Bad weekend

I'm really mental lately. Between all the stuff going on with Kristopher, the heat, preparing for a move, and just my own issues with this dieting. So, when today started out ok then ended with a twist from my mother, I completely went back into the dark place. The plan was to go visit my family after Kristopher's tball game today. There were storms, and the morning wasn't going so well. So I said that I don't think we are staying for the game, and don't know if we will be up or not. She said it was ok because there was a twist to the day, but she still wants to see Kristopher. She asked if they could come over later. The twist to the day was that my brother's 3rd baby was born this morning. For those that have been reading here for a while, his first turned 2 at the end of April. The 2nd turned 1 in the middle of May. This one is born before the other is even 13 months. Neither works, or cares about anyone but themselves, and she can't even stop drinking, smoking and drugs during pregnancy. So can we all take a moment to say yay for more welfare babies? I'm really a horrible aunt. I haven't seen either of the other 2 since July last year, and it was the only time I saw the 1 yr old. And quite honestly, with how they are being raised and the brats they are being turned into, I don't really care to be part of that. They do not believe in any form of discipline, and make them do stupid things to make everyone laugh. Things I would not allow Kristopher to do or say and he's almost 7 years old.
And I try not to let it bother me. But it really pisses me off that with how the freaking ecomony is, that we have to question our decision to keep trying for another child. That we question how well we can provide, and we most definitely can not afford to do the treatment we need to achieve our dream quickly. I don't like to talk the money drama on here, but I'm sure everyone is struggling with how things are lately. Gas and food are just outragious prices.
And I'm also upset that I did everything perfectly during my pregnancy, and we're going through these issues with Kristopher. Granted, it's not major problems like some people deal with, but it is very stressful right now, and I have been questioning what I could have done to avoid this, or prevent it. I feel like it's something I've done, or didn't do.
AND I get attitude when I act uncaring towards the fact that I have a new nephew and I won't rush out to buy him things or see him. Or care if I ever see him. Because I hate his parents. Hating his parents is just so wrong of me because family should be everything, and I apparently care way more about my friends than I would ever devote to my own flesh and blood. Seriously. And there is no reason to be jealous of someone just because I can't have kids as easily as them. Maybe it's just not the right time for me. My blood was seriously boiling and I wanted to kill. I find it very hard to believe that welfare and living off the system is every the right time and that's why they keep having kids.
Today I don't feel like I have any faith in things working out, and if in 4-6 months there is another announcement, I might just go off the deep end for real. And God help my family if they try getting together with them there. I will not bite my tongue, and I will have everyone hating me.