Game continues

The entire freaking foster game is getting old.  We are still back and forth on this same subject of the girls.
The last post about them said it was over.  Due to some scary stuff that we were told at our final meeting.  Then, I come to find out last week that a big part of that scary stuff was all for show, and because the people involved were trying to scare us.  They didn't like how far the kids would be moving, and thought they'd make it sound really bad so that we would say no.  And the person they wanted (very screwed up situation) would get them instead.  We were scared, and we did say  no.  Then, a week later it all got back to the supervisor at CYS and she was FURIOUS.  Basically we were lied to and it was a scare tactic.  We had requested real information on the background and our fears, and were back on waiting for the court date.  We were told the person that the family wanted, was definitely not going to get them, and if we wanted them still, we were who the county wanted.  So we talked, and decided we still wanted and were not going to let the what ifs get in the way.  We were prepared to fight.  I was planning a weekend full of room arranging and preparing for them to be coming Monday.  Sounds real good right?  We even told Kristopher that it was probably going to happen afterall.

Then....Friday late afternoon we get an email saying that now they are not moving at all, and the supervisor was very sorry to leave it at that but was late for an appt.  We are not to report to court, they are not moving, updates will come Monday.  Seriously freaking craziest cases ever is all we seem to get. 

In the meantime.  The respite girl we had this summer is now in need of a new foster home.  She's going on 15, has mild mental retardation, special needs in school, unique situation with her as well.  They need someone who could provide a foster home till they could find a permenant home that would be willing to adopt.  It could take a good bit of time.  She and Kristopher did get along pretty well, with a few issues at first because it was all new to everyone.  She had a lot of needs, but I think in time we could learn how to parent her.  But, we're talking a while.  I don't think we could adopt her, but if we take her in, we have to be committed to making her safe and welcome till she can find a family of her own.  She's way over the age group we were looking at.  We were starting this process with the hopes to foster to adopt.  Kristopher doesn't want to be the youngest, but did ok with her because she's actually on a social and learning level below him.  That was also pretty confusing to him as well.  There is a lot of things to factor into a decision to help or not in this case.  It would most likely mean no other placement till she has moved on.  If that takes a year or 2, we've pretty much lost out on our younger age group hopes because I don't want to be starting all over when Kristopher is over 10.  By the time he's at that preteen stage, it's going to be a lot harder to bring in little kids and still be able to do all the stuff we've become accustom to doing as a family.  Right now it's still ok because of babysitting and him already being use to that.  And same with me.  But, this girl may not have anywhere else to go.  I have a huge list of questions about her care, her lifestyle, and all that good stuff to sit and talk with the agency about tomorrow.  I need to make sure we can still function the way we do, with her needs, and still make her feel welcomed and loved. 
So it's been pretty trying here.  I'm tired of the exciting planning part, then everything changing.  This is so much worse than the TTC waiting game.  They are hanging real kids in our hopes, we're learning about them, meeting them, planning a life with them in it, and then as we get comfortable and ready, they take them.  At least when I was waiting to know if a cycle worked, there wasn't a promise of a child right there already waiting. 
But, with all the craziness, our trial runs, and the mental planning, I know without a doubt this is what I want to do.  I'm officially ok with the fact that I may  never get pregnant again.  I may never give birth to another child.  But I know without a doubt, that someday, I will have more children.  I will get the chance to help a child who truly needs me.  I just have to somehow learn patience to wait this out.  Waiting has never been something I've been good at.