Well, apparently we won't be getting a call each week. I know the week is not over yet, but I'm pretty sure the Children and Youth Court hearings are up for the week. And we did not receive a call. So maybe some of these deadbeat parents are trying a little harder.
The wait is harder than I thought it would be. I think it's the uncertainty of all of it. We have no idea when, or what will come our way. And when we do find out, we have pretty much less than 24 hours to prepare. Did I mention, that when they tell us about a child, they really don't know much. They don't know sizes or anything, and these kids come with just the clothes on their backs. I'm debating hitting up some yard sales and stocking up on various sizes of stuff in totes in our garage if I find some mega cheap deals. And I'm saving everything Kristopher outgrows. If I get some stuff and it turns out we don't end up needing that size, or gender, I can pass it down to someone else. At least that way, I'll feel a little prepared.
The anxiety stuff is getting a little bit better with Kristopher. We've started a chart for all the kids here, with the except of the baby obviously. Because of the chart, K now goes to bed at night without drama. And the 2 yr old I watch, is showing super interest in potty training. We're still doing weekly therapy, and finally starting to feel like it's making a turn around. I really hope that's the case.
Also another weird experience to note about. Last night I swear that I was visited by Zoey. I was sitting up late as usual, and I started smelling her. She had this old dog smell. No matter how often I bathed her, it always came back in a few days. It's a hard smell to describe, but any of you that have had old animals have probably experienced what I mean. But it was clearly a smell that nothing else here has. The puppies do not have it, the blanket she used has long since lost the scent. The carpet has been cleaned many times so I truly have no idea how that could have been in here, without it being a sign that she was around. I spent close to an hour trying to find what may have had that smell on it in the room, that was making me smell it. When I left the room for a while, and came back thru the hallway, it was outside of Kristopher's door. When I came back out, about 5 mins later the smell was back and I felt really warm. It was very interesting, and makes me miss her so much. I spent some time this morning looking back at pictures from this point last year, and it's so hard to understand how we came to this point. I do love these puppies like crazy, and I no longer think that I would give them up to have her back....I just wish that we had way more time with our pets. No one understands that, unless they are a true animal lover and their pets are more than just pets.
And also, looking at those pictures, I truly believe a lot of Kristopher's problems now are due to the loss of her. The look he had in his eyes last year, and the look now, is so different. Now he has so much hurt and looks so much older. It's not that he just got older, it's that he was forced to deal with stuff that he shouldn't have to yet. And while people keep telling me to remind him that "it was just a dog", I refuse to do that. Because to him, that was his sister. To me, she was my baby. And I refuse to sit here and let my child feel like he's wrong for still being upset and for still hurting about this. It will take time, and there's no easy way to help him. He's at the point now that he won't bring her up unless we do. Because he's afraid of what people may say.
But the point of that is to say that I'm very sure she is still around, and last night she knew I needed to feel her and she made it known. And I'm very grateful for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment