Goodbye....

Goodbye to a year and the end of a decade! I decided today I'll end the year off with a big post about both.
My big things with the decade was:
2000, Becoming an adult. Working full time while still in school. Lots of struggles that brought me closer to my now husband.
2001, graduating HS, moving out and getting married. Deciding at the end of that year that we were ditching the birth control and ready for the next big step.
2002, A year of lots of working. Discovering that saying you want to have a baby and stopping birth control doesn't make it happen.
2003, We started off the year by finding out I am infertile. While most of our high school friends were drinking it up and partying, I discovered what clomid was and all the joys that came with that. We found out what real struggle was. Lots of working added in there as well.
2004, I got pregnant! I was told I needed to take a leave from my job or risk preterm labor. I became a stay at home wife/mother and 3 months later I had a baby! I decided I could not leave that little boy for anything and did not go back to work. My life forever changed.
2005, decided we would give #2 a try early. Discovered worse issues than ttc the first time around.
2006, more issue for me. Ended it with an emergency D&C and talk of hysterectomy. Scary year.
2007, found a much better RE and had another D&C. Things were looking good again. Had a big move home.
2008, We decided that our "temporary" arrangement of home would become permanent. Lots of construction and mess. Also finding out that I have PCOS. Having a real answer to what was wrong with me. Ended the year with finding out about the study.
And 2009....
What a year. I can say that I'm glad to see this year over. There was a lot of ups and downs this year. First was the study. Lots can be said about that but I'll keep it short. I am grateful that I got to be apart of it and that we learned a lot from it. I wish I would have been one of the success stories but it just wasn't meant to be.
Another big thing was the gall bladder surgery. While I was freaked about it at first, I'm glad to have that overwith. I feel much better since it was done and looking back, it didn't really disrupt things too much. I have less issues with things now than I did before.
And while on the subject, 2009 made us decide on a much needed break from the medical side of TTC. I discovered the nasty disgusting herbs but they may actually be helping so I'll tough it out. I have hope for 2010.
In 2009, it was a big year for Kristopher too. He discovered he had an opinion and voiced it everywhere with everyone. Ha. He joined T-Ball and started therapy. Things got a lot better. He turned 5 this year. He lost his first tooth. He grew 2 whole sizes in the past year....Overall though, he's come a long way this past year and is doing really great.

Now for 2010. I welcome it. I'm ready. I am hoping for real change and a much better year. I have goals that will take place. I am not calling them resolutions because resolutions suck. I just know that it will be a better year. I'll save my "goals" for another day.
We do not go out and celebrate New Years Eve. Our plans for tonight is to stay home and play the wii and relax where it's safe and we're happy. I hope everyone stays safe tonight!
Goodbye 2009.

Quiet

This afternoon I had Kristopher playing in his room really good while I was doing some sewing projects. More on those another day. I have an idea though.
Anyway, he was playing really good and I kept hearing all these cars sounds and craziness. He was happy and playing so great without distractions so I was happy too. Then it got quiet. Really quiet. So slightly panicked, I run to his door to see what happened. Quiet and Kristopher is never a good combination. He is sitting with his back towards me, hunched over really weird and hand near his face. I asked him what was wrong and he turns and says he was trying to pull his other loose teeth. They are "really wiggily" and he wants the tooth fairy to visit again. So much for the fear of those falling out. Now he's actually trying to pull them! I'm guessing in a few days another is going to be out because the other bottom tooth is barely hanging on. He went to bed tonight with it sticking straight out forwards and looking all nasty.
I don't like loose teeth...And I don't like that my baby is already growing adult teeth! That first one that fell out already has the new one starting through. The past 5 years have gone way too fast......

Must regain control

Starting around Thanksgiving (actually probably around halloween) I completely lost control of all healthy eating. The junk is in the house, and I can't say no. It was a mixture of pity party and not caring and then the holidays snuck up on me. Not a real good excuse but oh well.
Today I weighed myself before getting dressed and about died. I'm up 7lbs from my weight at the end of the study (which was up a few from my maintained summer weight) and that weight I was fully clothed. It's just sickening because I worked so hard last year. I don't even want to see what that weight would be if I was all dressed in my winter clothes. I refuse to let it get out of control again so the first thing I did after getting dressed again was come down and throw away ALL of the cookies we had left over.
Last week I went into a major baking spree and we had 4 big containers of cookies left after I gave trays away on Christmas. Everyone in the house (minus Kristopher) is in need of a diet. I'm apparently the only one who cares but seriously, what does it take for them to wake up too?
My dad is diabetic and is eating huge servings of all this junk like he doesn't have a care in the world. My mother is very overweight and is doing the same thing, even though she doesn't feel good after eating the junk. And my husband is heavier and overweight but keeps doing the same. He has also said that sugar is making him feel really icky lately but won't make any chances to that. I did it for them all. The junk food is gone. I refuse to buy anymore and I'm going to get back on track. We have a treadmill that is sitting out in the garage and it's about to make its appearance in the house. If I could just figure out how to get it up the few steps and in the door without killing myself it would already be in here.
I really do not like the treadmill but it's way too cold to go out and walk and keep up any type of regular routine. I'm guessing it will help if I force myself to get on the thing on a regular basis......
I also have started to feel like total crap again. I know it's the way we're eating but it is nearly impossible to find healthy meals that everyone likes. That's going to change though. If I am the only one cooking then they will either eat it, or starve.
Mean scale just ruined my day......

Back to normal

Christmas was good but I'm glad to see it over. Everyone is back to work today and the house is sort of quiet. Kristopher is playing amazingly with all his new toys and I've gotten caught up on a lot of laundry.

The tree is gone and I finished taking down the decorations that were inside. The only thing to remind me that Christmas was just a few short days ago is the fact we still have the lights outside and that Kristopher's playroom looks like toysrus came and barfed in every available spot. Ok that's a gross way to put it. I'm sorry.

Today I managed to choke down a morning dose of the herbs. It was bad but I guess I'll survive. I'm hoping that all this torture actually helps me. It's going to be a long couple months to figure that out though. T&C is definitely the worse part of it all.

My goal now for this week is to continue to recover from all the Christmas craziness, get my house back to normal and I guess just relax. I do not plan to go out and celebrate on New Years Eve because it just is not our thing. We rarely even stay up till midnight because it just doesn't matter to us. I will say that I'm looking forward to 2010 to get here and am hoping for a better year. This one sure has had a lot of ups and downs.

Herbs part 2

Ok, I'm trying so hard to stick with this because of all the reviews. It's pure torture though. The first 2 weeks was nasty but I toughed it out and managed to take it 3 times per day like instructed. I could take it straight towards the end. This past Thursday it was time to switch to the T&C formula. I figured it wouldn't be much worse, but they did have a warning to start it once per day for a few days because it can cause upset stomach/nauseousness due to cayenne as an ingredient.
I opened it and about died from the smell. I've never smelled something so horrible ever. It is so bad that now that the seal is broken, you can smell it through the cabinet door if you are standing there. The herbs are in a glass bottle, and the door is made of oak, so you can figure how bad that is based on that.
There was no way I was going to be able to take that straight. So I mixed it in a little bit of tea. I choked it down and gagged a few times but it stayed down. For I swear about 45 mins later, I could still smell it and taste it. I was definitely feeling the nausea and nastiness. It was so bad that I was only able to do the one dose that day. The 2nd day I waited and took it at bedtime. With about 1/2 a glass of pepsi. That was like doing some disgusting shot but much easier than the tea. I went to bed right after and survived. Day 3 was bad as well. I still am stuck at bedtime and not even doing a total full dose. Very strong nasty stuff! I may try to add some tomorrow morning because I'm onto something by adding it to the pepsi. I'm also going to call them and see if there is any possible combination of anything else with the HB formula that can be taken instead of this.
And it is doing it's job as far as cleansing the female organs. I'm spotting brownish nastiness since the day after the first dose. Just like they said would happen. That's the only thing that is pushing me to do the little I am doing.
I'll update more after I see how taking morning and bedtime would go. I hope I somehow overcome the nastiness.....