Saturday, May 30, 2009
STILL Positive?!
Day 14. Definitely positive test. More than day 12 I'd say. So, the other tests that as dark lines, but thinner aren't real positives?? Today is almost as thick as the control. And definitely as dark. I need to try to take a picture of the crazyness. I'm still having achiness/twinges/cm issues going on. So apparently we just keep going till all signs disappear. A little over a week till we find out for sure. Maybe there is more than one this time or I just am opk stupid.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Still positive
I think. It's kind of skinnier. So, one skinny dark line and then fading on the sides. I guess that's not technically positive anymore?? It's day 13. I definitely feel a lot of twinges and cm is there. So, somethings going on. It's going to be a really long wait I think. I must find some new distractions.
As of today, our schedule will get slower. Preschool is over. They had a cute little graduation for them today and cake afterwards. He's really going to miss it. We have to figure out a plan for keeping the summer active and social. I won't miss all the driving back and forth though. That's the part that sucks about country life. We were 20 mins away, and his class was only 2 hrs. I know it is important for him so I sucked it up.
But anyway.....
I'm pretty sure about ovulation, and it's right on schedule from what I felt round 1. Maybe I should avoid testing and wasting any money on tests till I get to day 31. I guess we will see based on my blood work. I go on day 24, so maybe with this being earlier, if it works maybe the pregnancy part will detect a little something....That would be really cool. Now I'm just sleep deprived and crazy. Better go to bed.
As of today, our schedule will get slower. Preschool is over. They had a cute little graduation for them today and cake afterwards. He's really going to miss it. We have to figure out a plan for keeping the summer active and social. I won't miss all the driving back and forth though. That's the part that sucks about country life. We were 20 mins away, and his class was only 2 hrs. I know it is important for him so I sucked it up.
But anyway.....
I'm pretty sure about ovulation, and it's right on schedule from what I felt round 1. Maybe I should avoid testing and wasting any money on tests till I get to day 31. I guess we will see based on my blood work. I go on day 24, so maybe with this being earlier, if it works maybe the pregnancy part will detect a little something....That would be really cool. Now I'm just sleep deprived and crazy. Better go to bed.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Old records
I know...lots of posts this week. It's rainy and nasty here, so there's not much else to do. And I'm in a really good mood lately, so I'm talkative. Obsessively, according to my husband... I'm happy though so no complaining.
Anyway, I have a copy of the majority of my old records from the ob/gyn/RE. What I don't have is a complete file from diagnosis of IF, pregnancy info from the midwife when I was pregnant with K, or all the bleeding issues and drama from 2006. So, I called and found out that I can get it all in 2 weeks. No charge! When I left that office, it was to go to my first RE. When she closed and gave me a copy of my chart from her office, it was only her records. Anything transferred from other places, was up to me to go back and get. I didn't then so it's really cool that I can go back and get it now. And I know a lot more about it all than I did back then, so I can go back through and uncode everything to make sense of it all.
Besides, if this month works, I'll need my pregnancy records in about 2-3 weeks. So better get it now so there isn't a wait. Tomorrow I'll go get that paperwork signed so that's started.
I also want to say, I'm totally jinxing myself probably, but I'll be near the dollar tree tomorrow and I think I might have to buy some tests. And last time I was at target I saw that the EPT brand digitals were clearanced for around $5. I'm tempted to get 1 or 2 of those just in case.....I don't know that I can have self control this month. OPKs ruined me. Oh well.
Anyway, I have a copy of the majority of my old records from the ob/gyn/RE. What I don't have is a complete file from diagnosis of IF, pregnancy info from the midwife when I was pregnant with K, or all the bleeding issues and drama from 2006. So, I called and found out that I can get it all in 2 weeks. No charge! When I left that office, it was to go to my first RE. When she closed and gave me a copy of my chart from her office, it was only her records. Anything transferred from other places, was up to me to go back and get. I didn't then so it's really cool that I can go back and get it now. And I know a lot more about it all than I did back then, so I can go back through and uncode everything to make sense of it all.
Besides, if this month works, I'll need my pregnancy records in about 2-3 weeks. So better get it now so there isn't a wait. Tomorrow I'll go get that paperwork signed so that's started.
I also want to say, I'm totally jinxing myself probably, but I'll be near the dollar tree tomorrow and I think I might have to buy some tests. And last time I was at target I saw that the EPT brand digitals were clearanced for around $5. I'm tempted to get 1 or 2 of those just in case.....I don't know that I can have self control this month. OPKs ruined me. Oh well.
Positive!
My opk is positive today. I've tried pictures but I'm having camera issues, and it really isn't showing up the same on picture. But the test line is almost as thick as the control, and the coloring is the same. The line isn't quite as thick though. According to my researching today though, it's definitely classified positive. It's day 12. I have the same twinges and cm as the last 2 rounds around this point.
So, our timing schedule was supposed to be 10, 11, 12, skip 13, back on 14, 15, 16, skip 17, etc. But.....How wrong would it be to keep going instead of skipping?? We're up for the challenge, no issues there lol. His SA was "perfect" so no issues there. Keep on going?
And I'm reading mixed things about these opks. One place says 12-24 hours detection, others say as high as 48 hours detection. I'm going to be finishing off the box of tests either way.
Here's the crappy picture.
So, our timing schedule was supposed to be 10, 11, 12, skip 13, back on 14, 15, 16, skip 17, etc. But.....How wrong would it be to keep going instead of skipping?? We're up for the challenge, no issues there lol. His SA was "perfect" so no issues there. Keep on going?
And I'm reading mixed things about these opks. One place says 12-24 hours detection, others say as high as 48 hours detection. I'm going to be finishing off the box of tests either way.
Here's the crappy picture.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Day 11....
I remember now why I hate opks. Both days now, it's been so close to a positive. Half the line is dark and the same and then the side is just barely there. I think I'm just not supposed to do these things. Remind me next month to either buy the smiley kind, or not do it at all.
I'm really trying to stay lower stress level this month, drinking the green tea, taking mucinex still, and just relax. Everyone says just relax and let it happen. If only it was that easy right? I'm not doing that bad yet this cycle. I've been getting a ton done that I have hoped to do, staying busy with other things, and this past few weeks have been great with the husband. We're getting along great and I feel like we're on the same page again. I feel like he understands more since our big talk after the start of this cycle. That in itself makes me feel a lot better.
I'm really trying to stay lower stress level this month, drinking the green tea, taking mucinex still, and just relax. Everyone says just relax and let it happen. If only it was that easy right? I'm not doing that bad yet this cycle. I've been getting a ton done that I have hoped to do, staying busy with other things, and this past few weeks have been great with the husband. We're getting along great and I feel like we're on the same page again. I feel like he understands more since our big talk after the start of this cycle. That in itself makes me feel a lot better.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
OPK's
Today is day 10. I decided to give OPK's a try this cycle and figured to start today. I'm doing mid morning because it's easier for me to remember to do it at the same time that way. Today there was 2 lines but the test was not quite as dark as the control. I really should have spent the extra money and got the smiley kind, but for this first try at it, I want to see if I need more than 7 days of tests before I do that. I just bought the answer brand because they were the cheapest and to be honest, I hate these things.
I'm starting to feel some twinges, on both sides but seems like the left is having more. CM is back thanks to the help of mucinex. I'm still taking that for this cold and it helped a ton! Thanks for those of you who commented and emailed me to try it. I'm feeling a lot better but still taking it just to get me through O time. I still think it happens sooner in the cycle than later, so we will see. Timing wise, they said 3 days on, skip a day, 3 days again, etc. Starting day 10. We're ready and prepared to do whatever it takes. Got to keep reminding myself that it's out of my control now, and as long as I do what is asked, then I've done the best I can. Might as well enjoy it right? No problems there....
This weekend we had lots of time to talk and reconnect our thoughts on all of this. My husband is so supportive and trying hard to keep me distracted and staying positive. I don't know how I'd still keep going with all this if he wasn't so nice and understanding with all my hormonal meltdowns.
So here we go again, round 3. Somethings gearing up, hopefully as good as round 1 but with a better ending!
I'm starting to feel some twinges, on both sides but seems like the left is having more. CM is back thanks to the help of mucinex. I'm still taking that for this cold and it helped a ton! Thanks for those of you who commented and emailed me to try it. I'm feeling a lot better but still taking it just to get me through O time. I still think it happens sooner in the cycle than later, so we will see. Timing wise, they said 3 days on, skip a day, 3 days again, etc. Starting day 10. We're ready and prepared to do whatever it takes. Got to keep reminding myself that it's out of my control now, and as long as I do what is asked, then I've done the best I can. Might as well enjoy it right? No problems there....
This weekend we had lots of time to talk and reconnect our thoughts on all of this. My husband is so supportive and trying hard to keep me distracted and staying positive. I don't know how I'd still keep going with all this if he wasn't so nice and understanding with all my hormonal meltdowns.
So here we go again, round 3. Somethings gearing up, hopefully as good as round 1 but with a better ending!
Our trip with pictures
Sunday we took the drive up to the PA Grand Canyon and visited surrounding state parks and such while there. It was only a day trip, which really didn't give us enough time to do everything we wanted. We have been there before but only went to the top of the east rim, and hiked down to the bottom to see the waterfalls. This time, maps showed a dirt road that we thought was driveable, at the bottom. It would have led right to the bottom waterfall, and that was the plan. We get there and find out it is only for bikes, walking or horses. No motor vehicles allowed. It said the trail was 3.6 miles, and we were wired and ready to go, so we figured walking wouldn't be that bad. Kristopher was raring and ready to go, wild as always, so we did it. He did pretty good on the way. The first picture is when he got tired and for the 10 billionth time asked how much farther. I had him hop up and we took turns carrying him a little farther.
We finally got to the trail, and hiked up a tiny bit to get into the waterfall. It was very cold but very welcomed after that long walk. My husband climbed ahead to try to get some better pictures of the waterfall. K & I stayed back and just walked around a little in the water to cool down.
And the next picture is when we were at the bottom of the trail ready to go. We were up above the really big rock about in the middle of the waterfall on the picture above.
This picture is taken from the top of the east rim. It was very busy so we didn't get to stand at the best spot for a picture this time. We were last there about 5 and half years ago and it's really nice to see in the fall when the leaves are in color. Hopefully we can go back this fall. 
After that we drove on a dirt state game land road and found the west rim. It's mostly just peaks of it through the trees. Still really nice and a lot less crowded. The roads there say highly recommended for 4x4 vehicles.
We had a really good time, but definitely need more time next time. At least we know now that the road at the bottom we need to be better prepared for. To the trail and back was a total of 7.2 miles, and about the last 2 of that we took turns carrying K. Who by the way if you can tell in the pictures, he's not quite small enough for me to carry that easily anymore. Even switching off, it was still a bit much. We were all exhausted by the end of the day. We left at 5:30am, got up there around 9:30-10ish after a stop for breakfast half way, and then left for home around 5 or so, stopped for supper and got home around 9:30. We slept really good that night! We definitely plan on going back more often, and hope for the next trip to be able to get bikes and try to do the whole road at the bottom.
We finally got to the trail, and hiked up a tiny bit to get into the waterfall. It was very cold but very welcomed after that long walk. My husband climbed ahead to try to get some better pictures of the waterfall. K & I stayed back and just walked around a little in the water to cool down.
And the next picture is when we were at the bottom of the trail ready to go. We were up above the really big rock about in the middle of the waterfall on the picture above.
This picture is taken from the top of the east rim. It was very busy so we didn't get to stand at the best spot for a picture this time. We were last there about 5 and half years ago and it's really nice to see in the fall when the leaves are in color. Hopefully we can go back this fall. 
After that we drove on a dirt state game land road and found the west rim. It's mostly just peaks of it through the trees. Still really nice and a lot less crowded. The roads there say highly recommended for 4x4 vehicles.
We had a really good time, but definitely need more time next time. At least we know now that the road at the bottom we need to be better prepared for. To the trail and back was a total of 7.2 miles, and about the last 2 of that we took turns carrying K. Who by the way if you can tell in the pictures, he's not quite small enough for me to carry that easily anymore. Even switching off, it was still a bit much. We were all exhausted by the end of the day. We left at 5:30am, got up there around 9:30-10ish after a stop for breakfast half way, and then left for home around 5 or so, stopped for supper and got home around 9:30. We slept really good that night! We definitely plan on going back more often, and hope for the next trip to be able to get bikes and try to do the whole road at the bottom. Monday, May 25, 2009
Zoey and the Turtle
So I'm in a pretty good mood and figure to brighten up the blog with some pictures. I have more to come from our trip after I re-size them a little for easier uploading. Anyway, here's the first set.
We found a turtle last week, and brought it in for a few hours so K could show everyone after work. Surprisingly, the dog was extremely interested, but very scared. I took the opportunity to get some good pictures of how "brave" she is. The first one she is sitting about 3 feet away, scared to look in to see what was in the tote.
So she had her best friend come sit with her, and then she got a little brave. 
Then we have the "why?" look.
And then the oh no it's on the floor....Now lets pretend like we don't see it and stay very far away look.
Brave again with her friend. He was saying "why is she scared? It's JUST a turtle."
Brave enough to get close and lay there. With a cool "I can do this" look.
Finally accepts the turtle as not that bad, and takes a nap beside it.
And there you have it. I think it took about a half hour or more for her to get comfortable with it around. Then after we took it and left it go she acted depressed that we got rid of her new found friend.
We found a turtle last week, and brought it in for a few hours so K could show everyone after work. Surprisingly, the dog was extremely interested, but very scared. I took the opportunity to get some good pictures of how "brave" she is. The first one she is sitting about 3 feet away, scared to look in to see what was in the tote.
So she had her best friend come sit with her, and then she got a little brave. Then we have the "why?" look.
And then the oh no it's on the floor....Now lets pretend like we don't see it and stay very far away look.
Brave again with her friend. He was saying "why is she scared? It's JUST a turtle."
Brave enough to get close and lay there. With a cool "I can do this" look.
Finally accepts the turtle as not that bad, and takes a nap beside it. And there you have it. I think it took about a half hour or more for her to get comfortable with it around. Then after we took it and left it go she acted depressed that we got rid of her new found friend.
Friday, May 22, 2009
I bought OPKs
Even though I hate them, I'm giving them a try again. I'm not quite sure when to start them though. I'm pretty sure nothing is going on before day 10, so I think I will wait and start it then. Tomorrow is day 7 already.
I also skipped picking up mucinex because the kind without any letters behind it, was mostly for colds with coughing. Mine is just a head cold, possibly sinus's. No coughing. And from what I've been told, the only good mucinex for cycles is the one without letters....So, I opted for more tissues and some orange juice for the ride. Then I stopped by an amish store that sells a lot of all natural stuff, and I found something kind of like Zyrtec, but made by hylands. I honestly can't remember the name right now, but I'm giving it a try. It is supposed to help with the symptoms of colds and allergies, without any medication like side effects. I know that benedryl would really work well too, but that has the wonderful drying up effect.....
I also skipped picking up mucinex because the kind without any letters behind it, was mostly for colds with coughing. Mine is just a head cold, possibly sinus's. No coughing. And from what I've been told, the only good mucinex for cycles is the one without letters....So, I opted for more tissues and some orange juice for the ride. Then I stopped by an amish store that sells a lot of all natural stuff, and I found something kind of like Zyrtec, but made by hylands. I honestly can't remember the name right now, but I'm giving it a try. It is supposed to help with the symptoms of colds and allergies, without any medication like side effects. I know that benedryl would really work well too, but that has the wonderful drying up effect.....
Friday updates
I'm so glad it's finally Friday. I've had a long week and am ready for a nice relaxing weekend with my husband home. He's been working like crazy this week because things are busy there, and well...when the work is there, be thankful for it I guess.
My cold started to get worse last night. I barely slept at all. I'm going to get a shower soon to try and breathe better, then I'm going out and will buy some mucinex to try and help ease things. I hope it works fast because we have a fun day planned on Sunday and I don't want to spend the whole time blowing my nose and feeling like crap. We're planning a day trip up north to the PA grand canyon. Hopefully to do some hiking to see the waterfalls, and to let K experience it all. I hope to have some good pics to update with next week...
Earlier this week we had a change of luck. We were watching the news and saw this thing to be the 27th caller and win tickets....Well, we both grabbed phones and started dialing. It was busy for about 5 mins, he gave up, and I tried one last time. Well it rang so I threw him the phone and went to distract K so he wasn't overly loud when he was on the phone. 10 mins later he came out and said we won! We won a 4 pack of tickets to Dutch Wonderland!http://www.dutchwonderland.com/index.php
It's basically a kids/family park owned by Hershey. We wanted to go, but it's about 2 1/2 hrs away, and to be honest, we are being cheap right now. So, we got the tickets yesterday and plan to go next weekend. I might as well do it soon that way I can still get on things and help make it fun for K. You know, just in case this works. ha. The same planning as always.... "If I'm not pregnant yet we can do....." you know. That's how a lot of our planning activities works lately.
So I hope that the change in luck is a sign. Funny because earlier that day I had a little breakdown over things, and was begging for a sign that things are going to work out, that our luck will change. Since then, some things are getting easier. Maybe it was just my breakdown, maybe it is a sign, I don't know. I'm just trying harder to find the positives and trying to ignore the negatives.
Another thing going on here is my aunt is in the hospital. She had surgery on her shoulder a week after I had my gall bladder surgery. Somehow it got infected and her surgeon didn't believe her. She ended up in the ER about 2 weeks ago with a really bad infection, to the point that they had to do another surgery to fix things. Well, with all that, she developed MRSA. She was released on very strong IV meds, and I just saw an update from my cousin this morning that she is back in the hospital with a really high fever that they can't get to break and she's in isolation. It sounds really bad. So, if you could keep her in your thoughts/prayers, I'd appreciate it.
And I noticed that this is my 100th post. Pretty cool.... Ok, off to go after some meds and hopefully rest for the afternoon. I have a few new posts I want to work on for next week, and one of which will probably be more pictures. Like I said, I'm going to try to stay a little more positive with things.....
My cold started to get worse last night. I barely slept at all. I'm going to get a shower soon to try and breathe better, then I'm going out and will buy some mucinex to try and help ease things. I hope it works fast because we have a fun day planned on Sunday and I don't want to spend the whole time blowing my nose and feeling like crap. We're planning a day trip up north to the PA grand canyon. Hopefully to do some hiking to see the waterfalls, and to let K experience it all. I hope to have some good pics to update with next week...
Earlier this week we had a change of luck. We were watching the news and saw this thing to be the 27th caller and win tickets....Well, we both grabbed phones and started dialing. It was busy for about 5 mins, he gave up, and I tried one last time. Well it rang so I threw him the phone and went to distract K so he wasn't overly loud when he was on the phone. 10 mins later he came out and said we won! We won a 4 pack of tickets to Dutch Wonderland!http://www.dutchwonderland.com/index.php
It's basically a kids/family park owned by Hershey. We wanted to go, but it's about 2 1/2 hrs away, and to be honest, we are being cheap right now. So, we got the tickets yesterday and plan to go next weekend. I might as well do it soon that way I can still get on things and help make it fun for K. You know, just in case this works. ha. The same planning as always.... "If I'm not pregnant yet we can do....." you know. That's how a lot of our planning activities works lately.
So I hope that the change in luck is a sign. Funny because earlier that day I had a little breakdown over things, and was begging for a sign that things are going to work out, that our luck will change. Since then, some things are getting easier. Maybe it was just my breakdown, maybe it is a sign, I don't know. I'm just trying harder to find the positives and trying to ignore the negatives.
Another thing going on here is my aunt is in the hospital. She had surgery on her shoulder a week after I had my gall bladder surgery. Somehow it got infected and her surgeon didn't believe her. She ended up in the ER about 2 weeks ago with a really bad infection, to the point that they had to do another surgery to fix things. Well, with all that, she developed MRSA. She was released on very strong IV meds, and I just saw an update from my cousin this morning that she is back in the hospital with a really high fever that they can't get to break and she's in isolation. It sounds really bad. So, if you could keep her in your thoughts/prayers, I'd appreciate it.
And I noticed that this is my 100th post. Pretty cool.... Ok, off to go after some meds and hopefully rest for the afternoon. I have a few new posts I want to work on for next week, and one of which will probably be more pictures. Like I said, I'm going to try to stay a little more positive with things.....
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Not much going on
I'm still trying to fight off this cold. It hasn't hit like normal, and I haven't really taken anything for it. I'm just drinking tons of water and trying to take breaks and rest more often. The water part is going great, rest not so much. It's been busy around here.
My headache is actually gone for now, and when it does come back, it really feels more like sinus this time. It's day 5 and 3 pills down. It seems like it's going fast to me so far. I hope it continues. Something I've noticed with this medicated cycles that I actually ovulate, when the period comes, it's almost without warning. And it packs along some really wicked cramps. The good thing is, it seems to last 3 days of that, and then disappears pretty much. I'm liking that part compared to the normal for me. It's over already and I feel good. Other than the cold of course.
My headache is actually gone for now, and when it does come back, it really feels more like sinus this time. It's day 5 and 3 pills down. It seems like it's going fast to me so far. I hope it continues. Something I've noticed with this medicated cycles that I actually ovulate, when the period comes, it's almost without warning. And it packs along some really wicked cramps. The good thing is, it seems to last 3 days of that, and then disappears pretty much. I'm liking that part compared to the normal for me. It's over already and I feel good. Other than the cold of course.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Headache
The ever so famous IF med headache has started. It only took a few hours after the pill this morning to start. It's not horrible but obviously there. I'm managing hopefully without taking anything else for it.
Cold wise, I haven't taken anything for that either. I didn't feel like going out for stuff yet, and just started drinking so much water that I have to pee every 1/2 hr. And I can hear it swishing around if I move too fast. I lysoled the whole house today in attempt to kill off all the nasty germs for good, washed everything on the beds, including pillows, and lysoled the mattresses. That should keep it from going anywhere else.
I'm feeling somewhat better about everything now and have been doing a lot of thinking about what may have went wrong or why things happened....
My thoughts on round 1 was, the gall bladder thing. That was a 31 day cycle, and I would have had to ovulate later than day 14 that time. Because of the attack and all that came with that, timing sucked after day 14. And I figure it didn't happen that time because it gave me the little break to be able to get the surgery done and overwith, without complicating things with a pregnancy in that mix. I'm glad I didn't have to recover from that while being pregnant or just having a baby.
Round 2, I am coming to closure with. I didn't get a fresh start and allowed them to just start meds without a period first. I figured it was no big deal because the progesterone draw was so low, but all along I really thought I should have pushed to start a real period first. I was impatient as usual and just wanted to get on with things. So I think that's why it was a crappy cycle.
Round 3 now. I am thinking I'll probably have a better response from this time. Probably like the first round. Higher prog. level, better O, etc. I just have to really limit how stressed I allow myself to get, and stay distracted somehow. I will not let the cold effect anything from going on, and I am going to really make sure the timing is right. That's usual not a problem. Of course I would really love for this to be the round that works and I get pregnant, but being able to respond to it is also something good. It's something that hasn't happened outside this study since K was conceived. So, I'll focus on that to keep me going with all this. Whatever I'm on, it does work.
Cold wise, I haven't taken anything for that either. I didn't feel like going out for stuff yet, and just started drinking so much water that I have to pee every 1/2 hr. And I can hear it swishing around if I move too fast. I lysoled the whole house today in attempt to kill off all the nasty germs for good, washed everything on the beds, including pillows, and lysoled the mattresses. That should keep it from going anywhere else.
I'm feeling somewhat better about everything now and have been doing a lot of thinking about what may have went wrong or why things happened....
My thoughts on round 1 was, the gall bladder thing. That was a 31 day cycle, and I would have had to ovulate later than day 14 that time. Because of the attack and all that came with that, timing sucked after day 14. And I figure it didn't happen that time because it gave me the little break to be able to get the surgery done and overwith, without complicating things with a pregnancy in that mix. I'm glad I didn't have to recover from that while being pregnant or just having a baby.
Round 2, I am coming to closure with. I didn't get a fresh start and allowed them to just start meds without a period first. I figured it was no big deal because the progesterone draw was so low, but all along I really thought I should have pushed to start a real period first. I was impatient as usual and just wanted to get on with things. So I think that's why it was a crappy cycle.
Round 3 now. I am thinking I'll probably have a better response from this time. Probably like the first round. Higher prog. level, better O, etc. I just have to really limit how stressed I allow myself to get, and stay distracted somehow. I will not let the cold effect anything from going on, and I am going to really make sure the timing is right. That's usual not a problem. Of course I would really love for this to be the round that works and I get pregnant, but being able to respond to it is also something good. It's something that hasn't happened outside this study since K was conceived. So, I'll focus on that to keep me going with all this. Whatever I'm on, it does work.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Pretty sure I'm getting a cold
Just in time for meds to start tomorrow. My throat is sore, my head feels like it's about double size and my nose feels like it's about next to start with issues. Why it has to be now, I have no freaking clue. K is still struggling with his and I know his started very similar. I've been giving him mucinex and that's working. I'm not sure if I should just wait it out and suffer, or start the zicam. I don't want to do take anything and have to wonder if it messed up or interfered this time. For now I'll just go to bed early and maybe wake up with no issues......
Here we go again
This morning I went and took care of the early blood work for this month. Round 3. Tomorrow I start meds again and we're staying with the 1 pill dosage for now. They say that blood work definitely falls into the ovulation category, so it is happening, so no need to up my dose yet. She went over my journal and chart and says that it seems like I might be ovulating a little early. So, we have to time things a little better earlier. The plan should be days 10, 11, & 12, skip 13, then do 14, 15 & 16, skip 17, and then do 18, 19, 20, skip, 21, then just maybe every other day through confirming something happens just to be sure. Seems like a lot to me, but whatever.... I go back on day 24 because 21 falls on a Saturday.
I did ask about IUI and the study doesn't do that at this time. So basically, if after my 5 study cycles, I am not pregnant than my chart and everything will be forwarded on to the PCOS clinic. It's operated by the same RE that runs the study. She didn't tell me too much info about what happens when I'm a paying patient through the clinic, other than I can talk to the Dr about it if we get to that point. But hopefully we won't. I'm not supposed to give up hope yet. Easier said than done.
Last night I had my normal hormonal breakdown about how sucky and unfair all this IF crap is, how we finally found something I am able to respond to, and still aren't getting pregnant. We had our normal day 1 argument that started by me crying like an idiot for about 20 mins. After that we had a talk and I was a little better. At least my husband somewhat understands why I can't just be ok and find it no big deal when a freaking period comes and ruins my hope. He did point out that I had a lot of stress going on this past cycle between the whole surgery recovery, the kindergarten crap and other stuff. I agree that there was a lot going on and I wasn't exactly calm and happy. I'm going to try to not let as much get to me and relax more this time. And I also think that I was wrong by not pushing to have a real period before starting up meds. Fresh start always seems to help things. At least with my history and issues.
So anyway, here's round 3. I'm not going to sit here and act all hopeful that this will be it, but I'm at least hoping for a real good ovulation cycle like the first round. I want to see those higher numbers again, and better lining for this round. And if all that happens and I can remain calm, maybe it could work out.....We will see. At least I have 2 more if it doesn't.
I did ask about IUI and the study doesn't do that at this time. So basically, if after my 5 study cycles, I am not pregnant than my chart and everything will be forwarded on to the PCOS clinic. It's operated by the same RE that runs the study. She didn't tell me too much info about what happens when I'm a paying patient through the clinic, other than I can talk to the Dr about it if we get to that point. But hopefully we won't. I'm not supposed to give up hope yet. Easier said than done.
Last night I had my normal hormonal breakdown about how sucky and unfair all this IF crap is, how we finally found something I am able to respond to, and still aren't getting pregnant. We had our normal day 1 argument that started by me crying like an idiot for about 20 mins. After that we had a talk and I was a little better. At least my husband somewhat understands why I can't just be ok and find it no big deal when a freaking period comes and ruins my hope. He did point out that I had a lot of stress going on this past cycle between the whole surgery recovery, the kindergarten crap and other stuff. I agree that there was a lot going on and I wasn't exactly calm and happy. I'm going to try to not let as much get to me and relax more this time. And I also think that I was wrong by not pushing to have a real period before starting up meds. Fresh start always seems to help things. At least with my history and issues.
So anyway, here's round 3. I'm not going to sit here and act all hopeful that this will be it, but I'm at least hoping for a real good ovulation cycle like the first round. I want to see those higher numbers again, and better lining for this round. And if all that happens and I can remain calm, maybe it could work out.....We will see. At least I have 2 more if it doesn't.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Insert a bunch of mean words here
Because that is what is going on in my head right now. I was rudely woken up at a little before 7 with some really nasty cramping. At first I thought oh, it can't be anything yet, it's only supposed to be day 28, and last cycle that I ovulated, ended up being 31 days. And then thought maybe that horrible cramping was just a good sign of something really settling in. Ha. No more happy thoughts because moments later I started to get up and I felt that the cramping wasn't good...and made the mad rush to the bathroom. I'm not use to this! I'm not use to getting it without warning. Any other "normal" cycle for me comes with at least a few days of small spotting and then no cramping till it's truly here. Not the medicated ones. Out of nowhere I go from nothing, to instant freaking flow. WHY? So, apparently I can't even have normal cycles on this crap. Goes from 31 days, now 27 days, what is next? We had awesome timing, so I don't understand it at all. Either way, today is going to end up day 1, and I need to go from some bloodwork in the morning, and Tuesday will be med starting day. Yippie, I get to do it all over again. And I've officially given up hope that this will work. But I won't totally give up trying. It will be do the meds, try for the heck of it, get probed and stuck for blood work, start to get hopeful, then start bleeding and crush all hope.
I am having chocolate for breakfast today. I think I deserve it.
I am having chocolate for breakfast today. I think I deserve it.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The Wait.
Even when there isn't much hope, the wait seems to kill me. I've been doing tons of little things to try to distract my thoughts. It works till I feel a twinge or crampiness (which is still lingering....) and then the thoughts start raging all over again.
And, have you ever saw something that you absolutely have to have for a baby, and then saw it for an unbelievably good price and been so tempted to get it? To the point of almost locking up your keys so you don't go buy it immediately? I'm having one of those weeks. I saw something I just have to have next time around, and I am so tempted but I really don't want to jinx myself or be stuck with it if this doesn't work out at all. I'm just trying to reason with my thoughts. It's not practical to buy something before I'm even sure this will work. Right???
And update with K. It's not strep, thankfully. Just one of those virus' that are going around and he should be fine in a few days. The fever finally broke over night and he's eating again, just not totally normal. He misses out on going to the party though because we're housebound till at least tomorrow, pending no more fevers. He's crushed. He was really looking forward to that.
And while on the subject of him being sick.....Yesterday he got his first experience at a strep test. Up till this year, we have to go for anything other than well child visits. It was all fun to him till he got shots at his 4 yr. And now after convincing him yesterday that it was fine, no shots, they gag him and he almost throws up, so he is officially not happy with the doctor. "Why did they try to barf me?" Poor kid. And, while in the waiting room, they had this tv that discusses health issues. Some of the topics were kinda strange for a pediatricians office. First was about asthma, and how 9 people die daily from issues with it. And it had to go on with how just a simple cold can turn deadly for some sufferers. Well, add a 4 yr old who's in there with cold issues and glued to the tv...."I don't want to be 9!!! I'm not going to die with my cold am I???" And then jump to the swine flu next. Symptoms listed and he's saying "I have a fever...I have a cold....My throat hurt.....Oh no!! Is it the swine flu that's wrong with me?!" We had a talk about how those things on the tv aren't common issues that he will have to worry about, that nothing bad is wrong with him, and then after the appt I distracted him at target with a slushy to help make him feel better. And we met D there, and he got to ride home with his daddy and talk non stop, so it was all forgotten for now.
And, have you ever saw something that you absolutely have to have for a baby, and then saw it for an unbelievably good price and been so tempted to get it? To the point of almost locking up your keys so you don't go buy it immediately? I'm having one of those weeks. I saw something I just have to have next time around, and I am so tempted but I really don't want to jinx myself or be stuck with it if this doesn't work out at all. I'm just trying to reason with my thoughts. It's not practical to buy something before I'm even sure this will work. Right???
And update with K. It's not strep, thankfully. Just one of those virus' that are going around and he should be fine in a few days. The fever finally broke over night and he's eating again, just not totally normal. He misses out on going to the party though because we're housebound till at least tomorrow, pending no more fevers. He's crushed. He was really looking forward to that.
And while on the subject of him being sick.....Yesterday he got his first experience at a strep test. Up till this year, we have to go for anything other than well child visits. It was all fun to him till he got shots at his 4 yr. And now after convincing him yesterday that it was fine, no shots, they gag him and he almost throws up, so he is officially not happy with the doctor. "Why did they try to barf me?" Poor kid. And, while in the waiting room, they had this tv that discusses health issues. Some of the topics were kinda strange for a pediatricians office. First was about asthma, and how 9 people die daily from issues with it. And it had to go on with how just a simple cold can turn deadly for some sufferers. Well, add a 4 yr old who's in there with cold issues and glued to the tv...."I don't want to be 9!!! I'm not going to die with my cold am I???" And then jump to the swine flu next. Symptoms listed and he's saying "I have a fever...I have a cold....My throat hurt.....Oh no!! Is it the swine flu that's wrong with me?!" We had a talk about how those things on the tv aren't common issues that he will have to worry about, that nothing bad is wrong with him, and then after the appt I distracted him at target with a slushy to help make him feel better. And we met D there, and he got to ride home with his daddy and talk non stop, so it was all forgotten for now.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Survey from Monday
I forgot to share this on Monday. At my appt, they had more info that was requested from the study coordinators. I had to fill out this survey about how infertility issues effect my life. My husband also got a copy that needs filled out and returned at the next appt. It was interesting. He hasn't done his yet, but I'm curious to see what he says...
I'm copying the list on here because it was kind of interesting to see it written there. And somehow made me feel a little better because a lot of my feelings are common or they wouldn't be on this list.
So here it is:
1. How would you rate your health? (checked boxes were very poor-very good and everything in between)
2. Are you satisfied with your quality life? (very dissatisfied-very satisfied)
3. Are your attention and concentration impaired by thoughts of infertility? (Completely-not at all for the next 4)
4. Do you think you can not move ahead with other life goals and plans because of fertility problems?
5. Do you feel drained or worn out because of fertility problems?
6. Do you feel able to cope with your fertility problems?
7. Are you satisfied with the support you receive from your friends with regard to your fertility problems? (very dissatisfied-very satisfied for next 2)
8. Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship even though you have fertility problems?
9-16 answers are Always, very often, quite often, seldom and never
9. Do your fertility problems cause feelings of jealousy and resentment?
10. Do you experience grief and/or feelings of loss about not being able to have a child or more children?
11. Do you fluctuate between hope and despair because of fertility problems?
12. Are you socially isolated because of fertility problems?
13. Are you and your partner affectionate with each other even though you have fertility problems?
14. Do your fertility problems interfere with your day-to-day work or obligations?
15. Do you feel uncomfortable attending social situations like holidays and celebrations because of your fertility problems?
16. Do you feel your family can understand what you are going through?
Last set answers were An extreme amount, very much, a moderate amount, a little, not at all.
17. Have fertility problems strengthened your commitment to your partner?
18. Do you feel sad and depressed about your fertility problems?
19. Do your fertility problems make you inferior to people with children?
20. Are you bothered by fatigue because of fertility problems?
21. Have fertility problems had a negative impact on your relationship with your partner?
22. Do you find it difficult to talk to your partner about your feelings related to infertility?
23. Are you content with your relationship even though you have fertility problems?
24. Do you feel social pressure on you to have or have more children?
25. Do your fertility problems make you angry?
26. Do you feel pain and physical discomfort because of your fertility problems?
I'm copying the list on here because it was kind of interesting to see it written there. And somehow made me feel a little better because a lot of my feelings are common or they wouldn't be on this list.
So here it is:
1. How would you rate your health? (checked boxes were very poor-very good and everything in between)
2. Are you satisfied with your quality life? (very dissatisfied-very satisfied)
3. Are your attention and concentration impaired by thoughts of infertility? (Completely-not at all for the next 4)
4. Do you think you can not move ahead with other life goals and plans because of fertility problems?
5. Do you feel drained or worn out because of fertility problems?
6. Do you feel able to cope with your fertility problems?
7. Are you satisfied with the support you receive from your friends with regard to your fertility problems? (very dissatisfied-very satisfied for next 2)
8. Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship even though you have fertility problems?
9-16 answers are Always, very often, quite often, seldom and never
9. Do your fertility problems cause feelings of jealousy and resentment?
10. Do you experience grief and/or feelings of loss about not being able to have a child or more children?
11. Do you fluctuate between hope and despair because of fertility problems?
12. Are you socially isolated because of fertility problems?
13. Are you and your partner affectionate with each other even though you have fertility problems?
14. Do your fertility problems interfere with your day-to-day work or obligations?
15. Do you feel uncomfortable attending social situations like holidays and celebrations because of your fertility problems?
16. Do you feel your family can understand what you are going through?
Last set answers were An extreme amount, very much, a moderate amount, a little, not at all.
17. Have fertility problems strengthened your commitment to your partner?
18. Do you feel sad and depressed about your fertility problems?
19. Do your fertility problems make you inferior to people with children?
20. Are you bothered by fatigue because of fertility problems?
21. Have fertility problems had a negative impact on your relationship with your partner?
22. Do you find it difficult to talk to your partner about your feelings related to infertility?
23. Are you content with your relationship even though you have fertility problems?
24. Do you feel social pressure on you to have or have more children?
25. Do your fertility problems make you angry?
26. Do you feel pain and physical discomfort because of your fertility problems?
Obsessing...and sick little man
I'm obsessing like crazy today. I've been crampy/achy for the past 2 days, but no spotting yet. I really feel like something should be coming. I am officially a tp investigator. Looking for the faintest pink spot. I'm crazy. It's day 25. Kinda early I guess but I always spot a few days prior to real flow, so something should be going on soon. Last cycle that I ovulated, it was a 31 day cycle. One more week go to. I'm thinking that the progesterone was lower because it wasn't quite 7 days since ovulation. I know have more of that progesterone like symptoms of sore boobs and all that good stuff. Only weird thing that really had me start thinking was I'm a little more emotional that normal. Originally this week I was because I was just so upset and at wits end with all this stuff. Then, I got out of that mood and was triggered by a few songs in the car yesterday. I normally don't cry over things like that when I'm in a decent mood.....
The other thing going on here is K is sick. He was up all night long, every 20-40ish minutes. At first I thought he was just upset because he got in trouble at T-Ball last night, but then this morning he didn't wake up till I woke him around 10. Normally he is up at 7 raring to go. He asked for breakfast right away, but only took a bite and then said he was full. I waited till his normal lunch time and asked again, and he said he was hungry. Same thing. And he's been whiney. So after a morning of whining, I finally told him he needs to stop whining and tell me exactly what is wrong. He can't go to school if he feels sick. He said his belly was fine but his throat hurt and he isn't hungry. Then he started shivering. A few mins later his cheeks were all red and I decided to take his temp. He's got a temp of 100.1 by armpit and they said to add 1 degree to it when taking it that way. He's like me and his normal is lower than the "normal". So he definitely has a fever. And a sore throat. I hope it's not strep. I called him off school and have to wait till the doctor's office opens back up after lunch. Of course I find it out a minute after they shut their phones off for lunch. He was acting semi normal other than extra tired. I figured that was just because he was up so much last night. I'm hoping its not strep, and he's just fine....He got his first invite yesterday to a party tomorrow night and he was so excited to get to go....
The other thing going on here is K is sick. He was up all night long, every 20-40ish minutes. At first I thought he was just upset because he got in trouble at T-Ball last night, but then this morning he didn't wake up till I woke him around 10. Normally he is up at 7 raring to go. He asked for breakfast right away, but only took a bite and then said he was full. I waited till his normal lunch time and asked again, and he said he was hungry. Same thing. And he's been whiney. So after a morning of whining, I finally told him he needs to stop whining and tell me exactly what is wrong. He can't go to school if he feels sick. He said his belly was fine but his throat hurt and he isn't hungry. Then he started shivering. A few mins later his cheeks were all red and I decided to take his temp. He's got a temp of 100.1 by armpit and they said to add 1 degree to it when taking it that way. He's like me and his normal is lower than the "normal". So he definitely has a fever. And a sore throat. I hope it's not strep. I called him off school and have to wait till the doctor's office opens back up after lunch. Of course I find it out a minute after they shut their phones off for lunch. He was acting semi normal other than extra tired. I figured that was just because he was up so much last night. I'm hoping its not strep, and he's just fine....He got his first invite yesterday to a party tomorrow night and he was so excited to get to go....
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Kindergarten again
I've spent the last month thinking about what to do about kindergarten and what is in the best interest for K. He only missed the cutoff by 2 days, and they were willing to admit him early if we got him tested to prove he was ready. I spent at least 2 weeks calling between the doctor, insurance company, school, and multiple school psychologists. The prices were absolutely crazy, and insurance wouldn't cover any of it because it's not a required test. I was getting mixed opinions on whether these people even recommended going through it. Finally I got fed up and stopped for a few days. My mom emailed me one day and said that she found someone who works with her, and they were talking some from the time I started pursuing all this. She was a school psychologist and an early eduction instructor. She was telling my mom that she feels I should consider the testing, and she would be willing to do it for 1/3 the cost of what the other places were telling me. I decided I would call her and she was wonderful. She gave me a ton of info, and before scheduling, she wanted me to talk to his preschool teacher. The only concern about if he could do this, was how is he socially. We know that mentally, he's advanced. Emotionally, he could go and it wouldn't bother him the least that he was gone all day. He would have a blast and not even blink when getting on that bus. (me, I'd be a crazy mess but it isn't exactly about me...)
So anyway, I emailed his preschool teacher a list of questions. She said she would keep an extra close eye on him and make notes and get back to me in about a week. During that time, we started having more behavior issues here. I won't get into it all, other than he is a very strong willed little boy who can be extremely trying at times when he doesn't get exactly what he wants. He is spoiled rotten, and our living arrangement is the big blame to that. We're working on these issues and it's a slow process, but he's slowly getting better. But it made me worry about how he would act in full day school. I don't want him getting a bad start. My brother was ADHD and it was a headache from day 1 for my mother. The school wasn't too supportive and she was constantly getting calls. Kristopher has never been diagnosed with anything, but he's definitely hyper and very strong willed.
So, yesterday was preschool, and after I dropped him off, the teacher pulled me aside and we had our talk. She feels it will be in his best interest to stay home one more year, and just make him as involved as possible in that time frame. She said there is no doubt he would be above ready for the mental and emotional side of things, but for sure, socially he needs work. He has sharing issues, and gets upset when he has to wait his turn for something. Apparently if they have to remind him a few times to wait more patiently, then he gets mad and won't put the same attitude into the project as if he was allowed to go exactly when he wanted. I thought he was different at school because I was never told any of this before. She said it's not really a huge problem, they are able to handle him without much issues, it just takes a little convincing and extra time with him to get him back into things. And she said it's all part of the process of learning to be around his peers.
She said it's pretty common for only children to have issues when they first start these types of things, unless they are started from the beginning. I can't help that he's an only child. That was not my plan. If things worked like we planned, we'd have another close to his age. He would have learned to share from the start of play basically. We live in a pretty isolated area, so there isn't playgroups or neighbors with kids. We have a young amish family on one side and an older couple on the other. And fields all around. He was the only child in my side of the family from up till 3 weeks ago so of course he is used to being the center of attention. My husbands side of the family, there is a lot of other kids, but we don't get along with his siblings at all. The closest would be my SIL and her 3 are terrors and always try to pick at him and he ends up hurt. And they are constantly sick so we avoid them.
Basically, I have to get him majorly socialized in the next year and half. He likes being around others, I just have to make more of an effort to get him more friends. He's got preschool for another week and half. He has T-ball for another month and half. He will play soccer in the fall. And preschool for the fall and spring sessions again. We will do the YMCA swim & gym class in between preschool sessions. I will really have to make a point to go to other areas to get him involved more I guess. I never realized how it was basically hurting him to stay at home with me.....I should have pushed to have him involved sooner.
At least I found it all out now, and didn't push further to get him in and have it be a bad start. And I get one more year to prepare myself for him going all day. We can do one more week long vacation in mid September without having to pull him out of school. And I have over a year before I have to watch him get on a bus and be in someone else's care. I'm sure we are making the right choice now.
So anyway, I emailed his preschool teacher a list of questions. She said she would keep an extra close eye on him and make notes and get back to me in about a week. During that time, we started having more behavior issues here. I won't get into it all, other than he is a very strong willed little boy who can be extremely trying at times when he doesn't get exactly what he wants. He is spoiled rotten, and our living arrangement is the big blame to that. We're working on these issues and it's a slow process, but he's slowly getting better. But it made me worry about how he would act in full day school. I don't want him getting a bad start. My brother was ADHD and it was a headache from day 1 for my mother. The school wasn't too supportive and she was constantly getting calls. Kristopher has never been diagnosed with anything, but he's definitely hyper and very strong willed.
So, yesterday was preschool, and after I dropped him off, the teacher pulled me aside and we had our talk. She feels it will be in his best interest to stay home one more year, and just make him as involved as possible in that time frame. She said there is no doubt he would be above ready for the mental and emotional side of things, but for sure, socially he needs work. He has sharing issues, and gets upset when he has to wait his turn for something. Apparently if they have to remind him a few times to wait more patiently, then he gets mad and won't put the same attitude into the project as if he was allowed to go exactly when he wanted. I thought he was different at school because I was never told any of this before. She said it's not really a huge problem, they are able to handle him without much issues, it just takes a little convincing and extra time with him to get him back into things. And she said it's all part of the process of learning to be around his peers.
She said it's pretty common for only children to have issues when they first start these types of things, unless they are started from the beginning. I can't help that he's an only child. That was not my plan. If things worked like we planned, we'd have another close to his age. He would have learned to share from the start of play basically. We live in a pretty isolated area, so there isn't playgroups or neighbors with kids. We have a young amish family on one side and an older couple on the other. And fields all around. He was the only child in my side of the family from up till 3 weeks ago so of course he is used to being the center of attention. My husbands side of the family, there is a lot of other kids, but we don't get along with his siblings at all. The closest would be my SIL and her 3 are terrors and always try to pick at him and he ends up hurt. And they are constantly sick so we avoid them.
Basically, I have to get him majorly socialized in the next year and half. He likes being around others, I just have to make more of an effort to get him more friends. He's got preschool for another week and half. He has T-ball for another month and half. He will play soccer in the fall. And preschool for the fall and spring sessions again. We will do the YMCA swim & gym class in between preschool sessions. I will really have to make a point to go to other areas to get him involved more I guess. I never realized how it was basically hurting him to stay at home with me.....I should have pushed to have him involved sooner.
At least I found it all out now, and didn't push further to get him in and have it be a bad start. And I get one more year to prepare myself for him going all day. We can do one more week long vacation in mid September without having to pull him out of school. And I have over a year before I have to watch him get on a bus and be in someone else's care. I'm sure we are making the right choice now.
The week is dragging
I'm trying not to be hopeful.
As long as I am non stop busy, it feels like I don't have enough time this week. It's when I allow myself a break and start to think, next week can't get here fast enough. The new plan is, if I don't start a period by next Tuesday (day 30), then they want to do "further testing". Both the study nurse and doctor believe that the number was high enough to have hope, and that I should start a period or be detecting pregnancy by next Tuesday. So, that makes my mind start the crazy thinking. I have a lot of odd cramping though. Still trying not be be hopeful. I can't take the let down. I normally don't start cramping before a period until spotting has started and it's almost time for real flow to start. But, medicated cycles always seem worse for me, and nothing from my normal. So it could go either way. I still can't bring myself to test before next week. I'd rather just skip the whole home test and do blood work if I make it to Tuesday. For me, getting negative blood work isn't a big deal. I don't have to SEE the test. Plus, they do the blood test every month and it's never positive so I rarely expect otherwise.
I have another post I started earlier, and am going to finish after this as well. But I'll end this by sharing a tiny little secret....
I'm kinda hopeful.
As long as I am non stop busy, it feels like I don't have enough time this week. It's when I allow myself a break and start to think, next week can't get here fast enough. The new plan is, if I don't start a period by next Tuesday (day 30), then they want to do "further testing". Both the study nurse and doctor believe that the number was high enough to have hope, and that I should start a period or be detecting pregnancy by next Tuesday. So, that makes my mind start the crazy thinking. I have a lot of odd cramping though. Still trying not be be hopeful. I can't take the let down. I normally don't start cramping before a period until spotting has started and it's almost time for real flow to start. But, medicated cycles always seem worse for me, and nothing from my normal. So it could go either way. I still can't bring myself to test before next week. I'd rather just skip the whole home test and do blood work if I make it to Tuesday. For me, getting negative blood work isn't a big deal. I don't have to SEE the test. Plus, they do the blood test every month and it's never positive so I rarely expect otherwise.
I have another post I started earlier, and am going to finish after this as well. But I'll end this by sharing a tiny little secret....
I'm kinda hopeful.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
About yesterday
I'm still thinking a lot about yesterday. I'm pretty sure if the increase in progesterone is there, that means something did happen. It's just a matter of when because I didn't feel a lot on the right side. I was thinking maybe it was that low because it just didn't spike high yet? Maybe it hasn't been a full week from when it happened. Or maybe it's just low because it wasn't a real good ovulation like before. Either way, I've never had a level like that without something happening. My normal for no ovulation has been under 1. Usually like .1 or .2. Never higher. Even back when I had all the lining issues and things were growing too fast in there, progesterone was pretty much non existent. But who knows for sure. I'm a "confusing case".
I'm waiting on more info about what is going on.
And, yesterday's doctor wasn't the normal one. She was friendly at first, but she turned the screen that I wasn't able to see anything, and she didn't share any info with me. The nurse went back on the machine and brought up everything that was saved and explained it as she was able. I'm still not thrilled with that appt.
I'm still dealing and will hopefully get surprised somehow, but I'm not expecting good news from all this. If I can avoid provera again, that's good though. I only have 3 rounds left on the this study so one of these better work out.
I'm waiting on more info about what is going on.
And, yesterday's doctor wasn't the normal one. She was friendly at first, but she turned the screen that I wasn't able to see anything, and she didn't share any info with me. The nurse went back on the machine and brought up everything that was saved and explained it as she was able. I'm still not thrilled with that appt.
I'm still dealing and will hopefully get surprised somehow, but I'm not expecting good news from all this. If I can avoid provera again, that's good though. I only have 3 rounds left on the this study so one of these better work out.
Monday, May 11, 2009
8.4
That's what my progesterone level was today. I'm not hopeful. I'm actually having a really bad time with this news. I've had enough u/s in the past 4 years to know that the lining wasn't good today. It's getting thick again. She didn't seem to hopeful today when they did the exam, to the point of sending me home with provera and enough meds to up the dose next round. I have 28 of the PCOS cysts on the left ovary, and no ovulation signs on that one. Right ovary had 24 of those annoying cysts, and only one that was over 10 indicating some sort of response. Because it was small, they aren't sure if maybe I was gearing up and it stopped growing, or if it was about to happen, or if it happened already and the lining is just thicker because of progesterone. Then we got the results and they are saying it within their ovulation scale, but kinda low. In the past I've always been told for a medicated cycle, it should be more like greater than 10, but better to be over 15. So, I'm not hopeful. I missed the call and she called me on her way home, after they closed, so I have to wait till tomorrow to find out what is going on for sure. It's day 22. I don't feel anything really. I'm tired and exhausted and just sick of the constant disappointment every time I let myself get hopeful. But, I'll stick with it.....Because I have to. Or I'll be more crazy. We were told to "cover tonight and tomorrow" just in case this is something gearing up. I'm going to bed early for our homework, and then hopefully sleep off all this disappointment and make tomorrow be a better day.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Survived...plus some baby talk
The visit last night went ok. K got to meet his cousin. He was thrilled and is talking about it already this morning. He kept comparing how tiny she was next to him. He didn't even seem to mind the crying which is a good thing I guess. Hopefully that will be something he has to get use to before too long. 
She actually looks big with him holding her. She is just a little over 7lbs and almost 3 weeks old. She is still smaller than he was at birth. I only held her for maybe 5 mins. I just can't get majorly into her yet....My mom was so excited to see them again so it wasn't like she didn't get a ton of attention. My husband held her....Something about seeing him holding a baby, especially one that tiny, just makes me melt all over again. But yeah, I just can't get really into the idea of her being around that much. I doubt we will get to see her that often, so I feel in a way that I can't get too attached. Overall though, it went better than I was thinking it would.
Cycle wise, I feel a lot of achiness. It's day 20. I'm not sure what is going on exactly. 2 more days till my appt......
She actually looks big with him holding her. She is just a little over 7lbs and almost 3 weeks old. She is still smaller than he was at birth. I only held her for maybe 5 mins. I just can't get majorly into her yet....My mom was so excited to see them again so it wasn't like she didn't get a ton of attention. My husband held her....Something about seeing him holding a baby, especially one that tiny, just makes me melt all over again. But yeah, I just can't get really into the idea of her being around that much. I doubt we will get to see her that often, so I feel in a way that I can't get too attached. Overall though, it went better than I was thinking it would. Cycle wise, I feel a lot of achiness. It's day 20. I'm not sure what is going on exactly. 2 more days till my appt......
Friday, May 8, 2009
Friday update
I haven't been around as much lately. Sit down for this one.... I have went to bed before 10:30 the past 2 nights! Shocking, I know. It's starting to get real nice, other than the constant rain this week, and I've been pretty busy. It's all good busy, so I won't complain.
Today is day 19, I think. I actually forget. Another shocker that I should have warned you about. I'm pretty sure it's 19 though. Not much to report other than I'm still not that hopeful just yet. I go Monday for the P4 and u/s. I'm crazy enough that I'm hoping that u/s shows ovulation on both sides.
Things are back to normal with me and D. We had a few good talks about my feelings on all this IF treatment stuff, and I think he understands more why I'm the way I am. He just had to remind me that we are in this together and he will listen anytime I need. I love him :) Even if he does drive me crazy most of the time.
Tonight my brother and his gf and my niece are going to visit. It will be the first time I've seen them since the hospital the night I went to visit. It will be K's first time of meeting his baby cousin. I'm actually kind of excited about that. He loves babies, but doesn't like the crying and this one sure has a set of lungs and gets mad easily! So that should make for an entertaining evening.
Today was my last post op appt. I'm officially clear to do whatever I want. K had to go along because no one was able to help babysit, and he thought it was pretty cool that a doctor told me that I "can do whatever I want". Everything is healing good, the belly button incision is kinda sore, but he wasn't concerned. The very top incision a stitch came through the edge and bothers me. I asked him about that and he said it happens sometimes, and he tried to see if would come loose. No go and that wasn't very comfortable. He said to give it a few weeks and it should fall off and be fine. Any problems to call. He was impressed to hear that I'm not having weird reactions to any foods. I am very happy about that. The first week or 2 I was careful, now I don't really watch. We've done McDonalds without issues and many other things at home. I'm still down a few pounds from surgery, and hope if this cycle doesn't work, I can drop another 5-10 by July. 15 would make me happy and if I could maintain that till pregnant, I'd not complain again. I worked hard to get to this point, and need to get back on the focus to drop that last little bit.
Off to shower and finish getting ready for this visit tonight. I'll try to update more often next week.
Today is day 19, I think. I actually forget. Another shocker that I should have warned you about. I'm pretty sure it's 19 though. Not much to report other than I'm still not that hopeful just yet. I go Monday for the P4 and u/s. I'm crazy enough that I'm hoping that u/s shows ovulation on both sides.
Things are back to normal with me and D. We had a few good talks about my feelings on all this IF treatment stuff, and I think he understands more why I'm the way I am. He just had to remind me that we are in this together and he will listen anytime I need. I love him :) Even if he does drive me crazy most of the time.
Tonight my brother and his gf and my niece are going to visit. It will be the first time I've seen them since the hospital the night I went to visit. It will be K's first time of meeting his baby cousin. I'm actually kind of excited about that. He loves babies, but doesn't like the crying and this one sure has a set of lungs and gets mad easily! So that should make for an entertaining evening.
Today was my last post op appt. I'm officially clear to do whatever I want. K had to go along because no one was able to help babysit, and he thought it was pretty cool that a doctor told me that I "can do whatever I want". Everything is healing good, the belly button incision is kinda sore, but he wasn't concerned. The very top incision a stitch came through the edge and bothers me. I asked him about that and he said it happens sometimes, and he tried to see if would come loose. No go and that wasn't very comfortable. He said to give it a few weeks and it should fall off and be fine. Any problems to call. He was impressed to hear that I'm not having weird reactions to any foods. I am very happy about that. The first week or 2 I was careful, now I don't really watch. We've done McDonalds without issues and many other things at home. I'm still down a few pounds from surgery, and hope if this cycle doesn't work, I can drop another 5-10 by July. 15 would make me happy and if I could maintain that till pregnant, I'd not complain again. I worked hard to get to this point, and need to get back on the focus to drop that last little bit.
Off to shower and finish getting ready for this visit tonight. I'll try to update more often next week.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
4am chats
My husband goes to bed earlier than I would because of how early he has to be up and at work. I very rarely go to bed at the same time. With being around the important time, I'm supposed to come to bed earlier than my normal, and make sure to wake him so we can do our "homework". Well, Monday night didn't work so great. No big deal, we had the other days from the weekend covered really well, so skipping a day would probably be a good idea. So then last night comes around, and he won't wake up. He was so out of it that I just gave up and got some sleep. He gets up a little before 4, and wakes me up. Asks me why I never woke him? I was sleepy and out of it and kinda bitter about how we should just stop this month, that it's not going to work, we missed 2 days now, just forget about it for good, etc. I remember parts of it, but I'm sure it was overly dramatic and whiney for that early. He gave me a short lecture on how giving up hope so early is not a good thing, that anything is possible, and I can't think negative all the time. Shortly after that he was off to work and I'm laying there awake till close to 6am thinking about all that.
So it has me thinking more, still. I know my husband has the disappointment too each month. I know that some of the pregnancy announcements and people whining about oh no! another oops! makes him annoyed as well. And when someone asks him when K gets to be a big brother, or when is #2 coming? he usually will say back "well it's not that easy for everyone".
But, I really don't know that all this bothers him the same as it does me. I have to think about it all the time. I can't distract that out of my mind. About the time I do, I feel some weird twinge or pain, and it's all back to obsessing over again. I'm the one going through the hormonal hell every time we try. I can't just relax and let whatever happen, happen. I asked him this morning if this study will not work, can he promise that we will try whatever it takes. Maybe we need to try IUI before saying that's it for now. His response was he doesn't feel right about it being all medical. At this point, I no longer care how it happens, I just want it TO happen. I have to explain all that to him I guess. I probably won't get anywhere. I just don't know how long I can sit here and handle the lets just keep trying and eventually it will work. It's been OVER 4 years. It's not just going to happen when I give up.
So it has me thinking more, still. I know my husband has the disappointment too each month. I know that some of the pregnancy announcements and people whining about oh no! another oops! makes him annoyed as well. And when someone asks him when K gets to be a big brother, or when is #2 coming? he usually will say back "well it's not that easy for everyone".
But, I really don't know that all this bothers him the same as it does me. I have to think about it all the time. I can't distract that out of my mind. About the time I do, I feel some weird twinge or pain, and it's all back to obsessing over again. I'm the one going through the hormonal hell every time we try. I can't just relax and let whatever happen, happen. I asked him this morning if this study will not work, can he promise that we will try whatever it takes. Maybe we need to try IUI before saying that's it for now. His response was he doesn't feel right about it being all medical. At this point, I no longer care how it happens, I just want it TO happen. I have to explain all that to him I guess. I probably won't get anywhere. I just don't know how long I can sit here and handle the lets just keep trying and eventually it will work. It's been OVER 4 years. It's not just going to happen when I give up.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tired and Annoyed
It was a long day. I won't even start on the details of it, but it was rainy and miserable. Everyone was moody because of it. I had a lot of errands to do, and the traffic was horrible. I also stayed up entirely too late last night. Lately I'm having a lot of insomnia issues lately. Too much on my mind. Too much obsessing already.
It's day 15, and all pains and wierdness is gone. So, I guess that means day 14 was ovulation day? I'm still new to the whole being able to ovulate thing, and still unsure how to base that. There won't be any testing till after day 32, so it really doesn't matter I guess.
Not really much else I care to talk about tonight so I'll keep this short.
It's day 15, and all pains and wierdness is gone. So, I guess that means day 14 was ovulation day? I'm still new to the whole being able to ovulate thing, and still unsure how to base that. There won't be any testing till after day 32, so it really doesn't matter I guess.
Not really much else I care to talk about tonight so I'll keep this short.
Up too late
Because of a stabbing mean left ovary. It is actually enough that I wasn't able to fall asleep. Something is clearly going on tonight. There is no mistaking that feeling.
So, let the obsessing begin. And please, please, please, PLEASE let this work!!!
So, let the obsessing begin. And please, please, please, PLEASE let this work!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
It's day 14..again...
Here we go again. It feels like something is going on, but I'm still not that hopeful. I've been pretty achy on both side for the past 2 days. More intense than last week. Apparently I just have too much free time that I notice all this weirdness. Timing wise, we're doing good, so if it doesn't work this month either, I'm going to be extremely frustrated.
I'm having one of those weeks where it seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant or having babies. Every time I log onto myspace, I see pictures and stuff about my niece. I'm officially over the bitterness, but I swear to God they better take good care of her and grow up and give her the life she deserves.
And the dog groomer is apparently pregnant again too. We were told is was a major surprise and they "took it really hard". They have a kid around 18 months old right now, and she was about impossible to deal with when she was pregnant with that one. It was major drama to get an appt, and whining and complaining while I was there to drop off or pick up the dog. So rather than deal with it again, and risk saying something in my bitter hormonal-ness lately, I'm in search of a new groomer. Or maybe I'll just see if I can find step by step on how to do it all myself. Either way, I don't think I can mental handle going back there.
There is one couple we just found out about who's expecting their first baby in July, and I'm actually happy and ok about them because we've known them since middle school, they've been together as long as us, and they had a lot of issues getting to this point. So it's nice to see it happening for someone who truly wants it, is happy about it, and will take care of their child properly. Those types I can handle a lot better....
Anyway, still hormonal and crazy here. And I'll be obsessing all this till my appt on the 11th. There will not be any testing till at least day 32....That will be hard to do, but I think it's necessary for my mental health.
I'm having one of those weeks where it seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant or having babies. Every time I log onto myspace, I see pictures and stuff about my niece. I'm officially over the bitterness, but I swear to God they better take good care of her and grow up and give her the life she deserves.
And the dog groomer is apparently pregnant again too. We were told is was a major surprise and they "took it really hard". They have a kid around 18 months old right now, and she was about impossible to deal with when she was pregnant with that one. It was major drama to get an appt, and whining and complaining while I was there to drop off or pick up the dog. So rather than deal with it again, and risk saying something in my bitter hormonal-ness lately, I'm in search of a new groomer. Or maybe I'll just see if I can find step by step on how to do it all myself. Either way, I don't think I can mental handle going back there.
There is one couple we just found out about who's expecting their first baby in July, and I'm actually happy and ok about them because we've known them since middle school, they've been together as long as us, and they had a lot of issues getting to this point. So it's nice to see it happening for someone who truly wants it, is happy about it, and will take care of their child properly. Those types I can handle a lot better....
Anyway, still hormonal and crazy here. And I'll be obsessing all this till my appt on the 11th. There will not be any testing till at least day 32....That will be hard to do, but I think it's necessary for my mental health.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Day 12...again
I'm sure I had a post like this 2 months ago. It's probably boring but it's my only way to really look back and remember since this cycle is weird. Definite cm happening. Achiness in the ovary areas. Both sides. Not sure what's up there. It's very rare for me to even ovulate and now I feel stuff on both sides? That's not saying that anything is even going to happen because I have achiness in "normal" months too. Just part of the pcos I guess. Anyway, I'm not sure if anything is happening. The signs are somewhat there, but I've been fooled before. I refuse to get all hopeful this time until I know there is a chance. And even then, I will not break down and test before day 32. I might even wait longer. I don't know if I can handle another negative test right now.
So there's my boring update. I'm sure the next few days will be similar.
So there's my boring update. I'm sure the next few days will be similar.
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