40lbs. I am 20lbs lower weight than when I got pregnant with K. So the whole weight loss thing is a joke. At least for me.
Anyway....I just need to think of my options. Because I'm not giving up. This is not it. I refuse to give in. I WILL WIN.

A little better

Almost Saturday! I'm finally feeling a little better. I'm not snotting as much but now I have an annoying cough. I'm taking mucinex for that and it seems to be breaking it up. Morning was horrible and now it's not that bad. I do have a new issue. Stabbing in the right side and crampiness. I'll be surprised if that number doesn't go up at all Monday. I should have results on Monday afternoon, so I'll try to come on and update after we check in to the hotel. I'll have internet in the room apparently. We will see. It would be rude to leave everyone hanging for a week I guess. It really feels like something is going on though.

I didn't get much done today like I had hoped. A little cleaning, a little laundry, and some packing. I have to do one last load of laundry Sunday, then the packing can be finished and the car will be loaded. We're leaving at 6:45 so I can stop for the quick blood draw first.
The curtains didn't get done. They probably won't be at this point. I don't have enough fabric and we bought the last of it when I got it. So, that's just out of luck for a few more weeks.
Tomorrow is the work picnic and we have to leave at 9am. It's 2 hrs away, and doesn't start till around 1 I think, but we're going to help set up and prepare since Dennis is kinda important there now. I figured that it would look good for him for us to show up early and me actually help too. It's going to rain which sucks because it's at a lake and they have really cool stuff for the kids. Oh well....it can rain as much as it wants now as long as the trip at the beach is nice.
There's something on my mind I'm going to blog about when I have more time. I've started this post and saved it for about a week now and I just never seem to have the chance to sit and concentrate like I want. It's about my options on what to do after this is over. Hopefully tomorrow evening I can finish that. I'd like some opinions on that one....
Time for bed. I took the nighttime meds and I'm really starting to zone out. Yay for the weekend though!

Less than 4 days to go

Well, I should say 4 days from now, at this time, we will be at the beach!! Weather looks like it's going to cooperate really well and we should have a nice time down there. I started packing. I only plan on leaving the house on Saturday for Dennis's work picnic, and then the rest of the time we're staying home. I'm not even doing my normal Friday errands tomorrow. So, most of my stuff and most of K's is packed. I feel like I've packed a lot of stuff already. I like to be extra prepared.
So my plan for the next 3 days is:
Friday:
- Must make curtains for the sunroom. When we come back, we have 1 day to unload, settle back in, and prepare for Kristopher's b-day party the following day. So curtains need done now.
- Hang curtains. That's a job in itself. There is 11 windows.
- More cleaning.
- More packing.

Saturday is picnic day and it's 2 hrs away so there goes that day. The only other plan for Saturday is to stop on the way home to get some snacks and stuff to take along with us so we're not eating out the whole enter trip. That would be really expensive.

Sunday:
- More house work.
- Deep clean the bunny cage and let her run around out of the cage all day. She's going to hate me but she's stuck in that thing for 5 days.
- Final laundry
- Final packing
- Load the car
- charge camera, phones, dvd player, etc

Oh and make that 4 days because I have work Monday too.
Monday:
- water orchids
- load bunny up with food, water and hay and scoop litter one last time.
- Stop for last P4 draw. Which, I know it's not a week but I am not worrying myself with finding somewhere to do it down there. Just not happening.
We leave here at 7am, and hopefully get down there by 1-1:30. With time to spare before check-in. Then all next week is allowed to just drag by as slow as it wants.

I need to whine

So today sucked. First of all, I'm not feeling any better. I actually feel worse tonight than I did all along. I didn't sleep last night more than an hour total, and I was in the car basically all day. I need sleep. I escaped for a hot shower which helped, and told my husband he is in charge of bedtime tonight because I just can't do it.
My appt sucked. I could tell by u/s and the lack of talking that they weren't too hopeful. At the end they say that it looks like something is there and about to release anytime now. It was huge. Bigger than the left ovary. But when I see it, I automatically think of a cyst. Real optimistic right? The right ovary has been showing a little response each month and it always turns out to be nothing. A cyst would continue to grow each round.... But anyway. I waited and found out progesterone level was 0.4. They said not to give up yet because they really feel that this is about to happen. Sorry but I just don't have hope. The only positive to all this is that I won't have a period for the trip. They want to recheck my P4 next week. I told her I'm on vacation and we are waiting to figure out what to do about that. I have to finish up the final blood work and everything for this study. I made my appt to see the PCOS clinic in Oct. At that point, I think it's going to be about controlling things more so than trying anything more.
So basically they said not to give up hope yet, "homework" for the rest of this week as much as possible just in case, and recheck of level next week. Here's my wonderful crater ovary. The thing is freaking huge.

Now, I'm going to bed and hopefully tomorrow I am done snotting and can breathe normal again. My head feels like it's going to blow up.

Victorias Secret

So with losing weight I've been dealing with my old bras for a while and the gapping has finally bothered me enough that I went and bought some new. And I was going to just get from Target but I figured after much convincing from my husband, to just get what normally holds up for a long time. And looks nice. So. I go on Sunday while Dennis is along so that I don't have to take K in while looking around. They walked around the mall for about 1/2 hr. I looked around and was clueless what I wanted to get....Apparently I looked lost because someone came over and asked me what I was looking for, what size, color, style, etc. She was really friendly. I said that I had lost weight and nothing fits me right so she offered to measure me. Awkward enough but I'm glad I had it done because I lost a whole cup size and could go either way on the bands. I told her that the bands now are on the tightest setting so she recommended to go down a size on that too. Yay for me! It's been like 7 years since I saw that size! Not exactly thrilled about the cup size decreasing but oh well....
She gave me this box and a fitting room and I tried on various styles. Half way through there is a knock at the door and she asked if she could come in to make sure it's a proper fit. Ummm no thanks! I'm sure she sees a lot with her job and to be honest, I just felt extremely uncomfortable at the thought of standing there in a bra with a teeny tiny super skinny VS worker. Not only do I have a gross saggy stomach left from K, I also have a million stretch marks, and now the wonderful scars from my surgery. So no thanks, I think I'll figure out the fit myself thank you very much. I was nice about it though.
Anyway, I get a new bra and convinced to try their new panties that she claimed were so so comfortable and cute, so why not make myself feel a little better. My husband likes them and I do have to admit, they are super comfortable!
I spent Monday mad at myself that I didn't get another bra or 2 while I was there and low and behold, when I got the mail I got a card for $10, already had $10 off from the survey and decided today to go back and get 2 more. Now I think I'm set. I don't want to get anymore just yet till I know if this month worked, and who knows how much they will shrink if I didn't work and I end up losing more weight. Because that's the plan. If this doesn't work, then I hit it hard over the winter before trying again.
And I learnt that my almost 5 yr old is too big to go along with me to VS. He was overly hyper in there, and while they thought he was so cute, I did not. He kept grabbing bras that were hanging and saying they smelled "Nice and new" and that he "just really loves this cool store!" Yeah....Typical man right?
So now I have 3 new really nice bras, and don't have to deal with the gapping old ones that made me look all saggy like an old woman. I tried it on with the sundress I bought for the beach and it was like hello there my old perky friends! I feel much better wearing that dress now!

Early to bed

It was one long day here! I'm still feeling crappy. Kristopher is being a monster. He's in this mood lately that almost 5 is like he is a grown up, and rules all of a sudden does not apply. So lets just say we are butting heads majorly. To the point that he went to bed almost an hour early tonight. Tomorrow better be a better day or I might be bald by evening.
Today I managed to get a lot of stuff done. I'm proud what all was done, and feel like I got a good start to the week. I hope to keep at the same pace for the rest of the week and Sunday might just be a day to catch up on last minute laundry and pack up the car for the trip. And a lot of resting to prepare for the long trip int he car....That would be great....
I think I'm going to bed early too. My throat still hurts. And I did try salt water. That didn't end well at all. That's all I'll say about that.

Why?

Why must I get sick when I have so much to do?! This week is going to be so busy. I have a week to go till we leave for the beach. A week from now I'll be trying to get to sleep early so I can get up very early for the drive. In the next 7 days, I have a huge list of things to do. I also lose 2 of those days. Wednesday I have my mid cycle appt and also have to help get my niece to her 4 month appt, so that's a complete day of running around. I'll try to do my weekly errands all on the same day between appts too if possible. Then, Saturday we have Dennis's work company picnic. That's a good 2 hrs away and will take the whole day. Sunday will probably be the busiest day with the final preparations for the trip.
But anyway, my throat is sore and I feel sinus drainage. Wonderful. I bought some zicam this morning and am taking it faithfully in hopes to get this gone before it even hits hard. I guess the plus side is that it hit this week rather than next. It should be totally gone by the weekend. I just have so much to do!

It's a cold

That's what has me tired and exhausted. Mid way though the day, K started sniffling and snotting. Call me a mean mother but I just cringe when I see that. I hate to hear the sniffling and snorting and he still hasn't figured out the whole blowing your nose thing yet. Yes I feel bad that he feels bad, but it drives me crazy. He actually went to bed at 7:30 tonight very willingly and was asleep within a few mins of me leaving the room. Poor kid has extremely watery eyes right now as well. It's normally that way for a day and then he's back to hyper and wild. I'll enjoy the quiet tomorrow while he gets a "movie day" to rest. Hopefully I feel good enough to get some work done because I have a lot to do before the trip. Pictures to come later in the week of our projects.
Anyway....I have a headache that has been lingering for a few days, but today it got worse. Now that it's night, I feel pretty crappy again. I'm guessing it's just the usual seasonal thing and it better hurry up and either hit me full force, or get out of here because I do not want it to ruin my vacation! We only have a little over a week till we leave!
For now, I'm going to rest while the house is quiet. Maybe tomorrow I'll go after some Zicam to help rush things along.

Tired and thinking

I'm feeling weird the past 2 days. Not sure what it is exactly but here's what is going on. I'm exhausted. Which I'm finding weird because I've been in bed and asleep before midnight every night, and the past 2 mornings haven't got up till around 7:30 or 8. I know the start of the week was crazy, but it wasn't that crazy that I should be feeling like this. Normally this doesn't hit till right before my period starts. It better not be coming early.
I'm also unusually moody. Not like a constant thing, just enough that it's annoying to me. I know I've been short with K when he gets into his hyper questions and behavior. I have a lingering headache. I never really had this hit me middle of the cycle before so it's really weird. Maybe a connection to possible ovulation? I did a little googling earlier and it could be. But I'm not sure if it worked or not. Its just weird. I looked and it's day 18. If ovulation happened, I'm guessing around Tuesday which would have been day 16.
I'm just feeling incredibly lazy today and have been counting down till bedtime since right after lunch. Hopefully tomorrow is more energy and out of this weirdness. Has anyone else had weirdness during or around ovulation like this?

Wednesday

Today I'm not doing anything productive. The week was crazy so far with having visitors from out of state, then the funeral, then a birthday party for my other grandmother who turned 85 yesterday, and throw in some more construction mess to all that. I fell asleep on the couch last night and slept in a little this morning and still can not snap out of this exhaustion. It doesn't help that it's in the 90's and so stinkin humid lately.
With everything going on lately my healthy eating has been pushed back to whatever I can get on the go. And there is so much junk food around this week. Must get back on track and make sure there isn't a gain. I was doing so good. Tomorrow will be a fresh start.
My appt for next Tuesday is moved to Wednesday instead. I'll be on day 24 then I think. That should be late enough to get accurate results this time, especially if last night's pain was any sign of anything. Next week is going to be pretty busy between appts and getting ready for vacation. It's less than 2 weeks to go!
So here's 2 more pictures from the weekend trip. I think the waterfall pic I am going to get printed and framed. I have to decide which ones from over 80 pictures because I definitely want one or 2 of them larger. And here's my husband walking in shame after his fall. I told him to hold still for a picture of after the fall, and he hung his head and kept walking slowly. And K was all wet because he decided he was walking in the water to cool off at one of our breaks.

Stabbing Ovaries

Well, so much for not obsessing. I've been having pains for most of the day. And while sitting at the funeral I felt this disturbing feeling like something was starting. I snuck to the bathroom as soon as I was able and to my surprise, no blood. Sooooo.....I guess that means something may be going on. Or it is just mind games. I'm leaning more towards mind games because of the past 2 months that I was so sure it was happening and nothing did. So, until they show me high progesterone levels, I'll be negative. Blah. More updates tomorrow. Got homework now and then sleep. Honestly I just want to sleep. I don't even feel like moving from the couch after the day I had.

Weekend with pics

We went for a day trip to a new state park I found out about yesterday. I took over 80 pics, and here's a few of my favorites. If you are friends on facebook, there's 40 something posted there to check out and see the rest if you are interested. We hiked about 4-5 miles probably total circle, and there is so many waterfalls. I'd have to look to see how many exactly. They range from 11ft to the biggest which was 94 feet. It was so pretty and just a really great way to reconnect after a kinda bad week. We took K along, and he did great till the very end but that's to be expected. We didn't even leave home till after lunch so it was a long day. Dennis decided half way into the hike that he was going to get closer to see more and I went ahead and waited. Shortly after he yells for me to come down and I was confused how he got there so fast. I asked if there was a short cut I missed and he said "yeah, something like that." I get closer and he's covered in mud and blood. He thought he was on a trail and hit a wet rock and fell about 20 feet! He went down on his back and butt and is ok, just sore and bruised. He also has a lot of scrapes. Nothing really bad or deep but it could have been so bad. He says his pride was hurt more than anything. I know it scared me and I didn't even see it happen. Anyway...enjoy the pics. I'll do a longer post to update on other things in a day or 2. Tuesday morning is the funeral and I also have my 15 yr old cousin staying with me during the day for the next 3-4 days while she's up visiting from SC. So it's been a little busy around here.

Friday thoughts

So, instead of getting ready to leave for my usual Friday errands, I'm sitting here thinking.
I went out yesterday and tried to find a dress for the funeral. I didn't have any luck so I think I'll stick with what I have even though it's a little big now (yay!). I'm trying to decide what to do about K for this though. I'm not sure when the right time is to expose a child to this. I decided that I'm only going to the funeral and burial, and skipping the viewing part because family gets an hour before the funeral starts anyway. Dennis does not get paid for taking off for this, and really things are so busy with trying to get everything under control for his week off in 2 weeks. He said he would stay home for me to go to things and work later, but I just don't know.....I hate to make him miss work and bust his butt to get those hours back.

Not sure what day I'm on cycle wise. I'd have to look at my journal. I haven't been keeping up with that this time. I honestly don't care anymore. I know that I'm starting to feel achiness and the usual cm issues. Other than that, nothing there to shout out that something is definitely happening. I'm not going to obsess about that though.

I'm trying to come up with ideas for keeping Kristopher busy during this school year. I made a few calls and preschools are full. The head start/pre-K program is based on low income, first come first serve type of thing. And for those who are over that and would have to pay, it goes by income as well. We are on the higher end of things and that is against us apparently. I shouldn't complain but if it's so important that my child gets exposed (based on the therapist) why can't I find something without driving almost an hour and half away? It's crazy. I think I'm going to get him in the YMCA gym and pool thing again this year, he will do preschool the 2nd and 4th marking period of the school year at the high school program, and I guess we will work on homeschooling preschool to prepare for next year. I'm not sure what else to do. After we get back from vacation I think I'll devote an hour or 2 per day to "school".

I guess I'll go get some errands done, and hopefully be back home before too late tonight. I'm exhausted and just want a day to do nothing.

Death

Today I have to learn a way to explain death to Kristopher. He's almost 5 and never really experienced this other than with gold fish. I got a call this morning from my aunt saying that my grandmother passed away. She has been battling Alzheimer's for several years now along with heart problems, diabetes, and in remission 2 times I think for cancer. So it's not really a big surprise and at this point it's that we all know she's not suffering anymore, and is in a better place. I feel bad that we haven't visited her in years, but she hasn't known me in over 5 yrs, and hasn't known any of her kids in at least 2. She changed from this wonderful sweet person to mean and cranky after she lost all that. She has met K 2 times I think, and neither of those times did she understand who he was. So he really doesn't "know" her.
I briefly explained so far that he needs to be nice and calm later today when he sees Pappy because "Pappy's mom died this morning and he will be sad." He was really concerned about if she was in the cemetery up the road from us, do we go see her while she's "in the ground" and "how did she died?" I just explained that she was really sick and now she's not hurting anymore. And she won't be in the cemetery up the road because it's not close to her home. We're not real religious, and we do not go to church so I'm not sure how to handle explaining things more. Maybe what I said is good enough. She was catholic so there will be a big funeral at the church and I plan on attending but I don't know if I should bring Kristopher into that. He's extremely sensitive and I don't know if he can handle seeing people crying, and I don't know if he would sit quiet enough for how long this is going to be. Plus then there is also the fact of the body sitting there for the whole room to see. I'm just not sure how to handle this...... While I'm sad she's gone, I'm glad that she's finally free of all this that has hurt her and taken so much away from her over the years. She was such a sweet and caring person and it was not fair she had to go through so much pain and problems. We've expected this call for at least the past 5 yrs, and I'm shocked she fought and held on so long. At least now she is free.

Today I love my scale

Yes, I know that is weird. Most of the time I've hated it. But today I am officially under my lowest in the past at 7 years. That is a huge deal to me and it's made me more focused on working hard to maintain. I feel so good about it today. The only way I'll be ok about gaining anything back right now is if this cycle works.
If it does not work, I'm working harder at this, and will reward myself with new clothes for the fall/winter.
And I booked our trip for the beach. 3 weeks from today I'll be at the beach with no worries. Hopefully. We NEED this vacation so bad. It will be good for all of us.
Enough rambling for now. I have to get a few errands done. Today is a good day.

Staying busy

Today was the follow up with the therapist about the behavior plan. She was extremely impressed with how he is doing and said unless I have doubts, she does not need to see me back. If later things turn for the worse again, then to call and she will bring me back in. So we're doing this great and he's responding really well. That makes me feel a lot better. Her opinions since he misses the cut for Kindergarten is to get him exposed as much as possible socially this school year. Since I can't really get him in a full time preschool, he's going to do the program he did last year at the high school, and I am trying to convince him that the pool isn't scary so he can do the YMCA again. She told me to check with the library for story time or other preschool programs. That will be my goal for tomorrow.
After the appt we went for hair cuts. I haven't gotten mine cut since at least Feb. and it desperately needed it. I got 4 inches cut off and re-layered. I like it and it feels so much lighter. I may have lost a few pounds with all that. While we were waiting I had to hear about how this lady's sister was pregnant and had lost her baby at 16 weeks. It sounded really sad and I didn't hear what all she had said went wrong. But she said that her sister is having a really difficult time with it and it was "over a year ago already and it wasn't even a real baby yet! She has 2 other kids but always tells people she has 3. It's crazy." It took all I had to keep my mouth shut. I feel really bad for her sister now because not only did she lose a baby but she also has no support system with her sister. Sisters are suppose to be able to talk about things and understand them better than most. Well, I am assuming that but what do I know? I don't have a real sister so my opinion doesn't count. I thought it was really heartless though.
Oh and the lady who does our hair is pregnant and due in Oct with a boy. She said it took them a little while to conceive and she was asking me questions about us since K is almost 5 now. I told her we have issues and left it at that.
Cycle wise I would have to look to see what day I'm on. I'm not paying attention to it all this month. Things feel like they may be waking up but it also likes to play mind games so who knows for sure. WILL NOT OBSESS IT!!
I have to figure out supper now. I left in a hurry this morning and forgot to set stuff out. I could really eat pizza but that would be bad for dieting....

Back again

I decided that I don't like wordpress as much as this. Maybe I just don't like change. But, I really like that I can see where people are coming from on here and word press didn't offer that. If it does, I'm being stupid and not seeing it. Plus, I can't customize things as much without buying something on there.
So, I'm back.
It's a new week and not much is going on yet. I feel achy. That's about it. I'm not obsessing every little thing this time. I'm preparing for having my period on the beach trip. As my husband said, prepare for the worse and hope for the best. We will see. Either way, I'm going on that trip and we will have fun.
I'm definitely keeping this blog here now. So those of you who had linked me on yours, it's ok to update now. I'm staying! I found that I can make my profile private or make it that it doesn't show the blog links, or both. That's been changed.
So anyway...I hope I didn't cause too much issues with changing things around to keep following the blog. I'll stay put now!

Almost Friday!!

I'm so glad that this week is about over! It's been long, stressful and exhausting. And I miss my husband. At least the plan is next week he has someone to help him out and he will work a little later than normal, but be home early enough to spend time with us before it's bedtime. And I asked him today if this is going to interfere with homework and he says he will make sure it does not. I will not be happy if it does!

Now with taking 3 pills per day, I haven't noticed a huge change in things. I still have a lingering headache, and kinda dizzy at times. That was the only new thing and it's not very often or too bad so that's ok. It could also be from the heat. Other than that, I am 2 days down, 3 to go. My mid cycle visit is suppose to be on Aug. 25th at 8am. I'll be on day 23 then. I hope that gets better results.

Med day 1, last round

Today is officially the start of the last round of meds. I've been up'd to 3 pills per day, days 3-7. It was hard to get all 3 down but at least it's over till tomorrow morning. I feel crappy already. I woke up with a headache to start with, so that doesn't help much. And just as I thought the bleeding was starting to slow down a lot, it comes back with a vengeance. I just want to go to bed. I'm hoping with everything I have that this month works. It has to.

On other topics... This has been a long week. My husband had 3 employees be extremely stupid and get themselves arrested, so he's now running both 1st and 2nd shift on his own. He left yesterday with 30 hours for the week. His normal hours are from like 5am till 5pm usually, sometimes a little earlier or later, and now the new ones till he can hire replacements are 8 or 9am till 11 or midnight. Its making evenings extremely difficult with K. He's acting out majorly because of it. Last night was really difficult. The only thing that ended up working was putting him to bed a little early so I didn't completely lose my mind. I know he was over tired so the extra sleep can help. I however, can't sleep alone with this new change. I waited up the past 2 nights till he got home and fell asleep pretty much as soon as I hit the pillow.

Oh and I had an interesting phone call yesterday. I always have to get day 1 bloodwork done, which is a pregnancy test that is required for the study records. I am using a lab that is close to home for that since it's such a long drive to Hershey to get that 2 mins in the room. The lab is a joke apparently. Last month it took them over 3 weeks to get the results to the study nurse. Then even though it was clearly stated who to send it attention to when they fax results, they did it to the dr only. So I get this call yesterday from a nurse in the clinic saying there was a problem with my pregnancy test that Dr. L ordered. And she was talking in a really concerned voice. I automatically start panicking mentally because this period started really badly, and my first thought was that this was a miscarriage. So then she goes on to say that they can not find me in the records anywhere and they were wondering how and why this was ordered. So I breathed a sigh of relief and said that I am a study patient and it was SUPPOSE to be faxed to the coordinator like the lab slip said, but apparently they messed that up again. She apologised for giving me a heart attack, and said she would see that it got to the right person. Wow though. I was driving at the time and almost had to pull over for that one. I actually did stop for a few mins after I hung up because it had me shaking so bad. The good news out of it is that results were 0 so no worries about all this. Apparently it's just payback for going 2 weeks late.

In 1 month

I will have a 5 year old. It hardly seems possible because it still feels like yesterday we were waiting for the day. I've got to start planning a party soon. This year is going to be more than just immediate family and it will be the first that he invites friends. To be honest, I don't like the whole games, scheduled and structured parties. I've never had one and I don't know where to start with it. Since his birthday falls so close to labor day weekend, we usually just have a cookout, have some family over and have cake and ice cream. This year it will be the same, but there will be kids here and I'm not sure what to do. I'd like to keep it the same, and just let them play and have fun outside. A few people told me though we have to do games because that's what kids parties are all about. Do I really have to? I don't wanna!
Anyway, also in a month, I *should* be at the beach. D has scheduled his vacation for the first week in September, and he is off from the 29th and won't go back till the Tuesday after labor day. We're planning on a week trip to the beach. We really need that trip away and time to relax as a family without all the obligations at home. I'm really looking forward to that. Now more than ever, I really hope this cycle works because I do not want to have my period for that trip. Especially if it's like this one. It has me down for today at least. I've got some things done but I have to keep resting because these cramps are horrible. I'm going to get something for lunch and then we might try to go to the park or something to get some fresh air. Maybe that will help.

It's here

Finally it's here. It arrived really rudely, but what else is to be expected. Note how early this is being posted. I've been up since 4 with very intense cramping. As soon as I was up and started walking, the bleeding hit hard. It hasn't been this bad in a while. I'm assuming it's because of the thick lining and the extra 2-3 week wait for it. Hopefully all this will be worth it. I am going to try the lab that's closer for my day 1 bloodwork, and it looks like Wednesday will be the day I start meds. I really hope this time works.
Other than bloodwork, I think I'm going to stay at home and try to relax. I need more sleep.

Spotting!

TMI but I'm excited something is going on finally. Since the first provera, I was wearing liners faithfully waiting on something to start. After about Wednesday, I got annoyed with it and said screw it. I started feeling something weird a few times yesterday and would run to the bathroom thinking something was starting, but it was just waterness. No spotting at all. Even when I got up this morning. But, when I woke up, I was really achy. So, a little while ago, I felt that again but was too busy to stop what I was doing, and figured it was just the wonderful mind games. I finally went up and I officially have started spotting. Usually for me, my normal is spotting for several days before it arrives. Unless it's been a medicated cycle that brings it on than it hits sudden. So, spotting right now, I'm fairly sure it's not going to be a full on period till Monday or Tuesday. Either way, we have something going on finally!
Now, if this round does not work, it means our beach vacation is going to include a period. Because we are planning on the first week in Sept. So here's to hoping it doesn't come back for 9 months!!