Clomid

I started today. I have completed the first phase of things, and since I had such a good period and cleaned out, and my u/s showed nothing going on and blood work came back...They said to start today. So, here we go. 50mgs this round and I go back in 21 days to have blood work and u/s done. Yippie.

I hope this works. I feel that it's time this time. We are ready. We are in a good place, we can provided better, and we can do this. We both truly want it to be now, and it has to work.

In other news, baby is born tomorrow. He decided to flip to breech and wasn't able to flip back, so tomorrow's the day. I have the little people for at least the next 4 days. I feel so awesome because we had a decent supper tonight, the kids played, everyone was bathed/showered and dressed for bed. Dennis read a story, and all 3 were in bed and asleep before 8:30. It feels pretty good, and feels right. So again, clomid better work. I'm going to need freaking mental drugs if I end this with failure.

When he comes home

He is greeted with such love!

She will seriously trip him, to make him sit on the floor so she can lay on him, or against him. She follows him everywhere until it happens. Then, poor kid can't get up or she will keep laying farther on his lap. It's amazing the amount of love she has for this kid. Same kid who almost 7 years ago, shattered her perfect little world when he came in and took over her mommy. I don't remember if I had wrote about it before, but when he first came home, she had some major attitude issues and doggy depression. She had to share her time, and it wasn't appreciated very much. To the extent of finding the only pacifier he would take in the 10 mins we were out of the house, and chewed it to pieces. Then, after about a month, she realized he wasn't so bad, and by the time he was eating real food and dropping almost as much on the floor, their bond was formed. I hope she sticks around for many more years because he needs her as much as she needs him.....

First grade is going really great. He slept great last night, no night terrors, no drama about going to bed. Woke up happy and ready for another day at school. He ate breakfast great, finished his lunch at school today and got an awesome report.
They are going to start testing learning levels next week, so I'm anxious to see how that goes. His first reading homework came home last night, and it was a 4 page book titled Cat. And only had a couple words that rhymed and then it was done. He ended 1st grade reading last school year, with reading chapter books. So, I give it 2 weeks to see harder stuff come home, and then I'm going to be calling a meeting.
All in all though, school is off to a great start.

My first grader

Today Kristopher started 1st grade. He has the same teacher this year, as he had last year when he was in the 1st grade reading class. He was very excited, and very ready to start. There was a little anxiety though, because we had our first night terror last night, in a while. He also didn't eat much of breakfast this morning. Typically he's been asking for seconds after he finishes. So it's the anxiety showing through. I hope it eases quickly and he is back to his normal self. He was loving on Zoey a lot this morning because she is his shadow, and was highly freaked out by the backpack and rushing to get ready this morning. And I came home to a really grumpy dog, and she's ignoring me. Pouting on her bed because her best friend left her. It's sad.

So he was super excited, and not really in the mood for all these pictures. He looks really grown and big now in these, and looks like he should be a lot further than 1st grade. This new outfit for the first day, is shirt size XL in boys, and shorts are 8's. I know I'll look back someday and say wow he was tiny....Oh and he now wears a size 3 shoe. I can almost share his shoes. I discovered that I wear a size 4.5 or 5 in boys shoes. hahahaThe kids were slighly confused why we were rushing out the door right away this morning, but very happy to get in on the photo action with their "kissafer." After we dropped him off, Miss Danielle was furious with me. She assumes at almost 3, that she is big enough for school too. She was quickly distracted by her friend. And here he goes, ready to run in and I was told "I can do this myself. I know where I'm going." Got a quick hug and he ran off. Just like that. He's a 1st grader. And my house is super quiet and boring without him. Time goes way too fast. The plus, I did it this year without tears.
Oh and while he is at school, our first monarch decides it's the ideal time to hatch. So when he gets home, it's time to release our first butterfly. And he missed it coming out. It happened so quickly that I didn't have a chance to get a video for him.

A nicer update

Today is day 1. It came with very tiny spotting, and then boom. It was here.
Here's the cycle stats, and I'm half excited over this because this just might be the most perfect textbook type cycle I've ever had on my own. Ever.
So, day 12 & 13 I had horrific ovary pain. Right side. That's also when the boob sensitivity and pain started. We did our "homework" both days, even though I felt a stabbing like pain, and was not much fun. After that, things got really busy so if we should have kept going, we didn't. Sleep was more important. Day 26 is when I had a tiny bit of spotting, as a one time thing. Again, a lot of weird pain. This entire week I've been run down and exhausted, and had the same sensitivity since ovulation. Today was suppose to be day 27. I had some cramping this morning, and half way thru the day, a little spotting when wiped, then all of a sudden it's here. Not bad, but clearly red and no typical spotting for a week and wondering if it's starting or not. So that's a positive. I had a normal round, I'm not curled up in pain, I'm not spotting and going to end up with 2 weeks of horrible bleeding/spotting/irritation drama. So I'm focusing on how awesome it is that I worked NORMALLY for once.

In other news. We've been collecting caterpillars. We have blacks swallowtails, monarchs, and as of today, some fuzzy little white moths, and spicebush caterpillars. It's very exciting. Our first ever butterfly hatched this week, and we released him after he could fly nicely. I have a billion ideas racing thru my mind for next spring, and I actually think that I'll take my 6 week break as a chance to prepare my yard. Maybe it will be easier to do it now, as everything dies off in the fall, so that it's not quite so much work to start fresh in the spring. Especially since at that point, I will have another baby here during the day, and (fingers crossed and hoping like crazy) be pregnant. That sounds kinda scary saying baby and pregnancy together like that, and I honestly haven't figured out what I'll do if it actually happens. Because we're all very attached to these kids, and just quitting babysitting isn't exactly what I want to do, but if things work for me, that will be like...5 kids at once. Scary. But, that's just me thinking way too far in advance.

Other thing that happened this week that I need to track for my records. Zoey tripped and sprained her foot again. This time wrapping it didn't help her walk any better, and the vet said to give her asprin and watch her. She improved after just one dose of asprin, so no vet appt needed. She's doing the steps again on her own, so that's very reassuring. We could keep her on asprin as a daily med if we want, if it seems to help her moving. She's 10 and half years old now, and it's catching up with her. She's slow, and achy, but I think we're only doing the meds for a few more days till the limp improves.

And, we have one more week of summer vacation and then Kristopher starts 1st grade. We got his letter and teacher assignment, and he got who he was hoping for, and who he had for reading class last year. He's very excited. I think all I need to do yet for back to school is get him a hair cut, and possibly new shoes. He hasn't worn sneakers since school ended, so its time to see if those fit or not. I'm hoping he still fits his fall clothes. All we bought for back to school was a backpack, lunch box and new water bottle. He has a ton of clothes still, and school supplies the necessities.
So there's a better update. Less crazy, more nice. More to come in a few days.

In general,

I feel like life sucks at the moment. It's finally hit me mentally, and I just don't understand how or why some people can not want it, and do everything to avoid, and still end up pregnant.
I had a normal cycle. I had intense cramping and ovulation pains on day 12-13. A full 24 hours, maybe over. It's day 27 now. I had intense cramping last night, and a tiny bit of spotting this morning. My mood totally sucks, so I know it's a matter of hours, maybe a day or 2 at most before it all is over. I was really hoping that it would just work this month. Then I wouldn't have to go back and show that I failed at the weight loss part of this.
My appt is the 31st. I am 8lbs from the goal. I've been stuck for 4 weeks now. Actually, i'm up 2 from 3 weeks ago. I walk a lot, I'm constantly on the move with the kids around, I'm active. I just am stuck. It's extremely frustrating. And what else is frustrating is the fact that if I would have been able to just hold out till the week of the 31st for this freaking period to start, I could have started the clomid immediately. Instead, I'll probably end up stuck on provera and pure hormonal craziness. And headaches. Ugh.
So my mood sucks. I'm having a giant pity party and just can't get past all this.
My kid is also questioning again why he's an only child and all these other people keep having babies and their kids always have someone to play with. He loves the kids here during the day, and wishes they could stay all the time. Even though it gets loud and crazy and the godzilla baby comes and distroys his toy set up. He would be totally fine with that being a 100% all the time thing. He just wants someone else around. It's not fair.