Clomid

I started today. I have completed the first phase of things, and since I had such a good period and cleaned out, and my u/s showed nothing going on and blood work came back...They said to start today. So, here we go. 50mgs this round and I go back in 21 days to have blood work and u/s done. Yippie.

I hope this works. I feel that it's time this time. We are ready. We are in a good place, we can provided better, and we can do this. We both truly want it to be now, and it has to work.

In other news, baby is born tomorrow. He decided to flip to breech and wasn't able to flip back, so tomorrow's the day. I have the little people for at least the next 4 days. I feel so awesome because we had a decent supper tonight, the kids played, everyone was bathed/showered and dressed for bed. Dennis read a story, and all 3 were in bed and asleep before 8:30. It feels pretty good, and feels right. So again, clomid better work. I'm going to need freaking mental drugs if I end this with failure.

When he comes home

He is greeted with such love!

She will seriously trip him, to make him sit on the floor so she can lay on him, or against him. She follows him everywhere until it happens. Then, poor kid can't get up or she will keep laying farther on his lap. It's amazing the amount of love she has for this kid. Same kid who almost 7 years ago, shattered her perfect little world when he came in and took over her mommy. I don't remember if I had wrote about it before, but when he first came home, she had some major attitude issues and doggy depression. She had to share her time, and it wasn't appreciated very much. To the extent of finding the only pacifier he would take in the 10 mins we were out of the house, and chewed it to pieces. Then, after about a month, she realized he wasn't so bad, and by the time he was eating real food and dropping almost as much on the floor, their bond was formed. I hope she sticks around for many more years because he needs her as much as she needs him.....

First grade is going really great. He slept great last night, no night terrors, no drama about going to bed. Woke up happy and ready for another day at school. He ate breakfast great, finished his lunch at school today and got an awesome report.
They are going to start testing learning levels next week, so I'm anxious to see how that goes. His first reading homework came home last night, and it was a 4 page book titled Cat. And only had a couple words that rhymed and then it was done. He ended 1st grade reading last school year, with reading chapter books. So, I give it 2 weeks to see harder stuff come home, and then I'm going to be calling a meeting.
All in all though, school is off to a great start.

My first grader

Today Kristopher started 1st grade. He has the same teacher this year, as he had last year when he was in the 1st grade reading class. He was very excited, and very ready to start. There was a little anxiety though, because we had our first night terror last night, in a while. He also didn't eat much of breakfast this morning. Typically he's been asking for seconds after he finishes. So it's the anxiety showing through. I hope it eases quickly and he is back to his normal self. He was loving on Zoey a lot this morning because she is his shadow, and was highly freaked out by the backpack and rushing to get ready this morning. And I came home to a really grumpy dog, and she's ignoring me. Pouting on her bed because her best friend left her. It's sad.

So he was super excited, and not really in the mood for all these pictures. He looks really grown and big now in these, and looks like he should be a lot further than 1st grade. This new outfit for the first day, is shirt size XL in boys, and shorts are 8's. I know I'll look back someday and say wow he was tiny....Oh and he now wears a size 3 shoe. I can almost share his shoes. I discovered that I wear a size 4.5 or 5 in boys shoes. hahahaThe kids were slighly confused why we were rushing out the door right away this morning, but very happy to get in on the photo action with their "kissafer." After we dropped him off, Miss Danielle was furious with me. She assumes at almost 3, that she is big enough for school too. She was quickly distracted by her friend. And here he goes, ready to run in and I was told "I can do this myself. I know where I'm going." Got a quick hug and he ran off. Just like that. He's a 1st grader. And my house is super quiet and boring without him. Time goes way too fast. The plus, I did it this year without tears.
Oh and while he is at school, our first monarch decides it's the ideal time to hatch. So when he gets home, it's time to release our first butterfly. And he missed it coming out. It happened so quickly that I didn't have a chance to get a video for him.

A nicer update

Today is day 1. It came with very tiny spotting, and then boom. It was here.
Here's the cycle stats, and I'm half excited over this because this just might be the most perfect textbook type cycle I've ever had on my own. Ever.
So, day 12 & 13 I had horrific ovary pain. Right side. That's also when the boob sensitivity and pain started. We did our "homework" both days, even though I felt a stabbing like pain, and was not much fun. After that, things got really busy so if we should have kept going, we didn't. Sleep was more important. Day 26 is when I had a tiny bit of spotting, as a one time thing. Again, a lot of weird pain. This entire week I've been run down and exhausted, and had the same sensitivity since ovulation. Today was suppose to be day 27. I had some cramping this morning, and half way thru the day, a little spotting when wiped, then all of a sudden it's here. Not bad, but clearly red and no typical spotting for a week and wondering if it's starting or not. So that's a positive. I had a normal round, I'm not curled up in pain, I'm not spotting and going to end up with 2 weeks of horrible bleeding/spotting/irritation drama. So I'm focusing on how awesome it is that I worked NORMALLY for once.

In other news. We've been collecting caterpillars. We have blacks swallowtails, monarchs, and as of today, some fuzzy little white moths, and spicebush caterpillars. It's very exciting. Our first ever butterfly hatched this week, and we released him after he could fly nicely. I have a billion ideas racing thru my mind for next spring, and I actually think that I'll take my 6 week break as a chance to prepare my yard. Maybe it will be easier to do it now, as everything dies off in the fall, so that it's not quite so much work to start fresh in the spring. Especially since at that point, I will have another baby here during the day, and (fingers crossed and hoping like crazy) be pregnant. That sounds kinda scary saying baby and pregnancy together like that, and I honestly haven't figured out what I'll do if it actually happens. Because we're all very attached to these kids, and just quitting babysitting isn't exactly what I want to do, but if things work for me, that will be like...5 kids at once. Scary. But, that's just me thinking way too far in advance.

Other thing that happened this week that I need to track for my records. Zoey tripped and sprained her foot again. This time wrapping it didn't help her walk any better, and the vet said to give her asprin and watch her. She improved after just one dose of asprin, so no vet appt needed. She's doing the steps again on her own, so that's very reassuring. We could keep her on asprin as a daily med if we want, if it seems to help her moving. She's 10 and half years old now, and it's catching up with her. She's slow, and achy, but I think we're only doing the meds for a few more days till the limp improves.

And, we have one more week of summer vacation and then Kristopher starts 1st grade. We got his letter and teacher assignment, and he got who he was hoping for, and who he had for reading class last year. He's very excited. I think all I need to do yet for back to school is get him a hair cut, and possibly new shoes. He hasn't worn sneakers since school ended, so its time to see if those fit or not. I'm hoping he still fits his fall clothes. All we bought for back to school was a backpack, lunch box and new water bottle. He has a ton of clothes still, and school supplies the necessities.
So there's a better update. Less crazy, more nice. More to come in a few days.

In general,

I feel like life sucks at the moment. It's finally hit me mentally, and I just don't understand how or why some people can not want it, and do everything to avoid, and still end up pregnant.
I had a normal cycle. I had intense cramping and ovulation pains on day 12-13. A full 24 hours, maybe over. It's day 27 now. I had intense cramping last night, and a tiny bit of spotting this morning. My mood totally sucks, so I know it's a matter of hours, maybe a day or 2 at most before it all is over. I was really hoping that it would just work this month. Then I wouldn't have to go back and show that I failed at the weight loss part of this.
My appt is the 31st. I am 8lbs from the goal. I've been stuck for 4 weeks now. Actually, i'm up 2 from 3 weeks ago. I walk a lot, I'm constantly on the move with the kids around, I'm active. I just am stuck. It's extremely frustrating. And what else is frustrating is the fact that if I would have been able to just hold out till the week of the 31st for this freaking period to start, I could have started the clomid immediately. Instead, I'll probably end up stuck on provera and pure hormonal craziness. And headaches. Ugh.
So my mood sucks. I'm having a giant pity party and just can't get past all this.
My kid is also questioning again why he's an only child and all these other people keep having babies and their kids always have someone to play with. He loves the kids here during the day, and wishes they could stay all the time. Even though it gets loud and crazy and the godzilla baby comes and distroys his toy set up. He would be totally fine with that being a 100% all the time thing. He just wants someone else around. It's not fair.

crazy changes

We got the most shocking news this week. Ever. In 6-8 weeks, I'll be watching another newborn. My friend discovered she was pregnant. While on the pill which was taken faithfully. Who also has a ton of other issues like me. And the kicker is, she's due in less than 3 weeks. Totally blew us all away. So, it looks like I'll be getting a 4-6 week vacation without much notice shortly. I was along during her u/s, and the baby is already head down. The night before she demanded an u/s, she had sharp pains and it appears that was because he dropped. Oh yes, it's another boy. Anyway, once the pain eased, she felt kicking. Till then, she didn't feel anything. So of course everyone is worried because she took the pill up till finding out. Had no idea. But, he's already measuring over 7lbs. Looks chunky and everything that was easily able to be measured, looked right on. Completely amazing. And as much as I feel it's not fair, and I don't understand how or why this happens, I feel so special that I was able to go along and to witness that. Ultrasounds are amazing. I'm going to focus on the fact that I'll soon get a chance to snuggle and experience the baby stage again, 10-12 hrs a day, but still sleep all night. That's my positive outlook.

Also this week, my mom had a total hysterectomy. It's been a long time coming and they finally agreed to just take it all rather than do the painful proceedures every 6 months when she would get an abnormal pap back. So, Thursday they did all that. It took double the time they expected because she had a previous csection, plus she had several other surgeries so there was a lot of scar tissue. We were told everything looks normal shaped, and sizes and we should not have to worry about cancer. She was pretty rough the night it happened, and they didn't get her up and walking till the next morning. Kristopher and I went and spent the day there yesterday and lucked out and they let us bring her home before supper. I was extra nice and drove past my brother's house so they could come out and say hi, and she was able to see the kids for a few minutes. I only did that because it meant so much to her, and everything she was through. It was actually the first I had seen or talked to him since early July last year, and I will be more than happy to let it be another year or 2 to see them again. Harsh, but I can't handle that kind of lifestyle and it being exposed to my child. Plus, they now have a 2 month old, 14 month old and 2 yr old. It's too much to handle to be around given their lifestyle.
Anyway, I feel after all I've done this week, I totally deserve daughter & friend of a lifetime award. I've sucked up all my own feelings and done above and beyond for both this week. And I have not broken down or anything yet. Maybe I'm just past all that.
So, my hope for this new baby, is that it either decides to come on it's due date, or very shortly after it. I'm watching the other 2 for at least 3 days during/after delivery, and I have a very important and very long appt coming up on the 31st. And Kristopher's birthday is the 3rd and I really hope he doesn't end up having to share his b-day or that weekend. If he's going to be an only kid, I hope that at least his birthday's can be a big deal and extra special for him.

please remove it

My right ovary is being out of control. I have the major intense pain going on that I had in Feb. Then, they claimed it was a cyst, but CT report said follicles. And then, I had a really bad period that came out of nowhere. So, my guess is possible ovulation. If this is what normal feels like, I do not want to be normal. And covering ourselves just in case was smart, but very uncomfortable.
So for my records, I'll post this.
Day 12, intense right ovary stabbing pains that have been going on for at least 3-4 hrs.
Other symptoms are boob pain and sensitivity, and over load of fertile like mucus. Now that I've completely grossed people out, I'm done.

A new update

I've sucked pretty bad at updating this summer. So much is going on. Between the move, the study, and just dealing with my own mental issues, I just haven't felt the time.
Things have been kinda rough mentally the past few weeks. At first I was so happy and loved the change. Now, I'm in a new house that I love, and people depress me. First, it's the irritating remarks I got after we moved in about the older interior. Then, I apparently made everyone mad by a particiular post on facebook about if people want to be rude, they do not have to visit. So now, we get no visitors. That's depressing. Apparently it means that everyone feels the need to voice the nasty comments, instead of bite their tongue and just enjoy some time with friends. But whatever. I have decided I don't need them.
So far in updates, I've gotten my dining room sanded, painted and I'm very happy with how it turned out.
Here's the before:

And the after:

I still need to figure out a nice wall arrangement because they seem so bare to me. But as you can see, the room is MUCH lighter. Another project I want to work on before winter is the table. I got it used last year because we needed something that seated more than 4 people. It is a nice sturdy old set, and the intent was to refinish it. It never happened, so now it has to because I have some paint boo boos to fix. Oops.

We have a little over 3 weeks until school starts. Kristopher is excited. I am too in a way, but sad to see summer over already. We bought his backpack and a new lunch box so far. He's probably going to need new shoes, but I'm not sure yet. He hasn't worn actual shoes since school ended. He's lived barefoot or in sandals all summer.

We tried to adopt a rescue dog, and were rejected because of our location. It was a place that transports to NH, but the dog was in a rescue an hour away from me. We were told we'd be the prefect family, but they choose to find someone closer to the main office so that paperwork was easier. And are paying for transport 10 hrs away. All for paperwork. It was depressing because it sounded like it was a go, and we were very excited. Turns out, we aren't even able to adopt a dog right now. It has ruined my feelings toward the rescue process, so I'm waiting on a puppy. Hopefully we hear something before it's too cold and nasty out. I was hoping for easy house training process with being outside a lot.

So that's about it for here. I should update again in the next week or 2...