I've been really slacking with blogging. I feel out of it lately. I'm not tracking this cycle, and I honestly don't even remember what day it started. Its my off month so oh well. I know that nothing is going on and I'm ok with that.
We've been busy with lots the past week. It's gotten colder. The leaves are changing. We've been going on some walks and doing things outside. I've also started I guess fall cleaning. With cooler weather, I broke out K's warmer clothes. I've come to realize that this kid grows waaaay too fast. He can't fit into any of the pants from last spring. Things that were bought new in the spring. He now needs size 6's in pants. Some of his shirts are fine. All his cooler weather pj's are too small. He has issues with them being too short so I can't even make him wear them that way. He has 2 pair of the tighter fitting kind and apparently it "bothers his pee-pee" (yes, he doesn't use proper terms and I'm fine with that). I am not fine with the fact he's constant adjusting himself now when he's wearing jammies! So, we're going to have to do some shopping really soon. And have I mentioned that he's awfully close to 4 ft tall already? I was like 37 inches when I started school at 6 yrs old. This kid is at least 10 inches taller than that. He's going to be a giant. He goes for his 5 yr WCV on Oct 14th.
And more on him....He has a loose tooth!!!!!! I don't remember losing teeth till like 1st grade, so that would make me 7 yrs old by the time it happened. K just turned 5 and I noticed his use to be perfect top teeth are changing. One is longer and something looked weird. So I started testing teeth and sure enough, one of those top middles is wiggily. Not majorly loose yet but it's starting! I'm not ready for this and I'm not sure he will be either. He's freaked about blood and things that might hurt, and I don't know what he will do after a tooth falls out. And I do hope it just falls out. I don't want to have to try to pull that. Somehow he already knew about the tooth fairy. We haven't talked about that at all. Must be from school last year or something.
We're getting closer to Oct now. One more day!
We earned a free hotel night with our beach stay, so we're trying to find something to do towards the end of Oct/beginning of Nov to do just the 2 of us. My birthday is Oct 26th, our anniversary is Nov 9th and then Dennis's bday is Dec 7th. We have till Nov 11th I think it is to use the free night. So we will do it as a combination of the 3 things. Of course, I'm trying to plan that around when my period might show up which we have no clue on that one. I guess it will be pretty last minute planning. My mom said she will watch K for us to go as sort of a b-day gift to me. We have not been away on our own for so long. Maybe we will just do dinner and a movie then get a room. HA. That sounds bad..... I'm looking forward to a night away though!
Well, since it's getting cold and nasty lately here, I'll be around more. There's lots I think about while out and about that I'd like to blog about, but never feel like it once I get home and the chance to relax. Fall/winter will bring me back.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Another week passed
Well, not really all that much going on. I'm not keeping track of things this month and have no idea what day I'm on. I'm 99% sure that nothing is going on anyway so I won't stress myself out with tracking. I have one more month until my appt with the clinic. After that appt, I'm ordering the herbs and will start those till spring at least. Maybe they will work and I won't have to worry about what is next in the spring!
I've emailed them a lot and found out the whole "cleansing" process is mostly just getting rid of the old unshed lining. I know based on my old history and a lot of these study u/s that my lining is still growing thick even with mostly regular periods. And lately the periods are bad for the first day or so then it's spotting for a few more. I believe with how thick things looked by u/s that everything is not shedding properly anyway. So they said to expect the first month on it to have a lot of brown spotting and the first period might be bad, but then it will regulate fast. It apparently has very high success with PCOS and endo. I figured it's worth a shot. And right around $100 for basically a 4 month supply! Seeing as each cycle will be at least $1000, this could work out in my favor while on a break. Heck it's cheaper than birth control seeing as my insurance won't cover it.
Even though I'm on a break, I can't shut off a lot of the thoughts and wants. I've still had a few emotional breakdowns in the past 2 weeks. Mostly though I'm managing just fine. Like I was told, we still do our part regularly, who knows what might happen. I'll still hold onto that tiny string of hope that someday it will just work on it's own just once and we will get lucky. I guess anything is possible right?
I've emailed them a lot and found out the whole "cleansing" process is mostly just getting rid of the old unshed lining. I know based on my old history and a lot of these study u/s that my lining is still growing thick even with mostly regular periods. And lately the periods are bad for the first day or so then it's spotting for a few more. I believe with how thick things looked by u/s that everything is not shedding properly anyway. So they said to expect the first month on it to have a lot of brown spotting and the first period might be bad, but then it will regulate fast. It apparently has very high success with PCOS and endo. I figured it's worth a shot. And right around $100 for basically a 4 month supply! Seeing as each cycle will be at least $1000, this could work out in my favor while on a break. Heck it's cheaper than birth control seeing as my insurance won't cover it.
Even though I'm on a break, I can't shut off a lot of the thoughts and wants. I've still had a few emotional breakdowns in the past 2 weeks. Mostly though I'm managing just fine. Like I was told, we still do our part regularly, who knows what might happen. I'll still hold onto that tiny string of hope that someday it will just work on it's own just once and we will get lucky. I guess anything is possible right?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I've been distracted
My final appt was on Monday and I have yet to update. I am slacking. Basically all we did was the questionnaires again, weight, blood pressure, measurements, skin test, basic stuff like in the start of the study. They did a final round of blood work, one of which was checking liver levels. K had a cold so I couldn't leave him with a sitter and he got to go along. That was a blast. We had to be up and out of the house at 6:30, and he already wasn't feeling well, so he was quite the handful at the appt. We talked a little about the last round, a little about the length of the cycles that did work. Out of the 5, I ovulate 3 times. The first time was ruined by the gall bladder attack. The 2nd I still blame on the fact that we didn't have a good start to that cycle because we started without a period. Then nothing worked again till the last round. That one I have yet to understand because we did everything right. Anyway, she said to keep her updated with everything going on and told me not to give up. She's been great support this year with all this and I really wish she was part of the clinic too. But she's research only so hopefully the new nurses I'll deal with are just as nice. My first clinic appt will be Oct 27th. Mostly I'm just going to see what they suggest, find out prices for treatment options and I'll tell them I'll call back when I'm ready to schedule all this and give it a go again. I definitely want a break from the constant appts. My plans as of right now is to do the herbal stuff starting in November. I've been emailing them back and forth this past week and have gotten a lot of info and it sounds like a really good choice right now. It sounds a lot easier than some of these meds, and has extremely good success stories. At this point I'll just be happy with better cycles and controlling these pcos issues.
And I've been distracted lately because of this drama with my brother. His girlfriend kicked him out "for a few weeks" on Sunday and my mom took pity on him. He's now staying here at night. And causing our lives to be turned upside down and dramatic. All of this has proved to us that no matter how much we help them, we will never be anything more than extra money. At this point, we're putting in an application for the townhouses we use to rent from for something by next summer. I want to be 100% sure on what we are doing in the spring when it's time to sign K up for Kindergarten. Things will happen a whole lot quicker if this temporary drama turns into more regular nonsense. I know that mentally I just can't take much more. I hate to move, and I hate to be back in the city life, but it doesn't make much sense for us to stick around and bust butt to help out and not be appriciated. Plus closer to work would save us a lot. I have to decide which is better long term before any big decisions get made.
But, that's the latest. Honest things didn't use to be so crazy and dramatic with my life. And I typically wouldn't even mention it but it's been on my mind and driving me crazy and helps to get it all out.
And I've been distracted lately because of this drama with my brother. His girlfriend kicked him out "for a few weeks" on Sunday and my mom took pity on him. He's now staying here at night. And causing our lives to be turned upside down and dramatic. All of this has proved to us that no matter how much we help them, we will never be anything more than extra money. At this point, we're putting in an application for the townhouses we use to rent from for something by next summer. I want to be 100% sure on what we are doing in the spring when it's time to sign K up for Kindergarten. Things will happen a whole lot quicker if this temporary drama turns into more regular nonsense. I know that mentally I just can't take much more. I hate to move, and I hate to be back in the city life, but it doesn't make much sense for us to stick around and bust butt to help out and not be appriciated. Plus closer to work would save us a lot. I have to decide which is better long term before any big decisions get made.
But, that's the latest. Honest things didn't use to be so crazy and dramatic with my life. And I typically wouldn't even mention it but it's been on my mind and driving me crazy and helps to get it all out.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Quick update
I'm officially done with the study. I had my last appt today and everything went ok. I won't find out what med I was on for a while though. They have to wait for the very last person to complete the final appt. It could be a while since I started it right away and was one of the first people to even sign up and get registered.
Anyway, I got a copy of my blood work and looked up insulin levels. Apparently I am insulin resistant. I'm in the normal range but the site was saying levels over certain #'s are IR. I am over those #'s but still in the normal range. I'm confused.
I have tried metformin before and got really really sick. I made it 3 weeks before giving up.
I don't go to the clinic till Oct 27th. I'm trying to decide now if I just order the herbs and give that a try, or wait and ask for another try at Met. Any thoughts?
I'll update more tomorrow. I'm exhausted.
Anyway, I got a copy of my blood work and looked up insulin levels. Apparently I am insulin resistant. I'm in the normal range but the site was saying levels over certain #'s are IR. I am over those #'s but still in the normal range. I'm confused.
I have tried metformin before and got really really sick. I made it 3 weeks before giving up.
I don't go to the clinic till Oct 27th. I'm trying to decide now if I just order the herbs and give that a try, or wait and ask for another try at Met. Any thoughts?
I'll update more tomorrow. I'm exhausted.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Fall is here
From what I've been told, we hit the 40's last night. I'm not sure the actual temp because well, I was not about to get up that early. I know that when I left the dog out this morning, it look as if we got frost. It smells like fall. The leaves are coloring on the mountain behind us. It is dark before 8! It's definitely around the corner. And I don't know if I'm ready.
What I like about fall is all the color. Fall in PA is so pretty. For us it means a lot of dirt road drives (state parks/forests), trips for hiking and waterfall pics. Lots to do before it gets cold.
It also means raking a billion leaves. It means heat coming on in early Oct. starting a vicious cycle of crazy bills for the winter. It means no more going outside barefoot, having to layer up the clothes, freezing etc. While I do love fall, I do not like what will come after. Winter is hard for me because I'm on the go and love to be outside.
Anyway, my weekend plan is to get some stuff pulled out of the garden because it's basically over. I need to get some of the summer water toys put away in the garage. I want to go for a walk somewhere too and play around with the new camera.
And an update on the crazy post. My brother's kids mother, who says they are still on a break, (does anyone else remember that friends episode with Ross and Rachel? WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!! That comes to mind everytime I hear that crap.) was feeling a lot of pains Thursday night and ended up in the ER. Apparently everything was fine but they found something out. Ready for this weirdness? They did 2 pregnancy tests. Urine test was negative so they ordered a blood test. Level was 0. Apparently she is not pregnant! But being the f-tards that they are, they go and buy another test on the way home, which is apparently digital, and get another positive. Not sure what is causing them to be that way, if they can even read the things, but I'm sticking with the hospital can not be wrong about that. There is no way a home test would detect it and a blood test would not. Just not possible. I'm sure it will get more interesting before this is over but I feel a little better mentally now.
I'm going to relax and enjoy this nice weekend.
What I like about fall is all the color. Fall in PA is so pretty. For us it means a lot of dirt road drives (state parks/forests), trips for hiking and waterfall pics. Lots to do before it gets cold.
It also means raking a billion leaves. It means heat coming on in early Oct. starting a vicious cycle of crazy bills for the winter. It means no more going outside barefoot, having to layer up the clothes, freezing etc. While I do love fall, I do not like what will come after. Winter is hard for me because I'm on the go and love to be outside.
Anyway, my weekend plan is to get some stuff pulled out of the garden because it's basically over. I need to get some of the summer water toys put away in the garage. I want to go for a walk somewhere too and play around with the new camera.
And an update on the crazy post. My brother's kids mother, who says they are still on a break, (does anyone else remember that friends episode with Ross and Rachel? WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!! That comes to mind everytime I hear that crap.) was feeling a lot of pains Thursday night and ended up in the ER. Apparently everything was fine but they found something out. Ready for this weirdness? They did 2 pregnancy tests. Urine test was negative so they ordered a blood test. Level was 0. Apparently she is not pregnant! But being the f-tards that they are, they go and buy another test on the way home, which is apparently digital, and get another positive. Not sure what is causing them to be that way, if they can even read the things, but I'm sticking with the hospital can not be wrong about that. There is no way a home test would detect it and a blood test would not. Just not possible. I'm sure it will get more interesting before this is over but I feel a little better mentally now.
I'm going to relax and enjoy this nice weekend.
Friday, September 18, 2009
On a happier note
I present to you, my new toy....
This weekend I'll be posting more pics of the quality and what I actually take WITH the camera. I never got to really play around with it till after 10 last night so I was kind of exhausted. Today's a whole new day!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Exactly what am I doing wrong?
If you don't want to see a lot of gossip and bashing and major hormonal mess right now, close this for today. I'm extremely upset tonight and have to clear my mind.
I want to know what I've done that has made me keep getting every good mood ruined. Everytime I get happy and distracted someone has to come in and ruin it all and make me feel like total crap all over again.
I'll start by saying that I've started babysitting Thursday's and Friday's as of last week. I look forward to it and it's great to have a baby around. She's almost a year old and runs all over the place so she's not much of a baby but compared to K, she's a baby. So today I was happy because it was our day to have fun with her around. Then it was also the day that I got my camera. My husband text me several times teasing me about it, even included a picture of it and it was driving me crazy waiting for him to get home so I could play with it and figure it out.
And then it happens. The news that always can crush me down to a crying blubbering idiot.
"Is anyone else around? (No) Ok....______ is pregnant again. I'm sorry to have to tell you today. Please don't be upset." From my husband. ___ is my brothers umm baby mommy? I don't know what to call her anymore. My niece was born in April and since then they've gone way downhill. They were talking marriage when they got pregnant, and it never happened. She's always had an excuse. Well 2 weeks ago she decided she was done and wanted a "few weeks break." After a few weeks they would start all over again fresh. My brother calls my mom beyond upset because she's been his life for the past year and half to 2 years. He begged and pleaded and since she doesn't feel like being "stuck" with the baby all the time (he's taken care of her from about 6 weeks till last week when he finally got back to work, all on his own because she worked and he was home, so it was HIS job to take care of the baby) she left him stay. She then went to stay with her sister for a few days, back again and messed with his mind, went back to the sisters, etc.
In this timeframe, she has a male friend. I won't get into that long story but her "friend" touches her while she walks down steps like a "friend" wouldn't do. She dresses slutty for him. She finds excuses to get out and he's caught her sneaking around with him. So the big kicker of all this is she finally admitted that she's done stuff with this friend and now this kid might not even be his. He's crushed.
And she's been drinking heavily, and there's drugs involved too probably. I'll shut up now because it's just making me upset all over again.
So she has no clue who's kid it is, when she's due, when her last period was or anything important. Can someone tell me how any of this is fair? Seriously. Because I'm just lost at this point. I want to know what I've done so wrong that everything is constantly against me anymore. I want to know the reason or the lesson behind all of this.
It pisses me off. I was doing so good today....
I want to know what I've done that has made me keep getting every good mood ruined. Everytime I get happy and distracted someone has to come in and ruin it all and make me feel like total crap all over again.
I'll start by saying that I've started babysitting Thursday's and Friday's as of last week. I look forward to it and it's great to have a baby around. She's almost a year old and runs all over the place so she's not much of a baby but compared to K, she's a baby. So today I was happy because it was our day to have fun with her around. Then it was also the day that I got my camera. My husband text me several times teasing me about it, even included a picture of it and it was driving me crazy waiting for him to get home so I could play with it and figure it out.
And then it happens. The news that always can crush me down to a crying blubbering idiot.
"Is anyone else around? (No) Ok....______ is pregnant again. I'm sorry to have to tell you today. Please don't be upset." From my husband. ___ is my brothers umm baby mommy? I don't know what to call her anymore. My niece was born in April and since then they've gone way downhill. They were talking marriage when they got pregnant, and it never happened. She's always had an excuse. Well 2 weeks ago she decided she was done and wanted a "few weeks break." After a few weeks they would start all over again fresh. My brother calls my mom beyond upset because she's been his life for the past year and half to 2 years. He begged and pleaded and since she doesn't feel like being "stuck" with the baby all the time (he's taken care of her from about 6 weeks till last week when he finally got back to work, all on his own because she worked and he was home, so it was HIS job to take care of the baby) she left him stay. She then went to stay with her sister for a few days, back again and messed with his mind, went back to the sisters, etc.
In this timeframe, she has a male friend. I won't get into that long story but her "friend" touches her while she walks down steps like a "friend" wouldn't do. She dresses slutty for him. She finds excuses to get out and he's caught her sneaking around with him. So the big kicker of all this is she finally admitted that she's done stuff with this friend and now this kid might not even be his. He's crushed.
And she's been drinking heavily, and there's drugs involved too probably. I'll shut up now because it's just making me upset all over again.
So she has no clue who's kid it is, when she's due, when her last period was or anything important. Can someone tell me how any of this is fair? Seriously. Because I'm just lost at this point. I want to know what I've done so wrong that everything is constantly against me anymore. I want to know the reason or the lesson behind all of this.
It pisses me off. I was doing so good today....
More on herbal things
It's raining and boring today so I'm sitting here researching more about herbal and natural treatments for PCOS. Something that scares me a little about the T&C formula is the whole "toning and cleansing" part. Actually, just the cleanse. I don't like the sound of that.
So with my researching, I'm finding a lot of things on fertility cleansing. It doesn't sound good. not at all. So, who reading has ever tried a cleanse? Is it really bad? I don't want to try something and end up living in the bathroom for a freaking month. It's just not possible. Or is it something different when dealing with reproductive organs? Any thoughts?
So with my researching, I'm finding a lot of things on fertility cleansing. It doesn't sound good. not at all. So, who reading has ever tried a cleanse? Is it really bad? I don't want to try something and end up living in the bathroom for a freaking month. It's just not possible. Or is it something different when dealing with reproductive organs? Any thoughts?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I love him.
I seriously am so so happy with my husband right now. My birthday is at the end of Oct. And normally we skip each other's birthdays because we don't want to spend extra money on things we don't really *need* but we do remember to make it special by being with each other or going out for supper. Something. So it's not forgotten, just not a big deal. Anyway, he told me late last week he bought me a present. And has been saying it everyday and you can tell it is killing him to keep it a secret. He really does suck at secrets. So today I was more moody and upset and he felt bad I guess. He said he wanted to give me my present sooner but I have to understand that it's my b-day and possibly christmas all in one. He wanted to do it now to cheer me up after all that's been going on. I said I want to wait, but he kept bringing it up. Now I don't actually have it yet because it's hidden at work so I couldn't find it. But he got me a new camera!! A GOOD camera! A Nikon SLR! As most of you know from seeing my facebook pics and even on here, I am obsessed with taking pictures. My current camera isn't bad, but I've been drooling over the nikons for a year at least and wanted a more professional one. I wouldn't have picked to get one now, but obviously I'm beyond excited! I'll get it tomorrow evening. This weekend he wants to go to the park and go on a hike. Leaves are starting to change already and by early Oct we are going to take advantage of our free night we earned with the hotel and go back to the one with the waterfalls. I am soooooo excited to have this camera for that trip!
He seriously made my day. Or my week. Or month. You get the point. Now I'm too hyper to sleep.
He seriously made my day. Or my week. Or month. You get the point. Now I'm too hyper to sleep.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Looking up
Things are starting to look a little better as the week goes on. Bleeding is starting to disappear. Not quite spotting but hopefully by tomorrow there isn't much if anything left.
After 3 pretty bad days, I decided I was getting out of the house today and it WILL be a better day. And it was. We went to the park for a picnic and then walked with friends on the trails. K is exhausted and I am too. Plus my poor feet need to get use to shoes again. When it's warm, I live in flip flops to go away, bare feet at home. 4 hrs wearing shoes today had my feet screaming to be free. Which they are happy now.
I'm still thinking a lot about what comes next. I had to reschedule my clinic appt so now I won't get seen till the end of Oct. That's ok though, it will give me a break. I'm thinking of definitely trying something herbal but need to do more research to see what will have the best success. Nothing until my appt though.
And while it's not what I really NEED right now, I stopped at the store hungry, and hormonal, and walked away with 2 bags full of junk food. Very bad. I wasn't going to stop at all but forgot to set something out for supper so I had to find something good. They had some deals that were just too good to pass up, and now I think that sugar craving I've had is finally over. Now someone come and eat the rest of what's here before that craving comes back again.
After 3 pretty bad days, I decided I was getting out of the house today and it WILL be a better day. And it was. We went to the park for a picnic and then walked with friends on the trails. K is exhausted and I am too. Plus my poor feet need to get use to shoes again. When it's warm, I live in flip flops to go away, bare feet at home. 4 hrs wearing shoes today had my feet screaming to be free. Which they are happy now.
I'm still thinking a lot about what comes next. I had to reschedule my clinic appt so now I won't get seen till the end of Oct. That's ok though, it will give me a break. I'm thinking of definitely trying something herbal but need to do more research to see what will have the best success. Nothing until my appt though.
And while it's not what I really NEED right now, I stopped at the store hungry, and hormonal, and walked away with 2 bags full of junk food. Very bad. I wasn't going to stop at all but forgot to set something out for supper so I had to find something good. They had some deals that were just too good to pass up, and now I think that sugar craving I've had is finally over. Now someone come and eat the rest of what's here before that craving comes back again.
Monday, September 14, 2009
New week, new thoughts.
It was a sort of emotional weekend for me. I went from upset over the fact that this last round didn't work, to being pissed about it. Actually I'm still kind of pissed. Mostly because of some other family things going on that for now I'll leave out, but it really is starting to hit me hard. While I truly believe things do happen for a reason, I'm having trouble understanding why it's always harder and I have yet to see a break.
Speaking of breaks, this cycle is our break. Next Monday is my final study appt. It will just be a final round of blood work and questionnaires. Then, in October I will be having my first appt at the PCOS clinic. I have to get all my old records copied. I have all of that, but am thinking I'll run out of ink in the process because it's everything clear down to my first IF visit pre-Kristopher. Lots of papers. While I'd like to say I'm hopeful about what's to come with this visit we've also decided that we are not willing to put a lot of money into it this year. Possibly in the spring. Right now I just feel that I should not be putting all that towards it and have it not even work out in our favor. I'm not feeling too positive about anything working right now.
So during this little break, I'm focusing more on the weight loss again. I use to say if I got to this point, I'd be happy with it, but if I can't be pregnant right now, then I want to get closer to my old normal. My goal right now is 15lbs. 20 would be incredible but I'd honestly be happy with 15. And maintaining it. While on vacation and especially with the hormones this past weekend, I let things go. I didn't even weigh this morning because I don't want to see that and feel worse.
And another thing I'm considering for the next cycle is possibly buying the herbal blend and trying that. Even if it's only to maintain healthy cycles. I don't think I can mentally handle taking the pill everyday knowing it pretty much ruins all hope, but herbal there is still that chance. What confuses me though is with the herbal blend, do I still take my prenatals? I guess I need to research things a little more. Basically, this is what I've found and need to decide on.
This T&C formula was talked about a lot with my amish neighbor and apparently a lot of the ones who've had trouble conceiving have used and swear the success by and progesterone cream.
I emailed the woman who runs the store and was told:
Many women with PCOS have found positive results when using T&C Formula (1/4 tsp 3 times daily for 3-6 months) and Progesterone Cream (one pump a day, two weeks per month). Many women with PCOS find they are low in progesterone, and this is one of the reasons why they have problems ovulating. We suggest finding a starting point for the Progesterone Cream by counting the day your cycle starts as day 1, count out to day 12 and that is your start day. From that point on you just use it two weeks, stop two weeks, use it two weeks, stop two weeks etc.
Any thoughts? And cost wise, she is telling me that a bottle of the cream will last about 2 months, and the T&C formula will use 1 oz per week.
Speaking of breaks, this cycle is our break. Next Monday is my final study appt. It will just be a final round of blood work and questionnaires. Then, in October I will be having my first appt at the PCOS clinic. I have to get all my old records copied. I have all of that, but am thinking I'll run out of ink in the process because it's everything clear down to my first IF visit pre-Kristopher. Lots of papers. While I'd like to say I'm hopeful about what's to come with this visit we've also decided that we are not willing to put a lot of money into it this year. Possibly in the spring. Right now I just feel that I should not be putting all that towards it and have it not even work out in our favor. I'm not feeling too positive about anything working right now.
So during this little break, I'm focusing more on the weight loss again. I use to say if I got to this point, I'd be happy with it, but if I can't be pregnant right now, then I want to get closer to my old normal. My goal right now is 15lbs. 20 would be incredible but I'd honestly be happy with 15. And maintaining it. While on vacation and especially with the hormones this past weekend, I let things go. I didn't even weigh this morning because I don't want to see that and feel worse.
And another thing I'm considering for the next cycle is possibly buying the herbal blend and trying that. Even if it's only to maintain healthy cycles. I don't think I can mentally handle taking the pill everyday knowing it pretty much ruins all hope, but herbal there is still that chance. What confuses me though is with the herbal blend, do I still take my prenatals? I guess I need to research things a little more. Basically, this is what I've found and need to decide on.
This T&C formula was talked about a lot with my amish neighbor and apparently a lot of the ones who've had trouble conceiving have used and swear the success by and progesterone cream.
I emailed the woman who runs the store and was told:
Many women with PCOS have found positive results when using T&C Formula (1/4 tsp 3 times daily for 3-6 months) and Progesterone Cream (one pump a day, two weeks per month). Many women with PCOS find they are low in progesterone, and this is one of the reasons why they have problems ovulating. We suggest finding a starting point for the Progesterone Cream by counting the day your cycle starts as day 1, count out to day 12 and that is your start day. From that point on you just use it two weeks, stop two weeks, use it two weeks, stop two weeks etc.
Any thoughts? And cost wise, she is telling me that a bottle of the cream will last about 2 months, and the T&C formula will use 1 oz per week.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
It's here
And someone please put me out of my misery. The cramps that came with it are so so mean. I seriously think labor was easier. Now that it's here, please hurry up with next week.
Monday I call to schedule my final appt for the study, and I recently found out that I won't get the letter saying med I have been on until the very last person for this study round is done. And that could be a while. Either way, I go in mid Oct to the clinic and will discuss what my options are.
Monday I call to schedule my final appt for the study, and I recently found out that I won't get the letter saying med I have been on until the very last person for this study round is done. And that could be a while. Either way, I go in mid Oct to the clinic and will discuss what my options are.
Negative
UPDATE:
Spotting again. Officially give up.
Original post:
So there still isn't anything going on here. From when I thought things happened, I should be 16dpo now. I had a ton of really weird dreams last night that pushed me to test first thing this morning. It was negative. Not even a hint of a line to obsess about. And believe me, I've gone back to look a few times.
I wait. I honestly do not feel like anything is on the way. All typical symptoms are gone other than I'm still extremely tired. I've gone to bed all week early and been asleep within minutes. That is very rare for me.
Typical period symtoms for me are moodiness (check, although wasn't as bad till this test), tired (check), sore boobs (missing), bloating (missing), spotting (missing).
I just really thought this was going to turn positive this morning. I know I am not suppose to give up yet. I just wish I felt something for sure one way or another. I will not be testing again for a few days.
And I thought I had all this stuff figured out. Maybe I'm off on the date of ovulation. It was day 25 in the late afternoon/evening that I felt really intense right ovary stabbing. Up till bedtime actually. The next morning I felt nothing more. Then day 29 is when I had the recheck P4. My level was up to 9 from 0.2 the week before. Something definitely happened there. Fast forward another week, day 36. I had that weird spotting. And now it's day 41 and we still don't know anything. Is it me or is it weird? And could I be off on my dates?
I wish I could convince them to just do a blood test and recheck the P4 while at it.... At least then I know if that level is anything under 9 that I can quit being hopeful.
Spotting again. Officially give up.
Original post:
So there still isn't anything going on here. From when I thought things happened, I should be 16dpo now. I had a ton of really weird dreams last night that pushed me to test first thing this morning. It was negative. Not even a hint of a line to obsess about. And believe me, I've gone back to look a few times.
I wait. I honestly do not feel like anything is on the way. All typical symptoms are gone other than I'm still extremely tired. I've gone to bed all week early and been asleep within minutes. That is very rare for me.
Typical period symtoms for me are moodiness (check, although wasn't as bad till this test), tired (check), sore boobs (missing), bloating (missing), spotting (missing).
I just really thought this was going to turn positive this morning. I know I am not suppose to give up yet. I just wish I felt something for sure one way or another. I will not be testing again for a few days.
And I thought I had all this stuff figured out. Maybe I'm off on the date of ovulation. It was day 25 in the late afternoon/evening that I felt really intense right ovary stabbing. Up till bedtime actually. The next morning I felt nothing more. Then day 29 is when I had the recheck P4. My level was up to 9 from 0.2 the week before. Something definitely happened there. Fast forward another week, day 36. I had that weird spotting. And now it's day 41 and we still don't know anything. Is it me or is it weird? And could I be off on my dates?
I wish I could convince them to just do a blood test and recheck the P4 while at it.... At least then I know if that level is anything under 9 that I can quit being hopeful.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Observations
Today I'm babysitting my friends almost 12 month old, and I'm stuck to the touch because the only place that was safe to sleep apparently was right beside me and her legs have to touch mine. Not that I'm complaining but every time I've attempted to get up and get anything done, she's woke up and screams her little head off. So...I'll sit with a good excuse.
My observations for today are random.
I'm drinking a ton of water lately. And peeing non stop it seems. But there still isn't any spotting or anything going on during all that tp patrol. So I'm happy.
I'm still achy at times but not as much.
I don't have any boob pain yet. That's typically a sure sign of a period. And was a pregnancy symptom with K. And now nothing either way....hmm..
Fedex just had to show up the first time I got the baby to sleep today.
And the dog just HAD to bark as he walked away, even though she saw him standing there and he reached in and petted her when he handed the package over.
Oh and the final observation is that baby food meats smell worse than wet dog food. To the point I gagged and didn't finish feeding it to her. I just couldn't do it. Even Kristopher wouldn't come near it. And he eats anything.
Speaking of this baby, did I mention she is going to have a baby brother in November? And that Kristopher thinks that means we get to keep her forever when that happens because he overheard us talking about me possibly watching her while she is in the hospital.
I've explained that she will just say for a night or 2 and he doesn't understand it.
Ok I'll stop being boring. And try to slide off the couch and fold some laundry or something.
My observations for today are random.
I'm drinking a ton of water lately. And peeing non stop it seems. But there still isn't any spotting or anything going on during all that tp patrol. So I'm happy.
I'm still achy at times but not as much.
I don't have any boob pain yet. That's typically a sure sign of a period. And was a pregnancy symptom with K. And now nothing either way....hmm..
Fedex just had to show up the first time I got the baby to sleep today.
And the dog just HAD to bark as he walked away, even though she saw him standing there and he reached in and petted her when he handed the package over.
Oh and the final observation is that baby food meats smell worse than wet dog food. To the point I gagged and didn't finish feeding it to her. I just couldn't do it. Even Kristopher wouldn't come near it. And he eats anything.
Speaking of this baby, did I mention she is going to have a baby brother in November? And that Kristopher thinks that means we get to keep her forever when that happens because he overheard us talking about me possibly watching her while she is in the hospital.
I've explained that she will just say for a night or 2 and he doesn't understand it.
Ok I'll stop being boring. And try to slide off the couch and fold some laundry or something.
More complaining
It's not been brought up on here because people's opinions can be rude on weird situations but the hormones are crazy for whatever reason this week and I'm whiney.
We live with my parents. Not because we are poor and deadbeats like some people in our families, but because with the economy and everything it made a lot of sense. My parents had talked about selling their house and I couldn't stand to let it happen because I love this place. But at the same time, we honestly did not feel comfortable with putting ourselves in that kind of strain right now so we agreed to come home and help with things about 2 yrs ago now.
And before everyone thinks what a crazy situation, especially with our journey with everything, it's not that bad. The house is massively huge. There is 4 huge bedrooms and almost 3 bathrooms. Last year we built on to make an area for my parents so they don't have to continue to do the steps and are almost done with a new bathroom and bedroom downstairs for them. Then we only share the kitchen. It works out well for everyone and really helps them out because my dad works construction and has been on partial layoff since the housing market fell. And last winter he was off for at least 3 months.
So we're still fixing up a lot to make this an easier permanent arrangement. It is working out well and while it won't be forever, it is going to be at least for a few more years till things stable back out. And maybe it will be them who moves on. I really like this place and it's perfect for us. Not so much them as they get older because the steps and the size.
We also wanted to be out of the city life and back in the country with K getting older. This is a better school district and he can play outside without having other weird kids trying to steal his stuff. So while we are here, we definitely have more finances because of the distance, older house, more expensive heat, etc. But it's what we want so it balances out.
The only reason this is brought up is because of a huge issue going on with the inlaws about this. Yesterday I got into a wonderful phone war with my sister in law about how we can't possibly understand the stress of the economy with how we have everything so easy (ha i wish) and that their parents are struggling and yet we sit here doing everything for my parents. It goes back and forth between being accused of not paying anything on our own, and then goes to we pay everything for them as well. Which is not true at all. We pay rent, we spilt everything else house wise. We buy our own food. We still have our own bills. It does cost more to live here than when we lived in our old place but like I said, it's where we want to be. I'm happier, K is happier and I even think my husband is happier. I may have to take care of more since I'm the only one not working, but I like to cook and I'm kinda ocd and like to clean.
So anyway, I'm just clearing my mind. I'm so sick of the negative attitudes from people about this. No one pays for our stuff, no one buys our food, we're not living on welfare like a lot of family is and my husband works and has a great job. So until those people fix their issues, there is no reason for them to butt into my life. Actually, until they start paying for my stuff, they have no opinion on it. End of story.
We live with my parents. Not because we are poor and deadbeats like some people in our families, but because with the economy and everything it made a lot of sense. My parents had talked about selling their house and I couldn't stand to let it happen because I love this place. But at the same time, we honestly did not feel comfortable with putting ourselves in that kind of strain right now so we agreed to come home and help with things about 2 yrs ago now.
And before everyone thinks what a crazy situation, especially with our journey with everything, it's not that bad. The house is massively huge. There is 4 huge bedrooms and almost 3 bathrooms. Last year we built on to make an area for my parents so they don't have to continue to do the steps and are almost done with a new bathroom and bedroom downstairs for them. Then we only share the kitchen. It works out well for everyone and really helps them out because my dad works construction and has been on partial layoff since the housing market fell. And last winter he was off for at least 3 months.
So we're still fixing up a lot to make this an easier permanent arrangement. It is working out well and while it won't be forever, it is going to be at least for a few more years till things stable back out. And maybe it will be them who moves on. I really like this place and it's perfect for us. Not so much them as they get older because the steps and the size.
We also wanted to be out of the city life and back in the country with K getting older. This is a better school district and he can play outside without having other weird kids trying to steal his stuff. So while we are here, we definitely have more finances because of the distance, older house, more expensive heat, etc. But it's what we want so it balances out.
The only reason this is brought up is because of a huge issue going on with the inlaws about this. Yesterday I got into a wonderful phone war with my sister in law about how we can't possibly understand the stress of the economy with how we have everything so easy (ha i wish) and that their parents are struggling and yet we sit here doing everything for my parents. It goes back and forth between being accused of not paying anything on our own, and then goes to we pay everything for them as well. Which is not true at all. We pay rent, we spilt everything else house wise. We buy our own food. We still have our own bills. It does cost more to live here than when we lived in our old place but like I said, it's where we want to be. I'm happier, K is happier and I even think my husband is happier. I may have to take care of more since I'm the only one not working, but I like to cook and I'm kinda ocd and like to clean.
So anyway, I'm just clearing my mind. I'm so sick of the negative attitudes from people about this. No one pays for our stuff, no one buys our food, we're not living on welfare like a lot of family is and my husband works and has a great job. So until those people fix their issues, there is no reason for them to butt into my life. Actually, until they start paying for my stuff, they have no opinion on it. End of story.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Confused
Ok so I wasn't going to even bring it up, but I'm confused and need to clear my mind. Monday night we had sex and after about 1/2 hr or so, I went to pee. On the tp was blood. Red/pinkish. I instantly freaked thinking things were starting, grabbed my underwear to see if they were ruined, nothing there. Wiped again and nothing more. Went to the bedroom and turned the light on to see in there, nothing there. So it had me awake for a while thinking for sure that something was going to be starting overnight. Oh and I was always crampy at that point. So after a few hours, I sucked it up and went to bed with a pad to be extra safe.
Yesterday morning I wake up to nothing at all, not even spotting on the tp. Cramped a lot all day yesterday and was on constant tp check anytime something felt weird. Not a single spot all day. I have all the signs that it's coming. I'm crampy still. I'm exhausted. I want chocolate or junk food. The weird part is there isn't any boob changes right now. No pain or anything there. Usually for me they hurt a few days before things start. So I really don't know what to think. I sat down and went over my chart, and based on pains, I think I ovulated on day 25. And today is day 38, so it puts me 13 dpo. I can't test. I honestly can't bring myself to do it, see the negative and totally give up yet. I figure if I make it till Saturday, then I will give it a try. Part of me really thinks though that this is over and it's just a day or 2 till it shows up. Should I wait longer than Saturday to test? I am scared here! And crazy....
Oh and he is totally cut off till we know for sure, and poor guy if it turns out to be positive this weekend, he is going a long time before I will trust sex again.
Yesterday morning I wake up to nothing at all, not even spotting on the tp. Cramped a lot all day yesterday and was on constant tp check anytime something felt weird. Not a single spot all day. I have all the signs that it's coming. I'm crampy still. I'm exhausted. I want chocolate or junk food. The weird part is there isn't any boob changes right now. No pain or anything there. Usually for me they hurt a few days before things start. So I really don't know what to think. I sat down and went over my chart, and based on pains, I think I ovulated on day 25. And today is day 38, so it puts me 13 dpo. I can't test. I honestly can't bring myself to do it, see the negative and totally give up yet. I figure if I make it till Saturday, then I will give it a try. Part of me really thinks though that this is over and it's just a day or 2 till it shows up. Should I wait longer than Saturday to test? I am scared here! And crazy....
Oh and he is totally cut off till we know for sure, and poor guy if it turns out to be positive this weekend, he is going a long time before I will trust sex again.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
And he's 5.....
September 3, 2004.
This date has changed me forever. It was the day I became a mother. After 3 years of hoping and waiting for the day, I finally got to hold my baby boy. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much so quickly. The moment I saw him and held him, my life was forever changed. This boy is my world. Kristopher was born at 9:48pm, 3 weeks early because he was impatient from the start. He was 7lbs 7ozs and 20.5 inches long. We brought him home and were just in awe that he was ours. That we created this.
And then the time started to fly. Before we knew it, he was a year old. And just like typical Kristopher, he was impatient and decided that cribs were for babies, and graduated to a big twin bed at 13 months. Then, decided diapers were also for babies, and was totally potty trained at 17 months. Teeny tiny underwear that were impossible to find, but made him the happiest baby, er i mean toddler, in the world. 
And then we hit 2 years. The big thing in his life then was blues clues. 
This date has changed me forever. It was the day I became a mother. After 3 years of hoping and waiting for the day, I finally got to hold my baby boy. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much so quickly. The moment I saw him and held him, my life was forever changed. This boy is my world. Kristopher was born at 9:48pm, 3 weeks early because he was impatient from the start. He was 7lbs 7ozs and 20.5 inches long. We brought him home and were just in awe that he was ours. That we created this.
And then the time started to fly. Before we knew it, he was a year old. And just like typical Kristopher, he was impatient and decided that cribs were for babies, and graduated to a big twin bed at 13 months. Then, decided diapers were also for babies, and was totally potty trained at 17 months. Teeny tiny underwear that were impossible to find, but made him the happiest baby, er i mean toddler, in the world. And then we hit 2 years. The big thing in his life then was blues clues. And then 3 years was here before we knew it. By then he's turned all boy and is obsessed with tractors. Specifically John Deere. So what better to celebrate 3 yrs than to get his own john deere tractor?
3 years went by crazy fast and he was 4. He ventured out into freedom and started preschool and made lots of new friends. He played tball for the first time. 
And now he is 5. And I sit here wondering where the last 5 years have gone. I've looked back at these pictures 100 times at least, and just want to go back in time and scoop up that little baby and savor every moment all over again. Time sure does go by fast. Next year he is off to school all day long and I honestly don't know what I'll do. But for now, I'm going to savor every second of our last year together and be proud of what a funny and smart little boy he's become. Our itty bitty little man is now over 47 inches tall, and weighs close to 47 lbs as well. Takes after his daddy and is going to be crazy tall I guess. Oh and in typical impatient fashion, we've discovered the reason for some extreme moodiness lately. He has 6 yrs molars coming in. Those look like they really hurt! Anyway....
3 years went by crazy fast and he was 4. He ventured out into freedom and started preschool and made lots of new friends. He played tball for the first time. And now he is 5. And I sit here wondering where the last 5 years have gone. I've looked back at these pictures 100 times at least, and just want to go back in time and scoop up that little baby and savor every moment all over again. Time sure does go by fast. Next year he is off to school all day long and I honestly don't know what I'll do. But for now, I'm going to savor every second of our last year together and be proud of what a funny and smart little boy he's become. Our itty bitty little man is now over 47 inches tall, and weighs close to 47 lbs as well. Takes after his daddy and is going to be crazy tall I guess. Oh and in typical impatient fashion, we've discovered the reason for some extreme moodiness lately. He has 6 yrs molars coming in. Those look like they really hurt! Anyway....Monday, September 7, 2009
Update
I've been home since Thursday evening and been non stop busy since walking in the door. I have lots I started to work on and saved but have not finished. Maybe I'll get to some of that in the next day or so.
For now, I'll do a quick update.
We left a day early from the beach because there was something off the coast and it was a lot colder than we expected things to be. The hotel absolutely sucked. I went the cheaper route and stayed about a mile from the beach, like we did last year and this year the place was a joke. That's the main reason we left a day early. None of us were able to sleep much because of noise and being uncomfortable, and add the chilly weather, and it wasn't as much fun as we hoped. We still had a really great time and it was wonderful to get away together without any other obligations to get in the way. Next year we plan to go earlier in the year while it's still really warm and can be enjoyed even more.
Kristopher turned 5 on Thursday. Wednesday night while I couldn't sleep I started a new post about that. Pictures included. Hopefully I'll finish that and get it posted tomorrow....I can't believe he's 5.
We had his birthday party yesterday. It was the first year he had friends invited and he loved it. More of that later too.
I have no clue what cycle day I'm on. I've been achy and tired, but nothing is starting yet. I have not tested. I'm thinking I'm 11 or 12 days past ovulation but I don't plan to test till the weekend. I'm not sure what to think yet. I just know I don't want to see a negative right now and ruin my good mood.
That's it for now. I'm thinking I'm calling it an early night and I'm going to bed with my husband. Back to reality tomorrow. It was great to have him home for 10 days and I can honestly say I'm not ready for things to end. Anyway, more updates in the next few days.
For now, I'll do a quick update.
We left a day early from the beach because there was something off the coast and it was a lot colder than we expected things to be. The hotel absolutely sucked. I went the cheaper route and stayed about a mile from the beach, like we did last year and this year the place was a joke. That's the main reason we left a day early. None of us were able to sleep much because of noise and being uncomfortable, and add the chilly weather, and it wasn't as much fun as we hoped. We still had a really great time and it was wonderful to get away together without any other obligations to get in the way. Next year we plan to go earlier in the year while it's still really warm and can be enjoyed even more.
Kristopher turned 5 on Thursday. Wednesday night while I couldn't sleep I started a new post about that. Pictures included. Hopefully I'll finish that and get it posted tomorrow....I can't believe he's 5.
We had his birthday party yesterday. It was the first year he had friends invited and he loved it. More of that later too.
I have no clue what cycle day I'm on. I've been achy and tired, but nothing is starting yet. I have not tested. I'm thinking I'm 11 or 12 days past ovulation but I don't plan to test till the weekend. I'm not sure what to think yet. I just know I don't want to see a negative right now and ruin my good mood.
That's it for now. I'm thinking I'm calling it an early night and I'm going to bed with my husband. Back to reality tomorrow. It was great to have him home for 10 days and I can honestly say I'm not ready for things to end. Anyway, more updates in the next few days.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Beach pics
First 2 are from yesterday morning. We got up at 5:45, went to the beach and walked till the sun came up. It was freezing! Incredibly windy here this week. I think there is a storm on the coast or something. I actually have not watched the weather since being here. So I have no clue. Last 2 are from yesterday. We went to the beach, and the waves were bigger than normal. Had a blast though! Enjoy the pics. We're leaving for the beach for the day again. 
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