Normal

My husband's results are normal. My blood work checks out where it needs to be. So I qualify. Back on the 29th and get my final tests in to be totally in. There is a chance of being on birth control for the first 4 months. To give everything a rest, and hopefully will help control this craziness I have with my cycles lately. Then just go from pill to clomid without waiting. I hope this works. I've been more mental lately and thinking entirely too much. I have allowed myself to have hope that it can work again.

The diet part though. I'm at a hard point with that. I can't get into the mind set that this needs to change. I crave everything that I should not have, and all the healthy foods seem so disgusting to me right now. And the only exercise I've been getting is chasing after the kids and walking to and from school. Now we've had a week of nasty rainy weather, so the walks have disappeared. I need to figure out a way to get on track....

I was told

"You have so much hate when someone says they are pregnant or has a new baby." Well first of all, I will admit that 95% of the time I do get upset and angry. And I'll even admit to avoiding that person. Why? Because the mass majority of these people are very irresponsible people. Or have very horrible parenting approach. They pop babies out yearly, and complain the entire time they are pregnant. They also get mad about the baby kicking, or the giant belly in the way. Or turn 21 and get very annoyed that they are pregnant and can't go party. Even though they have 2 very young kids at home anyway. But I won't pin point on anyone in particular because that would be rude. Being pregnant is an inconvience to them. Having a child is only good enough for showing off, but they need their time on a very regular basis. I'm all for free time, but when it takes place for hours and hours on end each day, and not for a job, I think it's really sad. And I know some who work full time, kids at the sitter for 9-10 hrs a day, then turn around and go out to the bar on Friday nights, send the kids somewhere else on Saturday to get all the errands done, and Sunday somewhere else so they have time to clean. It's crazy. Also, a lot of the time it's "Oh my god, I'm pregnant again! What am I going to do?? WHY me??" Yes, I'll ask the same thing in my head. Why you? Then delivery times rolls around, and they are in love with that baby, and everyone forgets how miserble that person was the entire time they were pregnant and is so happy for them. Then comes the constant complaining about tired. About needing to lose the baby weight. More tired. The why can't I ever get a break? The "your lucky you can sleep all night!" and "your lucky you can just pick up and go whenever you want." And I won't even begin to get started on the welfare and the attitude of the world owes them because they keep "accidently" getting pregnant and not able to go any further with their life. But there is the other 5% of people that I am ok with, and am actually happy for when they announce. These people are people who have also struggled. Or people who planned it right, waited till it's the right time, and actually 100% take care of their children. That are excited when they find out, and from that point on, make sure to do the right thing for the baby they are carrying. Those people I am very happy for. If all the announcements were that easy, I wouldn't be hateful. I wouldn't avoid. And I will end with saying that yes, I was tired a lot when Kristopher was really little. I adapted. It was tiring during pregnancy to get up 10 times a night. Or the being unable to sleep towards the end. And I was also very sick for the first 6 months. But I never complained that I was pregnant. I never got mad at him for that, and never got mad when he was moving all around all crazy. Even in labor, I knew I was lucky to get to that point in my life, and to be able to experience it. And now, being over 7 years since being pregnant/parenting, I still realize how lucky I am to have this. I just think that deadbeats and losers, and people who aren't meant to be parents, should be the ones dealing with being infertile. At least then there would be an explaination for why it happened. Which is probably why I have my own set of issues. I am rude. And slightly hateful towards most of the world. ***And for whatever reason, formatting will not stay the right way.

And it starts

I had my first "screening" appt today for the new study. I go back on the 29th for the final part to qualify, and then we're in. A few months of diet and exercise and then clomid for 4 months. Hoping this will work. It may be my last attempt. The doctor today told me I'm very "easy" to do u/s on. Apparently my 6 years of dealing with this has pretty much made me know what to expect. Especially there. They are very good at what they do, and do not take forever to find, measure and be done. Left ovary had 26 little cysts, and right had 18. I think I've hit my record. I find it interesting. At least they look a lot better than the u/s following up my ER trip. I'm convinced that was a burst cyst back then. So I wait some more. I feel ok at this point though. A new step forward. And if nothing else comes from it, at least I've helped create some answers for future patients by participating.

And a little on school

Kristopher has been obsessed with numbers. Anytime he finishes his work sheets at school, he flips it over and writes his numbers till he runs out of room. It's awesome for his fine motor skills, and he has learnt to write a lot smaller and more controlled. The most he's managed to get up to on the worksheets (8.5x11 paper) is to 202. Recently a friend gave us a giant box of big printing paper. I'm not sure the exact measurements, but he got up to 720 before he ran out of room. SEVEN HUNDRED and twenty. And he was upset that he was out of room again. He used markers, so flipping it over and keep on going wasn't an option. Immidately he requested to take it to schoo with him to show his teacher. We sent it in today, and apparently she was so impressed that she asked if he minds if they keep it at school, and she took it to the principal. I'm not sure what is in the works but showing the principal is a really big deal. The last time she done something like that, is when they agreed to bump him up to 1st grade reading. Which is going very awesome by the way. Report cards are issued in 2 weeks. I'm going to hold tight till then, and request a conference. Because honestly, he is very advanced. I'm not saying it to brag or because I'm being competative. He's VERY smart and truly acts bored with it. Every single worksheet comes home with drawings on the back, or the numbers. At home he writes books and is doing more on his numbers to see how high he can go. I can write any random number, even in the thousands, and he will tell me what it is without even blinking an eye. He's happy, but he seems held back by being in kindergarten. Before we get too close to the end of the year, I'm requesting a conference to see what the plan is for next year. And with reading, he's started to show some major interest in chapter books. Even though the books have no pictures, he still is interested, and still comprehends what is being read. I'm very proud of how he's doing and I feel that we made 100% the right choice with moving and this school district. He's been doing great, but I still feel like something more needs to be happening. I'm just not sure if it's better to be way advanced in the grade, or need a little extra study time and help. I was close to the oldest in my class due to an Oct birthday. But I always had to work hard to do well. He's the oldest, and everything seems to come so natural to him. Maybe that's the best....

X-ray update

Follow-up x-ray is "normal." She says at this point if he starts again, they are going to try reflux medication because when this tech reviewed previous report, and based on this report, they think it may actually be reflux that causes his night time coughing. And if he choked on it, could be the cause of the pneumonia. So basically, no one knows what caused it, or what made him cough and feel so miserble for the past however many months. All we know is that at this point, he is clear, he is not coughing, and he is finally feeling normal. More research needed later. It's a very nice day here today, so we're off to take a walk to the park and see if we can make this chubby dog of mine get some exercise. Doubtful, but it's worth a try.