A fail

I don't think this round had any success. I do not feel like there is any progestrone increase going on, and no other signs of something positive going on. I feel rather blah and moody too.
Blood work and u/s on Tuesday, and I'm dreading it. I do not want to go thru the provera craziness, but I have no other choice at this time. That's all that is authorized while on the study. And 10 day dose at that.

I guess this month not working is ok though. I've had a lot of stress, and just all around not been a good round. And, when I thought something may have been going on, I was not in the mood what so ever and it just sucks to have to do stuff just because we HAVE to. It just feels wrong. So, hopefully we just get it over with very quickly if it's a fail. Move past it and onto better times.

Clomid this time

I'm annoyed with it. I feel really different and blah. My mood is seriously horrible, I feel half dizzy most of the time. I don't have any interest in being friendly with people, and would rather keep to myself.
I have lost all interest in sex. And it's kinda just dried up everything there anyway. But, I have the boob sensitivity starting, and some weird twinges here and there in the ovaries. So I have forced myself this weekend. I'm only taking 50mgs, and never had any real issues with it in the past. I'm confused. I hope that it works because the more months I have to deal with this, the less I'm going to feel like continuing to try. It's extremely frustrating.

The party

Finally, pictures from Kristopher's birthday. This year, his big want has been a DS. A little back story. I babysit a kid occasionally who is also an only child. By choice because it was made very clear that he was not planned and she found out "too late" to do anything about it. So, he's been in daycare from the start, even when he didn't need to be, and instead of tons of love, she buys him everything instead. So, when Kristopher started being around this kid, it was always dramatic. I had been on the verge of saying not to come back again, when they clicked and became really good friends. It's great for them because they need to know as only children, they are not the only ones out there that way. Kristopher is 6 months older, but this kid is always competing. It's always "i have that too" or "i have more of those" or "mine is so much better."
Lately, Kristopher has been feeling crappy about that and like he is lower than everyone else. So, he was asking for a ds because this kid has one with "like, every single game for boys." Oh and the kid gets everything, but it's the cheapest of what he is asking for just to say he has it. So, when K started asking for the ds, and we kept hearing the constant competition crap, we decided we would go a step up. We ended up with an incredible deal on a DSi XL, and we got a bunch of extras to customize it and found a couple of his must have mario games. So that was the big gift this year and it was more than we could have hoped for with happiness. The kid absolutely loved it and could not believe we made it happen. And that it was BETTER than what his friend has. (I know that is kinda bad that we actually made a point to do that, but I refuse to sit here and let my kid think he is always getting crappy stuff or missing out because we won't spend hundreds of dollars just to keep him out of our hair.)
So anyway, sorry that became a huge vent. Here is him immediately after he opened it. He was kinda annoyed because the case looks like a purse and he was confused. He never saw the cases before.
Then, he opened it and was sooooo happy to see that it was a DS. And "it's bigger!"
So then there is the cake. He has been a huge mario phase lately. I wanted to make an awesome yoshi cake, but because we had 2 extra kids here leading up to the party, I didn't have time or patience to do that. We couldn't order an actual mario cake, so we ordered a cake with green and blue, and then bought the mario toys for toppers. It was a huge hit and turned out awesome.

He was beyond excited. And there is his little friend who was mentioned above....Notice the size difference. Kristopher is very tall for his age.Amazingly enough, the party turned out great. I had the 2 little ones that weekend, and his friend had spent the night. I didn't get to do the cake I wanted, and was not able to go all out with the mario theme, but he loved his party and had an awesome birthday. It's so hard to believe it's already been 7 years. Time goes entirely too fast.
And while I'm not encuraging him to be rude towards others, it felt pretty good when he said to the kid that his is better and made the kid speechless for a change. I did find out that 2 days later, he was telling his mother that he wants a newer one because Kristopher's is better and that's not fair. And she said tough luck. Ha.

Some changes

I am lacking in updates. A quick one so I can keep track and document everything properly.
Kristopher's still in therapy, and the anxiety and worry seems to be greater now that school has started. He's just not himself. He is excited about school, but not the same way as last year. When we ask him how his day was, he says it was great, he didn't get in trouble and he's working hard with his behavior. That's never a problem. He does his work quickly and spends a lot of his extra time reading.
I'm glad he likes school. But I feel uneasy. I also feel like he isn't truly happy. It's hard to explain the change, but it's not sitting well with me. I want to see that spark and excitement again. I want him to love school.
I think at this point it is getting boring to him. He is just there to do what they say, and doesn't really feel any challenge at all. I know it's just the beginning, but with how I am feeling, we've called a meeting between the principal, guidance councilor and his teacher. His therapist wants him IQ tested this year. She wants to get him in a learning level that challenges him, and keeps him from being bored. The fear we have is that he is going to just quit trying because it's too easy. He will get lazy and when he does catch up to his learning level, it will be too late for him to care the way he did last year.
I was expecting the worst when I called because the therapist said if they give me any drama, there will be a formal letter submitted by her, and they would be forced to do more. They accepted my request with no drama and seem more than willing to help me out. So now, I hold my breath till I get the call about an actual time. It's scary. I just want to get a settled happy feeling about school. And I want the best for him.

September already!

Wow time flies. Here's an update.
September 1st, new baby born. 6 weeks from now, I'll be watching him too. Kinda scary but very exciting. He's sooooo tiny compared to the other giants.

The 2nd. Kristopher had his 7 year physical. He's 56lb and slightly over 51 inches. They say he's healthy and finally gained a little bit of weight. He's eating a lot better so hopefully that goes up some more. He is very tall, making his weight in the normal range and they are not concerned, but his ribs show so bad, and he looks starved. So skinny.
After the appt I dropped off some cupcakes at school and spent the day running around crazy to get ready for Saturday.

Saturday, the 3rd. My baby turned 7. He had a small, but really nice party. I'll post pictures tomorrow.

Sunday, finished up my clomid.

Here we are Wednesday. Lots of flooding here today. I spent the day with the kids and the baby. She ended up with a csection, and no one wants her home alone with all the kids yet. So we're caring for them in shifts. It was interesting. All I can say about that.
No feelings yet on if the clomid is going to work. I am hoping with everything I have, that this is it. I doubt it though. I don't feel anything yet. We're down to just over 2 weeks till I go back.

updates to come tomorrow or Friday. I have 6-8 weeks off, so I have tons of time to catch up now.