Today is another day of a lot of deep thinking. I didn't sleep much last night. I am majorly distracted with all the thoughts today. Here's a lot of what is on my mind....
Obviously a huge part of it has to do with the study. I am extremely grateful to be able to be apart of this study. I really am. I've already gotten so much more info and insight on things than in all the 4 years prior to it all. They have covered so much that was never looked into before. I was able to get the total work up from the start to end of a cycle. They did the HSG. When they do blood work, it's explained to me. When I have a procedure, that's explained. So they do have a great set of doctors who are truly there when there is an issue. I do like that. The nurse is always available and willing to answer any questions. And even though it is all very frustrating, I'd probably do it again if that option came available. I mean, it is a ton of savings by participating. Right now it's only costing me the half a tank of gas to get there and back, and whatever for a babysitter. Can't beat that seeing as we totally maxed out our IF benefits 2 years ago.
What I would change if possible would be that it would have mid cycle monitoring. The option of a trigger. And if a few rounds didn't work, the option of IUI would be nice as well. I'd even be willing to pay for that extra stuff if it was possible. I find it extremely frustrating that I have to wait 3 weeks to find out what is going on. And all the freaking weird twinges and pains I feel throughout the cycle, thinking that something had already happened, and find out that I was way off.
I am glad that I am at least responding to it. That's definitely something positive.
I have had extremely crappy luck with things so far this year, and I will blame those issues on why these first 3 rounds did not work. I am obviously hoping that one of the last 2 will work out, but if it doesn't, I'm prepared to stay with the clinic. I know they do mid cycle monitoring and the full go of things. They have extremely high success with IVF there as well. I probably will not go much further than the meds at this point though. I'm burnt out with it all. We have spent so much in infertility stuff over the past 4 years that it is sickening. I've also put off a lot of things we had wanted to do. A lot of our plans revolve around "well if this cycle works, I might not be able to do that if pregnant." I'm willing to try a few rounds with total monitoring on my own if this doesn't work, but after that I think it's time for a break. Maybe try the herbal route. And maybe start saving for the adoption idea. We will see. I'm not giving up total hope for this yet because I know with responding, anything is possible. I'm just burnt out and extremely frustrated with the crappy luck lately.
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