Other updates

So the move is past us, and I've neglected to update on other appts and stuff.
I'll start with Kristopher. He's been going to his therapy every week. It's just play therapy, but he's benefiting a lot. She has decided that he has anxiety issues. The eating problems are over just as quickly as they had started. It's weird. We're assuming at this point that his anxiety just caused him stomach pain or such worry that he couldn't eat. He's discovered that summer is fun too, and has been having a lot of fun. He goes back to another appt next week, then we will switch to going every other week. She's pretty sure that he will adjust back to school with no problems, but wants to follow him a while longer. The fact that he loves going and looks forward to it, makes me want to keep it up.

I had my appt and weigh in on Monday. I've kinda slowed down and didn't show much loss. 8 weeks into things, and I am only down 6lbs. I blame the move because the week leading up to it, and all of last week, we had a ton of take out and pure junk. I'm trying harder now. I have 8 weeks to go, and 12 more to lose. 2 more appts and I get my clomid and start that journey all over again. I'm kinda scared.
Also, I'm somewhat regular again. I had a 40 day cycle this time. Spotted 2 days in the middle, and then it waited till after the major moving part to hit me. I think it's finally ending. It would be nice to have it totally gone for the longer weekend. It's definitely slowed me down and I'm exhausted this week.

Zoey is going to be getting a vet appt soon. She has a weird lump on her neck, and it's grown. She's acting normal, but the bump concerns me. She also has one under her front leg, like arm pit area. I read stuff and freak out thinking it's cancer. But at the same time, she's over 10 years old, and if it's something bad, I do not want to put her thru a bunch of testing and torture. She's happy right now, so that's what matters. I've been kinda mental lately thinking about the possiblity of life without her. She's been here for me thru everything. I got her only a few weeks after I moved out on my own.
As long as her tests come back saying it's just an old age type of bump, then we're thinking of adding another dog to the mix. The puppy idea we had talked about before, is not an option at the moment. They didn't have puppies like we thought, so it would be at least several more months. And I'm not sure how she would adjust to a hyper puppy jumping in her face all the time. We are dog sitting this week for our old neighbor. The dogs were close and we'd sit out chatting and they'd lay together in the evenings. She seems happy to see her friend at the new house. I'm thinking that maybe I'll try to find a rescue dog that is not old, but not a little puppy either. Not sure yet. But I think she might feel a little younger if she has a friend. Right now the dogs are laying side by side and they sleep close at night. It's really cute.
It's an awesome day here today, so I think we're going to all go outside and enjoy our new yard. We could all benefit from some sun today.

All moved

Getting settled. It's taking forever, but I finally feel like my house is not a disaster area.
I love the house. And I really hope that someday we can buy it. For now, it's just a simple rental. It's the first place, in over 10 years of being on my own, that I feel like it's truly MY home. The yard is awesome. The space is awesome. Kristopher is happy and so is Zoey.
It's a work in progress, but I really like that. It gives us accomplishment as we finish each project.
So basically things are going pretty good here, and I'm just really busy again. More updates later.

What I should be doing

Is packing. We sign our new lease on Monday, and I've worked it out that the little kids are somewhere else for the day. And my mom is taking Kristopher & Zoey from Sunday night-Tuesday so that I do not have to dodge around a dog or kid, and once everything is in it can be put away and easier to deal with. Zoey has no idea that this move is happening. Why? Because I have yet to pack. The only thing I have done was pack away all Kristopher's school papers that were on the wall and fridge, and removed all the magnets from the fridge. That's it. I'm majorly slacking.
We are only moving not even a full mile away. We both have SUV's, and with no kids or dog along, I can completely flip the seats in mine and have a great moving vehicle. His is a little smaller, but will still do a massive amount of moving without any problems. I plan to do things room by room, and avoid the true packing/unpacking drama. It sounds crazy to a lot of people, but I think this is going to work great. I'll update on how it went after it's over.
So until then, it's a really busy weekend. Next update will be when this is all done and over.

Therapy

Monday night I met with the therapist to discuss all that's been going on. She likes to meet with at least one of the parents first, and it was really reassuring to sit down and not feel like I'm a total failure. She went over so much and took a complete history. Down to how the pregnancy was, how delivery went, etc. She feels pretty strongly that this is not autism. He's met all his milestones early or as expected. He's always been social, minus the typical stranger stages. He adjusted great to school and all those changes. But he is a major worrier. He worries things that most adults wouldn't think about. So she definitely feels he has anxiety issues. And because of those and his eating fears, she is calling this a form of an eating disorder. And if we are unable to get him to eat and follow our rule and get back on track in a few weeks, then it's off to an eating specialist/disorder therapist. Completely blown away by that one. I guess I am stupid and didn't realize that kids this young could have that problem.
The good news though, is that he is doing much better. He is definitely hungry and thinking of food the way he use to. During the bad 2 weeks, he kept saying he was full and never asked to eat. Now he eats breakfast at 8am, by 10 is asking about lunch. Lunch we're lucky to make it to noon, and then by 2 he asks for a snack. After snack, by 4 he's asking about supper. Breakfast goes good everday. Lunch has been great the past 2 days, so he gets to have whatever he wants for a snack in the afternoon. Supper last night was awesome, and he asked for another serving. Then after he got rewarded with his popcicle. In the middle of that and his happiness got crushed and we were on the verge of a panic attack. The little kids stay late on Tuesday's. So we were all eating supper, and he sits in the middle of the kids. I had just gave Danielle her fruit, and went to get some ready for the baby and I heard that horrible sound of barf. I look back and she had barfed, and was still going, all over the table. Poor Kristopher was stuck in the middle of them, and the high chair was in the way. I pulled the baby out of the way quick and K got to run out of the room before his supper joined the table. We spent a good 1/2 hr reassuring him that she did not get sick because of her food, that she just doesn't feel good and it was bad timing. She currently has an ear infection and I think the upset stomach has to the medication. So, as I'm cleaning her up, and talking into the other room to him, he decides he is still ok with eating and wanted to finish his popcicle. He just didn't want to be anywhere that he could see or smell what I had to clean up. Poor kid. So, he is making major progress. I know after I had to clean all that up, I was done eating for a while. I don't think I will ever get use to cleaning up real vomit. And note to self. The next time she is picky about eating, and only wants to drink milk, I think it needs switched to water just in case. There is just something that makes it 10x worse when milk is involved.

So back to the therapy. She met with Kristopher alone yesterday for an hour and came out saying we are on the right track and she was pleased with things went. We will talk about everything before his next appt and she wants to see him back weekly for a while. Next appt is next Wednesday morning. He said he had a blast and can't wait to go back. It's play therapy and he claims they didn't talk about anything. But when I asked what he played, they were playing puppets with playfood and some of the puppets were picky eaters. He doesn't realize he was giving her a ton of info that way, and I think it's pretty awesome how that works. I can't wait to hear what she is finding out from him. At least we're making real progress finally, and he's eating and acting more normal.

Bad weekend

I'm really mental lately. Between all the stuff going on with Kristopher, the heat, preparing for a move, and just my own issues with this dieting. So, when today started out ok then ended with a twist from my mother, I completely went back into the dark place. The plan was to go visit my family after Kristopher's tball game today. There were storms, and the morning wasn't going so well. So I said that I don't think we are staying for the game, and don't know if we will be up or not. She said it was ok because there was a twist to the day, but she still wants to see Kristopher. She asked if they could come over later. The twist to the day was that my brother's 3rd baby was born this morning. For those that have been reading here for a while, his first turned 2 at the end of April. The 2nd turned 1 in the middle of May. This one is born before the other is even 13 months. Neither works, or cares about anyone but themselves, and she can't even stop drinking, smoking and drugs during pregnancy. So can we all take a moment to say yay for more welfare babies? I'm really a horrible aunt. I haven't seen either of the other 2 since July last year, and it was the only time I saw the 1 yr old. And quite honestly, with how they are being raised and the brats they are being turned into, I don't really care to be part of that. They do not believe in any form of discipline, and make them do stupid things to make everyone laugh. Things I would not allow Kristopher to do or say and he's almost 7 years old.
And I try not to let it bother me. But it really pisses me off that with how the freaking ecomony is, that we have to question our decision to keep trying for another child. That we question how well we can provide, and we most definitely can not afford to do the treatment we need to achieve our dream quickly. I don't like to talk the money drama on here, but I'm sure everyone is struggling with how things are lately. Gas and food are just outragious prices.
And I'm also upset that I did everything perfectly during my pregnancy, and we're going through these issues with Kristopher. Granted, it's not major problems like some people deal with, but it is very stressful right now, and I have been questioning what I could have done to avoid this, or prevent it. I feel like it's something I've done, or didn't do.
AND I get attitude when I act uncaring towards the fact that I have a new nephew and I won't rush out to buy him things or see him. Or care if I ever see him. Because I hate his parents. Hating his parents is just so wrong of me because family should be everything, and I apparently care way more about my friends than I would ever devote to my own flesh and blood. Seriously. And there is no reason to be jealous of someone just because I can't have kids as easily as them. Maybe it's just not the right time for me. My blood was seriously boiling and I wanted to kill. I find it very hard to believe that welfare and living off the system is every the right time and that's why they keep having kids.
Today I don't feel like I have any faith in things working out, and if in 4-6 months there is another announcement, I might just go off the deep end for real. And God help my family if they try getting together with them there. I will not bite my tongue, and I will have everyone hating me.

The first appt

Today I met with Kristopher's pediatrician. It was an appt to rule out anything physically wrong, causing the food issues. He had a complete physical, and mouth checked out a little closer and nothing was found. We found out that he is a pound less than his 5 year check up. Almost 2 years ago. They still are not concerned because his weight is on the higher part of the chart. He was 54lbs, and almost 51 inches (4 foot 3). They did feel that since kids are apparently suppose to gain 4-6 pounds per year at the post baby stage, that he needs a little extra boost (for real boost essentials for kids) so that the lack of eating doesn't cause more drama. We were given 2 samples and he says it tastes really bad. I'm sure it does. I tried to drink it when I was pregnant since I was so sick, and it made me barf more.

But anyway. The doctor asked him a bunch of questions, and we've determined that he has a lot of worry about his food. He's worried that his teeth come loose, and one falls out while he's eating and he swallows it. He's worried if that happens, it will hurt his stomach and make him really sick. He's worried that his teeth will hurt while he eats something. He says he's scared he will choke, like with the popcorn last weekend. Even though that was not the same as we would call choking, to him, it was a traumatic experience. The doctor said based on what I described the behavior as, it was classified a panic attack.
He's also really worried about tornado's and thunderstorms causing us to be hurt, or our house...or cars. Or being out trapped in one and lightening hurting us. That's something new, because he use to think storms were cool. I'm assuming that has to do with the night we rushed him to the basement during the tornado.
The doctor also believes that there was a lot of anxiety and worry about the change of school ending. He said he thinks the food issues were triggered to the extreme because of that. All 3 big things happening in the same time frame, caused it all to make him not able to move past it.
I asked about the possibility of autism and other things like that because of the extreme emotion and drama he has. He said he does not believe it's that at all. He says at most, this is an anxiety disorder, and because he is so young, therapy should help with that. So that's reassuring that I made the right approach. He reviewed the chart and history and said he has always met milestones on time or early, asked how he is in school and socially, and he said he does not fit near enough criteria for us to even try to label him. That's reassuring.

He gave me a ton of tips, so that this does not end up as a major food fight for a long time. He explained it in front of Kristopher, so he knows that the "rules" did not come from me being mean. He knows that the doctor said it's important, and how it will keep him healthy. So he has done amazing tonight. The rule is now, no special meals. Before I was giving in just to get him to eat something. His choice was all junk food, and that bothered me. It has been over a week since he's ate a veggie, and almost as long since he's had any type of fruit other than applesauce. So, the rule. We will give him a plate of what we are having. Obviously I'm not going to start making him eat something that I know he clearly does not like. In normal cases, we will give him a plate with what we are having. He has to eat at least 6 bites (1 per year old) before he is done. Of each item on the plate. So, if it's something he says is nasty, he still has to eat 6 bites before he's allowed to move past. Obviously if he likes it, I expect him to eat it without drama. If it's a fight, try the 6 bites. After that, if he does that and is still hungry, then he is allowed a dessert. If he does not do it, we will save it in the fridge. In between meals, if he asks for a snack, we are to reheat what he didn't eat, and he has to try to finish those 6 bites. If he does it, great. He can have something else if he's still hungry. If he still fights it, there's nothing else till the next meal. At the next meal either way, it's a clean slate and we start again. He did great tonight, and he realized ways around the textures he doesn't like. Tonight it was grilled hot dogs, at his request. Then he had started to panic about the "crunchy" and pulled out chewed food in a panic. I told him he can pick off the part he doesn't like, but to remember the rule. He was happy with that, and ate the rest without a problem. Supper was less dramatic, and everyone left the table happy.

He also seem to think the night terrors were part of anxiety. He says that he would have looked into it further and probably recommended therapy back at the 6 yr appt if he'd have seen us. He's shocked that it was just blown off like no big deal back then. It's been months since we've had that happen, but these other issues started coming out more instead.
I feel like we have some progress. He is definitely feeling better, and has been hungrier today. I just hope we can get to a point of not having to count bites. Monday I meet the therapist, and Tuesday is his turn.

One of those kinda nights

Do you ever have one of those nights where you just can not sleep because of everything on your mind?
I wish I could say I don't know what that means. It's been more and more lately.
Tonight I'm trying to figure out a good monthly budget to make things easier, and maybe make a goal by spring. It's stressful though.

I'm also worried about appts we have scheduled next week. Monday I meet with the therapist, just me, to talk about what I've been noticing with Kristopher. On Tuesday he has his first appt. Today was a better day and he ate almost like normal. He was asking for a lot of snacks through out the day, so he's starting to be hungry again. I just need to find a new way to get him back on more healthy foods, and less of whatever he will eat to get him to eat type of foods.

My diet sucks this week. Too much stress, too much take out, very bad combo.

We move in less than 2 weeks. I haven't packed a single thing yet. And probably won't till late next week. I'm trying to keep myself from stressing too much, and also for the dog. She doesn't know it's happening yet. No boxes to be found. This is a pretty easy move I think. It's a mile away. I plan to take it room by room, and not pack a ton of stuff prior. I was thinking of just loading up some storage totes, starting with the kitchen, as I move it. So, the day I decide to the the kitchen, I'll clean the new place then come back for the stuff in the cabinets. Put it straight into the new ones, back for more. Then clean them here as they are emptied. It sounds easy in my mind. Fingers crossed that it truly will be.

I'm also trying to plan supper, lunch and snack menus for the rest of the time we are here. And would like to do a big grocery trip tomorrow to last us till we're in the new place. I find it a royal pain in the butt to move a ton of groceries, so I'm skipping next weekends grocery trip and will do it mid week once we're in the new place. I'm betting that in 2 weeks, it's another really bad diet week.

Tomorrow we have a doctor appt to make sure that this lack of eating thing is not something physical. I think it's mostly a waste of money since the therapy appts are pretty obviously needed, and how he was there a week ago. But I'll do it anyway. Hopefully we don't wait an hour and half like last time. That is always a blast.

Something else really random before I go to bed. I want to figure out how to do some of this crazy coupon stuff. Tonight I had coupons for my bath wash, and a sample shampoo that I liked. $2 off each, and I bought conditioner too, so I saved a total of $6. I felt pretty proud of myself. I wish I could figure out this crazy stuff of getting a cart full of groceries for next to nothing. I'd probably get banned from the stores here because we have some nasty people running registers who clearly do not want to do anything extra whatsoever. I just find it kinda fun to see how much I can actually save. All the coupons I find though that would truly save, are not things I use. Apparently I'm looking in all the wrong places.

Anxiety

After some more talking, we've discovered that a big part of the issues with Kristopher are because of school ending. He is very upset that school is over. We also live in town that has a lot of army students, who are only here for the school year. It figures that one of his really good friends will be moving. Actually, half the class will be moving on. So he's upset about never seeing some of those people again. He's upset over not being able to keep his kindergarten passwords and specials, and that he won't be able to go back to school till almost September. He was crying in class yesterday, on our walk home, and again this morning.
He's definitely an extreme thinker, deeply emotional and now a major worrier. We have talked and tried hard to hype up how cool the summer is going to be. We told him how proud we are about how well he has done this year, and we have promised rewards for that behavior. He will be talking to the school therapist before he leaves today, and I'm still keeping all the appts I have scheduled.
Right now I feel pretty horrible as well because he is heartbroken about this, and there's nothing I can do to fix the main issue.
Here's a picture of him on his last day of school. When he leaves today, he's officially a 1st grader.

Double pickiness

These two.....I don't know what started it, but both are extremely picky lately. I'll start with Zoey because her drama will be shorter. For a few weeks, she has been abondoning her food. She use to inhail it as soon as it was put in the bowl. Actually, she would push us out of the way while we were pouring it in, and food would go in her water, or on the floor. Now, she stares at us like seriously? You expect me to eat that? And it will sit there for half a day before I finally worry too much and sit near her while she eats it. Forget her eating from the kitchen. She's too good for that now apparently. She is acting normal, so I guess it's an old dog thing. I have a call in to the vet (who's on vacation) so hopefully some answers soon.
And on to the boy drama.
He's also extremely picky. He use to eat like a grown man. Now, especially in the past week or 2, he is EXTREMELY picky. Major sensory issues going on. Stuff is too crunchy. Sticks to his tongue wrong. Looks weird. Anything you can think of, it's wrong. He will take a bite or 2, then gag and have to spit it out. And at that point, he's done. Nothing more can convince him to eat. The weekend took a major turn and he had a really big panic attack about popcorn. In the middle of the movie theater lobby, he freaked because a piece of popcorn touched his tongue weird and was stuck. He was convinced it was choking him and he was going to barf and he just lost it. Again this morning, with pancakes. They were "crunchy" and he had to spit it out because he was going to barf. We explained how important it is for him to eat, so he doesn't end up passing out and going to the hospital. We even tried to scare him about the fact if he did not eat, and went to the hospital, that he'd need an IV. He knows what that means, and this morning he got his shoes on and asked which one we would have to go to, because he had no intention on eating breakfast. So, after a talk, he went to school without eating. I made some calls, and the school therapist pulled him out and talked to him for a while. I called another therapist and they are working at getting him an appt for an evaluation. He has an appt with the regular doctor on Friday to rule out any concerns, and a dentist appt next week. Covering all the bases. According to the talk at school, he has major anxiety about eating. Part of it is from when his teeth are loose, he says it hurts him to eat. He has only told me this once, and it was with the most recent tooth he lost last week. And he was super excited about that tooth. She said he told her he is worried about how many more he needs to lose, because they hurt when they get wiggily. He was in tears. He also is very worried about something like the popcorn happening again. More tears. She feels there is an underlying problem, and there has been some mention of high fuctioning autism, and a few other possible reasons. It's more than just a phase in their mind.
Tonight I talked to him more, and explained how important it is for him to eat. And how many people are worried about him when he acts this way. He said that he just feels really full, and sometimes his belly hurts. I explained that when he skips eating, that he can cause more pain because he's not eating when he should be. He's also lost 2lbs.
So we let him pick supper, and sides. He chose a burger, and I cut it in half. The deal was if he could eat one half, he could play computer games. He forced it down, getting a drink every couple bites. Then, he got his reward. After I said time was over, he willingly quit, and went back to the kitchen and finished the entire plate of food. Then tells us that apparently he is all better now. I asked what was wrong, since he had told me he was feeling fine all along. "I guess I just didn't eat enough." And that was the end. No more complaints or weird behavior. Just over like that. I hope that's truly the end, but I worry too that there is something more wrong.
What I do not understand is how it just developes from nowhere. He's always met all milestones without any concern, and usually early. He's crazy smart. He's always been fine with eating, and eating anything offered. And we usually have to make him stop. He is extremely emotional though, and very deep thinker. He thrives on routine, and a change in that will cause drama. He still is behind on fine motor skills. Apparently these flaws, have them thinking there is a bigger picture. I'm scared, and completely confused. It will be a week or 2 till we meet with the therapist, so I really hope it goes by fast. I haven't slept very good, and I feel like crap from all the worry. I have to stop reading and researching till I know what I'm looking for.
I also feel really hurt that he can open up like that to the therapist at school, but always tells me nothing is wrong, "i'm fine", etc. Even tonight, he was quiet until I said that I talked to her after him.
So, I guess it's always something here. I hope that I can get answers fast, and get him whatever help he needs to over come this. And the dog too.

Another tooth lost

Tonight, after an hour of pulling and what seemed like the end of the world, Kristopher pulled his 10th tooth. Here's a picture of his excitement of it being pushed straight forwards and freaking me out. I think wiggily teeth are really gross. Not sure why. The sound it was making, and the way he was twisting it....just gross. He insisted it had to come out tonight, and it was causing him pain. He wasn't eating right this week and clearly uncomfortable. So, when it was finally out, he seemed better. I'll try to get a good picture of the giant holes in his mouth tomorrow. This is the best I got prior to it coming out. It was 10pm and the flash was blinding him.

Before we started experiencing all the tooth losing drama, I never realized that bigger kids had teething issues like they do as babies. I'll say that he was a pretty easy teether as a baby, and I never had any major issues other than cold like symptoms. But, the bigger teeth cause more issues than baby teeth. About a week before he manages to get them out, he doesn't eat much, he is constantly sticking his fingers in his mouth, and he's clearly uncomfortable. And he doesn't sleep that great. Tonight he actually went to bed crying and whimpering about his mouth hurting. And begged me to help the tooth come out. I tried once, and he said it hurt. I tried to convince him to keep it in there till it was ready and just falls out, but that wasn't happening.
At least with this one, it looks like we have a break for a while. Nothing else loose and he is not "suppose to" lose any of the other ones for another year or 2. We will see. My kid is anything but normal.